Starry-Eyed Surprise
April 5th, 2009
I finally saw Baby Mama, and while I understand the complaints about the film, I have to say that dude, THAT WAS MY BIRTHING CLASS, perineal massage talk and all. Perhaps my instructor didn’t have a speech impediment, but still, it was something. My God.
You know, people warned me about The Breastfeeding Hunger, but really, I was not prepared. Like, not even a little. As you know, I was never hungry during pregnancy, so while it’s one thing to have one’s appetite return, it’s another to suddenly be able to eat the entire kitchen, plus whatever the neighbors are stocking in their refrigerators, which I’m secretly hoping includes cookies.
Seriously, I’m starving. Do you have anything to eat? Anything at all? Pop Tarts? Cookies? ANYTHING AT ALL OH MY GOD? I am SO HUNGRY.
Speaking of food, I didn’t mention it during my last post, but I’d already given up dairy by the time I posted about The Screaming, and I’m happy to say it seems to have worked, or at least we have some serious improvement on the timing. While yes, it’s true that They (who is They?) say that it takes several weeks to leave your system, the majority of it is out in 24 hours, and also, They have no idea how much dairy I was eating. Macaroni and cheese! Lasagna! Half-gallons of milk! Cheese with every meal! Ice cream! I was a walking dairy bar in every sense of the word, and I was shooting a stream of angry cow milk proteins right in my kid’s snarfling maw every hour on the hour.
(Truth? I don’t even know if I buy it, but I tried it anyway.)
To say this is an improvement on my overall enjoyment of this experience is a vast understatement. I still dread the evenings and the Will She or Won’t She Sleep? horror, but it’s SO MUCH LESS, because even when she does melt down, it’s MUCH EARLIER. By the way, that issue is fraught with terror either way, because if she sleeps too much I assume there’s something WRONG (as evidenced by her first four-hour stretch when I PANICKED), but if she sleeps too little, I’m crying with exhaustion. Ah, new motherhood. A fascinating mosaic of disjointed frustration.
I’m a little embarrassed by how this has changed me — all the things I swore I would never do, I’m now doing, and can’t imagine any other way. I ordered a co-sleeper! I’m about to whip out the Ergo so I can wear my kid! I’m planning to breastfeed until she’s 16!
HA HA. I kid on that last bit. I’ll also say that this experience has surprised and humbled me and reminded me to never say how I will or won’t do things until I’m actually there. And you know, to never judge anyone on any parenting thing because blah blah unique snowflakes blah.
That being said, I’ve turned into a person I didn’t see coming, and I feel like I’m cheating on myself, because I thought I’d be able to snarkily screech about how ANNOYING this is, and how everyone who ever complained about it was SO RIGHT and OH MY GOD, PARENTHOOD, THE HORROR.
I don’t do earnest well.
And while I GET that and have total moments of it, it’s not my overall experience, and if you missed it the first time, IT MAKES ME FEEL GUILTY. See also: fear of other shoe dropping. Like this means some sort of awful shit is going to hit the fan. It’s strangely stressful, in a whiny, cry-me-a-river sort of way.
So far, by the way, the most disarming thing about parenthood that no one told me about was how unintentionally HYSTERICAL it is to see a whimpering, writhing baby suddenly let out the world’s loudest fart (seriously, they’re louder than ADULT FARTS), openly sigh with relief, then pass out cold with a grin on her face.
Something ELSE no one told me? What letdown feels like for some. Which, for me, is actually painful and a little overactive. Pins and needles my ass. Me? I ACHE.
Happy Monday! (OMG I KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS.)
*Paul Oakenfold. In my head since Baby Mama.
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33 Comments Add your own
1. Carol in California | April 5th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I had forgotten about the let down – youngest is now 15. Very odd feeling. When I had to return to work and would feel the let down I would cross my arms over my boobs and press in to stop it. Got some very strange looks because I didn’t care where I was I just knew I didn’t want streaming wet marks down the front of me!
2. Carmen | April 6th, 2009 at 12:12 am
Ah, letdown. I’m nursing my second child right now. I never ever noticed letdown with my first, but hooo boy, I feel it now. Or, rather, I felt it. She’s 6 months old, and I think I stopped aching and feeling the prickling feeling about 2 months ago. So maybe you’ll be the same and there’s light at the end of that particular tunnel.
3. Sundry | April 6th, 2009 at 12:17 am
Aw, was everyone you ever talked to really so down on parenthood? Like, all the time with the sucking and how it’s never great EVER?
I think the biggest break you can give yourself is just to have the experience you have and not compare it to anyone else’s. Easier said than done, at least for me, but feeling guilty for not bitching about parenthood enough is officially The Crazy, my friend.
4. Aprylsantics | April 6th, 2009 at 7:14 am
Let down is a bitch. And baby farts? Ha ha ha ha.
5. Kristin H | April 6th, 2009 at 7:20 am
Another way that being a parent changed me is that I can now see just how much my own parents love me (teenage years notwithstanding). I actually gave my mom a blanket apology for all the times I was mean and rude to her.
And I totally hear you on the other show dropping. I got lots of kids’ clothes at garage sales. But when my daughter was born, I could not bring myself to buy her clothes for the future, like size 2T or 3T. I was convinced that to do so would be to ensure her early demise, and I would be left with a tub full of clothes that would never be worn.
Oh my God, I just freaked myself out all over again.
6. Kristin H | April 6th, 2009 at 7:21 am
Shoe, that would be shoe dropping.
7. -R- | April 6th, 2009 at 7:58 am
Baby farts are seriously SO LOUD. It is hilarious.
I am so glad that you are enjoying the newborn period! I am really enjoying the five month period. My son is really fun right now. Plus, he started sleeping 8 hours in a row!!!!! Sorry for all the exclamation points, but until this weekend he had been getting up 5 or 6 times a night.
I’m also really glad that cutting milk out of your diet seems to be working. Yay for non-screamers!
8. TwoBusy | April 6th, 2009 at 8:16 am
For the record, not only were you shooting angry cow proteins at her snarfing maw, but you were also shooting them up her nose.
9. Swistle | April 6th, 2009 at 8:33 am
I was so happy to finally know I was RIGHT that it wasn’t so awful! My mother-in-law and one of my friends kept saying and Saying and SAYING that I should “just wait,” and I didn’t feel like I could argue with them because they had kids and I didn’t. Then I had a kid, and I still didn’t argue with them, but at least I could THINK it. (Of course they immediately switched to “just wait until he’s a toddler!” and “just wait until you have a second one!”)
10. Hillary | April 6th, 2009 at 8:35 am
I’m with Sundry, here. Just enjoy your beautiful, perfect baby.
11. Marie Green | April 6th, 2009 at 8:35 am
Duuuude, my let down hurt too, at first. Thought I’d mention that it improved GREATLY over time, to the point where I could hardly feel it anymore. Of course, that’s just for ME, snowflakes, ETC ETC ETC.
Also, I’m going to risk sounding like a complete tool for a minute, because this falls into two abnoxious categories (1- this is assvise and 2- I hope I have not told you this already, because I tend to be a broken record on this particular assvise). (Please forgive me.) But have you watched the DVD Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp? The book is ok too, but to see him in action is MAGIC.
I’m a bit of a baby whisperer due to my job- I have an opportunity to calm many a frantic baby, and his techniques work like MAGIC. I cannot stress enough how useful he is for any parent of a new baby. All I know is that HIS SHIT WORKS.
Teh end.
12. Sleepynita | April 6th, 2009 at 9:16 am
Baby farts kill me.
My sweet fat 4 month old girl farted SO HORRENDOUSLY when she was a mere 5 days old that my husband thought that the resulting smell was the dog farting and kicked the dog out of the house. In a snowstorm.
It took multiple doctor’s visits and 2 changes in formula to prove to my husband that the evil smell was his sweet baby girl. Not the dog.
13. Penny | April 6th, 2009 at 9:35 am
Try some trail mix and sonoma chicken salad for the breastfeeding hungries? Both were highly prized during my early days.
I personally love that you don’t have/post those horror stories about the newborn period, because it’s nice to see that it’s not universally awful. My experience was also lovely. Which is why I fear that this new child (due in May) will be horror story (that other shoe thing too).
14. Cecily | April 6th, 2009 at 10:02 am
Ah, our experiences are so similar. So now I probably shouldn’t tell you that 14 months after Tori stopped nursing I still sometimes feel a hint of letdown? Heh.
15. Amanda | April 6th, 2009 at 10:49 am
I was totally just going to say what Cecily said – I still feel let down and Genoa hasn’t nursed in months. My mom once told me that the closest thing to what let down feels like is an orgasm and EW EW EW EW. NOT EVEN CLOSE.
For my first baby, I was in the happy camp too. I thought being a mom was the best. thing. ever. All I can say is stock up, girl, because age TWO is right around the corner.
16. Rebecca (Bearca) | April 6th, 2009 at 10:54 am
My God, woman. LOOK AT THOSE CHEEKS. I want to eat them with a spoon.
So glad you’re enjoying it. Babies, they are the greatest.
17. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | April 6th, 2009 at 11:12 am
I am pretty sure that this: “Ah, new motherhood. A fascinating mosaic of disjointed frustration.” is a phrase I will never forget.
Also, the fart story rocks. When my niece was little, I babysat her one time and she did THE EXACT SAME THING and I didn’t know whether to laugh hysterically or whether to call her parents immediately and say “yo, I think something’s up with her digestive system…”
18. Lara | April 6th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Wait. You aren’t supposed to eat dairy when you’re breastfeeding? (Obviously I have some catching up to do over here.) Also, I saw Baby Mama this weekend, too, and thought it was really only so-so. I did love that birthing class lady.
19. Jess | April 6th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
I read this post and I had all these things to say. But then I saw the picture at the end and all that stuff flew right out of my head in favor of OMG I NEED THAT BABY SHE IS SO CUTE.
20. Beth Fish | April 6th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Hey, I could have warned you about the let-down, but why scare people? I didn’t have any problem with Mia, but with Owen Oh My Dog it sucked for months. But then it got better.
21. Megan | April 6th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Am jealous!! Maybe Sam can put out a “How to be an Awesome Babeh” dvd, and fedex a copy to Lila, asap?
Although, I agree w/ you on the let down. Sometimes it’s just tingly, but more often than not, OW.
I may need to borrow this, it is perfect: “Ah, new motherhood. A fascinating mosaic of disjointed frustration.”
22. Style Bard | April 6th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Goodness, those cheeks! Young lady, did you know there are unfortunate children in other hyperbolic countries with absolutely -no- adorable? That’s right. So you’d better use it all.
23. annabanana | April 6th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
oh god. she’s too cute. let me say this one thing, in my experience..EVERTHING seems to change at 3 months. 12 weeks. They just change. They chill. But then again, every stage is a ‘phase’. Just remember that you are a GREAT mom and doing everything you can and meeting her needs. God I cannot wait to see her. Miss AdamSam.
24. Leah | April 6th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
The aching letdown! Yes! And the aching boob-filling! Yow.
25. christina | April 7th, 2009 at 7:39 am
The milk let down ache/pins & needles should ease up in a couple more weeks. It takes a while for the boobs to get the memo about supply & demand.
I am loving reading these posts about your new motherhood…and am relating.
26. clickmom | April 7th, 2009 at 8:05 am
I’m glad the no dairy thing is working out. You should know that if there is something else you are craving like mad, that might be another food you want to lay off of for the mean time. It’s totally strange, but that is how it often works.
Here is something weird- I have three kids and three totally different nursing experiences. Same boobs (though hanging a tad bit lower each time sigh) but different sensations. Yes, it felt different with all three.
Also, now that spring is getting close- take advantage of the fussy evening hour walk. There is something about being outdoors that can completely distract a fussy baby. In bad weather I used to stand in front of the sliding glass doors.
27. Diane | April 7th, 2009 at 9:20 am
I think that’s the thing with motherhood. Its going to be great sometimes. It’s going to suck sometimes. I’m not in the “just you wait, you’ll see!” camp by any means, but one thing you will learn is that how things are right now isn’t how it will always be. Obvious, right? I can’t tell you how many times. HOW many times. When things are going bad, I always feel like they will never get better. Will be this way for eternity until we all die a sleep-deprived death. Then? Then it gets better! And the angels sing and oh my gosh I can do this I figured it out the evil is behind us. And then. You know what’s next. It’s this ridiculous fluctuation between optimism and pessimism and no matter what.
I think it all comes down to how we deal with it in the moment. And how we talk about it to others. But I think we’re all very careful to be too praising of this experience. Lest it bite us on the rear. Lest our angelic baby STOP sleeping. Lest we sound like we’re bragging. So we play up the miserable moments. We languish in the sleep-deprived-spit-up-covered-third-poop-blowout-today parts of our story. But secretly? Secretly we love every second. And that right there is why you shouldn’t feel guilty. People need to hear that it’s not all sunshine and daisies. But more than that, people need to hear that sometimes? It is.
28. Ann | April 7th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I second Marie…get yourself the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD from Amazon via overnight delivery, if need be. When pregnant with our third son, I took a class about it at the hospital where I delivered. It is indeed magic and I wish I would have known the principles when the first two were babies. Good luck!
29. Erica | April 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
totally agree wtih the marie and ann re: happiest baby – it SAVED OUR LIVES that book.
30. Kristin H | April 8th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I have the Happiest Baby dvd and will happily send it to you if you’d like it, since it’s looking more and more like we’re done procreating.
I don’t know that it Saved Our Lives, but it has good info. Mostly it’s about how to get your kid to stop crying, and it sounds like you are already hip to the swaddling scene, which is the main thing I took away from it.
31. Hashak | April 10th, 2009 at 7:50 am
This just reminded me of a few months ago when my sister-in-law was saying that she was trying to avoid dairy because she thought my niece was having a bad reaction to it.
My dad said later that he had to hold his tongue because he was thinking to himself, “Avoiding dairy isn’t really going to help if all the baby is eating is breast MILK.” Ha, that still cracks me up.
32. Sarah | April 10th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
I liken let down to someone whacking you across the chest with a bat.
Also, my first baby could never burp at all, so she was seriously farting all. day. long. It was ridiculously loud and hysterical.
33. bethany actually | April 14th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Don’t be embarrassed by how you’ve changed, and by the fact that you’re doing things you never thought you’d do. Believe me, anyone who’s ever had a kid knows EXACTLY how that feels. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s just parenthood.
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