Still alive!

Not that I have time to write anything of substance — we’re still in reflux hell, with the occasional seven-hour screamfest, no kidding –and she still needs to sleep on my chest even for naps sometimes (this time with the pediatrician’s RECOMMENDATION, oh my hell) (Next up, hardcore Ferberizing because my teenage daughter won’t know that it’s not okay to sleep on my chest) (I kid) (I hope).

And my God, when I get five whole minutes free, I’m doing something thrilling like EATING or changing my pants or opening a bottle of wine for the one paltry glass I’m allowed, when I really want the entire bottle or maybe a CASE. In other words, I don’t have time to write at the moment, but I’m hopeful that I will sometime in the very near future. (We have a referral to a specialist, because lo, she is that barfy and acidy and no, Prevacid didn’t do shit, and my regular pediatricians have pretty much thrown their hands up and said they can’t deal.)

In the interim, and I know this is LAME, but I’m on Twitter, which, at the moment, is more conducive to my two-second free snippets while the kid is conscious and occupied in her bouncy seat, and is not screaming because she’s in pain, the poor darling bugaboo.

You know what’s totally and utterly weird about this whole thing? She is HARD, harder than most babies, I reckon, although if one more person tells me that this is just what babies DO, and that it’s just COLIC and oh my God, babies CRY, you idiot, I will cut them. No seriously, I WILL CUT THEM. I’m not a fool, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal, so please, Colic People, STOP OH MY GOD.

Anyway, yes, she’s hard — I suppose to make up for her easyness in the beginning. I mean, the kid screamed like her toes were being ripped off and systematically shoved down her throat for seven whole hours. SEVEN. IN A ROW. NO LIE. We started videotaping the whole sordid disaster at 5 a.m. during Hour Six, because we just flat-out couldn’t believe she was still going. If I’m feeling that I can handle having the least flattering video of me in the history of forever up there, I’ll post it when I get a chance, because in retrospect, it’s HYSTERICAL. We are CONFOUNDED. And miserable. All three of us. MAN.

The irony, of course, is that she was wearing a onesie that said, “Worth the Wait.” HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA.

(She is, of course. But at hour seven, I wasn’t feeling it. I was feeling very conflicted, to put it mildly.)

But dude, even with that, there are days that are so awesome — when she smiles at me, and then her silly little toys and cringes when she gets a big fat kiss from the dog and I think, yes. I could do this again. I will totally do this again. Where do I sign up?

Babies! What joy and torture they bring.

I hope you’re all doing well. I miss you.

45 comments April 22nd, 2009