Still alive!
April 22nd, 2009
Not that I have time to write anything of substance — we’re still in reflux hell, with the occasional seven-hour screamfest, no kidding –and she still needs to sleep on my chest even for naps sometimes (this time with the pediatrician’s RECOMMENDATION, oh my hell) (Next up, hardcore Ferberizing because my teenage daughter won’t know that it’s not okay to sleep on my chest) (I kid) (I hope).
And my God, when I get five whole minutes free, I’m doing something thrilling like EATING or changing my pants or opening a bottle of wine for the one paltry glass I’m allowed, when I really want the entire bottle or maybe a CASE. In other words, I don’t have time to write at the moment, but I’m hopeful that I will sometime in the very near future. (We have a referral to a specialist, because lo, she is that barfy and acidy and no, Prevacid didn’t do shit, and my regular pediatricians have pretty much thrown their hands up and said they can’t deal.)
In the interim, and I know this is LAME, but I’m on Twitter, which, at the moment, is more conducive to my two-second free snippets while the kid is conscious and occupied in her bouncy seat, and is not screaming because she’s in pain, the poor darling bugaboo.
You know what’s totally and utterly weird about this whole thing? She is HARD, harder than most babies, I reckon, although if one more person tells me that this is just what babies DO, and that it’s just COLIC and oh my God, babies CRY, you idiot, I will cut them. No seriously, I WILL CUT THEM. I’m not a fool, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t normal, so please, Colic People, STOP OH MY GOD.
Anyway, yes, she’s hard — I suppose to make up for her easyness in the beginning. I mean, the kid screamed like her toes were being ripped off and systematically shoved down her throat for seven whole hours. SEVEN. IN A ROW. NO LIE. We started videotaping the whole sordid disaster at 5 a.m. during Hour Six, because we just flat-out couldn’t believe she was still going. If I’m feeling that I can handle having the least flattering video of me in the history of forever up there, I’ll post it when I get a chance, because in retrospect, it’s HYSTERICAL. We are CONFOUNDED. And miserable. All three of us. MAN.
The irony, of course, is that she was wearing a onesie that said, “Worth the Wait.” HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA.
(She is, of course. But at hour seven, I wasn’t feeling it. I was feeling very conflicted, to put it mildly.)
But dude, even with that, there are days that are so awesome — when she smiles at me, and then her silly little toys and cringes when she gets a big fat kiss from the dog and I think, yes. I could do this again. I will totally do this again. Where do I sign up?
Babies! What joy and torture they bring.
I hope you’re all doing well. I miss you.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
45 Comments Add your own
1. Terri. | April 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 pm
What on earth…the specialist cannot see you until JUNE…totally not acceptable. How can you possibly change this situation? Boston connections? Hometown connections? Drive across state..as if to shop at a Target. Wishing you peace, sleep, non-hurting baby and solutions! Quick solutions. Not JUNE
2. She Likes Purple | April 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Oh how I wish I lived close so we could at least share that one glass of wine. Not share is in give me half (how cruel would THAT be) but share as in bond over our own glasses.
3. Mimi | April 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 pm
I give you such credit for keeping it together when it sounds really, really hard. Don’t let anyone tell you that’s normal, because it so isn’t. I’m glad you still have good moments too.
You and Adam deserve something really special for yourselves when the reflux problem is all figured out.
4. Joceline | April 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
Oh man, I hope for everyone’s sake that this ends very soon! My sister’s oldest baby cried for hours and hours and hours on end and I don’t know how she coped, nor how you’re keeping it together now. Three cheers to you for doing a really hard job so well!
5. Nicole | April 23rd, 2009 at 12:08 am
At the risk of providing assvice – have you taken her to a chiropractor? Some friends of ours did that when their baby son had colic as a last resort – it was the only thing that helped him (and got rid of the colic).
6. Kristi | April 23rd, 2009 at 12:20 am
I so feel your pain. My daughter (2nd child) was the same way and I very clearly remember the stress, sleeplessness, worry and frustration. It will get better – I promise!
7. ZestyJenny | April 23rd, 2009 at 12:47 am
I secnd the assvice about the chiropractor, though I know you’ve probably heard of that before. God, Jonna. Clark had a couple of weeks of The Screaming and it nearly killed me. I was so anxious! I thought I was losing my mind, and I don’t even think he had it as bad as what it sounds like poor Sam does.
I’m enjoying your Tweets, too, BTW. Even when they are filled with despair!
8. amandam | April 23rd, 2009 at 12:51 am
Your poor little tiny lady! It really sounds like extreme discomfort way above and beyond the norm. I recently visited a friend whose six-month old was having a lot of spitting up/regurge/etc. and there was totally and absolutely no screaming or crying involved; in fact, this baby looked almost a little pleased/impressed with herself from it! Hope all gets way better way soon.
9. Lisa Later | April 23rd, 2009 at 4:40 am
Big time sympathy re the reflux – it’s hideous, just hideous.
Poor you, A and S.
Hope you manage to get an effective treatment soon – with our ittle boy, it was a combination of meds that worked and of course, time…but it’s very hard to see beyond the next few minutes and hours let alone days and months when you’re in the ‘mire.
10. SwingCheese | April 23rd, 2009 at 6:34 am
I’ve been keeping you in my thoughts. I have an 11 (almost 12) week old who has acid reflux, and although he doesn’t have it as badly as poor Sam does, I thought I was going to go crazy before he was diagnosed. I’ve been following your Twitter updates, and my baby is on Zantac, too. (I know, I don’t get the mint thing either!) On the advice of a friend whose daughter also had Zantac, I asked the pharmacist to give it a flavor. Apparently the recommended flavor is…grape. (And it tastes as disgusting as it sounds, in my opinion.) Anyway, my son doesn’t like it (I have to dose him, then hold his mouth shut and rub his throat, like pilling a cat), but at least he doesn’t openly mock me and manages to get the majorty of the meds down. Good luck, and I’m hoping that you can see the specialist before June (b/c seriously, June?).
11. The New Girl | April 23rd, 2009 at 6:44 am
I’m marvelling at you because you seem, like, SO MUCH MORE COMPOSED than I was.
I only took a couple pictures of my kid screaming her head off and now when I look back, my pictures don’t match my recollections of her AT ALL. Who IS that charming-looking infant right there? I also have all these pictures of her SLEEPING when I clearly remember a distinct DEFICIT in that area.
My only explanation is that those were the only times that I was free to go and GET MY CAMERA…
12. -R- | April 23rd, 2009 at 7:32 am
The New Girl, I have received lots of comments from friends and family about how my son always smiles in pictures. It’s just because when he is crying, I am trying to make him stop – no time for pictures then!
You sound really positive in this post, despite the horror of the screaming. If you are really this positive, congrats! But if you are struggling, that’s ok too! I hope Sam is feeling better soon. You are a fantastic mom.
13. Carrie | April 23rd, 2009 at 7:57 am
I’ve been hanging onto your tweets, also–and I feel for you. JUNE is UNACCEPTABLE! Here’s hoping the crying/screaming phase ends SOON.
14. jonniker | April 23rd, 2009 at 8:00 am
One minute I’m positive, the next I am full of despair and hysteria. There is a lot of crying, mostly because dude, my kid is in PAIN and no one seems to be able to help.
Also, I swear this isn’t colic. I SWEAR. This is VERY SPECIFIC and screamy and involves smelly acid breath and a kid in a shitload of pain.
Let me put it this way: she screams every night for at least two hours beginning at 10:30 or 11 p.m. A two-hour screamfest is GOOD. SO GOOD. We’re CHEERING when she only screams for two hours. CHEERING. Because we know how bad it can really get.
15. Christine | April 23rd, 2009 at 8:05 am
Poor baby, poor parents. I hope that you get into the specialist soon so that you and Sam can all get a lot more rest. Fingers crossed for you over in Philly. You guys are doing a great job!
16. Lasha | April 23rd, 2009 at 8:18 am
I’ve been following your tweets too – hang in there! I admire your ability to find humour and perspective in the situation, and keeping the focus on Sam. I don’t think I would handle things so well. Thinking lots of non-screamy thoughts.
17. Mandee | April 23rd, 2009 at 8:40 am
Add me to the list of tweet lurkers. Sending all my pre-June-appointment vibes your way. My sister is a NP in Nashville–I bet she could pull some strings to get you in sooner down there. Let me know if you want to drive south.
18. Amanda | April 23rd, 2009 at 8:54 am
OHMYGOD you have a GENOA.
/makes sign of cross and leaves
19. Pocklock | April 23rd, 2009 at 9:05 am
Sending you hugs.
And yes, those colic people can suck it. HATE!
20. Regina | April 23rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
Oh the poor little girl. Her face looks too sweet to scream that much. I hope the specialist helps you both! On the plus side, I bet that “neighbor” who was concerned with the parties and bra throwing is thinking that wasn’t all that bad after all!
21. bessie.viola | April 23rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
Hang in there. You’re doing great, simply by not accepting the “well, babies CRY” bullshit. You’re her mom, and you know best.
SO glad to see on Twitter that you got her in early, because JUNE? REALLY?
Hugs to you all & good luck with the appointment! I hope that they can help her out, poor thing.
22. Swistle | April 23rd, 2009 at 9:55 am
Twitter = awesome. I get a good picture of how things are going.
23. sarah | April 23rd, 2009 at 9:59 am
Ah the wonders of the American health system! It’s good we don’t have to wait for appointments like they do in Canada. Oh….right.
My son was a particularly screamy baby. He didn’t have reflux, although he spit up a TON, he just cried. A lot. For many hours in a row. The only thing that worked for us was bouncing him vigorously on the yoga ball. Bounce, bounce, bounce, repeat, repeat, repeat. Seriously though, there is only so long a person can do that before physical exhaustion sets in. I saw that you had some success with a vibrating chair. Is that still giving you a few brief moments of relief? I certainly hope so.
The only advice I will give you is that if she is going to cry she is going to cry. So it’s ok to set her down or pass her off and go take a walk or a shower or have a glass of wine while walking or showering. I mean, it certainly didn’t help me to hear this when I was going through it, since I was a constant ball of stress regardless, but I still think it’s sound advice.
24. margie | April 23rd, 2009 at 10:17 am
many many children later i would like to say one thing. do not take your child to a chiropractor. she is too small for someone to fool around with her skeleton. second, i had a wonderful pediatrician thirty years ago who told me, when i was sobbing as hard as the baby, that all the women who told me stories about their perfect babies were liars. he told me to remember that FOREVER. that there would be mothers who would tell me about their perfect teenagers, when mine wouldn’t be so perfect he promised me, and that they were liars too. hang in. it is that sweet little baby, not you. you will get through it although g*d knows right now you don’t know if you will or not.
25. H | April 23rd, 2009 at 10:46 am
Oh, my heart goes out to you. I know you’d give anything to stop her pain. Best of luck with the specialist. I hope he/she has a quick, easy and effective solution.
26. Jess | April 23rd, 2009 at 11:03 am
Poor Sam. And poor you and poor Adam. I hope you get to see that specialist TODAY and not IN JUNE.
27. NGS | April 23rd, 2009 at 11:08 am
Oh, I’m so sorry. You do sound like you’re handling this with aplomb, but maybe it’s under the guise of survival. I’ll send good thoughts your way and hope Lucy feels better soon!
28. Kristin | April 23rd, 2009 at 11:12 am
Oh my God–7 hours? How perfectly awful for all of you. There is nothing worse than seeing your baby upset and in pain and not being able to help her. I saw on Twitter that you have an appointment for Monday. Good luck getting through the weekend! I hope they can give her something to help right away.
I was telling my mom about your situation (so weird to talk about people you “know” on the Internet!) and she said that I was exactly like that as a baby. She was told to switch me to soy formula (this was the 70′s–I’m not offering this as advice), which apparently helped a little bit, but basically she said when I wasn’t sleeping, I cried for most of my first year. I don’t think they knew about acid reflux then. Turns out that I developed it again (or it got better and then worse) as a teenager, and I’ve been on various medicines ever since.
I can’t imagine how she and my dad coped with that for a year. And they had another kid! My mom said they were very hesitant after their experience with me, but of course my younger sister turned out to be perfectly content and one of those mythical sleepy, quiet, happy babies. I think it’s all context–she was probably normal and I was so hard to handle that she seemed perfect in comparison.
I hope you guys get the help you need ASAP.
29. Valerie | April 23rd, 2009 at 11:53 am
Awww that poor baby. And poor Mama and Dad! I’ve been following you on Twitter. Hopefully the doctors appointment will shed some light on things. Thinking good thoughts for you!
30. Penny | April 23rd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Oh yikes, I’m so sorry to hear it’s so rough. I hope the specialist has some good solutions. I hope this time passes quickly into another calm period.
31. beyond | April 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
gosh. poor baby. poor mama and dada. sending you good thoughts…
32. Kristin H | April 23rd, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Seriously, my marriage would not have survived 7-hour scream fests. Turns out my husband does not do well with the screaming. He is the nicest guy, really, but his coping mechanisms all shut down when the screaming begins.
I am sending gooood energy your way. After this, you know you can do anything. Anything!
33. Angella | April 23rd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I think you are handling it all extremely well. We were lucky to never have to deal with this, and I feel for those that do.
“Worth the wait” gave me my first laugh of the day. Awesome.
34. Kristabella | April 23rd, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Poor Sam! And poor you and Adam. That CANNOT be easy!
My friend’s baby, who is a few months older than Sam, she screamed like that for the first 8 weeks. And my poor friend was nuts. Like she was like I wanted to pull my hair out and then just leave. Looking back on it now, she’s not really sure how she did it because that is A LOT OF SCREAMING!
I hope that the specialist will make this go away fast. Poor baby.
35. Wabi | April 23rd, 2009 at 4:03 pm
One of my kids was (er, is) a grade-A screamer, too. I always wanted to pinch all the mommies with the easy babies who acted like I MUST be doing something wrong, because THEIR child only yelled when hungry or cold. Gah …
At your baby’s age I found ear plugs took the edge off dealing with my daughter as she caterwauled in the wee hours. If you haven’t invested in good ear plugs yet, definitely give them a try. You’ll still hear her, but with the volume diminished, it won’t feel quite so much like she is stabbing you in the psyche with every howl.
Hang in there.
36. Amy K | April 23rd, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Good lord, I hope the three of you get some much-needed relief soon. There’s just nothing sadder than the sound of a sick, unhappy infant. The specialist will discover the cure, clouds will part, sun will shine, angels will sing, and you’ll have a comfortable baby again and enough sleep to maintain everyone’s sanity.
37. Nic | April 23rd, 2009 at 7:12 pm
I’m so sorry you guys are struggling. Watching her scream in pain must be horrendous and I’m in awe that you’re able to write in complete sentences. And if I were Sam, I’d be screaming too. Acid reflux HURTS when you’re an adult and our esophaguses are like ten times the length of a baby’s and also, we can use words. Waiting six weeks for an appointment with a specialist is ridiculously long. I’m sure you’re on their cancellation call list, but when you call for an appointment, ask to speak with a nurse, explain what’s going on and ask the nurse how to get in earlier (the receptionist might not be as helpful with this). She might suggest something crazy like going through the ER to get a priority referral or something along those lines.
I hope things resolve soon!
38. Jessica | April 23rd, 2009 at 10:34 pm
I have assvice! I had a colicky baby who was less about screaming and more about not eating. In order to get her to eat we had to march her up and down to John Philip Sousa while feeding her. (BFing didn’t work so well.) We got a lot of exercise and some hilarious video, but it wasn’t really a sustainable situation. She was on zantac and then prevacid and then we switched to Nutramigen and it was miraculous. She didn’t need meds anymore and we didn’t have to march. We paid out the nose for that stuff, but it was totally worth it. OMG Stars and Stripes Forever is so stuck in my head now. Sorry for the assvice. I just couldn’t help myself.
39. Casey | April 24th, 2009 at 9:49 am
Babies are hard! I’m a believer. Even when they aren’t acidy and gaggy and hurting, babies are hard! So, I feel for you and I hope that it starts getting better or you start getting some answers (because I don’t think it’s normal what you’re describing).
More assvice: has anyone recommended a sling? (Not a Bjorn, but a sling.) Just thought I’d throw that out there. At least your hands would be free (for the drinking, you know) while she screams all nestled right next to you!
Hope you get lots more rest and wine and smiles, and lots less marathon screamfests.
40. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | April 24th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I’m so glad to see that you’re alright; I was starting to worry about Sam. I’m sending warm fuzzy best wishes for a speedy resolution so that you can EAT and CHANGE CLOTHES and your daughter feels better all around!
41. Shea | April 24th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
My heart goes out to you. No one can truly understand unless they have been there. People look at me like I am crazy when I talk about just how bad the first year of my daughter’s life was- but I think it is important to share. My daughter screamed more hours than she didn’t and rarely slept – and only slept on my chest when she did. It took 5 months for our pediatrician to agree that maybe is wasn’t just colic. She never spit up so he kept saying it wasn’t acid reflux- finally we realized she had SILENT reflux- which is worse because it comes up and then goes back down instead of out. We kept telling him she smelled like acid. She would start up about 2 in the afternoon and last until the wee hours. NOTHING worked- NOTHING. She would also scream like that during the day if put her down or if we left the house. She would scream the entire time she was in a car seat or in a stroller. We finally got prevacid but it really only helped a little- I think by that point she only knew how to scream instead of fuss. I was an utter wreck- I started on antidepressants the same day she started on prevacid. On a positive note (I can now see the positive 4 1/2 years later)- thanks to the elimination diet, which didn’t help at all- I lost 50 ponds in 3 months- and I only gained 30 while pregnant so I was a rail). She is wonderful now, although she still tends to be high-needs. I have a 6 week old now that started the screaming at day 3- I got on zoloft at 2 weeks and he started on zantac 2 x’s a day at 2 1/2 weeks. Now we do the zantac two times a day and mylanta twice a day in between. He still gets antsy in the evenings but rarely screams and then it’s usually less than an hour. Please TAKE care of YOU too! That screaming can really make you crazy. I thought it was my fault- that she could sense my fear or something. That I sucked at the most importwant job that I would ever have. That if I was a good mother I could make her stop crying. The biggest mistake I made was not letting anyone help- as if she were my burden alone to bare. If you can make yourself do it- pump a bottle and have someone you trust take over one evening to just go to dinner or get away to get perspective. It will be hard- but it will help. TAKE CARE. I will be sending you good vibes.
42. willikat | April 25th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I’m gonna do the opposite and just say, no, babies crying for seven hours–that’s not what babies should do.
That is enough to drive anyone to drink. A case of wine.
I hope that this passes soon. For your sanity for her poor little acidy tummy.
43. Rae Ann | April 27th, 2009 at 9:17 am
I can remember when my daughter was small and fussy crying and begging for her to just please go to sleep! I can only imagine how much worse it is for you. Good luck with the reflux solutions. I hope you all get some relief soon.
PS – I missed you, too. You SO crack me up! It does get easier. I didn’t even start blogging until I had two babies!
44. Andrea | April 27th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
You are going to feel like a colic expert once this passes. Trust me!
It is hard though isn’t it? I thought there was no way my baby could cry for 8 hours straight but he did. On top of the regular crying for food, diaper, etc.
My husband started taking pictures of us during the cry fest that occurred from about week 3 till he was 4 months and a bit.. Just to remind us how hard it was if/when we thought to try for another baby. Me with the crying baby in the sling, me with the crying baby in my arms/ the stroller/ the swing.
In the hardest moments we wondered if we would ever forget the colic hell. Funny enough I think you do. Somewhat. Sort of like, ‘maybe it wasn’t so bad? Was it?’ Now you will have the video and I have my pictures to remember…it was hell.
Enjoy your glass of wine!
45. Corinne | May 18th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Chiming in way late to say you are totally right, and allowed to be self-righteous and pissed off, because that is a hard, hard baby you’ve got there. My 2nd one was kind of a bugger and I was a little insane for a while, but he was nowhere near like that. So on the one hand, I’m sorry and that sucks, but on the other hand, you totally get bragging rights for surviving super hard baby right out of the gate. And you never again have to wonder how tough you are – you’re a superhero.
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed