Being Boring
May 4th, 2009
You know, Television Without Pity just isn’t the same. It’s INFURIATING. What is this mockery of the site I once loved so much? Seriously, what IS that? It — dare I say it — SOLD OUT TO THE MAN. “The Man,” in this case, being Bravo, who I normally love, but come on. COME ON, BRAVO.
Ahem.
I ordered Transitional Pants today, because honestly, one cannot continue to wear maternity pants a full eight weeks and change after giving birth, and it was in a size I’ve never seen before, not even when I was at my heaviest. But the maternity pants were not only winter-ish, they’re actually too big. The thing is, I’d like to say I care — and really, I do, or rather, I will — but for the moment, I get how moms say that they get too busy to be able to do anything about it, so I kind of don’t. I don’t look AWFUL, I mean Jesus knows I feel downright SVELTE since walking around as a whale and weighing a number that rhymes with “fun-shmeighty,” but you know, back then there was a whole person in there, and now it’s just me.
I haven’t been able to cook since Sam’s been born, and I miss it. I also miss eating food that didn’t come from a box or a deli counter, but I’m trying to have faith that some day we’ll get there. This WILL get easier … right? Right. Yes, right. We’re not allowing for anything else here. RIGHT.
And working out — HA. Dude, no. No. Some day. I kind of miss that, too, but not enough to bring Jillian Michaels into this cocktail of fresh hell while Sam stares at me from the bouncy seat. And when she’s sleeping, I’m sleeping, because this co-sleeping thing is working out for exactly one of us, and that person still pees in her pants, or occasionally on mama’s belly when she’s not paying attention.
Funny, I never had an identity crisis after Sam was born — I was warned about it, warned that I would wonder who I was, and what I was doing with my farking life, other than wiping butts and rocking small people to sleep. While I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t pull a stroller out of the back of a car after taking an HOUR to get ready to go on the simplest errand and think, what the fuck? No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?, I haven’t mourned any of my old life. I haven’t decided if this is because I’m remarkably well-adjusted, or if it’s because I didn’t have one before. The only time I feel differently is when I push the stroller through the college campus and see myself for exactly what the students must: a cautionary tale. God, you guys, when I first moved here, the dudes would occasionally CHECK ME OUT. HA HA HA. Oh God. No more, clearly. Never again.
What I HAVE had, is the occasional freak out because this job, as it’s been noted before, is both incredibly challenging and mind-numbingly boring. I have exactly two (2) mom friends who get me out a few times a week, and it helps more than you can imagine, but still, I wish sometimes that Sam would ask me a really tough question. They should make onesies with buttons you can push to simulate stimulating conversation until she becomes a bit more present.
Finally, related to the pants issue, have you guys seen the new-fangled Oreos? The Cakesters were a giant, chemical-laden bust, but y’all, the strawberry milkshake ones are HEAVEN. And cool mint! Like mint-chocolate chip ice cream IN A COOKIE! MY GOD. Where were these delicious items when I was pregnant? WHERE?
Happy almost-Tuesday! Sam and I have a lunch date, and it’s getting us through the week!
*Pet Shop Boys
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31 Comments Add your own
1. She Likes Purple | May 4th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I see many, many food items that I get a little bent out of shape over because WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE BEEN PRESENTED TO ME JUST MONTHS AGO. WHHHHHY?
2. Bekki | May 4th, 2009 at 7:33 pm
Please don’t think less of me but…..my boys are 6 months old and I’m still, occasionally, sporting the maternity jeans. What can I say? They’re comfy. Of course, I spend the vast majority of time in sweats or yoga pants. And I did wear grown up, not pregnant jeans out to dinner last night. But there is NO shame in the elastic waist band. None at all.
3. Cass | May 4th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
I agree! I love elastic! It took me a good 6 months to get back down to pre-pregnancy weight … and even at it, stuff doesn’t fit me the same. Sigh. Maybe if I could ever re-gain that motivation to go to the gym again, I wouldn’t have that problem!
Also … with ya on twop … LOVE that site, but it’s not the same; but I do still enjoy it, especially the message boards.
4. The New Girl | May 4th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
There’s so much on which to comment in this post. I’m on overload.
I’ve never had that identity crisis either and I’ve always attributed it to the fact that I was older when I had my daughter. I think (for only me personally) had I been younger, I may have been a bit more, er, restless or whatever.
It gets better so quick, especially with The Boring. Once they get out of that little-baby-grub stage, where they just always remind me of what I call ‘Screaming Potatoes,’ they are actually so. much. fun.
I am SO going to be ‘Fun Schmeighty’ when I’m done with this one. Somehow, I don’t think it’s going to be as fun as it sounds.
5. Leah | May 4th, 2009 at 8:24 pm
Boring. Yes. BO-RING. That’s one of the reasons I really cherish my one day a week at the office. I imagine things will be better when he’s able to do crafts or something.
Also, have fun with your transitional pants! I bought a cheap pair a few months ago and was delighted when they started feeling loose without my having to do a thing about it.
6. Lynn | May 4th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
I hear you about Television Without Pity. Most of my favourite writers have moved on. I really miss Miss Alli and her Amazing Race summaries.
But there is hope…Jacob’s summaries of American Idol are crazy good. Even if you don’t watch the show — you must read. Take any of his summaries from this season (I love how he gives every single episode either an A+ or an F) and you’ll be falling on the floor with laughter. He’s the only reason I visit the site anymore.
7. Mimi | May 4th, 2009 at 8:44 pm
I’m always amazed at women who have a baby, then start working out as soon as they can. I never feel like doing a darn thing until my baby is MANY months old. Don’t be hard on yourself, though. They only stay small babies for such a short time, so you should soak it in while you can.
8. jonniker | May 4th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
TNG: Yes! I think it’s because I’m older, too. I realize, to some degree, that this is all temporary, and I’ll have plenty of time for an identity crisis later on, when my kids are in school and I’ve got nothing going on for myself. Heh.
Mimi: I’m not putting any pressure on myself to soak it all in. I think that’s when I get the most stressed/upset: if I’m not enjoying this stage, then I’m Failing. And I hate Failing, especially when she’s so difficult, you know?
9. TwoBusy | May 4th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
“This cocktail of fresh hell.”
I love that in so many different ways. Viva Dorothy Parker.
10. Anyabeth | May 4th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Oh man, I lost a lot of the weight immediately and was so excited to go back to real pants. And then I went back to work and put some back on. SO DEPRESSING. And now I know I gave up the elastic too soon. Also, I wish I had transitional pants. Anyway!
I never got the whole identity crisis thing. Maybe I just didn’t have a life before? I am struggling more with my identity with a career change than I ever did becoming a mom.
11. Blythe | May 4th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
“I haven’t decided if this is because I’m remarkably well-adjusted, or if it’s because I didn’t have one before.” Ha! And, yes. Have been there. I think we must be perfect and well-adjusted, right? Right?
The “new” TWOP saddens me. I’m not one to yell SELLOUT and get all nostalgic for the days of the indie internet but in this case, well, that’s what I feel like doing.
12. Angella | May 4th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
I remember being so BORED when I had Graham.
Throw two more into the mix and I bored is never on the table.
This is not knock you in any way. It is just to say that I MISS BEING BORED.
I also need to tell you that as they get older it is SO MUCH MORE FUN. Yes, there are struggles and such, but the words that come out of their mouths crack me up on an hourly basis. HOURLY.
Before you now it Sam will be making you do the silent laughter, I promise.
13. Linda | May 4th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Leah just cracked me up with her hope that crafts with her kid will be fun. HA HA HA no.
I kid. Crafts ARE sort of fun. Especially cleaning up! That part is AWESOME.
Anyway, I really meant to comment on the mom friend thing and say how incredibly cool it is that you have some and that you get out a few times a week with them. I hardly ever have a chance to do that, and it’s a bummer. There’s something immensely satisfying about hanging out with another mom, especially if we can commiserate on Whatever Kid Issue we’re dealing with.
14. Amanda | May 5th, 2009 at 12:19 am
I still can’t give up my maternity underpants. Genoa will be three in two weeks.
15. jonniker | May 5th, 2009 at 3:50 am
Angella: I think maybe you forget what The Bored is like? It’s not like you get The Relaxing with The Bored. There is a shitload to do, but all of it resembles the kind of activity you could do if you had a lobotomy. I’m not sure I’ll miss that, but you never know!
16. giselle | May 5th, 2009 at 5:44 am
Oh! The boredom! I remember sitting on the floor of my living room with #1, throwing a ball for the dog over and over thinking that even if I have another newborn it would never be this mind-numbingly boring again. Which is true. It was crazy busy and frustrating when I had the other 2 newborns…but I never once missed being bored. Even crazy busy is better than reading “touch and feel the animal” books to a drooling, head-drooping screamer.
And, also? Why aren’t you a size 2 already? You are breastfeeding, right? According to the celebs, that’s all they do to get back into modelesque shape. (Grrrr…let me get off that soapbox before I get started…)
17. Sarah | May 5th, 2009 at 10:26 am
Dude, transitional pants by 8 weeks post partum is *amazing*. I was still wearing my maternity jeans a full 6 months after my son was born. I topped out at a beluga-esque shmoo-shmenty-shmoo and even now at 18 months pp I’m only 30 pounds lighter.
It also took awhile for my cooking mojo to come back and I have a FAR easier child than you do. My cooking breakthrough? Take a couple of hours on Sunday when the other parent is home to cook some giant batches of things that you eat off of throughout the week. I like soups and stews, risotto, lasagne (sometimes I sub polenta for noodles), and grain-based salads like Israeli Couscous. All of these things you can start and then leave on the stove or oven if you need to nurse or deal with Sam. I wish I could come cook for you guys!!
18. Penny | May 5th, 2009 at 10:29 am
I heart those cakesters. But also hate them because the ingredient list is mildly terrifying.
I think the identity crisis thing starts later actually – like a year, 2 years later, when life sort of readjusts to an equilibrium but you’re just not 100% old you, and starting to doubt if you will ever be that way again.
19. Kristabella | May 5th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I visited a new mom friend back in March and I was just chit chatting with her on the couch about this pub trivia team I was on and how we won because we were teh awesome.
And what I thought was mundane conversation to just fill her in on my goings on, really upset her because she missed that life of being able to go to a bar on Monday night and not have to care for another human. I felt horrible because that was so not why I was telling her!
20. Danell | May 5th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
WARNING * WARNING * WARNING: Six weeks postpartum is TOO SOON to attempt the 30 Day Shred. At least for me. At least I think that’s what the vomiting and peeing my pants meant. I think I will just go find a pair of “transitional pants” for my job interview for cryin’ out loud. jesus.
21. kirida | May 5th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Television Without Pity has not been the same since it was sold to Bravo. For example, the message board for Real Housewives of the OC was a lot funnier when you could call Vicki a Truffle Hunter and Lauri’s husband George was named “Chins.” Mean, I know, but come on.
22. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | May 5th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
It’s the boredom part I fear most. Identity crisis? Okay. Taking an hour to get ready to go somewhere? Alright. Challenges? BRING IT ON!
But the boredom. That scares the crap out of me. I have no idea how I’m going to handle that.
23. Jinxy | May 5th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
OMG I want those mint oreos. YUMMMM.
I am totally with you about cooking. I haven’t cooked since Lily was born 4 months ago, but my hubby takes instructions well and surprisingly cooks well.
24. robyn | May 5th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
You will be checked out again, promise. I was also fun-schmeighty. And now I’m closer to fun-schmenty. Okay, so it took six years. But still. I get checked out.
25. Suebob | May 5th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
You are just the best. I wanted to reiterate that. Fun-schmeighty indeed.
26. willikat | May 6th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
And I quote: “While I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t pull a stroller out of the back of a car after taking an HOUR to get ready to go on the simplest errand and think, what the fuck? No, seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?, I haven’t mourned any of my old life.”
As someone who isn’t pregnant, nor planning to be in the next short while, this still made me feel a gazillion times better about the idea. Like, fuh reals.
27. Pocklock | May 7th, 2009 at 10:14 am
These were my transitional pants. And *cough* I’m still *cough* wearing them *coughcough* http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?searchCID=25781&pid=585604&scid=585604022&vid=-1.
28. Eleanor Q. | May 8th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
So I ordered some transitional pants (capri with an elastic waist but not too stretchy) from gap body when I was in need and they were such a good buy. I wore them until I finally made it back down to regular clothes. I think you’re right that newbornhood can be really boring but mom-friends do help. I used to read Fussbot the New Yorker and talk to him about the articles but even that’s not the same.
29. Frugal Pregnancy Tips —&hellip | May 20th, 2009 at 10:44 am
[...] get away with large t-shirts and stretch pants, which also serve afterwards as what Jonniker calls transitional pants. Then again I didn’t have to dress very nicely for work, so I was able to get away with [...]
30. Penny | July 9th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Alex and Eleanor (Elle for short). We just couldn’t do the trendy thing. Sam used to be one of our top picks for a girl or boy, but it was edged out in the end. My middle name is Julia and I love it. And my first name is never on any of those bike license plates or keychains or anything and it SUCKED so I totally get it, wanting your kid to be included like that.
31. Penny | July 9th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
Oops, left comment on wrong entry.
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