43 Comments Add your own

• 1. She Likes Purple  |  June 14th, 2009 at 9:38 pm

  I never thought I’d be the kind of person who has personal issues with crying it out. Babies cry, I used to say. They need to learn to sleep, I used to judgmentally offer. But now. No. I can’t do it either.

• 2. lise  |  June 14th, 2009 at 9:39 pm

  Oh, dear. You have my complete sympathy. I could have written this post when my oldest was an infant. She wouldn’t even sleep beside me until she was two months old – she had to sleep on my chest.It did get better. I think she was about four months old when she started sleeping somewhat longer stretches. May that day (er, night) come quickly for you.

  If it makes you feel any better, she has always been the child most firmly attached to me and even now, at 23, genuinely likes me and wants to spend time with me.

• 3. Kate  |  June 14th, 2009 at 9:46 pm

  Oh Jonna….I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time! I have no advice, other than do what you have to do to keep your sanity. Sorry your sweet Sam is being such a trial right now.

  Hey, I always figured that the more they kept me up at night when they were little the more I was entitled to wake their lazy teenage asses up on weekends. If I hold to that theory, my son will get to sleep as long as he wants in his teenage years and I will greet my daughter will a bullhorn at 5am every morning.

  Hang in there!! Sending sleepy thoughts your (and Sam’s) way.

• 4. -R-  |  June 14th, 2009 at 9:49 pm

  I have gone through the crazy rage too. I still get it sometimes, but only when people brag about how awesome they are for training their newborn to sleep. You don’t train a newborn, dumbass. You just lucked out. Oh, sorry. I can’t control the rage, even now.

  I started with letting the baby cry for 2 minutes, and now I’m up to 5. It is HARD. I’ve been at the 5 minutes limit for 2 months now, so I think this may be it. And like She Likes Purple above, I never thought I would have personal issues with this! I still don’t care if other people let their kids cry; I just find that I can’t do it (yet).

• 5. Kristin  |  June 14th, 2009 at 10:02 pm

  Oh, I REMEMBER those days VIVIDLY! It sounds just like my oldest daughter as well! NIGHTMARE! Our second daughter was just as bad if not worse! Than we had our son -he was an angel! Go figure!
  I will never forget the day I discovered I could put my 2nd daughter down on the recliner after she fell asleep and not have to hold her the whole nap time -I was absolutely giddy -and now I wish I could have it all back to do over! It will get better!

• 6. Ilana  |  June 14th, 2009 at 10:04 pm

  Hooboy, been there. I’m so sorry. Hard hard hard.

• 7. Susan (Trout Towers)  |  June 14th, 2009 at 10:16 pm

  Yep.

  You do what you need to do, and then she’ll act as if nothing happened and move into some other phase while you’re still sputtering and cursing softly and she’ll look at you and be all “what?”

  Freakin kids. Why do we love them so blasted much?

• 8. Carla Hinkle  |  June 14th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

  I am so, so, sorry. I have so, so, been there. And you do NOT — repeat, NOT– have to apologize for not sleep training a 3 month old. Frankly, I didn’t have the stomach for letting babies cry until mine were over a year…but wherever you fall on that spectrum is of no nevermind at the moment. As Moxie says, sleep (for you AND Sam) at this point is by any means necessary. If that means she is clamped to your boob for 10 hours, upside down, with hippies chanting outside your window, so be it.

• 9. Kristi  |  June 14th, 2009 at 10:41 pm

  Duuuuude, that sounds exactly like my experience with both of my children. I’m fairly sure there was a 4-yr period where I should have been institutionalized for lack-of-sleep insanity. It really does make you go nuts!!!! Fortunately, I’m still alive and both of them sleep great now (4 and 6) – which I’m sure is no comfort to you because when someone said that to me in the throes of sleeplessness I wanted to rip their head off! lol

• 10. Lippy  |  June 15th, 2009 at 12:12 am

  The no bottle thing sucks! My first daughter would not take one once she got to about 3 months, my daycare lady would spoon feed her the milk. I am obsessed now making the new baby have at least one bottle a day. I feel for you, sleep deprivation is brutal.

• 11. Joceline  |  June 15th, 2009 at 12:16 am

  I slept with my son with my nipple in his mouth until he was about 8 months and I’m doing it with my 5 month old daughter. I know it is a “bad habit” but I about went bat-shit crazy from the lack of sleep and getting up a frillion times a night with my son, and I’m not even starting with my daughter.

  Whenever people ask about how The Girl is sleeping, I explain and then explain that I like it that way because I am no longer an insane person. And then I give them the firm look that says “Mind your own business.” They WILL sleep eventually!

• 12. jonniker  |  June 15th, 2009 at 6:32 am

  R: I hate those people, too. I hate them. There were a bunch of them lurking around Twitter yesterday talking about what they did to make their kids good sleepers. When one suggested it’s mostly luck, the others — TWO OF THEM — jumped in and said no, moms should get credit for it, because they worked HARD on their routine. HARD.

  OMFG. If it was ALL ABOUT EFFORT, Sam would be asleep ALL THE TIME. OMFFFFGGGGGGGGG.

• 13. heidi  |  June 15th, 2009 at 7:29 am

  As a mom of 4 – 3 decent sleepers and 1 NOT A SLEEPER EVER I say it’s just the luck of the draw. My 2nd didn’t sleep more than 20 minutes at a time until 8 months. I thought hubby and I were going to end up divorced. Also, I got into the only 2 car accidents of my life during that time. Even totaled my van (with the boys in the car). Be careful, sleep deprivation is used as a torture device for a reason. Do whatever you need to do to keep sane. Here’s to hoping she starts sleeping sooner rather than later. (She will sleep eventually.)

• 14. ali  |  June 15th, 2009 at 8:41 am

  I got lucky with my kids (don’t hate me!) so, I offer no advice…only the hope that you will get some sleep soon!!!!! HUGS!

• 15. Georgette  |  June 15th, 2009 at 9:05 am

  When my son was an infant, Id sit up in bed and feed him. And Id glare at my ex-husband while he snoozed and think of ways to strangle him without anyone knowing it was me.

• 16. Nimble  |  June 15th, 2009 at 9:19 am

  I am thinking of you and wishing a new phase for Sam to start right away. The first months can be an emergency even when the baby is healthy and growing. I’m sorry you’re getting the full boot camp treatment. I wish I could tell you exactly when it will change and you will get some relief.

  When I was seriously sleep deprived I found tears and rage were equally likely. Oh and sugar cravings. It’s a hard way to live.

• 17. Jess  |  June 15th, 2009 at 9:21 am

  I just dragged Torsten in here and read this entire entry to him out loud. Because I’m starting to feel like it’s time that he got exposed to the reality of parenting just a tad more. It was kind of fun watching him turn paler and paler as I read.

• 18. Gretchen  |  June 15th, 2009 at 9:59 am

  Sending you tons of sympathy and baby-sleeping-hoodoo from Chicago. No one — NO ONE — gets to claim any credit for babies who sleep well. There seem to be some things we can do to help small CHILDREN, somewhat, but babies? Luck of the draw, no question. And when your “hand” involves reflux and all the fun feeding issues that go with it? Forget it. I had so much trouble letting my son cry for any reason when we were in the thick of reflux hell and recovery, because…damn, he’d been so unhappy for so long already. Hoping you all get some relief soon. Don’t compound your misery like I did, thinking that my marriage was falling apart over the sleeping issue, just because we were all so damn tired and crabby and also TIRED. >;) Your daughter is beautiful and thriving and chubby, and that is the most important thing at this stage! You guys are doing a great job. Hang in there.

• 19. Kristin  |  June 15th, 2009 at 10:10 am

  Not sleeping is so very, very hard. It turns you into a different person. I hope that you are coming to the end of a long three months. I felt the first three months of my son’s life were basically hell (with fun and awesome moments scattered in there too, but the lack of sleep was unbearable), and I really and truly hate people who didn’t have that same experience.

  Except for the reflux, our story sounds similar to yours. Will slept on one of our chests for approximately the first 6 weeks. Then I got him to sleep in the crib, in his own room, but the price I paid for that was getting up every two hours to nurse. Crazy? Maybe, but none of us slept at all when we coslept. That way at least I could sleep for 1.5 hour stretches, instead of lying there all night in a daze.

  Around 3 months he started to sleep a little bit longer, and it got longer with every passing month. By 5 or 6 months old I was just getting up once a night around 2 a.m. to nurse him, and by 8 months he was sleeping though the night. No crying it out needed (although we did end up doing it with excellent results when he was about 18 months old and stopped sleeping through the night for no reason).

  He did willingly take a pacifier though, and I don’t know if Sam does. I think that bought me some time at night, because he clearly still needed to suck, even when he wasn’t hungry.

  So that’s my piece of assvice. Most of my friends coslept, and I can tell you that the constant nursing all night long lasted a very long time for all of them. And it gets harder and harder to break that habit the older they get. If it’s working for you, by all means go with it. It’s all just trial and error. Good luck! I hope she starts sleeping longer stretches VERY soon.

• 20. Someone Being Me  |  June 15th, 2009 at 10:17 am

  Don’t feel bad. My husband never gets up in the night with the baby. And we now have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. To add insult to injury I now sleep in the guest bedroom with the baby because my husband guilt trips me that he will get in an accident if he falls asleep on the road if me getting up with the baby wakes him up. Seriously. I was up almost all night with the 2 kids Friday night so I finally woke him up at 7 a.m. Saturday morning begging him to take the 2 year old so I could lay down with the baby and he was pissy about it all day because he was tired. He is great in a lot of way but not when it comes to getting up with the kids.

• 21. jonniker  |  June 15th, 2009 at 10:33 am

  Kristin: No pacifier. She has no interest. And as for getting up and going to her crib to nurse her, believe me when I tell you that if you can suggest it, I’ve tried it. Co-sleeping is the only way I’ve slept more than an hour at a stretch, because I can fall asleep while nursing her, whereas getting up, getting her out, nursing her, etc. takes up valuable time in the cycle. I did it a few times and never have I felt so convinced that I was losing my mind then when I was doing that. NEVER. The days that followed were among the worst of my entire life, and that’s not an exaggeration. The very worst. So no way am I even ATTEMPTING that until she’s sleeping a little longer.

  And alas, she’s almost four months old and … the stretches have gotten, in some ways, shorter, not longer. We shall overcome.

  Also worth somewhat hilariously noting: the 2.5 hour stretch is her LONGEST stretch of the night, usually from 7-9:30 p.m. After that, we’re on the 60 minute plan, no matter where she sleeps.

• 22. Lauren  |  June 15th, 2009 at 10:38 am

  If you’re cosleeping I’m sure you’ve read Dr. Sears. Sidenote: I like and hate him all at the same time. He called swings MECHANICAL MOTHERS. Are you f-ing kidding me? Anyway. If you haven’t read him, he claims that the most difficult babies tend to be the smartest. I got an easy baby (4 months old), which I guess means he’s going to be a dumb jock. So at least you know you have a Nobel Prize Winner in your house.

• 23. jonniker  |  June 15th, 2009 at 10:40 am

  HA, Lauren, DITTO re: Sears. (Babywearing = come the fuck ON, at least in my house.) However, Sam agrees with him re: the swing. She’s just not that into it. I’m sure, however, he’d be horrified at our bouncy seat time.

  Incidentally, I didn’t set out to co-sleep. It became a by-product of the baby we’ve been given.

• 24. Penny  |  June 15th, 2009 at 10:47 am

  I feel for you. I’m 3 weeks into baby #2 and he’s doing a lot of the same thing – namely, not sleeping. It got extra bad after I had a few mornings of eggs and then we realized eggs = bad for baby. So, probably, is dairy.

  My boobs also serve as pacifier-slash-food source, and sometimes I am dreaming that something is nawing at me, only to wake up and realize my baby is still attached to me.

  I hope it ends soon for you.

• 25. Shelly  |  June 15th, 2009 at 10:51 am

  Oh honey. I have so been there. You do what is right for you and your baby and don’t listen to ANYONE who wants to tell you what to do. Only you and Adam are living it.

• 26. Kelly  |  June 15th, 2009 at 11:09 am

  I get this. My baby routinely woke 6-7 times a night. Also, never took a bottle. And, ouch. I still remember that pain of being primary caregiver with no chance of a break in sight.

• 27. Anyabeth  |  June 15th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

  Oh honey I am so very very sorry.

  I tend to think that the best sleep solutions are the ones that everyone can live with. If you can handle getting up with baby every hour then do it! If you can cry it out and your baby can do it then do that! I do think it is hard work to find a routine that works for the particular parents and particular baby but I also think that you are largely lucky if whatever you are willing to do actually works for your baby. It’s like hitting a statistical lottery.

  It does get better. I am sure you are tired of hearing that.

• 28. Christine  |  June 15th, 2009 at 1:01 pm

  I don’t know what to say or do, but I hope fervently that it gets better soon.

• 29. Amy K  |  June 15th, 2009 at 1:02 pm

  Wow. I have no suggestions, only sympathy. My daughter is an insanely good sleeper, but I don’t pretend that it’s because of anything I did – total luck of the draw. I’m scared to even contemplate having another kid because I know it will be the exact opposite kind of experience.

  I hope it gets better for you very soon!

• 30. -R-  |  June 15th, 2009 at 1:18 pm

  I love reading these comments, if nothing else to see that I was not the only person who had a baby who woke up 6 to 8 times a night. My baby is not a freak of nature, and I didn’t screw him up! Yay!

• 31. SwingCheese  |  June 15th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

  My baby, too had the Reflux (though not as bad as poor Sam) and not only was he up every 1.5 – 2 hours, he was a pokey eater, which translated into 45 minutes of feeding. At each boob. Then back to sleep. The first six weeks of his life were such that I cried. At everything. At nothing. Constantly. And my husband was a full-time student with no boobs who didn’t get up at night. I used to sit on the couch, seething with rage that my husband didn’t just get up with me out of “solidarity”.

  K2 ended up getting switched to all formula, all the time, though, and as he has gotten older and bigger, has slept longer and longer, so hold on – you’re time to sleep will come soon. (The first time he slept for 4 straight hours, I woke up 3 hours into it and RAN into his room, absolutely sure that something had happened, b/c why else wasn’t he screaming at the top of his lungs by now! I got to the crib, realized he was still alive, and backed out on tiptoe like some sort of cartoon.) In the meantime, I’ll send good thoughts your way, or, if you prefer, I’ll send horrible thoughts to the snarky women bragging about sleep-training their babies.

• 32. Jennifer  |  June 15th, 2009 at 4:23 pm

  This was my life for an undisclosed amount of time. (I won’t mention how long because the haters will come out, but it wasn’t too long). However, I can totally empathize.

  I thought I was going to go OUT.OF.MY.MIND! I remember standing in the laundry room wtih the dryer running (no clothes in it) and the exhaust fan blaring many a night, holding my little bundle and just sobbing because she would not stop crying and would not fall asleep. I would look at her and be full of love and resentment all at the same time. How could something so small cause me, someone who is normally emotionally stable, to be such a complete snotty mess?

  It did get better, which I realize does not help you right now. I really don’t have any words of wisdom to offer. Our situation got better when we realized my milk production was low, which then brought about another crazy routine of feeding, formula, and pumping. I co-slept until three months and then switched the swing for another month, by month five she was in her crib and there has been no looking back. If only that were the miracle solution for ALL babies!

  The only thing I can really offer as advice is to do what works for you and your baby and prevents you from going absolutely off the deep end. Hope things improve soon!

• 33. Danell  |  June 15th, 2009 at 4:26 pm

  Oh, I just want to hold you and weep right now…I am SO GOING THRU THIS WITH YOU RIGHT NOW, right this very minute. Dude, the MONTHS of not getting more than an hour or so of sleep at a stretch makes me feel like an arthritic, cranky, senile 80 year old. Seriously, the other day I started wondering how come I just ACHE ALL OVER and then I was like “Oh. RIGHT…I haven’t SLEPT in, oh, FOREVER.”
  (You know what else is sort of extra sucky? Relocating to another state during all of this. And having your husband move there a month before you get to go…leaving you with a 3 1/2 year old AND the BabyWhoNeverSleeps. While I am delighted to be moving, I am actually just as miserable as you might think. Because keeping a house showable for selling it is NOT WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW.)

  And you know what else? I wonder if the not sleeping has to do wih the fact that we have such HUGE girls! Marshall is a week? I think? younger than Sam and weighs in at 16 pounds!

• 34. Angela  |  June 15th, 2009 at 7:22 pm

  Okay, I know this sounds horrible, but my friend is going through the same thing…and she weaned her son on to a bottle by adding a tiny bit of Pedialyte the first few times.

• 35. Megan  |  June 15th, 2009 at 7:22 pm

  J, I wish SO MUCH for you guys that Sam will start giving in soon. I can not imagine your exhaustion and frustration, ughhh.

  You know my deal, it’s not something I can (or am even thinking about) complaining about. Lila’s nighttime sleeping is all LUCK. Or the work of the NICU nurses. B/c it sure as hell wasn’t me or the husband.

  I have no advice for you, just know that I’m constantly thinking about you, and hoping that you get some continuous sleep soon.

• 36. The New Girl  |  June 15th, 2009 at 8:56 pm

  Oh, J. JJJJJJJ. You know that you’re singing my tune. Down to the effing kajillion gallons of water down my bathroom sink in the interest of stopping.the.screaming. Seriously.

  Do what you need to do to get sleep and to be sane. I honestly believe that you will know when it’s time to change it up and you will make it work for yourselves and Sam will adjust.

  I disagree that the habits with babies become harder to break the longer you go. I think it TOTALLY depends on the baby.

  My sister co-slept with her son until he was around 15 months old and the longest he’s EVER cried in his crib is like 10 minutes.

  I nursed my daughter until she was almost two. She used to nurse for her ENTIRE NAP. EVERY NAP. She gave up feeding after feeding on her own, with a very little prompting/distraction from me, down until the last one. When we finished with that one, she cried one time and then forgot all about it. And, as I’m sure you understand, I would have bet ANYTHING that it would have been an incredible ORDEAL.

  Blah blah. You get the point.

  xo

• 37. Kristabella  |  June 16th, 2009 at 10:01 am

  Gah, I wish I had some magic advice or something to offer you besides a big, damn internet hug. I can’t even imagine how you’re doing it, how you’re even alive enough to twitter and blog.

  I think the people who say to use the Cry It Out Method are grandmas who FORGET what it is like to have a screaming baby on your hands.

  Sending you good sleep thoughts, my friend!

• 38. TwoBusy  |  June 16th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

  Just curious: does it have to be actual water, or would simulated water sounds help? We picked up one of those Discovery Store sound machine things, which turned out to be magic for our kids — fake torrential rainfall all night long had the same kind of soothing effect that your faucet purge seems to have on Sam.

• 39. SBMaya  |  June 16th, 2009 at 1:10 pm

  Oy…I can only imagine (at this point) – but i remember being a child (and lifelong, for that matter) insomniac…fun for the mom, for sure! My own mom swears I didn’t sleep for more then an hour or two for the first TWO YEARS. I don’t know if that’s true, but…I can only imagine what kind of payback I’m in for, if I ever get one of my own. (Shuddering at the thought of the enormous baggage under my eyes…) hang in there, she’s SO cute! The cheeks alone are worth nom-nom-noming away….so sweet!

• 40. kakaty  |  June 16th, 2009 at 2:50 pm

  All I can do is offer my complete sympthoy because oh girl I have been there. My girl never took a bottle, no matter what we tried. So every 2-3 hours it was the mom-buffet for at least an hour and sleep was something I craved like candy. I remember waking up totally freaked out that I had lost her because I was so tired I didnt’ remember putting her back in the bassinet next to the bed. When she was Sams age I think I had a hysterical fit and told my husband “I do 100% of the feeding, you need to 100% of something else” and from then on he took over all the bath duties and to this day (she is nearly 3) he still does the majority of the baths. All I wanted to say is I know where you are and by all means, do whatever you gotta do.

• 41. Jo  |  June 16th, 2009 at 3:30 pm

  I feel your pain! My son was the same way- would NOT take a bottle. Daycare was about ready to kick me out, not him, just me. I tried a method I heard somewhere and it really worked for us… for one weekend, 48 hours, he only got the bottle. I pumped like crazy and my husband fed him every bottle for the longest 48 hours of our lives. BUT- it worked, from then on, he would take a bottle without issue and everyone was happier.

  Best wishes to you, and good luck!

• 42. samantha jo campen  |  June 16th, 2009 at 4:50 pm

  We did Pantley at 4 months and had huge success. And God even though it was hard and I was exhausted, I felt a million times better once we started because I knew I was being proactive and that made a ton of difference for me mentally.

  I can’t even TELL YOU how much I hope it works for you.

• 43. Leah  |  June 17th, 2009 at 12:09 am

  I’m praying for you. Praying to the gods of sleep that you get some RELIEF, YOU POOR WOMAN! We’re six months out and Wombat still won’t take a bottle or a pacifier (and he still hates the swing–the very expensive swing).

  Aaaand we’re still co-sleeping every morning because the kid clusterfeeds for the first four hours of every day, and the only way we survive it is by staying horizontal.

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