Perfect Symmetry

Because I can’t come up with a coherent thought, we have bullets again! Or dashes, because I still cannot do bullets! At all! Also, as it turns out, I am one opinionated motherf*cker.

- For a season that started out as meh, I gotta tell you, True Blood has hit its stride. First off, who DOESN’T want to have an inappropriate vampire-human relationship with Eric? Screw Bill. ERIC. And Maryann. How I love Maryann, creepy-ass meathooks and all. The series has even managed to make me not hate Anna Paquin. A feat indeed.

- We’re rolling over constantly these days, from back to belly, and since we (what is this ‘we’? I MEAN SAM) cannot figure out to get BACK to our backs from the belly position, not to mention the wee problem of our arms being pinned beneath ourselves, it is time to wean from the swaddle, lest we get ourselves stuck with no way out. Oh my hell you guys, I don’t want to do this. However, the Peke Moe people responded to a Tweet I made about it, and lo, the marketing trick worked. I ordered one, and I will let you know how it goes. GAH GAH GAH.

- Only tangentially related, I bought the Peke Moe myself. I don’t even think they knew I was a blogger. Which brings me to a point that I’ve been meaning to mention, and will add to my “About” section when I have the chance: on my personal blog, I will never ever ever do a compensated review, and with a few exceptions/side projects with friends (that are forthcoming!), I won’t ever be going professional in any real capacity, least of all here, and by that, I mean writing a blog or post that is sponsored by a product, even if it’s just a review. I’ve now been offered several opportunities, and twice now I’ve accepted, and — you guessed it — twice now, I’ve ended up declining somewhat unprofessionally because I suck. I have finally learned to just straight-up decline. But really, it just doesn’t fit me, and if I’m honest, it makes me feel a little dirty because I LOOK dirty doing it. Because again, I suck at it.

I’m not a purist, and I don’t begrudge anyone who does it, nor do I think it’s “ruining” blogging. Hell, if you can pull it off, I applaud you, for you are more skilled than I. Seriously. But … it’s not for me. And I think I feel a little how Blythe does about the whole thing, which is decidedly ambivalent. Happy for everyone, but also a little nostalgic.

- So! In totally un-sponsored product news, have I told you guys that I have every baby carrier on the market? No, really. I have it all. The only type I don’t have is a mei tei, and that seemed sort of pointless because again, EVERY OTHER KIND OF CARRIER. Two different types of slings! A Baby Bjorn (the active kind, with the full back support)! The Ergo! The Moby! And the verdict is this: I hate all of them except for the Ergo and the Bjorn.

The Moby is just too damn complicated for me, and though I have used it successfully, the forward-facing carry leaves Sam feeling unmoored, her little limbs dangling in the wind, and if I’m having her face me, the Ergo rocks the house. For facing out, I still love the Bjorn, and the active model saves my back. But really, she never wants to do that anymore, because hot damn, we both love the Ergo. Totally, totally worth the hefty price tag. Totally.

- If one more breastfeeding advocate — a lactivist, if you will — auto-Tweets “supportive” messages to anyone who MENTIONS breastfeeding because they have a search set up, I swear to you, I will hunt them down and shoot milk in their eye. They take Tweets out of context, all in the name of evangelism and advocacy, and on more than one occasion, I’ve seen a new mom feel bullied. I mean who wouldn’t, with six to eight people WHO THEY DO NOT KNOW, hurling out-of-context statistics and extreme information to them. Way to be supportive, asswipes. Way to be.

Plus, there was that really awesome time when they all lobbed on my ass, including e-mailing me through this here site, with “helpful” statistics, all because I made an offhanded comment on Twitter (to Metalia,, I might add, not to the open universe, although yes, yes, my Tweets are public) that I didn’t want to breastfeed Sam when she was in kindergarten. Which, by the way, I still don’t. I like our breastfeeding relationship, but the time to end it for us will be before she turns five, I’ll tell you that right now.

- One of my (girl) friends is married to a lovely woman, and they have two children together (one a month younger than Sam, and oh my God, if he goes missing, it’s because I ate him, he’s that cute) and OH MY LANDS, I am envious of their situation and don’t understand why we can’t engineer biology differently. First off, after their son was born, her partner induced lactation so they could both breastfeed. Which, OH MY GOD, I would give my right arm for that, especially in light of Miss No-Bottle.

Secondly, they mentioned wanting more children, only this time having the one who has NOT been pregnant take a turn carrying the child. At this point, I believe my mouth fell open, because again, BALD ENVY, seeing as I hate being pregnant, as we all know. ENVY. I mean, it all makes SENSE, but, clearly I hadn’t thought it THROUGH and well, color me green, yo.

What I’m saying is that I now believe that it is ridiculous that we’re not all born with male or female leanings so that we may choose who we are attracted to –male-female, male-male, female-female, but with hermaphroditic elements, so that this arrangement can be made for EVERYONE, not to mention the ability for all couples to have children without too much trouble.

(I’m laughing, because somewhere, gay marriage opponents are shitting themselves, thinking that THIS. THIS IS THE KIND OF CRAZY, DANGEROUS THINKING THAT GAY MARRIAGE LEADS TO. HERMAPHRODITE ENGINEERING.)

(If that’s you, you can go fuck yourself, FYI, and I mean that as respectfully as I can possibly muster. I tolerate lots of different opinions, but not so much with this. I suffer no bigots, and that’s what I think it is. And nope, that’s not up for discussion, and if it makes you stop reading me, that’s okay.)

- And finally, on a very somber note, now that time has passed between them, I must tell you that I think of Shana and the Spohrs every day. Every single day.

And while I remain heartbroken and beyond shattered for them, I am forever grateful that they share their stories and experiences with us, if only so that we can keep the memory of their gorgeous kids alive, and remember to not take a single second for granted with our own. I cannot tell you how it has made me appreciate every moment with Sam, even on the most difficult days when doing so feels impossible. I just wish there was something I could do to make things different than they are. Anything.

Have a wonderful Tuesday.

*Keane

46 comments July 13th, 2009