Waiting For The Time to Be Right
September 13th, 2009
Righty-O! So last week, I up and left y’all for the wilds of Pennsylvania where Sam and I spent the week being doted on by my parents, friends and relatives after Adam left on Sunday. Dude, it was awesome, and I’d do it a lot more often, if not for a) missing my husband terribly; and b) Adam missing Sam so much that every phone call was full of woe. “She looks BIGGER in the picture you just sent. BIGGER,” he would lament, although he’d just seen her four days earlier. “And I’m MISSING IT.”
Cute, but you know, not necessarily true, except that I swear it kind of was, and she picked up approximately 5,000 new skills while we were away — for FIVE DAYS — and sheesh, I don’t think I’m going to be sprung loose again anytime soon. It’s not that I want to flee the warm embrace of my husband or anything, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t TEH AWESOME having my entire family around all the time so that I could do such luxurious things like shower without an elaborate plan involving naptimes and good moods and a collection of just the right toys or — oh I can barely type it — GOING TO TARGET. BY MYSELF.
OMG.
Anyway! It was all very thrilling for me, yet very boring in terms of recaps. In fact, a recap can be summed up thusly: I love my parents. I miss my friends Matt and Nicole and can’t believe Matt and I have been friends for 24 years. Twenty four years! That’s practically our WHOLE LIVES, you know? Fifth grade, we were assigned adjacent lockers and a friendship was born in the way that a great romance is, except that there was never any romance between us — on either of our parts, not once (and we so would have admitted it had there been). And I wish, for the bazillionth time, that I lived in Pennsylvania. The good part, that is.
Onward!
– One of the more thrilling bits to my trip was meeting and hanging out with The New Girl, who was exactly how you think she’d be, which is delightful and sweet and funny and FUNNY! And exactly like she writes! I swear, it’s the truth. And I think I realized why all of my blogger meet-ups are all so POSITIVE and GLOWY, which is that I can’t imagine taking the time out of my limited personal time to meet someone that I haven’t been Internet friends with for a long time, and don’t already “know,” you know? Ergo, I feel that I am almost GUARANTEED to have a good time, each and every time, because I’ve done my research CAREFULLY, yo. For like, YEARS.
– One of the more surprising bits about motherhood — or rather, breastfeeding — is that all of my hand-wringy fears of having enough milk for my baby were so hilariously unfounded. I mean, this is TMI, I realize, but I swear, I could easily feed TRIPLETS with these bad, uhhh, boys. Or girls. But MY GOD. STILL. SIX MONTHS IN. I STILL NEED BREAST PADS. And uhhh, yes, I’ve actually considered donation, but no, I’m not a great pumper.
– Did I ever tell you guys I dumped an entire GALLON of Mrs. Meyer’s lavender laundry detergent in the back of my car? Yeeaaaah. There was an inch. AN INCH. JUST BEFORE A ROAD TRIP. And now, three weeks later, it still smells, in the words of my father, like a mix of an Italian restaurant and the meadows of Provence. And not in a good way. It effing REEKS, you guys. REEEEEEKKKKKKSSSSSS. I want to kill myself every time I get behind the wheel.
– My daughter turned six months old last Saturday. Six. Months. She wasn’t an easy baby for the first three or four, but she’s making up for it in spades, and to say that is a vast understatement. I know I say it so often that it seems contrived, but my God, I love being a mom, and I think the reason I say it so much is because I was absolutely shocked by it. I spent the vast majority of my life fearing motherhood — wondering what it would take away from me, how it would change my life for the worse — that it never occurred to me what I would get in return which is … well, everything.
It’s hard, it’s relentless, it’s exhausting, but at the end of the day, I am that irritating mother who is, for the most part, just! so! happy! ALL! THE! TIME! I mean, now that she’s actually SLEEPING, that is. But still: I love this kid. I love her. I love her. I love her. I can’t believe she’s mine. When she’s in someone else’s arms, she keeps her eyes focused directly on me until she can’t take it anymore, and arches her back, whimpers and reaches for me. And I MELT, y’all, faster than butter on hot toast.
I can’t stop kissing her, to the point where it’s almost embarrassing. I can’t believe how absurdly happy I am, and every day, I hope that every kid in the world is this loved, because oh, she is so, so loved. I’d give this kid anything.
Most of my close friends and family admitted that they were surprised by how much I love being a mom, and no one was more surprised than me. Even Adam copped to wondering if I’d be shell-shocked and miserable, and I’ll admit it wasn’t an unreasonable fear, given the fact that I wasn’t convinced I really wanted to be a mom up to and including the morning my water broke. HOO BOY, I was wrong.
Any selfish anxiety about my own future is gone, and instead, is wrapped up in a Michelin Man-thighed infant. For the first time, probably ever, I think I’m doing exactly what I’m meant to be doing. She’s sleeping right now, and while I hope against hope she stays asleep for a solid stretch, I will fully admit that I miss her, and I can’t wait to see her when she wakes up. Which will hopefully be IN THE MORNING. When it’s LIGHT OUT.
Thanks for a great six months, baby girl.
Happy Monday!
*The Brother Kite
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
29 Comments Add your own
1. Navigating the Mothership | September 13th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
Lovely post and lovely baby.
And when you referred to melting like butter on hot toast you were referring to cultured butter, right? (My Husband and I are now frighteningly addicted.)
Laura
2. Marie Green | September 13th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
First of all, she is so serious looking in that photo! You are right about motherhood giving us, as you said, everything. It’s just so special to BE THE ONE the baby wants/needs. Nothing tops that. Well, except for maybe a two year old gallop across the room and land in the biggest hug in the world. But you know what I mean.
Anyway, I really can’t believe that she’s 6 months old, because it seems like maybe last week, or the week before, when you were still pregnant and we were all waiting for the good news!
3. Beth Fish | September 13th, 2009 at 9:10 pm
a) That is a beautiful baby. b) I shot a complete stranger in the face with breastmilk from at least five feet away when I tried to nurse Mia at the playground. When she was 11 months old. I could have fed the neighborhood. And I will be happy to mail you my leftover box of breastpads. c) Did I mention that is a beautiful baby? Even so, it bears repeating.
4. Kate @ Life As I Life It | September 13th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
What a dolly she is! Totally monchable.
I hear ya on motherhood. I always wanted to be a mom, from the time I was a little girl, and loved babysitting and then when I became an aunt at 15 I was even more in love with the idea. But. BUT. Having one of my own was so incredibly overwhelming. It was engulfing and overpowering and I remember sitting at my kitchen table SOBBING to my mom about how I was so afraid that my son wouldn’t know how much I loved him. I was unprepared for the amount of soul-griping LOVE I felt for him (and then later, his sister).
And it still rips my heart out that there are kids out there that don’t ever get that love. (Not saying I’m the epitome of parenthood…just that I gots lots of love and EVERY child deserves that.) It’s the hardest damn thing I’ve ever done but I wouldn’t ever trade it.
5. Carolyn J. | September 13th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
She sure looks like you!
6. shriek house | September 13th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
Awwww, that’s so lovely to read. And that is one GORGEOUS baby. So glad you’re enjoying each other so much!
7. Jessica | September 13th, 2009 at 11:22 pm
I love being a mama now, I do not miss anything about life without Jacob like I thought I might. I thought I might be bored as a stay at home mom, but it just fits!
I’m 12 months into the nursing thing and I still need a breastpad at night or random times during the day. I think I’ll be one of those women who has milk for months after their child is weaned.
8. Susan (Trout Towers) | September 14th, 2009 at 5:11 am
Now I want to go wake up my kids and squeeze them.
9. Cookie | September 14th, 2009 at 6:36 am
So sweet. I felt the same way before I had children, and yet there’s nothing quite like the love I feel as a mother. Your daughter is adorable.
10. Shelly | September 14th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Gorgeous post. I could not agree more on how much motherhood gives. I was terrified of motherhood, too, mainly because my mother was not great and I was afraid I’d be like her.
And one tip on the lavender in your car – I’ve found that the ammonia in Windex is very good at neutralizing smells in spills and stains, even in cars. One of my friends threw up salmon in her car a few years ago and the Windex even neutralized that horrific stench.
11. Tessie | September 14th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Great post, great baby. I feel this way about my daughter getting older. I LOVE IT. I thought I would HATE it, but: no. It’s been such a surprise and a pleasure to like mothering more and more and MORE.
12. TwoBusy | September 14th, 2009 at 8:48 am
1) TBK!!!
2) Carolyn J is right — she does totally look like you.
3) I’ve heard you can’t tell the truth when you meet people from the interwebs.
4) Happy 6 months to all of you. Congrats on getting through the hardcore survival mode part of it. It only gets better from here…
5) (mostly)
13. -R- | September 14th, 2009 at 9:06 am
H has told me that he is surprised at how much I love being a mother. I have never been a baby person, so he thought I wouldn’t be that interested in my own baby either. It’s totally different when it’s your own kid though, at least for me.
She looks so cute in that picture, and also so grown up!
14. vague | September 14th, 2009 at 9:43 am
Aw. This post fills me with good cheer! Happy 6 months to Sam!
15. H | September 14th, 2009 at 9:53 am
She’s a doll!
16. Jess | September 14th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Everything you write about parenting is so important for me to read. Because I know I want kids, I KNOW IT, and yet, when I think about it the stuff that comes to mind is the negative. Like can I deal with it and it will be so HARD and I’ll never sleep again and what will it do to my career and how will I deal with sticky situations and it will cut into our precious married-alone-together time and OH GOD WOE. And I know on an abstract level that it will be worth it but it is so hard for me to wrap my head around what the good parts will be like. Whereas the bad parts seem way, way too concrete. You know? So thank you, thank you for sharing this and reminding me. It WILL be worth it. In very tangible ways.
17. Jen | September 14th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Oh my god, I love your baby too. She is so cute. It’s kind of overwhelming how much you can love them, isn’t it? I am not good at sharing Avery either, and I love that her little arms are starting to stretch back for me when other people hold her.
So glad you got to go to the store on your own. Isn’t it kind of a weird feeling though, like, “Wait, am I missing something?” OH RIGHT, I am not lugging around a 30 pound car seat/baby combo!
18. Christine | September 14th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Man, Jonna she is so cute and big and holy hell, SIX months? really? She’s really starting to look like you these days.
19. Kristin H | September 14th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Oh! Love that picture. I love babies in hats.
20. Tabatha | September 14th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I have the EXACT same carseat!! We just had to move up to the convertible one we’d bought first because our 6 month old son is too long for his infant seat, but it’s also a Maxi-Cosi.
Yay for carseat twins!
21. halloweenlover | September 14th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
She really is gorgeous! That face!
I hear you on feeling (FINALLY) like this is what I am supposed to be doing. It only took me 31 years to figure it out, but after I had my son, I kept wondering what the heck I’d been doing with my life. The love is just overwhelming!
22. Leah | September 14th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Lucky baby. Lucky mom.
23. Kristabella | September 14th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
What a sweet post! And Sam is getting cuter and more adorable, if that is EVEN POSSIBLE! I just want to NOM on those cheeks!
24. The New Girl | September 15th, 2009 at 5:36 am
Aw. I feel the EXACT SAME WAY about you and meeting you. It was a HIGHLIGHT! My kid is STILL talking about Baby Sam and her Moose and I’m still thinking about those thighs and cheeks.
Hers, you know, not yours.
xo
PS. Also? Whenever anyone says that I am just like I write I KNOW it means that I REALLY DO CURSE THAT MUCH.
xoxo
25. kyslp | September 15th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Your car could be worse. My friend had a gallon of milk bust in the back seat of her car. She never could get the smell out – even after repeated shampooing. A keen sense of smell is my super-power so I had to stop going places with her until she traded cars.
26. julie | September 15th, 2009 at 11:33 am
You sound like me after my first, who was such an easy baby I got pregnant again as soon as he hit his first birthday. It’s wonderful to see that you feel the same way, even though she wasn’t so easy. I’m more of a fair-weathered mom, I think. It’s not so much birthday cake and roses this time around.
Being with family is the best. Being with people who love your child is the best. The pleasure of getting your freedom for a few hours is surpassed only by the thrill of reuniting. Glad you had such a great trip.
27. samantha jo campen | September 15th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
I love reading about how you describe your love of Sam and mothering. It truly does make me warm and fuzzy. Really.
I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy you love it because, as you well know, this mommy gig is HARD yo. But most days? Oh boy, it’s truly the best. And I’m sure you’re heard this but the best is yet to come. When she says Mama for the first time. When she crawls over to you like mad woman after not having seen you in a bit. When she grabs your hand and leads you to her favorite spot to snuggle. When she gives you an unsolicited kiss on the lips. I could go on and on. It just keeps getting better.
28. page | September 16th, 2009 at 2:45 am
I just can’t stand how cute she is. And I am so happy for you. Again. Forevs.
29. Graco Nautilus 3 In 1 Car&hellip | May 1st, 2010 at 12:34 am
Graco Nautilus 3 In 1 Car Seat…
As to the “never miss a chance to miss inform the public” Might I mention that the Falcon got the 5* without the Curtains because Ford built it strong enough. Side curtain bags are “POTENTIALLY” life saving devices for FULL SSIZED passengers in the…
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