Tick Tick Boom

Here is some news in the So Not News Category: Being sick sucks. Being sick while also being responsible for a sick child, also sucks. And the thing is, it’s only been three days, nothing appears to be … porcine about it, and we’re already of the clear-snot running variety like some sort of magic go-go healthy armed people, for it happened before our very eyes through the course of the day. And yet it was vaguely traumatizing and miserable.

All this makes me think that I am grotesquely unprepared and incapable of dealing with real illness with myself and my child, because I read reports of moms dealing with things involving … other fluids of the bodily variety and hello, I would like to die now please, and thank you.

Wait! Don’t go! We’re healthy now!

We’re off to Syracuse this weekend to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law and their kids — Adam, I believe, is headed to a football game with my BIL, whereas I will be happily left behind like all good wimmen-folk are, tending to the children and going to the mecca of all meccas, Target, if the checking account will yield. Because the kid needs freakin’ EIGHTEEN MONTH pajamas. Eighteen months. WTF, kid. Why so big? Why, at seven months, are you wearing pajamas made for a child more than twice your age? Seriously, o small one, my budget wasn’t meant for this. It wasn’t BUILT to be buying clothes for you every two weeks. It wasn’t. WHOSE IS? WHOSE CHILD GROWS THIS WAY?

Incidentally, I neglected to mention the other day that before I started using a belt to keep my pants up, I was rushing to get Sam from a nap, and the woefully unused belt loop of my pants got caught on our stupid door handles, and I hit the floor face-down, RIPPING MY PANTS OFF IN THE PROCESS. My pants, they just WHOOSH! Right down around the ankles and my face! RIGHT DOWN onto the floor. And the kid, she just SCREAMED! OMFG! AND SCREAMED! Because one second I was there to rescue her! And the next second I just VANISHED! VANISHED, like some sort of PANTSLESS APPARITION.

Jesus, and people worry about cry-it-out damaging their children. How about watching your mother come to rescue you and be just … INEXPLICABLY FELLED in the process?

Quick! Miscellaneous items!

– One of the most important things my Syracuse University education taught me was that blue cheese dressing is DELICIOUS on pizza. Yes, regular pizza. As if you needed something to make pizza more fattening, look! There it is. Blue cheese. Not unlike french fries with ranch dressing and bacon. Oh, and CHEESE SAUCE (on the fries, not the pizza). Odd, yet delicious.

– I’m sitting here praying that True Blood makes it to season four, because if it even SLIGHTLY follows the books even in VAGUE, VAGUE OUTLINE, it would appear that Eric is naked for virtually the entire volume in the series. Which would mean that there would be lots of naked Alexander Skarsgard, and really, no one can complain about that, wee head, silicon implants or no.

– I make most of Sam’s food (I know, I know, and it’s organic, too, don’t you want to punch me? I want to punch me), but I usually buy her banana-related food because I don’t really like bananas and will never use a whole one for her, and eating the remnants is distasteful, at best. (God, don’t get me started on banana-flavored things, because BLETHCIHTNG OMG NO NO NO NO NO) ANYWAY, this is the longest way ever of saying that there’s this blend of apples, bananas and pears that is so freakin’ delicious, I remain unclear why it is not packaged as a DESSERT. For ADULTS. If only it didn’t come in such wee jars for such an outrageous price, I’d be ALL OVER THAT SHIT.

Happy weekend!

*The Hives. I don’t even LIKE this song, but there it is, on my playlist, haunting me.

43 comments October 8th, 2009