Tick Tick Boom
October 8th, 2009
Here is some news in the So Not News Category: Being sick sucks. Being sick while also being responsible for a sick child, also sucks. And the thing is, it’s only been three days, nothing appears to be … porcine about it, and we’re already of the clear-snot running variety like some sort of magic go-go healthy armed people, for it happened before our very eyes through the course of the day. And yet it was vaguely traumatizing and miserable.
All this makes me think that I am grotesquely unprepared and incapable of dealing with real illness with myself and my child, because I read reports of moms dealing with things involving … other fluids of the bodily variety and hello, I would like to die now please, and thank you.
Wait! Don’t go! We’re healthy now!
We’re off to Syracuse this weekend to hang out with my brother and sister-in-law and their kids — Adam, I believe, is headed to a football game with my BIL, whereas I will be happily left behind like all good wimmen-folk are, tending to the children and going to the mecca of all meccas, Target, if the checking account will yield. Because the kid needs freakin’ EIGHTEEN MONTH pajamas. Eighteen months. WTF, kid. Why so big? Why, at seven months, are you wearing pajamas made for a child more than twice your age? Seriously, o small one, my budget wasn’t meant for this. It wasn’t BUILT to be buying clothes for you every two weeks. It wasn’t. WHOSE IS? WHOSE CHILD GROWS THIS WAY?
Incidentally, I neglected to mention the other day that before I started using a belt to keep my pants up, I was rushing to get Sam from a nap, and the woefully unused belt loop of my pants got caught on our stupid door handles, and I hit the floor face-down, RIPPING MY PANTS OFF IN THE PROCESS. My pants, they just WHOOSH! Right down around the ankles and my face! RIGHT DOWN onto the floor. And the kid, she just SCREAMED! OMFG! AND SCREAMED! Because one second I was there to rescue her! And the next second I just VANISHED! VANISHED, like some sort of PANTSLESS APPARITION.
Jesus, and people worry about cry-it-out damaging their children. How about watching your mother come to rescue you and be just … INEXPLICABLY FELLED in the process?
Quick! Miscellaneous items!
– One of the most important things my Syracuse University education taught me was that blue cheese dressing is DELICIOUS on pizza. Yes, regular pizza. As if you needed something to make pizza more fattening, look! There it is. Blue cheese. Not unlike french fries with ranch dressing and bacon. Oh, and CHEESE SAUCE (on the fries, not the pizza). Odd, yet delicious.
– I’m sitting here praying that True Blood makes it to season four, because if it even SLIGHTLY follows the books even in VAGUE, VAGUE OUTLINE, it would appear that Eric is naked for virtually the entire volume in the series. Which would mean that there would be lots of naked Alexander Skarsgard, and really, no one can complain about that, wee head, silicon implants or no.
– I make most of Sam’s food (I know, I know, and it’s organic, too, don’t you want to punch me? I want to punch me), but I usually buy her banana-related food because I don’t really like bananas and will never use a whole one for her, and eating the remnants is distasteful, at best. (God, don’t get me started on banana-flavored things, because BLETHCIHTNG OMG NO NO NO NO NO) ANYWAY, this is the longest way ever of saying that there’s this blend of apples, bananas and pears that is so freakin’ delicious, I remain unclear why it is not packaged as a DESSERT. For ADULTS. If only it didn’t come in such wee jars for such an outrageous price, I’d be ALL OVER THAT SHIT.
Happy weekend!
*The Hives. I don’t even LIKE this song, but there it is, on my playlist, haunting me.
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
43 Comments Add your own
1. Leah | October 8th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
Bananas are actually my favorite thing to give Wombat because (1) I cut it up in pieces and let him feed it to himsef (SO I CAN TWITTER) and (2) if you don’t unwrap the whole banana, the rest of it keeps just fine for…days, actually. Hooray bananas (not that I will be eating one anytime soon because BLEEECH).
2. Carla Hinkle | October 8th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
That is one of the funniest blog entries I have read in a long, long time. That is all. (Oh, and feel better.)
3. willikat | October 8th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
1. I hate bananas. And banana flavored things. And most people think I’m nuts.
2. I love blue cheese on pizza.
3. I just laughed so hard I cried at the falling down (one of my favorite funny things.)
Can we be best friends now?
4. She Likes Purple | October 8th, 2009 at 10:26 pm
I hate bananas. The only thing remotely edible in banana form is banana bread or possibly banana muffins WITH LOADS of nuts or chocolate chips. Actual bananas or banana smoothies or banana-flavored candy? Disgusting.
Also, Mike tastes EVERYTHING WE EVER GIVE KYLE. he thinks that’s how it should be. You give it to your kid — whether it be formula or puffs or pineapples/pears combon (which Kyle freaking loves), Mike tries.
He’s the better parent. Although I still gave birth, I’d like it continually noted..
5. Steph the WonderWorrier | October 8th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
True Blood DEFINITELY needs to make it to book four. It’s my most favourite!
Vulnerable!Scurred!NEKKID!Eric!?!
Sign me the hell UP!
6. page | October 9th, 2009 at 12:22 am
I can’t imagine being sick and caring for someone else. i get grumpy enough at my husband when I am sick, and my GOD, I can’t imagine being responsible for fluids and things, ew gross gross.
I can’t stop laughing about the FELLING. Poor you and poor Sam! But god, the funniness.
Blue cheese is also delicious on fries, and all of my friends think I’m insane-o for eating BC on pizza.
Enjoy Target. So many fun things right now. I wish they would do the whole spanx related clothing line in the stores- it’s killing me. I’m making the pilgrimage to the SUPERTARGET OMG YESPLZ when I am home in Iowa next week. How lame is it that there is no SuperTarget in this town I live in, which is 4-5x the size of my hometown, yet there is one there.
7. Amy K | October 9th, 2009 at 12:24 am
I feel your pain re: baby clothes. My daughter weighed 22 lbs at her 6-month checkup, and I wish I could order more than one box of diapers at a time from Diapers.com, but I’ve learned the hard way that she’ll just outgrow them if I do. Maybe our kids will meet in the sumo ring one day. But…bananas? I never knew people could dislike them. They’re like the Wonder Bread of the fruit world.
8. AndreAnna | October 9th, 2009 at 7:07 am
The thing about being sick and taking care of sick kids is that as soon as you get through it, you think it could NEVER possibly get worse, and then…well, then it does. But as parents something biological churns deep and we don’t retch and gag or cry or lay down and die like we want. We get up and we DO. We just DO.
I’m sorry you guys were both sick. It really is one of the most awful parts of the whole thing.
Re: TB. The fourth book is my FAVORITE. Nekkid. Lots o’ nekkid.
9. Kristin H | October 9th, 2009 at 7:38 am
For me, the thing about bananas is the texture. The taste is fine but I have to eat them fast, so I don’t stop to think about what I’m eating and…and…gak.
I made the mistake of putting a Barry Manilow song (shut up!) on my ipod once and the ipod hated it so much that it taunted me with the song every time I turned the damn thing on. Finally I had to take it off entirely because really, a person can only stand so much “Weekend in New England.”
10. Emily | October 9th, 2009 at 7:54 am
Would rather die (really, DIE) than eat a banana.
11. Allison | October 9th, 2009 at 8:02 am
I am so with you on the bananas. Sweet potatoes, peas, pears, corn, apples… all these I will make into baby-edible form, but bananas I leave to the “experts” at Earth’s Best. Just not my thing.
Your pants story had me laughing out loud, so thanks for sharing.
12. Carrie | October 9th, 2009 at 8:07 am
Freaking hilarious! Thank you for sharing that with the blog world. NOW my morning is complete!
13. Megs | October 9th, 2009 at 8:22 am
At 7 months, my son is wearing 2T pajamas. I highly reccomend picking up a set of 2T thermals from Target and seeing if they fit her. They are snug on Hank and the extra length in the arms and legs just scrunched up, so there is room to grow. I skipped 18 & 24 mo with pjs because I am sick to death of them fitting for two laundry rotations and then not. The thermal sets solve all problems because they run snug but stretch a ton. They say they are not supposed to wear too big pjs because of the risk of catching fire. FIRE!? WTF?!
14. Kate | October 9th, 2009 at 9:56 am
I’m a technological dunce, so I can’t figure out how to do this on Twitter, but wanted to say THANK YOU for your level headed, INFORMED comments about the Nobel Peace Prize.
15. Jen | October 9th, 2009 at 10:03 am
OMG, there is a purple one – banana and mixed berries – that is SO good. It could be marketing as pudding. Fruity pudding for adults! Yes!
Also, blue cheese on pizza is DELICIOUS. I have been known to dip a slice in ranch dressing too.
16. amandam | October 9th, 2009 at 11:32 am
For me, the only good banana’s an unripe banana which, of course, lacks any semblance of flavor whatsoever. Once it becomes even vaguely yellow, it has passed over into gross territory. Not even a dousing of blue cheese can make it redeemable.
17. Angela | October 9th, 2009 at 11:51 am
You can totally freeze mashed bananas! Just mash them up and put them in an ice cube tray, then store them in a ziploc bag or whatever. People say they’ll turn color but I haven’t had that happen. I mix them in with my daughter’s yogurt or cereal.
And yeah, they also keep not too badly in the fridge if you leave the peel on.
18. Rebecca (Bearca) | October 9th, 2009 at 11:52 am
AMEN SISTER, re: two things:
1) Blue cheese dressing and its deliciousness on pizza
2) Season 4 of True Blood. I LOVE BOOK 4.
19. monkey | October 9th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
Oh I love bananas, but not the nasty overly large ones you get in most supermarkets. Once in a while the Asian supermarkets here will have imported bananas from Thailand and India and that’s when I stock up. And by here, I mean California because I’m pretty sure the IP reading yo’ure getting from me is in the mid-atlantic region (on account of my employers).
Anyway, the mini-bananas (literally 2 bites) from Asia are so sweet and delicious and have a better texture. I mostly grew up in N. America and I remember the first time my parents took me back to India at about the age of 5 or 6 and gave me a real banana. World of difference.
20. H | October 9th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Huh. I didn’t realize so many people don’t like bananas. I’m so naive. I don’t mind them at all and as a matter of fact, they are my favorite of the all season fruits. (Here in the tundra, we’re basically stuck with oranges, apples and bananas in the winter because all the other fruit sucks and/or costs a fortune.)
I’m sorry you were both sick at the same time. That is no fun at all. And the belt loop snagging visual made me laugh.
21. Shin Ae | October 9th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Yeah, it sucks. It never occurred to me that my child would be sick until he threw up all over me once. I am hugely vomit-phobic so that was AWFUL.
I’m not sure why I “forgot” about things like illness until they happened, I guess I was just really overwhelmed by the regular, day-to-day responsibility as it was, sans illness.
Being sick and caring for a sick child is like this: One day a co-worker told me about all the things going wrong in her life and then her hot water heater burst. Me: Oh no! Her: Yeah, there I was in the basement, mopping and crying, mopping and crying.
There’s no time to lay down and cry, run away, etc. Got to keep mopping.
You get through it. And then you feel badass.
22. HollyLynne | October 9th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
That image of you being felled by a door handle and your belt loop on your way to rescue Sam just kills me. Thanks for the laugh! (Not to be laughing AT you or anything. Just, seriously? So funny.)
23. Ang | October 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
My sister & I used to eat baby food as a SNACK on Sunday afternoons – no idea why – Gerber Peach Cobbler and Dutch Apple dessert. They have TONS of sugar in them but are so so good. At least that’s how I remember them!
Great pants losing story!!! I personally may have found pants nirvana – Levi’s 529 (ahem) Curvy jeans -no crack and belt not needed!
24. cindy w | October 9th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
Ok, the paragraph about your belt loop getting caught & tripping you? Made me laugh so hard that I had to call my mom & read it to her over the phone. No, seriously, I just did that. She laughed, too. I mean, it wouldn’t have been funny if you’d gotten hurt, but as it is, that is hilariously awesome.
25. Cori | October 10th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
HAHAHA. I don’t understand why doorknobs are out to get us. I don’t know if you have ever read Miss Doxie, but she’s hilarious, and this is the post that sealed the deal for me. As soon as I read about your doorknob mishap, I thought of this:
http://www.missdoxie.com/doorknobs.html
26. mar | October 10th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
totally done the belt loop & door knob thing, but not while rescuing bebe.
and don’t hate me because i love bananas (i make a mean banana bread!). love’em when they’re not too ripe. and baby food kicks a$$! the fruit ones anyway. we ate them all the time as a snack even when i was in my teens. still buy it occasionally. i second ang, peach cobbler, dutch apple dessert, fruit medley. and no added sugar.
27. The New Girl | October 10th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Dude.
I read about your auto-pantsing incident and I STILL laughed until I had tears TEARS! running down my face.
OMG.
I NEEDED that.
Hope you feel better. xo
28. Megan | October 10th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
- I SO dislike bananas. Ewwwwww. It’s totally a texture thing for me. I will eat them in bread, muffin, and doughnut (the BEST) form, but not raw. Ick. I must find this apple/pear/banana mix though, I haven’t seen it yet.
- I love blue cheese on pizza. I love ranch more, but will take bc in a pinch. And I think I just gained 5 pounds by writing that sentence, yay.
29. Christine | October 10th, 2009 at 9:15 pm
1. Unfortunately I have gotten my belt loop stuck on a door handle before. At work. THANKFULLY it only resulted in my inability to move forward, or slamming the door as I tried to leave the office, and not a felling or a de-panting (? could that even be a word? me thinks not, but alas there have been many drinks this fine Saturday evening).
2. I like bananas. Like a lot, but I’m thinking if you wanted to make your own banana related food items, you could always slice and freeze the remaining banana. OR freeze the remaining baby food in an ice cube tray or something. And then you could always steal a cube or two of delicious frozen fruit – like a mini popsicle! for yourself.
3. Jeebus, why in the hell won’t my boyfriend’s friends leave? Seriously, go home. Also, see re: drinks above. Oh and rambling…hope you’re having fun in Syracuse!
30. Mir | October 10th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
I like how you went from bleu cheese on pizza and cheese sauce on fries right into organic baby food. Eat as I say, not as I crave, that’s always been my parenting MO as well.
Also, as a fellow SU alum, as soon as you said cheese sauce I was RIGHT BACK at Cosmos, and now I want cheese fries AND a toasted honey bun. Thanks a lot.
P.S. Am currently malingering and possibly high on Nyquil. If this comment makes no sense, let’s blame it on that.
31. Carolyn J. | October 11th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I think Sam screamed because she saw her future. If she turns out anything like her mother, crazy shit will happen to her at a lot higher than average frequency.
32. Cookie | October 12th, 2009 at 6:57 am
This post had me laughing this morning, especially the belt loop thing, because I’ve totally done that. Glad you guys are feeling better, both my boys are getting over a cold and the amount of snot my littlest managed to produce was amazing. Hope you had a great weekend.
33. Apryl's Antics | October 12th, 2009 at 7:22 am
“Pantsless Apparition” is totally going to be the next porn movie, I bet.
34. Jess | October 12th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I like bananas, but not banana-flavored things. I think it’s because I only like them when they aren’t quite ripe, and banana flavoring always tastes like overripe bananas. Ugh.
35. Christy | October 12th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
I have my own chunky monkey (er, two of them) who was in 18 month pajamas at around 9 months. The good news is, at 13 months, he’s just starting to need 24 mo clothes so the rate of bank account draining decreases…well…somewhat, after age 1. You won’t need to shop Limited Too for several years yet
PS, I started following your blog after always finding myself nodding at your comments on Sundry
36. parkingathome | October 12th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
I laughed the baby awake with the pant story. I wish I could have seen it
37. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | October 13th, 2009 at 9:59 am
I am soooooooooo with you on banana flavored things. I don’t care for bananas or banana flavored anything. BLEGH.
Hope you both feel better soon!
38. Chandra | October 13th, 2009 at 11:27 am
You are hilarious.
Check into Consignment shops regarding kids clothes, you bring in the clean ones you have and take home clean ones you need. Much easier on the pocket book!
And Blue Chees Rocks!
39. Sam | October 13th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
We are buying 18mo pajamas, too. I thought I had enough clothes to last a year, ha ha ha ha. Maybe we should just stay at home nekkid since someone else is also busting out of her clothes.
40. Trenches of Mommyhood | October 14th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Bleu cheese on pizza is totally an upstate NY thang. (I went to Wm. Smith in Geneva).
It tastes even better after midnight. Right?
41. Roger | December 19th, 2009 at 2:51 am
Thank you for this, I will return later.
42. honey well heaters | December 22nd, 2009 at 2:16 am
Thank for information.
43. Jonniker. » I’&hellip | January 29th, 2010 at 9:01 pm
[...] her company was doing an upcoming anthology on True Blood. And people, you KNOW how I feel about True Blood, considering it’s the only show I’ve seen in its entirety more than twice [...]
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