37 Comments Add your own

• 1. Marilyn (A Lof of Loves)  |  October 15th, 2009 at 11:02 pm

  I used to swear all the time…and honestly I still do when I’m not around the kids. I thought I was pretty good around the kids but this week my son, who is almost 3, started to yell “Frik!” or “Frak!” or “Crap!” and you know it sounds really terrible. And I’m filled with fear that I’m going to be pulled aside by his teachers at preschool to be told that he has a potty-mouth. Please no. I’d say you have approximately two years to figure out the swearing or pseudo-swearing issue.

• 2. She Likes Purple  |  October 15th, 2009 at 11:04 pm

  We were watching Breaking Bad the other night and it dawned on me as Kyle was watching along, um, when should we turn off the rampant drug use and vampire sex around him?

  Someone asked me the other day why he wasn’t saying mama yet. I don’t know, he’s an ungrateful (albeit adorable) thing? Or, better yet, SHOULD he be saying mama? I didn’t think so. But…well, you know I go at this pretty blindly.

  Finally, it fucking annoys me when Kyle laughs like an idiot when I say “no.” He thinks it’s damn hilarious when I say no sternly. That better quit eventually.

• 3. Diane  |  October 15th, 2009 at 11:34 pm

  This seems as good a time as any to share with you that my first word was SHIT. At the age of 9-10 months. Shouted in the checkout line at the grocery store.

  I’m not saying you need to clean up your language (my parents, as you may have guessed, had quite the potty mouths, and my brother and I knew the difference between grown-up words and kid words), just don’t be surprised if she actually DOES yell out BALLS in a restaurant in the foreseeable future. At least it will be a great story for you all to tell for many years. (And OH DOES SHE LOVE TO TELL IT.)

• 4. TJ  |  October 15th, 2009 at 11:49 pm

  Phil and I have talked of having a kid (after the wedding, of course – hey, did you know that when I got engaged, the first thing my terrible sour old woman of a grandmother said to me was? “Well, we always like to see the ring before the stroller!” so, yes, baby after the wedding, maybe)… anyway…

  Phil and I have talked of possibly having a kid some day and knowing how we both talk, much like you, we’re kind of banking on the fact that we’ll have one smart enough to understand that “there are some words we don’t say outside the house, and when inside the house, we only use them in appropriate situations, like toe stubbings and that one year that the New Jersey Devils broke my heart in the most horrifying 1 minute, 20 seconds of hockey I have ever seen, because most people consider those words to be rude, and we don’t want to give those assholes next door any more reason to judge mommy and daddy than they already have. Ok?”

  But knowing our luck we’ll probably get a dud.

• 5. cindy w  |  October 15th, 2009 at 11:53 pm

  You know, I have always had a potty mouth and now I’m pretty careful about it. Stubbed your toe? A shrieking, “Mother OF PEARL!” feels almost as good as the real thing.

  But the problem I’m finding is that it’s more insidious, as there are things I say that aren’t really *that* bad, but it’s still inappropriate for a kid. Like, my daughter, at 2 1/2, now says, “Oh, God” when something surprises and/or annoys her. On the one hand I’m all, “hey, you used it in an appropriate context, go you!” And on the other, I’m thinking that my Catholic grandmother just did a triple flip in her grave. I’m worried that she’s going to learn to say something sucks, or that she’s going to listen to her father (my husband’s British) and start calling things bollocks. (Which, ok, that would actually be pretty effing hilarious.)

  Btw, those pediatrician milestone charts are b.s. All kids develop at different rates and hit their milestones at different points. They’re just playing a game of averages, is all.

• 6. Reagan  |  October 16th, 2009 at 12:22 am

  This post reminded me of you: http://www.sevenof.com/?p=2190

  And- more Sam photos pleaseeee!

• 7. Leah  |  October 16th, 2009 at 12:43 am

  We just decided a few days ago that the end of our pottymouths is nigh because the child, all of a sudden, understands, like, EVERYTHING. I said the word “monkeys” one day and he looked up at his light fixture that has monkeys on it, like “Yeah! Monkeys! I haz them!” I say the word “milk” and he starts pawing at me like a dog digging in the dirt. It’s INSANE. Obviously, “fuck” is much more high-concept than “monkeys” or “milk,” but still…NIIIIIGH. And I DO love swearing so. *sigh*

  As for the inappropriate gestures, however, I fully intend to embarrass my kids the way my parents embarrassed me–with ass-grabbage and boob-honking to show our love–and hey, every kid has to learn about flipping the bird somewhere. Why not in the comfort of their own homes instead of out on the streets (yo).

• 8. AndreAnna  |  October 16th, 2009 at 6:40 am

  I have a HORRIBLE mouth. And though I’ve learved to curb it by using replacement words, I still get the occasional “dammit” or “crap”.

  But then I think that words are just words and it’s the power that WE give them that make them BAD or taboo. That it’s really the meaning and intention behind the word that matters more. Though I use “bad” or unsavory words, I don’t use them in a way to hate – just as a way to show emotion in that instance.

  Like, I’d much rather my 3-yo say “This frickin thing is making me nuts!” rather than, “That guy is such a douchebag.” You know?

  As much as I realize that my children shouldn’t go to school saying “JesusChrist, where the hell are the Cheerios?” I’m better with that than the kid who calls people dickheads or says “fuck you.” That will NOT be my kid because *I* don’t talk that way or teach that kind of behavior. (Unless I’m driving, and in NJ I may let a colorful word slip on occasion.)

  Words are only words until we make them BAD.

  Do I make any sense at all? (I haven’t had coffee yet)

• 9. Jeanne  |  October 16th, 2009 at 7:38 am

  We had to ban Southpark in our house when my duaghter was 2. Her crayons rolled off the table and she looked down at them and said “You Bastards!”

• 10. susie  |  October 16th, 2009 at 7:42 am

  I got in trouble when I was four for cussing out a vacuum cleaner at pre-school. One of my favorite stories now, and I still hate vacuum cleaners – I think it was justified anger, why do they have to be so LOUD?

  Anyhow, as to your inconsistency – I think eff and frack have become their own words at this point. I use them too, albeit less frequently than their sibling. They have slightly different connotations – don’t carry as much gravitas. I use eff and effing when something is ironic or irritating in a cutesy way.

• 11. Shelly  |  October 16th, 2009 at 7:52 am

  Oh, I have SO MANY stories about my 7 year old daughter and swearing. I think she was about 18 months old when she picked up the word shit from us and that’s when we curbed our potty mouths around her. I love reading these stories from everyone else, though. I think swearing has become so commonplace that we all struggle with it now. The other weekend, my daughter was playing and said, “Holy shit!” and it honestly took me a minute or two to realize that she wasn’t supposed to say that. We handle it by telling her that those are not polite words and we aren’t supposed to say them.

• 12. Raven  |  October 16th, 2009 at 8:04 am

  I never censored myself around my child. He said shit when he was two (my fault) and fuck when he was four (his father’s fault) but he used them correctly and honestly it was quite hilarious. He said them at home and we were able to correct him with something about adult words vs kid words and it never happened again. He never cussed in school, never in front of me or in public until now.

  He’s 14 and accidentally called me on speed dial yesterday while on the bus. I overhead his entire conversation (I had warned him twice before to lock his phone so I figure all bets are off the third time) where he was cussing with his friends.

  *shrug*

  He doesn’t do drugs, get into trouble at school or cuss in front of adults so, I’m pretty blase about it. I had more fun torturing him about his conversation when he got home from school than anything.

• 13. Cookie  |  October 16th, 2009 at 8:10 am

  I admit I have some issues with bad language and inappropriate gestures. I spent 5 years in the Army, and trust me, Soldiers swear just as bad as sailors. It’s almost required, despite frequent reminders from superiors to watch our language. Unfortunately my boys are at the age where than can start to comprehend and repeat bad words. The other day I sent Gabe to the couch in our living room for a time out and was told “I don’t want to sit on the damn couch”. Oops.

  Also, the boy in the balloon thing is so effed up. Rumor is that it was all a publicity stunt by his dad.

• 14. H  |  October 16th, 2009 at 8:36 am

  We used “dork” as a term of endearment when our kids were in elementary school and my son got in trouble for calling a girl a dork at school. That was a little hard to explain to the teacher. I swear like crazy but managed to hold back when the kids were at the age when we didn’t trust them to use their filter for “words we might use at home” and “words we use at others.” My daughter (age 18) reminds me not to swear now.

• 15. jive turkey  |  October 16th, 2009 at 8:46 am

  We are facing the watching-our-mouths issue as well. We actually replace “Fuck” with “EFF!” sometimes, and have been doing so since WAAAY before baby, simply because Dwight said it once on The Office, and we thought it was funny. And so help me, I think it would be hilarious if my daughter spilled her juice in kindergarten and let out an exasperated “EFF!” (Would they reprimand her for that? Should WE? I have no idea.)

• 16. -R-  |  October 16th, 2009 at 9:13 am

  I have the opposite problem with constantly changing babies. I feel like I never get to relax because the fact that he actually slept 6 hours in a row or ate a whole dinner or didn’t try to run away during a diaper change doesn’t really mean anything. Who knows whether it will ever happen again! I just need to relax, I think. (Not that I’m uptight, but I’m definitely not settled.)

  My parents NEVER cursed in front of me when I was growing up. I’m pretty good about controlling my language, but H is like a pirate.

• 17. Chelle  |  October 16th, 2009 at 9:14 am

  I’m pretty sure I was a sailor in another life and that the swearing just naturally followed me into this one. When my kids were small, I tried really hard but, you know, leopards can’t change their spots and all that….I was a HORRIBLE example for them. Oddly, neither of them picked up the habit and, at almost 14 and 11 years of age, they don’t really swear in fact; I think the worst thing I have ever heard come out of my teenage daughter’s mouth was the word damn and she blushed like a beet the second she said it.

  I’m guessing the potty-mouth skipped a generation and I AM SO GLAD.

• 18. -R-  |  October 16th, 2009 at 9:20 am

  Oh, and I think the only word my 11 month old understands is no. And who knows whether he actually understands it or whether he just understands our tone of voice. He hasn’t even figured out mama and dada yet. It does make me feel a little… weird because I think a lot of kids at least understand words at his age, but you’re right, he’ll figure it out soon enough.

• 19. Swistle  |  October 16th, 2009 at 9:33 am

  OMG, the questions. I’m always sitting there going, “Uh….no? Is that okay? Okay that it’s no? Because it’s no.”

• 20. Askew Adventures  |  October 16th, 2009 at 9:35 am

  My parents swore a lot when I was a kid, told dirty jokes, made lewd comments, etc and there are no stories of me cursing or doing anything inappropriate at a young age. It was always just made very clear that just because mom and dad say it doesn’t mean I could say it.

• 21. Penny  |  October 16th, 2009 at 10:08 am

  Personally I never wanted to be one of those parents who spells things out in regular speech, like: “Bob and I are going to go see a m-o-v-i-e tonight, won’t that be just s-u-p-e-r?”

  Ugh.

  And then we became those parents. It’s out of necessity, for anytime you mention candy or TV or anything delicious sounding or entertaining our 3 year old latches on to the idea like there is no tomorrow. The swearing goes away too, but only when it’s a necessity.

• 22. Jess  |  October 16th, 2009 at 10:09 am

  My parents never even bothered to curb their potty mouths. My mom’s mantra was always, “I’d rather hear swearing than whining.” Hence, when my sister dropped her fork in a restaurant at age three and shouted at the top of her lungs, “DAMMIT!” my mom just laughed while the other patrons stared in horror.

• 23. Jen  |  October 16th, 2009 at 10:18 am

  You have the best commenters. Jeanne, you had me cracking up with your story!

  I am so screwed, because I can’t help but laugh when kids use them in the right context. Like my two year old nephew shaking his head and saying “Fuck!” under his breath! How do you not laugh?? I’m going to have to remove myself from the room quite frequently if Avery picks up any swear words.

  I get SO nervous when the nurse asks me questions at the doctor’s office. I have no idea why – clearly I know that all kids do things on their own schedules. At our first doctor’s visit ever with Avery, I was searching for my NOTES when she asked me things.

  Can you guys come over and do our baseboards too? Cleaning has gone WAY downhill since having a baby, and I just know that she’s going to be chomping on dust bunnies as soon as she can make her way around this place.

• 24. Ashley  |  October 16th, 2009 at 11:54 am

  I LOVE that your post includes both the phrase “suck balls” and a reference to Saussurean linguistics. This is why I am an until-now-anonymous-lurker fan of your blog!

• 25. Sarah  |  October 16th, 2009 at 1:03 pm

  Heh. I’m pretty sure my four and two year old still only occasionally grasp the concept of “no.” I’ll call it selective comprehension.
  Amen on the fear about potty mouth but not wanting to abandon swear words altogether after a lifetime of learning the fine art. Our tactic thus far has been to cuss really quickly and with no emphasis, just sort of thrown into the sentence, rather than alone as an exclamation. Like instead of saying, “Damn it to hell!” we’ll say pleasantly to each other, “Well, damn it to hell this motherfucking dryer is going to be the death of me!” But all nicely and in a kind of smooth fashion that doesn’t call attention to the word. So far it seems to be working- they hear us droning on in our adult-speak voices and just ignore us and keep playing.
  And ha ha ha, is it ever sad that the only really good parenting advise I’ve ever possessed is this: the ability to swear while being generally undetected by children.

• 26. HollyLynne  |  October 16th, 2009 at 1:06 pm

  Oh boy, my husband and I are going to have to work on our swearing too. We had a friend in town with a two year old the other day and we were all in the car . . . I let an “asshat” slip and husband scolded me. NOT TEN SECONDS LATER he lets out with a “FUCKING SHIT” at full volume and when I nudged him he said “Oh, shit” then “FUCK I SAID SHIT!”

  Yeah, it is going to be a process . . .

• 27. 'Trout Towers  |  October 16th, 2009 at 1:51 pm

  Sugarplum dropped the f-bomb at school. In pig latin.

• 28. heels  |  October 16th, 2009 at 2:07 pm

  My mom always swore in front of me, and I swear occasionally in front of my son, who is 4 (and my daughter, who is 3 months, but that hardly counts yet). The worst he’s come up with so far is “Oh Poop!,” and it was HILARIOUS (he was about 18 months). I’ve just never felt that swearing was that big of a deal, and that those words only have the power that we give them. To me, it’s not really worth worrying about.

• 29. Nicole  |  October 16th, 2009 at 3:39 pm

  I tried to teach my the poptart to say “Dumbass” today. Unfortunately, she’s only 5 months old (tomorrow).

  I have to say, since she’s been here, we’ve both reduced the f-bomb dropping – the other stuff? Oh well.

  Oh and teeth? The poptart cut two on Canadian Thanksgiving. TWO. And she’s drooling like crazy and pushing her fingers so far into her mouth she gags on them. I am afeared for my nipples.

• 30. shriek house  |  October 16th, 2009 at 7:22 pm

  Can I tell you how much I DIED when I was late picking up my kid (the one who is THREE YEARS OLD) from preschool and he said, “Jesus Christ Mama, where have you been?”

• 31. Kristin H  |  October 16th, 2009 at 7:45 pm

  You realize you’ve offended your crackhead readers, right? I can hear them unsubscribing from here.

  Regarding email drafts: Better to NOT have sent one that you meant to, than to have accidentally sent a furious and ill-worded missive to your daughter’s summer day camp instructors and cc’d the executive director of the place and then had to send an apology email to all the aforementioned people, is all I’m saying.

• 32. ali  |  October 16th, 2009 at 9:26 pm

  Oh, I am terribly inconsistent with the potty mouth. I try to include more british swear words like bugger and bollocks. but, that sort of backfires because my inlaws are british. yeah, so not only do I have a potty mouth, but apparently, I’m not all that smart either…

  ps. the only thing I hate more than gmail is firefox.
  why are they such bitches???

• 33. Crystal  |  October 17th, 2009 at 12:32 pm

  My 3-year-old daughter has taken to saying, “Fuck it, man” at school. Repeatedly. We’re totally trying to claim that she picked it up at preschool, rather than bringing it there.

  The really sad part is that she doesn’t even know it’s bad. When I asked her about saying bad words she told me that she shouldn’t say poopyhead. Well, yeah, that too.

• 34. Corinne  |  October 17th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

  I hate hate hate those milestone questions. Every single well child checkup, I’m all happy doodly about my great kids, and then they hand me the questionnaire. Are you fucking kidding me? I just TOLD you this kid is 3 months/15 months/2 years old. STOP it with the impossible milestones. “Is the child performing organ transplants?” “Does the child have his/her pilot’s license?” “How many Olympic trials has the child qualified for?”

• 35. Julie  |  October 17th, 2009 at 9:55 pm

  I didn’t think about this nearly as early as you. My 5 year old has nicely parroted my “What in the HELL!” to me this week. I told him to substitute “Holy guacamole!” Not exactly the same sentiment (or nearly as satisfying), but pretty darn cute (and more likely to make someone spittake their coffee from laughing instead of shock). A wash, I’d say.

• 36. Lise  |  October 18th, 2009 at 1:02 pm

  About that clamping down while nursing thing. . . My oldest was a persistent biter while nursing. The problem was, she was also an early teether and it hurt like motherfucking hell. Saying no didn’t help. Taking her off the breast didn’t help. Unintentionally shrieking swearwords at high volume didn’t help. After a month or two of that torture, I finally got a tip from a La Leche League meeting that cured her. When she started to bite down, I used my arm that was curved around her to bring her sharply toward me. It surprised her, forced her mouth open, and stopped the bite immediately. Within a couple of days she stopped biting altogether.

  There’s my assvice about biting. Take it for what it’s worth. No advice about the swearing thing. I still swear more than I should, and my teenaged daughters are very disaproving,

• 37. Jamie  |  October 19th, 2009 at 2:25 pm

  I, too, enjoy a well-crafted entry full of F-bombs. Sometimes you just have to let it all hang out. That said, I did inadvertantly teach my 4-year old nephew all about the phrase “hit the head” as slang for going to the bathroom. Now he’s all confused about bathrooms on boats. Oops.

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