I’m on a Boat
October 19th, 2009
So! My baby slept through the night the other day. Through. The. Night. The WHOLE one. From 7 p.m. to 5 a.m., and at 5, I brought her into bed to feed her and snuggle until our eyes (well, mine) could open all the way, because for some reason, no matter WHEN I go to bed, 5 a.m. is a miserable, miserable challenge. It’s all mental, I realize, but dude, it’s still DARK OUT and when it’s dark out, it is nighttime, end of story, and no one should be up and about unless they are still awake from the day prior, obviously.
Totally worth getting up at 5 a.m. for, though, right? But really, it’s all kind of moot, as she has not done it since. The return of the lone hot, bright red cheek is upon us, sans fever, and I have NO idea what this means, but it does not mean sleep, apparently. Also, I’d like to think it means teeth, but still, WE HAVE NONE.
Dude, this swine flu coverage is making me want to POKE MY EYES OUT. Thank you, nightly news, for showing us death after death in an effort to, you claim, warn us all of the threat. Tomorrow, our local news is devoting NINETY FULL MINUTES to a special about it. No, seriously. NINETY MINUTES.
Thank you! Because there is, seriously, nothing we can do about it. Are you suggesting none of us leave the house? Are you suggesting that we get vaccinated? Because if it’s the latter, THERE AREN’T ANY. JESUS CHRIST. I’m a vaccinator, as I’ve said before, and very comfortable with the H1N1 vaccine for me and the babe (no, this really isn’t up for discussion, but YOU are welcome to feel differently), but for chrissake, stop WARNING ME and telling me to TAKE PRECAUTIONS for my seven-month-old daughter. JUST STOP. Because short of making the executive decision to not get groceries, I fail to see what precautions I’m supposed to take. I WASH MY DAMN HANDS. AND MY KID’S HANDS. She’s not in daycare! Our playdates are with people we know and are VERY SMALL and would be CANCELED if the kids showed signs of any illness, much less SWINE FLU. SO WHAT THE EFF ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO, BRIAN WILLIAMS?
(Please don’t misread that as hostility, Brian. I still love you and crush on you inappropriately every night from 6:30 to 7 p.m. EST. I LOVE YOU BRIAN.)
With all this swine flu talk, no one warned me about kennel cough, which appears to be the real danger in our house. The night the kid slept through the night? Yeah. I did not, because the dog was up all night horking, coughing and gagging, and I had to bring her into bed with us and snuggle her because she was miserable and oh my God, I can’t believe I’m saying all of this about a dog, but you know, POOR SUNNY. SHE’S A PERSON, TOO. We were convinced it was some kind of congestive heart failure, because did you know, Dr. Google ALSO works to freak you out about your dog? Yes. It is an interspecies fearmongering tool. Thank you, Dr. Google! Are you ever fucking HELPFUL? OF COURSE NOT.
At any rate, I’ve got to go make a list of the shit I need to do this week, which is rather large, looming and upsetting. First on the list is to MAKE A DAMN LIST. But not before I leave you with the song I’ve had in my head all day. The song that lends itself to today’s title. No, I am not on a boat. OR AM I, MOTHERFUCKERS?
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
26 Comments Add your own
1. Swistle | October 19th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
I KNOW. I HATE “freak-out without any suggested solution” crap. WHAT IS THE POINT.
Also, I don’t want to alarm you, but your floor seems to be…tilting.
2. ellbee | October 19th, 2009 at 8:26 pm
1. Stop it with the adorable baby photos! (Um, but not really.) My lady bits have been screaming for about a YEAR now that they want a tenant–I’ve peed on more sticks than a bear in the woods, all to no avail.
2. The Lonely Island is, in fact, awesome.
3. That is all.
3. Minivan Soapbox | October 19th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Did you by any chance get the opportunity to see the clip of the Navy guys doing “I’m on a boat”….It was hilarious….. I can’t find it anymore, so I’m thinking someone, somewhere, didn’t “like” the Navy guys doing it.
4. jonniker | October 19th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
HA! Swistle, that’s our wall! We carpet AND tile our walls! And put granite countertops on them! WE ARE THE SIDEWAYS FAMILY!
Ellbee: I know that pain and torture. I feel you.
Minivan: I haven’t, but now I wish I had.
5. Angella | October 19th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Dude. All of the H1N1 hysteria is seriously ticking me off. Like you said, THERE’S NOTHING WE CAN DO.
This is why I don’t watch the news. That, and because really? All I need to know I learn on Twitter.
6. Heather | October 19th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
There hasnt been anything about swine flu in the news for at least a month in Australia. We also have the vaccine available now, and we are assured there is enough for everyone but I’m not up for trying brand new vaccines.
Did you get your dog antibiotics? My dog gets kennel cough every winter and they always give him antibiotics in the early days of it jut to make sure it doesnt develop into pneumonia.
And yep, red cheek is totally teething (they might just be moving around into place). Your little girl is so freaking adorable!
7. amandam | October 19th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Any chance you can go on a news diet until you get the chance to do (vaccinate) what you’re being “urged by the concerned media” to do? Nothing liked being “called to action” without being able to take the danged action.
The Andy Samberg (?) guy who does “I’m On a Boat” has another ditty called “I Threw It on the Ground” that is shattering, it’s so funny. I caught it on YouTube but it got removed; maybe someone will sneak it back on. It’s just so funny.
8. TJ | October 20th, 2009 at 3:05 am
I just got kind of hyperventilatey at the idea that if we decide to have a kid, we too will someday consider 7pm to 5am to be “all night.”
Oh god my throat is closing up.
9. Giselle | October 20th, 2009 at 5:54 am
Ugh…swine flu. Totally freaks me out…and the debates, oh LORD the debates at every sad SAHM-fest that I go to. And I just sit there thinking, “Why are we even debating whether to get the shot or not? There IS NO SHOT.”
However, my son did tell me that 3 kids in his class went home sick yesterday. It is half day kindergarten, which means parents sent a sick child to 2 1/2 hours of school. Thank you for spreading your germs so that your child doesn’t miss a second of learning how to draw the number 3…something you surely aren’t qualified of. Perhaps rather than talk about the shot, we should discuss NOT GOING TO WORK AND SCHOOL IF YOU ARE SICK.
-phew- I feel better.
Oh…and seriously cute kiddo.
10. Cookie | October 20th, 2009 at 7:48 am
I love that song. My husband sings it to me all the time. Lol. I’m all about vaccines, but unfortunately my pediatrician’s office has yet to receive the H1N1 vaccine for children under 2. He has received the seasonal shot, and my 4-year-old has received both.
11. Jen | October 20th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Dude, I can’t even get the second regular flu shot for Avery around here. There is some shortage around here already and of course no H1N1 and now I am freaking out that there NEVER WILL BE. It’s maddening.
But hey! Big fat YES for Sam sleeping through the night! HEYOOO! Big fat DOH! for Sunny. That sucks. Hope she’s getting better quickly!
12. Marie Green | October 20th, 2009 at 9:53 am
I’m so with you- FUCK SWINE FLU. I am so sick of hearing about it, so sick of wondering about the vaccine, SO SICK OF IT. But guess what? It’s been going around, for over a month, in nearby Bigger Town, and when it actually comes to town? People get all blase about it. The kids are sick for around 5 days, and then they are better. And no one is freaking out. And no one has died, even though they’ve had 50% of some classrooms out sick.
My thought is: before a person is faced with it, it seems super super freaky/scary/awful. And then your kid gets it, and you get all “are you SURE he can’t go back to school yet?” The human brain! How it loves to mess with us!
In the end? People are contagious for several days before they know they have it. So until the vaccine becomes available, my kids might get it, or they might not. And there’s NOTHING I can do about it. They are in public school, for christs sake. And watching horror movies (ie nightly news) helps no one. So why do they keep reporting on it?
13. Megs | October 20th, 2009 at 11:33 am
We are living parallel lives. My baby is the same age and of the same…uh…heft. And sleeps for shit. He did the 7-5 thing for awhile and I was so thankful for it…except, gah, five sucks. Then it went away of course, and became 3. Or myriad nightwakings. I want it back. Also, your little girl really can rock a pair of baby jeans.
14. HollyLynne | October 20th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I’m on a boat!!! YEAH!!! I’m sure you’ve seen it as well, but Jizz In My Pants is almost as good
Has the same stuck-in-your-head type quality.
The whole Swine Flu think is also making my (pregnant!) head hurt. The only vaccine that is available now is the nasal one which I can’t take. So I may or may not even have access to the appropriate version within the next few weeks and even if I do get it, I’m under the impression that we STILL aren’t sure whether we’ll need one dose or two spread several months apart . . . so I may or may not get it and, if I do, by the time I’m adequately protected it could be, oh, JANUARY. Which kind of defeats the purpose of taking any risk, however small by getting vaccinated (and, for myself, I’m convinced the risk is pretty small) (BUT STILL, would you take it if you knew you wouldn’t even be protected through the bulk of the flu season?) (Especially if you were never a believer in the seasonal flu shot to begin with??)
15. Sam | October 20th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
OMG. We had the one cheek red thing, which turned into the fever + horrible shit coming out of his rear thing a few days later. What IS THAT? Foreshadowing?
Also? Loved The Lonely Island video, watched the whole damn thing which is an oddity for me (not super into videos of any kind on the puter). Dunno why. Stop babbling NOWZ. GAwD.
16. Sam | October 20th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Also I am jealous for Egg because your baybee has HAIRS.
17. Steph the WonderWorrier | October 20th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
I’ve had I’m On a Boat stuck in my head for awhile too… seen this parody yet?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdUH8AZ1-a8
18. Molly | October 20th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
We have a red cheek thing too, but it’s also bumpy and our boy also gets it on his chest – apparently it is heat rash. joy. Even though I know he isn’t bothered by it & he’s not sick something about a rash that I can’t sure with some magical salve gets me all out of sorts.
19. Samantha | October 20th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
This is my first time commenting, but I love your blog. And your baby’s name, obviously! Just curious how red this one red cheek is. A little girl at my child care provider’s house had a really red cheek – looked like she had been slapped. Turned out to be Fifth Disease. Not a big deal, I don’t think, but it was good to check with the ped.
20. H | October 20th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Sam is too cute!
21. Christine | October 20th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Just needed you to know that we closed out our wedding with that song, because we were, we were on a boat! Le sigh.
And really? unfair that you flash that cute baby face while I’m in the midst of some baby lust. She is so cute!
22. Lynnette | October 20th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Um, my 2-month old is currently wearing the same panda shirt. I might have to buy it in bigger sizes because the thought of her growing out of it hurts. Hell, she’s already in the 6-month sizes. Chunk.
23. Carolyn J. | October 21st, 2009 at 8:39 pm
If you like Brian Williams you’ll love BriTunes. I found a lot of good music there.
http://www.britunes.com
24. Carolyn J. | October 21st, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Sorry I screwed that up – make that
http://britunes.blogspot.com
25. Carolyn J. | October 21st, 2009 at 8:41 pm
WTH kind of funky search engine am I using??? It’s supposed to be
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30622506/ns/nightly_news_with_brian_williams-britunes
26. Corinne | October 29th, 2009 at 11:30 am
My little guy has had the weird hot/red cheek thing many times since he was born. It switches sides, too. And as far as I can tell, it is linked to nothing. He has the same 6 teeth now (15 months) as he’s had since 9 months. Often the ear on the same side is hot and red, too. Mystery to me (and our pediatrician, and his day care teachers). It doesn’t seem to bother him in the least. He is very fair-skinned, borderline redhead like his dad…so I’ve always thought it was some sort of skin reaction. But to what? And on his EAR?
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed