Pumpkin Soup
October 20th, 2009
Yes, I’m STILL ON A BOAT and have been for, oh, three days now, and if Andy Samberg could very nicely get out of my head now, please and fracking THANK YOU. I find myself disturbed, by the way, that lately I’ve been finding Andy … a little attractive, especially when he acts like Mark Wahlberg. I ALSO found him attractive in “I Love You, Man,” which I saw on Saturday night thanks to Amazon rentals. That, by the way, was the first feature-length film I’ve watched with Adam ALL AT ONCE since Sam’s been born. Yes, yes, sure, I watched Twilight and Sex and the City over and over and over again at 4 a.m. while she nursed up a freakin’ storm, but this was DELIBERATE and rented and apparently had Andy Samberg in the role of gay lothario, in a surprisingly effective casting turn.
So! Onward with random bits of nothingness, because that’s just how things are rolling around these parts:
– The dog, as I mentioned, was sick. And I … I daresay it was almost — ALMOST — as bad as dealing with a sick child. The hacking! The sleepless nights! Did I mention the HACKING? Where she even GOT this shit is beyond me, as she’s a) vaccinated against kennel cough, which is apparently less effective than the fucking FLU SHOT, and let me say how happy we are to have paid the $75 for that little number; and b) she hasn’t been boarded recently. I mean, what the christ. The good news is that she’s on a hefty dose of a freakin’ NARCOTIC every night, so now she’s not keeping us up coughing, but is, in fact, drugged to a limp-limbed stupor. I think it’s Tramadol, which can be sold on the black market, so we’ll be refilling that shit and hitting the wild streets of rural Vermont in a matter of days, offering trippy nights of oblivion to the local pigs and cows for a profit, yo.
– Why, please tell me WHY, is it that my daughter screams as though I am actually REMOVING HER ARMS every time I put on something with sleeves? The shrieking! The hostile protests! FOR GOD’S SAKE CHILD. YOU NEED TO WEAR SLEEVES. TO COVER YOUR ARMS.
– We’re in the process of fully transitioning from three naps to two, and while she hasn’t actually napped during that third timeslot for quite some time, the hours from 4 to 7 p.m. are so hilariously painful, it’s like someone is removing MY arms, very, very slowly. And yet, if I put her to bed any earlier than 6:45 p.m., she gets up at … 4 a.m. For the day. Can I get a HELL NO, my friends? I thought so.
– I had potentially the most awkward, yet hilarious, moment of my time in this here small town at lunch today when one of the (many) hairdressers I jilted before finally settling on Kate in the big city, walked in. The jilted hairdresser, through a series of unfortunate events, read this here blog and found the EXACT post wherein I said I was … less than thrilled with the haircuts I’d received to date and … left a kind of snarky comment. LET US TALK ABOUT HOW AWESOME THAT WAS. And how today I … tried to HIDE BEHIND THE BABY and then just bolted out of the restaurant, leaving Adam to clean up the rest of our shit while I ran to the car like a little bitch. THAT WAS AWESOME.
(And look, I’m just going to say that it’s HARD to cut a woman’s hair short. I get that. I also get that I was wearing a men’s haircut for several months, and it wasn’t flattering, and I GET that there aren’t many women here in this small town with short hair and look it’s HARD! I know it’s HARD! But I didn’t like having a men’s haircut! Men are cut in SQUARE CUTS and women are cut in ROUND CUTS and … oh whatever, KATE TOLD ME SO, OKAY?)
– I also ran into a woman who dislikes me because she has repeatedly asked me to host a jewelry party for her, and dude, none of my friends have time. For God’s sake, all of my friends are moms, and if we have a free night off, really? Really we’re going to host a jewelry party and be PITCHED jewelry, really? And this woman and I are not CLOSE, and yet I feel so GUILTY and she’s always telling me how I need to host this PARTY and you know what, today I realized that for chrissake, I’m not going to feel bad about it. SHE SHOULD FEEL BAD FOR DISLIKING ME OVER A JEWELRY PARTY OMG.
– I found pumpkin butter in the grocery store today. Huzzah.
Happy Wednesday!
*Kate Nash
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
21 Comments Add your own
1. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) | October 20th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Um, hi. Did you say pumpkin butter? Yeah, I need to be all over that like a junkie.
Just before my youngest son was born, I got all my hair cut off. The shortest it had ever been. I took for granted it looked good because I was free and wee! Drying my hair doesn’t take 30 minutes! Hooray! Then I saw photographic evidence of myself with short hair, and seriously, someone should have tapped me on the shoulder and said “This? This thing going on all up on top yo head? No.” It was hella square, which doesn’t fit on a round face. So now it’s long again, but damn I wish I could wear short hair because seriously, 30 minutes to dry is crazy.
2. Amy K | October 20th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
My seven-month-old hates exactly three things:
1. Booger extraction, especially with the blue bulb thingie
2. Loud sneezes
3. Having her arms threaded into sleeves
I guess infant sleeve hatred might be universal.
3. Michele | October 20th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Seriously? Someone’s mad at you because you won’t host a party? I do another line of in-home sales, and I can’t imagine actually being mad at someone for not hosting a party. I don’t expect it of anyone I know. Or don’t know, for that matter.
4. Cookie | October 21st, 2009 at 6:41 am
Pumpkin butter is unbelievably awesome. Also good on toast. My oldest hated getting dressed too. Also diaper changes. Also anything else that involved him being temporarily restrained. Car seats were quite possibly the worst. My youngest doesn’t care. It’s refreshing. Also, I don’t see why the hairdresser is so offended. It’s her job to give you a haircut you like. If you don’t like the cut then she didn’t do a good job.
5. Shelly | October 21st, 2009 at 8:23 am
I feel you on the party woman. I had a similar situation recently and the woman was snotty with me because she thought I was avoiding her phone calls.
6. Gaby | October 21st, 2009 at 8:56 am
I find Andy Samburg attractive. So, you know, you shouldn’t feel alone.
7. She Likes Purple | October 21st, 2009 at 10:55 am
Kyle is such a little shit on the changing table. He’s started THROWING things out of anger. WTF KID? The sleeves portion of the program is the worst, too.
Seriously, he picks up anything he can get his hands on and CHUNKS it across the room until I stop dressing him.
8. Jill | October 21st, 2009 at 1:21 pm
My daughter is 17 months old and she hates the fact that winter is coming in general – sleeves, pants, socks, shoes that cover her toes (possibly the worst of the offenders.) It’s awesome searching the back seat for two small socks and two pink sneakers every FREAKING time we pull into a parking lot. Only, you know, not really.
On another note – I’m not sure whether you meant you paid $75 for the flu shot or for the bortadella vaccine for the dog – but if you meant the dog, you should check around on that. We live in MI, so I understand there might be some cost difference, but the most I’ve ever paid is $22. Just a thought
.
9. cindy w | October 21st, 2009 at 1:24 pm
The cure for an earworm: start singing “In The Ghetto” by Elvis Presley. Swear to God, it works.
And I’m sorry, but my 2 year-old goes to bed at 10:30 p.m. on a GOOD day, so people who put their kids to bed at 7 p.m. just boggle my mind. If I did that, she’d be up at 2 a.m. for the day. I just… huh. Wow. I can’t even imagine what it’d be like to have a free evening, and not have that sudden rush of “OMG she’s finally asleep! Quick, brush your teeth & go to bed!” panic every night.
10. Assertagirl | October 21st, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Hopefully the jewelry woman will come across this post, and then voila! Problem solved. Hee.
11. slynnro | October 21st, 2009 at 10:09 pm
She should feel bad for EVEN ASKING OMG. I HATE PEOPLE THAT DO THAT.
12. All Adither | October 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 am
I know your pain with the shitty evenings. Believe me. It’ll get better soon. So much better.
13. Annie | October 22nd, 2009 at 9:03 am
What is it with grown women treating other women like we’re in 7th grade again? I know there’s a whole resurgence of youth in adults and whatnot, but can we please leave the 7th grade petty dislike-you-tantrums and behavior back in middle school? K, thanks!
14. Jess | October 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 am
She should feel bad not JUST for disliking you over a jewelry party but also for REPEATEDLY ASKING YOU TO HOST ONE. That is BAD MANNERS. Ask once, OK maybe. If the person doesn’t express interest, take the hint and BACK OFF OMG.
15. Rhi | October 22nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I’m allergic to all forms of in home parties. I was tricked into going to one recently and the person putting on the show asked if I’d be interested in making my same income without ever having to go into an office and I believe I laughed in her face.
16. Lonna | October 22nd, 2009 at 6:20 pm
I am so incredibly comforted by the fact that someone else other than me has a thing for Andy Samberg (THE MAN IS HOT) AND Brian Williams (SMOKING..and does he ever wear a tie in a color other than purple?). Maybe it’s just a natural progression of motherhood. Stay on the Boat! I’m King of the World, just like Leo. If you’re on the shore, then you’re sure not meo…
17. laziza | October 22nd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
I’d LIKE to find Brian Williams attractive, but I’m always distracted by the fact that the area around his eyes is BLINDINGLY WHITE compared to the rest of his face. I can only assume that he tans and wears shades, which, fine, but then compensate with makeup. Or something. (I can’t believe I feel strongly enough about this that it was the main point I took from your post, AND I feel compelled to leave a comment. WTF, self?)
18. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com | October 23rd, 2009 at 10:25 am
Pumpkin butter? What the hell is pumpkin butter?
19. Shin Ae | October 23rd, 2009 at 11:22 am
Hi, saw your tweet about baby removing her own diaper. The antidote to that is onesies…under everything. This is also the antidote to little boys sticking their hands down their diaper and…well that story has lots of different potential endings, and none of them are good, which I can tell you from experience.
20. Sam | November 2nd, 2009 at 7:08 pm
Egg hates it when I change his diaper or put shirts of any kind on him. Is a terrible thing to wear shirts I am told.
21. credit repair vt&hellip | December 4th, 2009 at 9:11 pm
credit repair vt…
I did not realize that this page got so much traffic….
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