Chips and Dip
October 27th, 2009
Several random bits of varia, in no particular order, offering no brevity:
Of the sad but true variety
You know, sometimes I wish I could get someone to come over here for an hour so that I can just CLEAN. Now THERE’S a sentence I never thought I’d say, but Jesus, if it isn’t true. I sit here some days fantasizing about 60 minutes to myself not so that I can take a bubble bath and knock back a dirty martini or two, but so that I could really go to town on our baseboards and really hit up those toilets. The other night I cleaned our bathrooms before bed, and I couldn’t sleep, because I was TOO EXCITED about the fact that I’d just made our fixtures sparkle and smell delightfully like Mrs. Meyer’s Verbena. (The lavender is still On Notice after the car incident. Likely permanent notice, even though I have a veritable ASSLOAD of it.)
Of the True Blood variety
I’m on book eight of the Sookie Stackhouse novels and honestly, I’m kind of over it. I loved them, they were great fun and hooray! YAY, SOOKIE! But you know, at this point, I just want her and Eric to get it on again already and ride off into some telephatic vampric sunset. I think perhaps I read them in too close succession to one another with zero breaks.
Separately, I have been re-watching season one of True Blood, having now read the novels, and it is MUCH more multilayered and foreshadowed than I thought and dude, Bill’s hair (and acting) was SO MUCH BETTER in season one than season two, the Season of the SOOKEH!
Also weirdly related to True Blood: During the height of my season two obsession, I started following, for reasons unclear to me now, the fake True Blood characters on Twitter. Like, someone pretends to be Eric Northman, another Sookie and another Bill and HOO BOY, as I’m typing this, the perils of doing such a thing are APPARENT to me, but I assure you at the time, I was thinking I’d get some kind of season spoilers or something, I don’t know.
What I DO know is that I did NOT get season spoilers, but instead found myself following a bunch of people who, night after night, get WAAAAAY into their character, and at this point are, night after night, ACTING OUT BOOK THREE. And Bill and Eric are both sending creepy inappropriate Tweets (YES TWEETS) to Sookie, who, well, let’s be honest, is probably played by someone who does not resemble the fictional Sookie and/or Anna Paquin. And for chrissake, for all we know, is played by a man, and Eric a woman, and oh, it’s all get very CREEPILY META IN HERE and in a weird way, Derrida would be STOKED. (There I go again, but I’m telling you, literary theory SCARRED MY ASS FOR LIFE.)
And now, you see, it’s crossed a line from fun frivolity into creepy turtleneck mouthbreathing territory, with extra pencil erasers in the hair kind of thing. And yet, I cannot look away.
Of the “I forgot to tell you” variety
At the Quidditch match, there were also TENTS set up for the teams to hang out in. TENTS. Just like Harry Potter. I did not go into the tents to see if they were, indeed, magical and giant, but I’m thinking no.
Of the weird celebrity WTF variety
What does Kate Hudson see in Alex Rodriguez? Anyone?
Of the “OMG seriously?” variety
I bought a kids’ music album (God, shoot me) and one of the songs is called “Cock-A-Doodle Doo!” and, well, they have the track listed as “C**k-A-Doodle Doo!” Which, really? REALLY? Come on now.
Of the kind of gross variety
Adam hates changing Sam’s diapers when they have, uh, something other than pee in them. He does it, but there is much moaning and nose-holding and MANY WIPES. I don’t love it, mind you, but I explained to him the other night that it doesn’t gross me out nearly as much as I anticipated, because it’s my kid and not someone else’s kid, and it’s just not as bothersome when it’s your own kid. The same thing goes for my dog. I don’t know why this is. He did NOT agree, and insists that both are just as bad no matter whose child/dog/whatever it is.
Is it just me?
*Note: this is not true of cats. Cats’ stuff is the most vile thing on earth no matter if it’s my cat, even if, by some strange twist of biology, I GAVE BIRTH to the cat.
Happy Wednesday!
**Spoon
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
40 Comments Add your own
1. Danell | October 27th, 2009 at 8:55 pm
That last sentence just made me snort milk out of my nose.
And no, it’s not just you…my mom had to reassure me REPEATEDLY that pooped-in diapers would not thoroughly gross me out when they were that of my own kid. I didn’t really believe her until it happened.
2. Someone Being Me | October 27th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
In my opinion my kids’ bodily fluids are just an extension of mine. So their snot, slobber, throw up, blood, poop, etc are only about as gross to me as my own. My dog however is totally gross.
3. Amy K | October 27th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I can deal with my own baby’s poop, rabbit poop and dry horse poop. All other poop is horribly foul and to be avoided at all cost. Cleaning up my dogs’ yard just about kills me.
4. Dr. Maureen | October 27th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Definitely not just you. Interesting thing: The situation changes when the poop is NOT contained in a diaper for some reason, like, say, you’re letting your baby go sans diaper due to a rash and you THINK there will be no more pooping that day but it turns out you were incorrect, it’s suddenly TOTALLY DISGUSTING. In the diaper: No big deal. On the floor: AUGH! POOP ON THE FLOOR! AAAAUUUUGGGHHHHH!
Except now that I am potty training, this is less true. I am becoming jaded.
5. TJ | October 27th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
TWO THINGS!
First of all, I got the Sookie Stackhouse books for Christmas. And… I just couldn’t get into them. At all. I don’t really remember why, but I’m reasonably certain I didn’t like the actual writing to an extent that it made it too distracting to read. Or? They just didn’t grab my attention at all. Sometimes I have a few false starts on books and stuff.
But then we decided we were going to start watching True Blood and we… obtained… all of the episodes from the beginning. We stuck with it for a good few episodes… but it just didn’t take. And I realize that not everyone likes the same stuff and that’s totally okay, but I feel REALLY LEFT OUT.
Two! About the poop thing? And how it’s different with your kid? Ok, I have no kids, and poop and most especially puke are unbearable to me in the real world. However, I spent a couple of years babysitting the most awesome kid (which eventually became 2 kids) and between the two of them, there was puke on me, poop in the tub, poop on clothing, and it just didn’t even phase me. At all. And as soon as I was out of the “care taker” mode? I’d be holding back a sympathy puke if I even HEARD someone puke on TV. It’s very strange, but gives me hope for the butts of my hypothetical future child(ren).
Also, I’ve apparently moved into your comments section. Are there snacks?
6. Carla Hinkle | October 27th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Whoa, crazy frequent posting lately! Hooray for us!
7. ZestyJenny | October 28th, 2009 at 12:22 am
Re: Alex Rodriguez. Well, he is beautiful. He used to play for the Mariners, and before that briefly for the no longer existing Tacoma Tigers. I am now slightly ashamed to say, given his recent naughtiness, that I spent several years literally stalking the man. (I just deleted a paragraph wherein I detailed the stalking. I think it was necessary.) Anyway, it’s something in the way he moves. He’s graceful and sexy and an incredible player. And Dominican. Yummy.
You asked!
8. jonniker | October 28th, 2009 at 7:47 am
HA. Well, yes, Jenny, but he is also a douche. A giant, steaming douche who’s been a dick to, well, everyone.
Then again, I am skewed with my Red Soxness.
9. Carrie | October 28th, 2009 at 7:53 am
It’s not just you–the diaper thing. I mean, yeah, I was grossed out, but I could DO IT–and kinda nonchalantly–cuz it was MY KID.
My husband absolutely refused to change ANY diapers–said it gave him a gag reflex?
Um, honey? Ya think it’s a walk in the park for ME?
10. anne | October 28th, 2009 at 7:56 am
A suggestion (though of course I understand that your own personal finances play into this and I wouldn’t begin to know anything about that) regarding the cleaning – hire someone.
Have someone come in once a month or every three weeks to do a good cleaning. You can spend quality time with Sam and then your place is clean too!
11. Shelly | October 28th, 2009 at 8:14 am
c**k-a-doodle-do?! REALLY? Just leave it off the album, then. That’s priceless.
I’m reading the Sookie Stackhouse books, too, but I’m pacing myself, because I think it would be very easy to blow through the whole series and burn out. I’ve read the first two and I’m taking a big long break. I also don’t watch the series, which helps keep me in the dark and prevent burnout.
Agreed, A Rod is just a douche and it makes me sad to see Kate Hudson with him.
12. jive turkey | October 28th, 2009 at 8:25 am
I have stopped trying to figure out Kate Hudson’s motivations ever since the release of “You, Me, and Dupree.”
13. JudithinNYC | October 28th, 2009 at 9:05 am
A-Rod is just gorgeous!!! Would I touch him with a ten foot pole? Hell NO!!! but then neither would I touch Kate Hudson (if I were to swing that way). Both of them are skanky.
14. Jen | October 28th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Nathan is the exact same way about diapers, and I’m all, “Eh. It’s just poop!” I think we build up immunity to it…but then there’s that one day when it smells SO BAD that you are SHOCKED that it came out of a baby. WHOA.
I was just looking at the baseboards in the bathroom this morning and thinking how much they could use a good scrubbing. Too bad it’s now naptime, and am I scrubbing them? NO. My ass is planted at the computer. So yes, I also dream of a babysitter for cleaning time and it is SAD.
15. Swistle | October 28th, 2009 at 10:51 am
I had a startling Mrs. Meyer’s-related discovery the other day: the lavender hand soap does not smell the same as the lavender laundry soap. I love the lavender laundry soap. I should THROW OUT the lavender hand soap, except it was so expensive and so I have to wait for a cleaning fit to be upon me.
The “my kid’s poop” thing ALSO applied when I worked in the infant room of a daycare. There was an adjustment period with each new kid, but after awhile they’d be My Kid and I didn’t mind their diapers—whereas if I were subbing in another classroom, it was soooooooo grossssssssssss.
16. Jess | October 28th, 2009 at 11:13 am
I don’t know about the kid thing, since I don’t have one, but I don’t find Montana’s poop any less gross than other dogs’ poop. Unless the other dogs have diarrhea or something. My, isn’t this a charming comment?
17. michele (mouthy_broad) | October 28th, 2009 at 11:28 am
i shouted at the tv during the baseball game when they showed arod and kate “how do you like madonna’s sloppy seconds?!”
i do not see anything in either of them. they are both awful.
rather pick up dog poo with your hand with a mere plastic bag on it while the poo is still hot than take a bag of cat litter out? that just does not make sense.
18. heels | October 28th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
I find my daughter’s diapers to be less offensive than most people I meet. They don’t bother me OR my husband. Wiping my son’s butt (he’s 4) on the other hand, is starting to get to me. Preschool food is gross.
And the C**k thing- where is the dirty? In the word or in the interpretation? Riddle me THAT, CD producers.
19. Kristin H | October 28th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
My husband does fine with poop as long as it is Contained. If it is Not Contained to the proper receptacle, then all hell breaks loose. While I totally get that poop is best when it’s Contained (duh), with kids there are always…incidents. Floor, bathtub…well. This led to much distress when my daughter had trouble with potty training. Eesh. I hate thinking of it even now.
20. SwingCheese | October 28th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
If I’m home, my husband always appeals for help with the poopy diaper. To be fair, though, kiddo is at the rolling madly while grabbing his junk stage, and is difficult to manage with sticky poo. The drool thing is what surprised me. I worked as a CNA and wasn’t too worried about the diapers, but I was very concerned about snot/drool/puke. And then kiddo was teething and I just kind of forgot about it. I couldn’t have stopped the gigantic amount of drooling either way, but I kind of forgot that it grossed me out.
But dog poop? Disgusting. Though I have cats and massively dislike cleaning the cat boxes, too. I really wish I could toilet train them. Sigh.
21. beyond | October 28th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
i don’t really have a reason to comment, except to say that all the poop comments are making me simultaneously squirm and giggle. i usually want a baby, but at this very second i’m glad i have neither toddler, nor cat, nor dog.
22. jonniker | October 28th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
MIchele: But you … I … do you SCOOP the cat boxes? I had to, otherwise they’d get WAAAAYYYY too gross. And rinsing out the cat box with its smelly, smelly pee, I mean, COME ON. I’d much rather put a bag over my hand and VOILA! Poop is gone, baby, gone. As opposed to SITTING IN A TRAY in some undisclosed location in your house. GROSS.
23. cagey | October 28th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I have not read the True Blood books, only have watched the HBO series. Am increasingly frustrated because Sookie and Bill have NO chemistry, but Eric is so very hot. Having a sneak peak into the books makes me hopeful the HBO series will rectify itself. Maybe?
24. Lauren | October 28th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
I got stalled out after Book 4. I peeked at the latest book, but I just don’t think I’m going to read any more of the series. I can’t take any more sincere descriptions of heinous fashions, or the Word of the Day thing. HBO all the way. I’m curious how HBO will do the Were thing, too.
25. Erin | October 28th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
You know, maybe its weird, but poop just doesn’t bother me that much. The rest of the bodily fluids and excrements are a different story.
And I will take cleaning my cat’s litter box every day over picking up after a dog. Kitty litter can clump (if you get the right kind) so scooping the litter is pretty easy. Dog poop is squishy. It is the squish of it that makes me want to hurl.
I have to admit that I am out of the loop on the Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood thing. I think I’m just… vampired out.
26. Jo | October 28th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
My hubby doesn’t change stinky diapers either… which isn’t really fair but if I have to listen to him whine and moan the whole time then it really isn’t helpful to me… so I just do it!
27. Jen L | October 28th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
I’ve sort of burned on on the Stackhouse books too…for the last couple I just got them on audiobook and used them to make commuting/walking the dog less boring. That was perfect, because if I zoned out I really didn’t miss anything.
And C**k-a-doodle-do?!? That is awesomely bad. Way to MAKE it dirty, CD people!
28. TwoBusy | October 28th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Dear Adam,
Suck it up, dude.
Love,
TwoBusy
29. jonniker | October 28th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
TB: He cleans, vacuums and does laundry, so I’m willing to give him a pass when it comes to holding his nose with the kid.
30. Leslie | October 29th, 2009 at 9:03 am
I don’t have chirren, but I have friends that do. For one, when she was pulling out her hair, I went over, took the baby for a looong walk, and gave her some time to do whatever. It gave me some baby time and her some clean or nap or shower alone time. Win-win!
31. Sarah | October 29th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Totally with you on the cleaning daydreams. I LONG for a whole weekend alone in the house to turn up music and get out the sponges and Pledge! LONG, I’m telling you.
I don’t get icked out by ANY kid’s poop at this point, but when it comes to vomit, I am a dry-heaving mess, and that includes my own, my offspring’s, whatever. Puke is puke, and I want to be as far away from it as possible. My mom promised me when I had kids I would be able to handle it, and that is true, if by handle one means, “gingerly clean it up while actually CRYING AND GAGGING.”
32. Artemisia | October 29th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Derrida?! Literary Theory? My crush on you just intensified!
33. Artemisia | October 29th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Oh! And am I ever with you in my bewilderment over Kate and A-Rod. WTH?
I mentioned to A. last night that she must have a shrunken ball fetish, because what the hell else could explain this?
34. Kath | October 29th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
this should make you laugh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT5LaPyIM9c
35. Gaby | October 30th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Hey Jonna, knowing your stance on American Girl, I’m sure you’ll LOVE this: http://jezebel.com/5393642/psst-the-secret-is-purity
36. Kristabella | October 30th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
The only fake people I follow on Twitter are the politicians, like Fake John McCain and Fake Joe Biden and Fake Sarah Palin. I also follow Fake Rahm Emanuel, but I’m pretty sure it really is Rahm.
I hate picking up dog poop. Cleaning the cat box doesn’t gross me out because I don’t TOUCH it. Even through a plastic bag. And the litter clumps around it, so it isn’t fresh and nasty. Also, I don’t wash my litter box out. Just use litter deodorizer and we’re fine. And I live in a small space, so trust me, I would tell you if it bothered me.
37. Laura | November 1st, 2009 at 4:30 pm
The trick to changing the really goopy, gross diapers is to pretend that it is actually mud. Works like a charm if you’ve ever seen the brownish red clay of Georgia.
38. Catherine | November 10th, 2009 at 12:54 am
OMG, lol…this was the BEST post. I too was caught up in the Sookie obsession…now several months after finishing all the books I’m in a much better place…it took awhile for the crack to leave my system, but I think I’m much happier place now ;0)
39. M | November 23rd, 2009 at 7:06 am
Hi
I’ve just finished…the third and fourth books after watching the first two seasons of TB and LOVING it.
But I have to say the writing in the books is just so poor its hard to read. I don’t even think i can be bothered to read the rest of them. How annoying is it they way she explains everything in minute detail and keeps repeating everything. Its like reading a sweet vally high novel!! So I dunno might give the rest of the books a skip and just wait for the next season of TB
M
40. Jonniker. » I’&hellip | January 29th, 2010 at 8:57 pm
[...] mentioned her company was doing an upcoming anthology on True Blood. And people, you KNOW how I feel about True Blood, considering it’s the only show I’ve seen in its entirety more than [...]
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