45 Comments Add your own

• 1. The New Girl  |  December 6th, 2009 at 9:14 pm

  I heard the interview for The Historian on NPR and it sounded good. I’d forgotten it until I read this post.

  Back in the day, I was into vampires AND serial killers. I laugh thinking that I would SO get sent to the counselor for that one paper I wrote about serial killers in high school. lmao.

  Also not gifty and I am on good reads but…I don’t think you’re my friend there. How did that HAPPEN?

• 2. Beth Fish  |  December 6th, 2009 at 9:48 pm

  I loved that book. I think I skimmed a lot though.

  And I have deeply inappropriate feelings about by Dyson, so I feel you.

• 3. Jana  |  December 6th, 2009 at 9:51 pm

  De-lurking here to say I loved “The Historian.” I read it a couple of years ago and it was fabulous. I almost wish HBO could make a series out of it instead of the Sookie Stackhouse books. Almost.

• 4. Paula  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:02 pm

  I’ve read you for awhile, not sure if I ever commented, but OMG, I RACED to Goodreads to “friend” you, or whatever, because I also slogged through The Historian. DEAR GOD. I wanted to stab my eyes out with a shrimp fork but I forced myself to finish it.

• 5. Amy  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:14 pm

  Oh I get your vacuum love. I used my half of our tax refund last year to buy a Ricar. Look them up if you haven’t already. Made in USA, metal, not plastic, parts that matter, awesome warranty, and it is the best vacuum I’ve ever owned. I’ve had ours for a year and I am still in love. I have to take it in for its annual check-up in January and can’t wait to tell the folks at the vacuum store how much I love our Ricar. The only bad thing is that it is so powerful I really have to be careful about the cords on the floor. I’ve had to replace 2 phone and 1 cable cords because they’ve been sucked into the powerful Ricar. LOVE! Merry Christmas.

• 6. Melody  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:16 pm

  I read The Historian about this time last year, and I totally hear you about what a monster it is to read. But I’ll say that it’s worth it? I mean, I think it was worth it to me, anyway. I came away from it really loving it. But then, I also at one time seriously considered pursuing a PhD in history, so I guess you could say that, if there is one thing in this world that gets me going and riled up (in a good way), it’s slogging through long-ass dense text with hidden historical details.

• 7. Anna  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:17 pm

  I loved The Historian, as I too love all things vampire. It was quite a read though.

  The pap smear commercial on CBS killed me! Just killed me. I thought it was a joke when I saw it the first time, but no.. They are not kidding!

  However, the Hanukkah one is a joke. It was made by the Jimmy Kimmel show to make fun of the Christmas pap smear ridiculousness.

• 8. NGS  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:30 pm

  I would love a vacuum for Christmas. Does that make me sad, too? (I’m also considering getting my sister-in-law, who I got in the Christmas draw, an immersion blender. Um. But my husband is of the mindset that kitchen appliances are not great holiday presents. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with that.)

• 9. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:36 pm

  So last night around 11:30 p.m., I was pondering what book to take to bed to read for a bit, and I wandered over to the bookshelves, where I promptly, and quite lovingly, stroked the spine of my paperback copy of The Historian. And then I remembered your tweets about it from this weekend, and I whispered, “One day, my pretty. One day soon, I’ll be coming back to you.”

  Then I headed upstairs where I fell asleep with the April 2008 edition of Glamour magazine smashed against my face. Yeah. I’m a little behind.

  I am going to read that book, though, and I’m off to see about friending you on Goodreads right now.

• 10. Swistle  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:45 pm

  Oh! I have what may or may not be a useful nub-brushing technique! What I did was, every time I wiped the face with a washcloth, I also used the washcloth to swipe the teefies. Just like pinching the teefies with the cloth, rubbing the pinching fingers, and then done.

• 11. jonniker  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:46 pm

  Anna: Thank God. I was absolutely terrified, thinking CBS had gone more around the bend than humanly possible. But still: A pap smear for Christmas. What?

• 12. sadie  |  December 6th, 2009 at 10:51 pm

  NO to a Dyson. There are so many more interesting things for me to comment on here, but in the interest of brevity and COMMUNITY SERVICE: my Dyson is kind of an expensive, heavy piece of shit. For the money I expected it to, you know, WORK BETTER than the $49 Eureka I used previously…but. No.

  Also, brushing a baby’s teeth is funny and common as a unicorn sighting, just like how I brush my DOG’S teeth, haHA!

• 13. NGS  |  December 6th, 2009 at 11:33 pm

  Yes, Sadie. I was recently lectured at the vet because I fail to brush our foster cat’s teeth! Look, the actual owners dropped her off with food and some litter and a brush for the fur. I had no idea you were supposed to brush her teeth. And, furthermore, like she would ALLOW me to brush them. Whatever. People are on crack.

• 14. beyond  |  December 6th, 2009 at 11:36 pm

  i don’t even own a vacuum at the moment (i dry-swiffer and mop) and i don’t think that getting excited about a vacuum is pathetic at all. i keep looking at those roomba irobot things (fascinating!) but always figure they sound to good to be true.
  thanks for reminding me that the historian is on my mental reading list.

• 15. She Likes Purple  |  December 6th, 2009 at 11:41 pm

  We bought the toothbrush and toothpaste, too, but that’s been it. Also, why do ALL (EVERY SINGLE ONE) baby toothbrushes have either Elmo or some Cars character on them?

• 16. Marie Green  |  December 6th, 2009 at 11:57 pm

  When I was 12 I was reading V. C. Andrews, and I’m quite sure that wasn’t any healthier. But my mom? She would read them after I was done, and SHE was into them. Weird time.

  Also, David and I once bought each other a vacuum for an anniversary. I think that is SADDER than Christmas, frankly. And it wasn’t even a “good” vacuum… I believe it was before the “good vacuum days”… instead we spent a florescent-lit afternoon with our newest friend, the Sears Vacuum Salesman. Who showed us attachments! And talked about Hepa filters (which I still get confused with HIPPA… HA!)

  In any case, if a person cannot understand the value of clean floors, a person does not really understand marriage at all.

  Finally, I never brushed my baby’s teeth.

• 17. HollyLynne  |  December 7th, 2009 at 2:51 am

  I bought The Historian like 3 years before I worked up the balls to pick it up . . . and even then it took me a good month to read. So weird for such a good book to be such slow going, but you’re right: chapters about mountaintops and all.

• 18. Cheryl  |  December 7th, 2009 at 5:05 am

  I laughed throughout this entire thing, thought of something I wanted to comment on, read all the comments, laughed some more, by which time I’d forgotton what I wanted to say so had to go back and reread the post. And now I remember what it was. Phew!

  The whole marital gifty thing was one big minefield for us for so many years. I hated it by the 5th or 6th year we were together, which includes those sinful pre-marital goo-goo eyed years. We finally agreed to adopt a family in need and donate gift cards to the city welfare department to be given to teens in need. The holidays are so much richer for us today than ever before. That said, I can totally get on board with drooling over a good vacuum cleaner.

• 19. JMH  |  December 7th, 2009 at 5:43 am

  Stick with The HIstorian…it is worth it! That book took me FOREVER to get through, but it was a good book!

• 20. Fiona Picklebottom  |  December 7th, 2009 at 7:11 am

  My husband and I got each other a vacuum two years ago. And yes, it seemed somewhat sad at the time. And while we’re being honest, it was mostly for ME, since while he cleans OCCASIONALLY, he doesn’t clean nearly as often as would warrant a vacuum for Christmas. And just for COMPLETE disclosure, neither do I, but I clean more often than he does. Anyway, I LOVE the vacuum. We decided on a Dyson. At the time, it was the purple one, which may or may not have meant something, but I think it did because there was also a yellow one and I think the yellow one was the basic model. So, yeah, I TOTALLY get the whole vacuum for Christmas thing. Both its sadness and its greatness.

• 21. cindy w  |  December 7th, 2009 at 9:42 am

  I got a Dyson for my first Mother’s Day gift. My husband wouldn’t buy it because he said it was too 1950s for him to get me a vacuum cleaner, so I just took his credit card & went and bought my damn self. Seriously? One of the best presents ever.

  Also, I just IMed my husband the link to those ads, with the message, “So effing glad we aren’t Jewish.” He is horrified, as am I. I think a pap smear is actually worse than getting no present at all.

• 22. Karen  |  December 7th, 2009 at 10:15 am

  I am so with you on the vampire love! I started very young with Barnabas Collins on Dark Shadows. Now, because of you, I’ve succumbed to the Sookie Stackhouse series. It has taken over my entire life these past two weeks (I’m on book #8). After I finish #9, I have to try and talk my hubby into ordering TrueBlood season 1 from Netflix. Not sure how he’s going to feel about that, since it may result in my wearing a “Team Eric” shirt, or something. So, I may have to come and live with you after the divorce!

• 23. Jess  |  December 7th, 2009 at 10:26 am

  Which vacuum cleaner is it? Is it the Dyson Animal? If so, Ball or regular? I am seriously dying to know. How sad is that?

• 24. jive turkey  |  December 7th, 2009 at 11:13 am

  I totally asked for a Dyson for Christmas, but as our child saw fit to start crawling 2 months before the holiday, we up and bought a Dyson Animal in October, and OH, HOW I LOVE IT. You will get such a huge LOOK AT ALL THAT SHIT THAT WAS IN THE CARPET boner, for real.

• 25. Cobwebs  |  December 7th, 2009 at 11:13 am

  If you like the vampires and the history and such, you need to read Tim Powers’ “The Stress of Her Regard.” It’s wunnerful.

• 26. Aunt Becky  |  December 7th, 2009 at 11:21 am

  I got MYSELF a printer for Christmas because I know that if I didn’t get myself something, I would get nothing. Also, it was on sale, which should probably add to the pateticness of it all. Right?

• 27. Shelly  |  December 7th, 2009 at 11:45 am

  And I will cross The Historian off my “to read” list, because that sounds boring as hell. And I am just not that into vampires.

  My hubby is not a romantic gift-y person, and I am learning to relax about it. We gave ourselves a new tv last year, and that was quite exciting, so I do kind of feel ya on the vacuum cleaner.

  I bought one of those baby toothbrush things that you put on your finger, used it once, he promptly bit me, and that was the end of teeth brushing until he was old enough to understand “no biting”!

  Pap smear for Christmas = divorce. End of discussion.

• 28. Austin  |  December 7th, 2009 at 12:52 pm

  OMG I LOVED “The Historian!” (De-lurking here, by the way). I was so excited to see that you are reading it. It is rather, um, monstrous, but if you liked “Dracula” I think you’ll appreciate sticking this one out. My only issue with it was that although the end was satisfying, it felt a bit rushed in comparison to the rest of the book. In any case, I’ll look forward to hearing your thoughts when you finish. Good luck! It’s worth the effort.

• 29. Baby Food Grinder  |  December 7th, 2009 at 1:46 pm

  (1) You are insane. I guess I’ll get used to that.
  (2) What the hell is a HAIRSHIRT?
  (3) The Historian sounds good, I think I’ll read it.
  (4) Yes to a Dyson. Get a really gaudy one.
  (5) Teeth. My boy had 1 on his first birthday. Now a month later he has 6! So toothbrush fun is imminent.
  (6) PAP SMEAR? Is that a smear test? Good lord the next thing will be a $5 discount voucher for a future episiotomy. Or a BOGOF so that hubby can “empathise”.

  Ta ta!

  - BFG

• 30. SwingCheese  |  December 7th, 2009 at 3:49 pm

  I was enthralled by the Historian. My husband actually made fun of me b/c I wouldn’t put it down. And not because it was good – the Dickensian prose about drove me up the wall – but because I had developed this weird love/hate relationship with it. I kept thinking that, any minute now, Dracula would appear. It is very strange in that I didn’t particularly like the writing, but I felt honestly COMPELLED to finish. I could. not. stop. Like a sort of literary addict I guess.

  Also, my kiddo has four (almost five) teeth. And I’ve brushed them once. And my husband has requested socks for Christmas, while I’m currently very excited about the decent rubber spatulas that I’ve requested.

• 31. Li  |  December 7th, 2009 at 4:13 pm

  howling and relating throughout this post! and good news – my kid’s pediatrician says that brushing babys’ teeth is for suckers.

• 32. Jennifer  |  December 7th, 2009 at 6:21 pm

  I heart the bejeezus out of “The Historian” and it’s the perfect book for a dreary winter’s night! I thought it was very well written and not a total cheesefest like a lot of vampire novels.

  re: the Hanukkah pap smear PSAs. MY GOD! For me, seeing one is something akin to spotting a Lisa Frank unicorn in the wild because NO ONE ELSE I KNOW has seen them and surely I must be hallucinating or otherwise impaired because I have. Whatever. Last time I checked, the holidays were for boozy, uncomfortable family gatherings, not an awkward, clinical rendezvous with an ice cold speculum.

  Oh – I think a vacuum cleaner that WORKS is an awesome mutual, for-the-house gift. Especially if you have pets. And kids.

• 33. Shin Ae  |  December 7th, 2009 at 6:31 pm

  I may have to come and find you on Goodreads. I just joined because you mentioned it. I had actually never heard of it because I’m pretty clueless.

  However, what I must say is about the brushing. For heaven’s sakes, I slacked on that whole deal with the first kid and then, way before I thought it was time or it ever could happen, voila! A cavity. I love Swistle’s idea for dealing with the tooth cleaning.

• 34. Susan  |  December 7th, 2009 at 8:21 pm

  I loved “The Historian.” I thought it was well-written and interesting. I love travel books though.

  I read it about a year and a half ago and I don’t remember how long it took to read. I probably skimmed some of it because I think I read it one day while substitute teaching. I need to find it and re-read it, but I’m not sure which bookshelf it’s on.

• 35. Lori  |  December 7th, 2009 at 8:44 pm

  I just took a break from researching dishwashers (!) to read about your vacuum excitement.Yay! I love practical gifts.

• 36. megs  |  December 7th, 2009 at 9:31 pm

  A) I think an obsession with an unsavory and morbid topic during middle-schoolish years is entirely normal. It’s like how everyone played orphans/liked orphan-related books, etc. That my sister and I acted out Annie and played Boxcar Children didn’t *really* mean we wanted our parents to be dead, though we did have elaborate explanations of how they reached their untimely deaths in our many orphan-related-games. My middle-school obsession was with the Salem Witch Trials, my good friend Helena’s was with the Donner Party. Shrug.

  B) Hank has 4 teeth and we try so hard to do the whole gum and teeth wiping and/or brushing thing and oh god we are awful about it. But I keep telling myself we HAVE to do it now so that he’s used to a tooth-related cleaning as part of bedtime, so that it is easier later, when he has more than nubs. Getting his pajamas on is nigh impossible but we do it, so I have to take this attitude toward the teeth-brushing thing. Do I consistently at this point? No. I forget about 33% of the time. I give up/blatantly skip it about 7% of the time. Make that 15. Am awful.

• 37. Dr. Maureen  |  December 7th, 2009 at 11:04 pm

  Jonniker, you don’t have to finish it. I swear! I used to force myself to finish books but then I decided life is too short. Too short! Plenty of other books out there! On the other hand I had never heard of _The Historian_ until you started talking about it, so take what I say with a grain of salt. (And I used to consider myself well-read! I still am, but only for a fifteen-year-old.)

  Also, Andrew and I got each other a stove two years ago. It was awesome. And I mean that unironically.

• 38. shriek house  |  December 7th, 2009 at 11:29 pm

  Oh dear, I was one of those loudly lauding The Historian and urging you to Read! It! Now! and… well, sorry. *slinking away*

• 39. Kris T  |  December 8th, 2009 at 8:50 am

  Delurking to say:

  A) There is nothing wrong with a vacuum as a gift. My husband and I bought ourselves a Dyson Animal a couple of years back, and while it is heavy (Carrying it upstairs is a chore) and the “wand” can be a bit awkward, the amout of crap it gets off your floors is awesome. We have 3 dogs and a cat….the Dyson rocks.

  B) Read The historian a few years back and while I forced myself to finish I have to admit to glazing over a bit on the super descriptive chapters…but I say go for it if it works for you.

• 40. anne nahm  |  December 8th, 2009 at 2:16 pm

  It seems very wrong, but now I want to read The Historian. Why? I have Pillars of the Earth – I don’t need another unread doorstop.

  Also, I want to see the commercials. Damn it: Retail holiday commercial thugs have softened my brain up to want to buy stuff, and now you put these things in front of me and I am helpless! Help. Less. Please do not write anything about nipple piercing and such until after New Years.

• 41. melospiza  |  December 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm

  Hmm. Baby or vacuum cleaner? It seems like a baby would be more fun, but really, at this point I think I’d rather get a vacuum.

• 42. Minivan Soapbox  |  December 8th, 2009 at 3:21 pm

  You are talking to the girl that often makes her husband walk on the edges of the room so he doesn’t make footprints in my newly vacuumed carpet…A new vacuum is AWESOME. I got my Dyson about two years ago. I sleep with it. And talk to it. He treats me well. He leaves me love notes in the bathroom.

• 43. Trenches of Mommyhood  |  December 9th, 2009 at 3:46 pm

  Don’t stress about the unbrushed NUBS. She’s gonna lose them anyway! Heh.

• 44. Kristabella  |  December 9th, 2009 at 5:44 pm

  You just perfectly summed up The Historian. I’m a fast reader and that book….it just took me forever! I would read like 5 pages, doze off, read five more. It took me forever to read. But I did! And I will tell you that the last 100 pages or so will fly by. They are so different than the rest of the book, like can’t put it down exciting!

  Stick with it. I think you’ll like it. But damn, it is dense!

• 45. Corinne  |  December 20th, 2009 at 11:30 am

  Hi – I just friended you on Goodreads, mainly to hear what you have to say about The Historian. We just read it for my book club, where it met with a resounding Meh, and most people didn’t finish it. So I need more input on the ending.

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