Family Snapshot

Oh Christmas, how I am happy to be on THIS side of you, rather than the BEFORE side. I believe it was … three days, maybe? … before Christmas, that my effing toilet exploded all over everything and at one point, without going into details, led to me traipsing through the house with a bucket of water that could only be described as SULLIED. An entire day of plunging and waiting, plunging and waiting, and at one point, I listened to Google Plumber and found myself dumping a large amount of Tide into my toilet bowl. Yes, TIDE. It didn’t work, and I don’t recommend you give it a whirl (OH A TOILET PUN, HOW CHARMING), because it will only result in BLUE sullied water, and multiple trips through the house with buckets of sullied blue water.

But Christmas itself! Oh, man. Samantha has no real awareness of WTF Christmas even IS, but I can’t say it wasn’t fun anyway. And then, two days later, I turned 34. 34! To me that seems objectively OLD. Cougar-like. NOT YOUNG. I mean, it’s my MID-THIRTIES, for chrissake, and any hope I had of retaining age-related envy by anyone under the age of, say, sixty, evaporated when I blew out the candles. I feel 32. I feel EXACTLY 32, and while I realize that’s not a significant difference in any way whatsoever, I suspect that I will feel 32 for many, many years. I would like to stay 32. Old enough to know who you are, but young enough to still be considered youthful and vibrant. 34 is inching out of that sweet spot, is all I’m saying.

I know 2009 sucked for a lot of people. I know it did, and I hate that. But man, for me, it was nothing short of the best yet. I can’t imagine a bad day, week, month or year, so long as Adam and wee little Beeber McSteebs are in it.

I hope you had a fantastic holiday, and are hurtling toward an outstanding new year.

(Edited because I realized it wasn’t clear and also, a comment: Good holy SHIT, these are NOT ALL FOR HER OMFG. These are all the gifts for NINE — no, TEN — people. And three of the gifts are for the DOGS. And some of the gifts are SOCKS and AS SEEN ON TV GADGETS.

32 comments December 28th, 2009