49 Comments Add your own

• 1. JCF  |  January 17th, 2010 at 10:49 pm

  Okay, I’ll just come right out and say that you need to buy yourself some cloth pads. I bought a few before my first baby was born, figuring that there was no way I could stand using pads for weeks on end postpartum. I hate them and get issues that land me at the lady doctor whenever I use them. I cannot tell you how comfortable those pads are in comparison with disposable ones. I also have a Keeper, but sometimes I use the pads still overnight, or just around the house, or whenever.

• 2. Melody  |  January 17th, 2010 at 10:50 pm

  I say that there is NO SHAME TO BE HAD in love for Bill Hader. Bill Hader is a sexy, sexy man in his own sort of… odd, weird way. Whether he’s impersonating Vincent Price or Keith Morrison, he really sort of works for me.

  NO SHAME!

• 3. rebecca  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:06 pm

  BILL!!! I thought I was the only one. I’ve had it hard for him since Superbad…Melody is right…NO SHAME.

  And the tampon thing, i totally know. It was like my uterus dropped or something. I can only use OB, they are much tinier…

• 4. Sahara  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:19 pm

  I’ve had crushes on all those weirdos before too (well, except sub out Gary Oldman for WIlliam H. Macy). And go ahead and get used to wondering about Will Forte, because he too will be on your list soon enough. For god’s sake, can you imagine what Dangerous Liasons would have been like if it had cast normal-looking people? PORN, that’s what. But you know you’ve really crossed the line when you start looking fondly at Steve Buscemi. We shall never speak of this again.

• 5. Marie Green  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:22 pm

  I also think it’s unnecessary to say those kinds of things to non-kid people. Any of the “you just wait” kinds of sentiment are so… utterly useless!

  However, I had to laugh when my bff called the other day, and among a list of other typical in-law type complains, she mentioned that in the midst of taking about her infants LACK of sleep, her SIL had to add and then over-emphasize how her CAT has woke her up at 6 AM! And SHE TOO was extremely tired! And she couldn’t fall back to sleep for, like, 45 minutes! Can you believe the suffering slash sleep deprivation?

  So, yeah. The other side of the coin is: don’t compare your cat to my baby, thankyouverymuch! =)

  Also: Ding Dong YOUR BABY’s TALKING??? WHA?

  That’s super-awesome. Just so cool.

• 6. Shin Ae  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:26 pm

  With you on the tampon business. My babies broke my innards, I think.

• 7. Navigating the Mothership  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:36 pm

  Me too with Alan Rickman! I thought I was the only one. I saw him in a play in London ten years ago and I’ve been afflicted ever since.

  Also? Your clown baby made me laugh. Poor little clown baby. Next thing you know you’ll be dressing her like Marcel Marceau. Slippery slope. Good thing she’s so cute and can pull off fashion don’ts like a pro.

• 8. She Likes Purple  |  January 17th, 2010 at 11:53 pm

  I get Alan Rickman. Sense and Sensibility, OMG, but the rest? Yeah, no.

• 9. leigh  |  January 18th, 2010 at 12:02 am

  I am so with you on the kid people warning the non kid people how it’s going to be. My bitterness also includes how people say “it is going to totally change your life and you will never ever again have freedom.” Well, yeah, but, it’s not like motherhood actually makes me feel like that. I didn’t go out much when he was little not because I couldn’t (babysitters exist) but because I actually preferred hanging out with my kid.

  Also, you need a simple human wastebasket with a closing lid. I have three dogs, I know this.

  Nothing can detract from Sam’s cuteness.

• 10. Amy K  |  January 18th, 2010 at 12:04 am

  Thank God I’m not the only person crushing on Alan Rickman.

  P.S. Have you listened to the new Jesca Hoop album (Hunting My Dress) yet? I’m waiting impatiently for my copy to arrive and hoping it’s as great as her first one.

• 11. Erin (Snarke)  |  January 18th, 2010 at 12:35 am

  I’ve never been a tampon girl but I have found that some pads chafe (chaif?) (chaaf?) (chaff?) more than others. Kotex, for example, will rub off all of your skin down there but Always are pretty soft and deal-with-able. I will admit that the “wet diaper” feeling that sometimes comes about is NEVER pleasant, no matter what brand you use.

  I’ve also had plenty of weird crushes…including thinking that Steve Buscemi has an innate hotness to him. So, you know—to each their own!

• 12. parkingathome  |  January 18th, 2010 at 12:52 am

  I had a dog like that growing up, and my mom had us keep all our used pads (we weren’t allowed to use tampons because my mom hated them and instilled a huge fear of them in us) in a plastic bag in the top drawer of our dresser, and then when lady town was done washing it’s nasty self out, we’d take it out to the outside trashcan. There’s nothing more embarrassing than one of your FOUR brothers yelling through the house, “Who left a bloody pad in the trash? You? EEEEEWWWW”

• 13. Sarah  |  January 18th, 2010 at 2:25 am

  First off: OMG HEIDI MONTAG WTF. She looked so much better before. Now? Just ghoulish and immobile and PLASTIC.

  On to The Monthly Visitor: I swore up down and sideways that I would never use anything but tampons but after E was born I tried and failed and resorted to pads, which I hated. And then I made myself some cloth pads (I know, I know, I’m *crafty*). Before I was cleaning up crap and barf all day and washing cloth diapers the idea of cloth pads totally skeeved me out. Now? I love them more than I would have thought possible. I am never going back, they are fantastic and totally not a pain at all to deal with. Plus, I think I actually have a lower flow with them. I know, it’s strange, but I know I’m not the only one to experience that happy side effect.

• 14. JMH  |  January 18th, 2010 at 5:50 am

  Love Alan Rickman!!! Especially in “Love, Actually”

  Have you tried OB tampons? They are the only kind I can use now. Good luck!

• 15. Cheryl  |  January 18th, 2010 at 7:05 am

  That outfit looked good on a hanger? Are you freakin’ kidding me? I can’t imaging that thing looking good as an outdoor mat all covered in dirt, mud, sand, and snow. What were you thinking?! Send it over to dooce and she can put it on her long-suffering pooch.

  She speaks, how cool is that?!?! Mama is ever so much harder to say than dad-ee and doggie and hi. I’m sure linguists could answer the burning question of why, but just know it’s true. If you’re lucky, you won’t be 72 and have kids who still call you Ma.

• 16. Farrell  |  January 18th, 2010 at 7:55 am

  I’m totally with you on the first part about sleeping.

• 17. jonniker  |  January 18th, 2010 at 8:17 am

  JCF/Sarah: I ordered some with my new Keeper! I cannot deal with these plastic-lined monstrosities anymore.

  Cheryl: HA! I didn’t buy it. My mom did, and I swear it looked adorable off of her body. They’re leggings, for starters, so everything looked … smaller, somehow. And then, the second we put it on her, we could NOT STOP LAUGHING.

• 18. Swistle  |  January 18th, 2010 at 8:18 am

  1. Oh, well Alan Rickman is just undeniably hot.

  2. Dogs are gross.

• 19. Ally  |  January 18th, 2010 at 8:19 am

  I’m also with you on the sleeping/childless thing. I had a miscarriage earlier this year, and very few of my friends know. I occasionally post on FB about how tired I am (because, yeah, I work a lot and yup, my cat wakes me up at 2 and 4 and 6-not a baby, of course, but still).

  One of my friends with kids always makes a point to say something like, oh, try having a baby who wakes you up all night! Then you’ll know what it’s like to be tired! etc. I am (silently, sadly) resentful of this. I would like to be able to say, I would love to have a baby who wakes me up all night! So, I keep quiet, and know that the friend doesn’t mean any harm. *sigh*.

• 20. Swistle  |  January 18th, 2010 at 8:22 am

  3. I keep not-writing my follow-up post about this, but I love cloth pads. Love them. It’s like the difference between wearing unders made of plastic and unders made of cotton. They’re actually….COMFY. I love them. I thought I was being all sacrificial for Mother Nature, but NO, it turns out it’s the way I PREFER.

• 21. Kristin H  |  January 18th, 2010 at 8:27 am

  Oh, tampons! Me too! Me tooooo! I thought I was just weird! I can’t figure out why they’re so uncomfortable now. But they just feel terrible. Is the keeper any more comfortable?

  PS: The outfit is v. cute, just a little much all together like that. Maybe she can wear it as separates?

• 22. jonniker  |  January 18th, 2010 at 8:32 am

  My God, re: tampons, why does no one TELL US THIS? I had no idea! No idea!

  Ally: I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

  And as a completely frivolous aside, I HAVE a baby, and sometimes my dog is the one who keeps me up all damn night. Pets ARE exhausting little buggers. The first time Sam slept through the night? THE DOG DID NOT. Up all night coughing. So when people say their pets kept them up, I don’t laugh. I get it completely.

• 23. Shelly  |  January 18th, 2010 at 10:21 am

  All “you just wait” statements should result in an immediate slap. It’s just an asshole thing to say.

  Alan Rickman is hot. John Malkovich, back in the day, was hot, too.

  “mama” is one of the last words babies say and it is deliberate. Deliberate, I tell you.

• 24. kathleenicanrah  |  January 18th, 2010 at 10:25 am

  this post made me laugh so hard.

  also, can i just say that when you post about K Cups on twitter I often think you are talking about the Keeper and then I get confused when you mention spoons. It has made for some great WHA? moments.

• 25. Kristen  |  January 18th, 2010 at 10:33 am

  Diva cup. DIVA CUP. It’s a rubbery-plastic reuseable cup that you shove up there. I know, it sounds totally, totally gross, and the first time you empty it it’s…wow. Yeah. But I SWEAR by it now. And, honestly, it now seems much cleaner to me than tampons or pads ever did. I know it sounds squicky, but I AM TELLING YOU. DIVA CUP. And they make them in two sizes–one for women who haven’t had children, and one for women who have. DIVA. CUP.It’s NEVER leaked on me, not ONCE.

  Just when you boil it (you boil it once a month for 20 minutes, after your period is over), you might want to do it at a time when your husband isn’t there. Because mine is perfectly comfortable with Ladybits and other Lady things, and even he blanched seeing it boiling in the same pot I use to make mac and cheese. (WHAT? It’s CLEAN. I put it through the dishwasher!)

• 26. jonniker  |  January 18th, 2010 at 10:37 am

  Kristen: Oh we are WELL VERSED in the Diva Cup around here. There have been posts upon posts upon THREADS upon HILARIOUS COMMENT THREADS about it.

  I hate the Diva Cup. I’m a Keeper gal — the shape works better for me, and I prefer the brown rubber to the clear silicone, which stains. (I link to it above — that’s what I was referring to when I had to order a new one.) And I HAVE had both leak on me, but that’s only on super-heavy days when I haven’t had time to get to the bathroom fast enough. They do not handle, uh, large clots well. It is their achilles heel.

• 27. Kristen  |  January 18th, 2010 at 10:40 am

  Shoot. I totally missed the part of the post about the Keeper. Because I’m tired, because I have a baby, and THEREFORE IT’S ALL MY FAULT WHAT AM I COMPLAINING ABOUT.

• 28. jonniker  |  January 18th, 2010 at 10:43 am

  LOL! Kristen, the Diva Cup is, uh, one of my FAVORITE TOPICS.

• 29. Mrs. D  |  January 18th, 2010 at 10:53 am

  I love Bill Hader. But I love Fred Armisen more. He doesn’t even have to say anything and I laugh. And the ability to induce laughter is the sexiest quality any man can have. (IMHO)

• 30. anne nahm  |  January 18th, 2010 at 11:45 am

  You are made of awesome with awesome filling.

• 31. Morgan @ The818  |  January 18th, 2010 at 12:23 pm

  I feel you on so many levels right now. (Except the keeper – you’ll have to explain the draw to me one day. In the meantime, know that it could be worse. They could have reverted your vagina to that of a pre-teen like they did to me. OUCH.)

• 32. Kim  |  January 18th, 2010 at 1:21 pm

  I like you.

  (Especially your perspective on how not to do shitty things to other people.)

• 33. Mama Bub  |  January 18th, 2010 at 4:09 pm

  I had a friend say to me, “Remember how we used to complain about being tired before we had kids? What were we thinking?”

  Um, I was thinking that I was tired. I WAS tired. I went to bed much later than I do now and I was busy. We made plans! We went out every weekend!

  I hate the who’s more tired/busier/deserving of pity game.

• 34. willikat  |  January 18th, 2010 at 5:39 pm

  I love a lot of ugly-pretty dudes (including Malkovitch), but BILL HADER? Really? It’s proof that Funny Wins.

  Thanks for the sleeping-late commentary.

  Also, I have read that dada is a natural tongue movement, but Mama is actually quite difficult and a learned skill. So don’t feel too bitter…that’s why most kids say dada first.

• 35. Aunt Becky  |  January 18th, 2010 at 6:40 pm

  The things that people love to rub in make my vagina itch. I’ve had children awhile now and I’ve never once been tempted to tell someone without kids: “you know, when you have kids (dot, dot, dot)” because it would make me sound like, well, a fucking assbag.

• 36. anon  |  January 18th, 2010 at 7:35 pm

  I am keeping it anon on this one for obvious reasons. The tampons that used to fit me before kids–they now SLIDE right out. Not all the way, but just enough to be totally uncomfortable/unmanageable. Happens with the Diva too. For months (meaning years), I thought I had the biggest vagina in the world but then found out it happens to a lot of women. It’s a muscle issue that can be fixed with a little outpatient surgery. Haven’t done it yet–am afraid of dying on the table leaving my husband to explain that I died during a vagina tightening operation.

• 37. SwingCheese  |  January 18th, 2010 at 9:32 pm

  I love my cloth pads! I love my Diva Cup, too, but before I had that little gem I used reusable sea sponges. Super comfortable and really easy to clean, but not for the squeamish or public bathrooms (you have to rinse them every time you go to the bathroom, and even so, if I coughed or sneezed and it had been awhile, they would leak a little).

  AAAANNNDDDD

  I also love, love, love Bill Hader. He had me the first time I saw him impersonatin Vincent Price on the Thanksgiving Special 1958 (or whatever). He’s the reason I’ve started watching SNL again. Funny trumps almost every time in my book.

• 38. Annie  |  January 19th, 2010 at 10:33 am

  I too like your perspective on how it’s useless to you to make other people feel crappy. Or just angry. I literally had another childless person tell me that I’d be a bad mother because I sometimes slept in. By sometimes sleeping in, they meant I sometimes (on the weekends, when I literally had nothing I had to do) slept until 9 in the morning. I was speechless!

• 39. Olivia  |  January 19th, 2010 at 4:45 pm

  Ditto on the “just wait until you have kids” comments. Duh, nobody expects to be sleeping til noon if they have a baby.

• 40. Leigh  |  January 19th, 2010 at 5:07 pm

  HA-HA! I remember the diva cup days!!!

  BTW, the brand name I was talking about above is Simplehuman; the wastebaskets are expensive, but I think they are worth it. My dogs (who are geniuess in getting to gross stuff that they are not supposed to have) cannot open the lids.

• 41. H  |  January 19th, 2010 at 6:02 pm

  In addition to the tired thing, I used to feel busy before kids. I was busy. But now, I honestly cannot remember what I was so busy doing. Not that people without kids aren’t busy nor is it a badge of honor to be busy (I have a neighbor who always has to one-up everyone), but it amazes me how everything just shifts after kids and then you forget what normal was.

  And, don’t even get me started on pets and sleep, or lack thereof. Our old beagle is nearing the end, and the NEEDS! Oh man, he is so much work! He gets meds twice a day, must go out often due to bladder control issues, his snoring sounds like a freight train, he has a ramp, he has booties, he has a sweater and he gets up once or twice a night to check on us (I guess) and then needs to be covered again with his blankie because he gets cold in the winter. I love him to death and am dreading the inevitable, so I will do all these things for him until his time comes, but I AM NOT SLEEPING THANKS TO MY DOG!

• 42. Rhi  |  January 19th, 2010 at 7:47 pm

  I can’t sleep in period. I used to be able to sleep until AT LEAST 8. But, now, I’m engaged to a man who is at his desk at 6 a.m. every morning. The other morning? I slept until 6:36 and I was so happy. It made my day.

• 43. HollyLynne  |  January 19th, 2010 at 8:26 pm

  Oh, the sleeping in thing really gets me too. My mother STILL thinks it is funny to mock me for having slept till noon on the weekends as a teengaer (I’M THIRTY). And the best part? The reason I slept until noon on the weekends is because I was a competitive figure skater all through high school and I woke up AT 3:30AM to get to the rink and skate for three hours before school every weekday. And then you know what I did in the evenings? TOOK NIGHT CLASSES.

  Yet, somehow, it is still “funny” that I was such a “teenager” and slept until noon on Saturdays.

  Not bitter at all over here.

• 44. Maria  |  January 20th, 2010 at 10:11 am

  I think I just died when I read “two car garage.”

• 45. Emily  |  January 20th, 2010 at 4:15 pm

  Oooh, Alan Rickman. (I know you said other things, but as soon as I saw his name, all the rest of your witty observations flew out of my head.)

• 46. Julie  |  January 22nd, 2010 at 11:37 am

  My dog is the same. Keep the trash can on top of the toilet tank.

• 47. Maggy  |  January 30th, 2010 at 9:21 am

  That outfit! It’s so “If I Ran the Zoo” by Dr Seuss. Alas, I have boys, so no ridiculously cute outfits like that in my house.
  My dogs are the same. It finally occurred to me to put the pads in the diaper pail. We keep the diaper pail in the bathroom. (You need to wash your hands, anyway.) But before this brilliant idea struck me, oh the grossness.
  And I thought of you the other day: I wore a belt! And my jeans stayed up! Brilliant!

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• 49. Conveyancing  |  February 24th, 2011 at 5:34 pm

  I luv what you guys are always doing

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