I Will Not Take These Things For Granted
January 20th, 2010
I can’t believe I neglected to mention that while watching Martha Stewart the other day, I witnessed her getting her exercise on a — well, it was on a stripper pole, friends. While she had the sense to turn down the request from the guest (a strip class instructor, natch) to do that upside-down stripper thing that probably has a more technical name other than “hump the pole upside down,” she still did that side swing thing that usually precedes it. I am completely traumatized, because again, if you missed it: MARTHA STEWART ON A STRIPPER POLE, DING DONG AND ALSO HALLO. During the same segment, she also admitted that she signed up for her first stripper-aerobics class and … well, God, thanks for the additional visual, Martha. Appreciate that.
I’m not sure if now is the time to admit that I have the television on almost the entire day while I’m home with Sam, but either way, there it is: I have the TV on quite a bit. I like to think I’d be one of those people who speaks of the evils of television and intelligently cites studies and articles about the loss of vocabulary in children who are exposed to it, and how television — even the most benign — encourages kids to be angry and violent, but I’m not. I can’t be. I want to be, but the truth is having adult conversation and adult themes in the background (even in the form of Martha humping the pole) is as important to me as it is to breathe.
The thing is, she doesn’t even look up at it or watch it. I am on the floor playing with my kid for most of the day. We read books at least three times every day. We have a ton of playdates and playgroups. We take time out to listen to music and dance around the living room. We build things with her kiddie-sized Legos, and I almost always catch her before she splits her lip on the coffee table. But yes, the television is on, and most days, I don’t feel bad about it, except when I do, which is also most days, when I worry that she’s going to become a non-verbal angry violent serial killer because I exposed her to too much Meredith Viera, and the occasional Bill Henrickson, including that very unfortunate time that he was boinking Margene.
***
Whenever I hear that someone is getting a divorce or is already divorced or is in the process of marital woe, I have an overwhelming urge to pick at it like a scab. If it’s a blogger, I go combing through the archives, desperately trying to find out what went wrong; I make three times the effort if I find out that they have children. I am of the futile mentality that by dissecting others’ relationships, I can prevent the same dynamics from occurring in my own marriage, as though fact-finding mixed with selfish, paranoid worry is protective, even though I am acutely aware that it isn’t.
I do this even though my marriage is among the most realistically happy I know. Some days I love him so much I can hardly contain myself. Like the love I feel for Sam, I want to pour him into a tall glass and drink him to make sure he’s comfortably inside me, safe and warm. Other days I wish we lived in a cartoon world where I could break him down limb by limb and put him in a wood chipper, taking immense pleasure in his demise, only to watch him put himself together again. Most days I just love him, and feel very lucky.
Have a happy Thursday.
*Toad the Wet Sprocket
Entry Filed under: Uncategorized
34 Comments Add your own
1. Danell | January 20th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
That’s a pretty great description of how I feel about my husband too…although sometimes I wish it was it was a little more tall glass and a little less wood chipper.
2. slynnro | January 20th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
CAN I JUST TELL YOU! HOW HORRIBLE! it is to have a father in law with the same name as Bill “Sex Crazed” Henrickson? Because it’s majorly disturbing.
3. Marie Green | January 20th, 2010 at 10:53 pm
I’m totally the opposite on the tv thing. I always *thought* I’d be the one with the tv on all day, but in reality, I- quite literally- NEVER turn it on, unless it’s for Marin. The only daytime tv I watch is Oprah, and I watch it on DVR and in the evening. Same with any evening shows I watch: DVR and usually days later… and sometimes on Hulu instead.
I’m not saying this to be smug. I don’t actually feel smug. I feel… shocked, surprised, and frankly CONFUSED as to why I don’t watch it more. I think it’s the commercials and the NOISE. I am sensitive to noise.
My laptop however? CONSTANT. And my kids watch TOO MUCH tv as well.
4. Audrey | January 21st, 2010 at 12:09 am
I’m the same way only it’s the computer. My computer is always in my lap.
5. Nothing But Bonfires | January 21st, 2010 at 1:25 am
Oh thank god the wood chipper thing is normal. Sometimes I want to reach up and twist his head off like I’m opening a particularly stubborn can of tomato sauce. Mostly I don’t, but still good to know it’s okay.
6. Betsy | January 21st, 2010 at 2:18 am
I too am oddly fascinated by other people’s divorces. It’s like I figure if I study it enough I’ll find that one (ONE!) reason they couldn’t make it work, when in reality there are a million reasons that can’t be named. It’s a sickness.
7. Jen the Trephinist | January 21st, 2010 at 3:14 am
I used to do the same thing, with divorces. The funny thing is, now that it’s happened, I don’t sit around thinking, “OMG THE TERRIBLE THING I FEARED HAS HAPPENED!!!!” but just, “Huh, wow, worrying about that for all those years was a total waste of time.” Not only did it fail to make a whit of difference, but it also was a product of my mistaken impression that getting divorced would somehow ruin my life, rather than just making it really freaking miserable for a good solid seven months or so.
It probably won’t happen to you, but even if it does, you’ll be fine (not that I am telling you anything you don’t already know, intellectually). There’s nothing wrong with feeling lucky, but really, I kind of wish I had that worrying time back so I could invest it in something productive, like, I don’t know, just enjoying my life without feeling as if I needed to appease the gods with my guilt over having it good or my worry that it wouldn’t stay good forever.
And now, sometimes, through some trick of the mind, my life feels better than ever, even though I know it’s just human nature to feel that way and that really, I was just as happy then. All the same … I’ll take it!
8. Cheryl | January 21st, 2010 at 7:19 am
Thanks for the visual of Martha humping a pole and taking stripper aerobics classes. That’s something I’m going to have to learn to live with ~ eek!
9. Jeanne | January 21st, 2010 at 7:35 am
When I was growing up, there was no taboo about too much TV. It was on in our house all day long. We spent our afternoons watching soap operas, and evenings watching sitcoms. My siblings and I were all honor roll students, graduated from college, and have productive lives. I still feel the guilt about letting my daughter watch sometimes, but usually I’m OK with it.
10. AndreAnna | January 21st, 2010 at 7:43 am
It’s the winter. It;s cold. My children are turning feral.
If the TV gives everyone a little bit of comfort, then by GOD, it shall be on!
FWIW, my kids are both very verbal and spoke very early, so if anything maybe the TV helps that?
Even though it’s ok often, I do make special time to turn it off and dance and clean and cook and such, like you said.
I think it’s important to “unplug” for a bit every day.
Although if we’re being honest, I flip my iPhone out way too often when I’m supposed to be “unplugged.”
11. Shelly | January 21st, 2010 at 8:47 am
I do the same thing with divorces! And I read divorce books! And unhappy family books! And basically just try to figure out how to prevent anything bad from happening in my marriage. I think part of it, for me, comes from watching my parents, who had an awful marriage. They were my first lesson in “What Not To Do”. And I’ve sought out others throughout the years. I also seek out happy marriages, but they seem so individualized that it’s hard to copy them. It seems easier to take a lesson from a failed marriage, like Tiger Woods – “okay, don’t cheat with 14 other people, got it”.
12. Farrell | January 21st, 2010 at 8:58 am
Martha on a stripper pole. Thanks for the nightmares. LOL.
Well for all of you folks who are fascinated with divorces, you can read my blog. My husband left me when I was 7 months pregnant (planned) for a co-worker he met two months prior. This was five years ago now, and they are getting married in April.
Things like that, you just can’t plan for. It was a shock to me and every single person who ever knew him.
I’ve come a long way in five years though. And I have the most beautiful, wonderful daughter in the world, and he is involved in her life, so I also get breaks to be single and hang out with my friends…but dealing with them is not always fun or comfortable (understatement of the year).
13. Lauren | January 21st, 2010 at 9:19 am
Girl, you don’t need to explain yourself. My Sig Ot works all night and has the babychild all day, so the TV is one way for him to get reprieve from the flapping gums of our kid, who has a pretty extensive vocabulary for a 3 year old. He knows colors, shapes, letters, numbers, please, thank you, and the theme song from That 70s Show. He also likes to read, play outside, pretend he’s Megatron, and paint. TV isn’t as evil as many parents today would profess. My position is: If you don’t want your kid watching it, fine. But don’t get all high & mighty on me because mine does! (And GOD, don’t feel bad for having it on! Grownups need Martha.)
14. Sam | January 21st, 2010 at 9:29 am
I really thought I would watch way too much TV during the day when I because a SAHM, but I don’t. At least, I don’t think that I do. When I was still breastfeeding, I would watch my Tivo’d Gilmore Girls or catch up on a frothy Bravo show. (Don’t you love that – ‘frothy’? It’s so much nicer than TRASHY, don’t you think?) Of course, I’m on the computer a lot, and I have a kid who is plays independently a whole lot. I limit his TV in the morning, but probably let him watch more than a lot of people. So far, he seems quite okay. I’ve also instituted a ‘music time’ after it’s time to turn off the TV, and he ADORES that. And since I bought fun kids music (They Might Be Giants) I really like it, too.
I feel the same way, when bloggers get divorced. I feel just devastated. But then I love ‘unhappy family’ memoirs…I just do. And there’s so many out there.
15. leigh | January 21st, 2010 at 10:23 am
Oh lordy, my son went to a daycare where they watched TV ALL THE TIME. His daycare provider watched every minute of the OJ trial and “Touched By An Angel”. She also fed him wonderbread, bologna, and McDonalds. But she loved him like her own. In spite of his horrifying exposure to bad tv, he was reading at a college level in the 5th grade and today has a great diet. He also has discriminating taste for good tv. I don’t think you have to worry too much. My message: I was a MUCH worse mother than you and it all came out ok (so far)
That is the best description of a good marriage that I have ever read.
16. Mandee | January 21st, 2010 at 10:52 am
When my nephew was about Sam’s age, we would pull up General Hospital episodes on the DVR just to watch his reaction to the theme song. He would stop whatever he was doing and start bouncing. Hysterical. And telling.
I’m of the same “I turned out fine and was glued to the TV” school as several others. And I’ve yet to make it through a babysitting session with my nephew (who is now 4) without turning it on. All that playing is exhausting, yo. I can only imagine throwing parenting into that mix.
17. JMH | January 21st, 2010 at 11:21 am
Your last paragraph sums up married life very well. I think all pre-marital counseling should include that paragraph!
We live in a technology age-TV’s, computers, etc. are all around our kids from the moment they are born. They will all be fine….and, as noted in some of the above comments, some will even be on the Honor Roll! I wouldn’t worry about it with Sam if I were you.
18. Jess | January 21st, 2010 at 11:38 am
This is another one of those posts that makes me realize how very alike we are. Seriously.
19. parkingathome | January 21st, 2010 at 11:38 am
I wrote a post about how my husband totally failed christmas, didn’t get me anything, and ended up going to the only thing that was open at 11:30pm christmas eve, a flying j, to get me my christmas gifts – windshield wiper fluid, a free calendar, and a candy bar. Then I wrote about how he had stepped it up the next year and how he was getting better at gifts. He was so upset about the post that he made me take it down. Since, I’ve not been able to write all the things I would love to write about what a dick he can sometimes be. Like today, when he left me with a screaming baby and cat pee that he had spread across three rooms and into the car seat.
20. Swistle | January 21st, 2010 at 12:35 pm
This whole post just killed me.
21. Christine | January 21st, 2010 at 1:08 pm
You’re the best. I occasionally tell the husband that I could keeel him. And often when I say it, it is true. BUT then there are the mornings when we like each other the best, and well, sigh.
And ohmygoodness, and apropos of nothing, BUT I just read Holly (NothingButBonfire’s) archived post which she linked in today’s post, where she talks about growing up in an English boarding school, and you commented about the Worst Witch, and holy crap that means there are four of us maybe total (including me and my sister) who have seen that movie. And now I’m off to go hum “Anything can happen on Halloween to myself.”
22. Kristabella | January 21st, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Someone shared the video of Martha in my Google Reader and it was like “click, you know you wanna!” And I yelled at the computer screen “oh no I don’t WANNA!” and I refused to watch that clip.
If I work from home, I have the TV on or the radio or something. Otherwise it is too quiet because I miss the “noise” of an office. I hope my cats aren’t learning violent tendencies. That could end badly for me.
23. RockyCat | January 21st, 2010 at 1:53 pm
I think that if I saw Martha on a stripper pole, I’d probably go blind.
24. Penny | January 21st, 2010 at 1:54 pm
Heh. Woodchipper. I know that when I visualize this kind of thing, it’s usually time to pull out the tampons (evil cotton wands that they are, apparently).
25. kirida | January 21st, 2010 at 2:35 pm
I really hope that Martha Stewart’s daughter and her friend really rip into that episode on their show Whatever Martha! Have you seen that? It’s a trip.
But divorce announcements? I get the same kind of curiousity clicking, even though I’m sure a lot of what led up to the divorce isn’t in the blog. It’s like I’m some crazed detective.
Also, I have the TV on for most of the day, too. My three-year-old didn’t care and now he shoos me away from the computer because my blogging cuts into his Curious George game time.
26. Steph the WonderWorrier | January 21st, 2010 at 4:05 pm
Ew! Martha “Stripper” Stewart — Do Not Want.
…. I do the same thing with divorces and bloggers… I always try to look back and figure out when their hubs disappeared from their posts, etc… I also get excited if I find a new blog to read and there’s a new baby — I’ll look through the archives for some of the announcements/exciting moments in the pregnancy. Oh! For weddings or engagements too, I like to look up the post that announced the engagement. LOL. But! Blogs are written to be read, right? I’m sure people don’t mind us reading their archives!
I’d also keep the TV on if it was just me at home with a baby. Mostly because when I’m home alone now I need the TV to keep me company and stop me from worrying about axe murderers hiding in my basement (It’s LIKELY they are there, amirite?). So if it was just me and a baby? I’m sure the TV would need to be on to serve the same purpose. No judgement!
27. Suzanne | January 21st, 2010 at 8:24 pm
I decided it was time to start getting out of the house more when I could list a TV show to watch every hour of the day from 6 am to 11 pm. So we joined some activities and now I’m down to about 4 hours of TV while the bebeh is awake.
My problem is I seem to be physically incapable of being in the room with the television – which is also where the baby’s toys are – and not turning it on. I’ve tried the radio, watching stuff on my computer, listening to podcasts, and enjoying the silence, but none of that is OK. I NEED that background noise and sound and motion.
Since the bebeh is only 9 months and shows no interest in what’s actually on TV yet, I’m not worried. In a few months when he notices Jack Bauer kicking some terrorist ass and starts torturing his stuffed animals I may have to learn to live with it. I am not looking forward to that day.
28. Leah | January 21st, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Same here with the t.v. To make it worse, Saint Simon (SO HOT, U KNOW U WANT HIM!!!!) is the one who makes me feel bad about it, like I’m turning the kid’s brain into mush because I’m want to feel some connection to the grown-up, outside world–watching something totally innocuous and he never even looks at it unless he hears one of his favorite theme songs (Martha’s among them).
29. -R- | January 21st, 2010 at 10:16 pm
I don’t think it’s bad to have the TV on in the background as long as you’re not sitting there watching all day and ignoring your kid, which I know you’re not. We have the TV on a lot in our home, but he doesn’t pay any attention to it unless it’s a show about dogs. Then he points, yells, and dances around like a crazy person.
30. jonniker | January 21st, 2010 at 10:32 pm
R: Sam doesn’t even look at it. Part of me wonders if it’s because it IS always on, that it’s not a treat — it’s as much background noise as the dishwasher or the dryer. Maybe this is some kind of BRILLIANT SCHEME.
31. Deanna | January 22nd, 2010 at 5:27 pm
I am so glad to hear others confessing to the “tv on all day” thing. Ours is always on, but the kiddos don’t pay attention unti I put in Baby Einstein-then they’re mesmerized. I watch a lot of Gilmore Girls, which I figures HAS to increase their verbal skills, right?
32. Amy | January 22nd, 2010 at 8:32 pm
Dude, you quoted Toad the Wet Sprocket. I luuuuurve them and man, that song? I get it. I GET IT.
33. Amy | January 22nd, 2010 at 9:44 pm
Also, still secretly lust after Glenn Phillips.
34. Christy | January 23rd, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Before my daughter was born I was all “no TV till she’s 2″ or some bullshit. I watch Hulu all the time, I mean like most of the day all the time. She usually doesn’t pay any attention to it so I don’t worry too much. We also listen to music and play on the floor most of the time, but if music isn’t on hulu usually is.
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