The Mystery Zone

We’re going through a bit of a stressy situation over here at chez jonniker that really isn’t worth going into for right now, but on levels of family stresses of the largeish variety is about as mundane as it gets. However, what is frustrating me most about this particular stressy situation is that we PLANNED for it and are WELL PREPARED for it, as much as one can be, and there is no real reason for me to stress at this exact moment. And yet, I am. And do you know WHAT I am stressing about?

The fact that I am not really stressing. Ergo, I am currently mired in a delightful circular pattern of worrying about my lack of worry, because, as I mentioned as recently as last week, I believe that worry is PROTECTIVE, because after all, nothing I’ve really worried about has come to fruition. No no, I am usually BLINDSIDED by things I did not worry about. Then again, there is this dangling bit of irony in that I DID worry about this particular thing, and PLANNED for it so that I did NOT have to worry about it, and here I am! Not worrying about it, except when I am WORRYING about not WORRYING ABOUT IT.

Did you get that? This is why I am unabashedly medicated, friends.

In other thrilling news of the mundane variety, my Wii Fit workouts were becoming a bit too easy, which made me embarrassingly proud until I remembered that they weren’t really designed to be workouts, but were designed to be GAMES, but whatever, Wii! Nine and a half pounds down and STILL THE MII MUFFIN TOP PERSISTS. Up yours! So, like everyone else, I started doing the 30 Day Shred, figuring that meh, it’s 20 minutes, how bad can it be? The answer is: very bad. Very, very bad. Except that it IS only 20 minutes of Very Bad-ness, which is eminently survivable, except at the very end of the first cardio circuit, when I am fairly certain that my FEET, of all things, are going to detach from my body like a faulty set of airplane wheels. And of course, afterwards, when my quadriceps felt like I’d been in one of those World’s Strongest Man competitions and used my legs to help lift a monster truck over my head.

My arms, strangely, are FINE, thanks to daily push-ups and almost eleven months of hauling a small person around, but oh, my LEGS. MY LEEEEEGGSS. A friend of mine is back in town visiting, and after witnessing me literally hobbling up the library steps to meet her, naturally asked what in God’s name I’d done to myself. And when I mentioned the Shred’s 20-minute convenience, she announced that it was PERFECT, then, because then she could do it TWICE a day! Once in the morning and again in the evening! Oh ho Ho HO! She was off to get it right away, then!

My reaction: *blink* *blink* *blink* *blink*

Because really, come on. No.

And finally, two things:

– I am currently engaged in a Maytag-like, uh, discussion-slash-rant about Pampers and how they have RUINED CRUISERS FOREVER. I am enraged, y’all. They “updated” Cruisers to be WORSE than Baby Dry, as if such things were humanly possible, and now, in addition to a truly wretchedly ineffective diaper (LEAKS AHOY), the chemical smell emanating from my daughter’s ass will burn your nostrils off. Tomorrow, I am calling the company to discuss and, in a move I can’t believe I’m making, see if I can get my money back, because I am stranded with $45 worth of diapers that I can’t even use.

This is all somewhat irrelevant except to illustrate to you that I cannot believe my life has come to this. This is the most worked up I’ve been in ages, and it’s about PAMPERS changing the formula (?) of my kid’s DIAPERS and I’m reading this, and my related tweets about it, and wondering where I went wrong. How have I turned into a suburban housewife who’s all RAGING AGAINST THE PAMPERS MACHINE?

– Book Lushes! Oh I know, I beat you over the head with this shit, but you know, the forums are so much fun, and I’m getting some seriously fantastic recommendations in them, from memoirs to vampire novels to the best kids’ picture books. And, a lot of people are wrapping up the first book and starting to discuss it (but if you haven’t, and are nowhere close, that is FINE. You are not behind! It’s just that some people are mysteriously AHEAD!), but most importantly, we’re taking nominations for the next book, and we’re aiming for something a little older, cheaper and available at libraries and in paperback, so if you missed the first one, consider the next! Or if you’re just looking for recommendations in general. We’re your peeps!

I’m finishing The Help tonight, for what it’s worth. After that, I’m returning to the slogfest that is Suite Francaise, as I alternate easy reading with something more challenging, and while it’s interesting, it’s not exactly FAST-MOVING and I feel like I’ll be reading it until KINGDOM COME, although I am emboldened by the fact that I survived The Historian, for which I strongly feel I deserve a commemorative T-shirt.

I hope you have a fantastic Monday and beyond!

*Spoon

34 comments January 24th, 2010