Money for Nothing
January 26th, 2010
So there was a time, once, when I considered myself to be a smart person. Then, sadly, I took the Jeopardy online test and was rendered a drooling cro magnon, because GEEZUZ, you guys, that shit is HARD. How is it possible that a show — a show I consistently ROCK, I hasten to add — can be so DISCERNING in its search for contestants?
The format is this: they just start THROWING questions at you — oh, excuse me, ANSWERS, which is such Jeopardy bullshit — and you have fifteen seconds to answer them, and oh. Oh dear. I couldn’t even figure out that there were categories until it was too late, and look, I’m just going to say that during one particularly horrific, panic-stricken moment there was a clue about some desert that Chile and Peru are (were?) fighting over, and I misread it as dessert, as in who was claiming … origin, maybe? And I just typed, “CREME BRULEE” because THAT sure sounds Chilean, don’t you think?
What I’m telling you is that you should not expect to look for me on Jeopardy anytime soon, and that if you DO know someone who is on Jeopardy who does not wear a pocket protector and/or spend their entire days studying obscure facts about Russian politicians of the 18th century, you should be in fucking AWE.
CREME BRULEE.
Bullets! Because I am tired:
– LOST is back on next Tuesday for the final season. Lost! LOST LOST LOST LOST. And I am hopeful that it will be fraught with lots of JACOB, because I find Jacob weirdly attractive, even though the first time we were introduced to Jacob — or rather, the actor who PLAYS Jacob — was when he was Rita’s abusive husband in the first (second?) season of Dexter. And it will be, sadly, the last time we see Sayid in character. So much hotness. So little time left.
– Few things seem less pointless to me than giving up caffeine or salt. I realize that for some people, they are unhealthy habits, but you will pry the salt shaker from my cold, dead hands (or when high blood pressure kicks in, whichever comes first) and dude, coffee has ANTIOXIDANTS, no kidding, and the health benefits far outweigh the risks, in my opinion. (And several medical professionals as well.) Further, when I recently saw green tea recommended as a substitute for caffeinated beverages and coffee, it was all I could do not to laugh, because yes, green tea is good for you, but, um, it is caffeinated. Highly so. So while yes, green tea is awesome, I must heartily and happily say that, hey, coffee is, too.
This bullet point sponsored by Keurig. (NOT REALLY.) (I ONLY WISH.) (KEURIG, CALL ME. WILL SHILL FOR K-CUPS.)
– I’ve been holding out on you with my most inappropriate, odd crush, and I can’t keep it in any more. You know those Free Credit Report commercials? With the jingle? And the guy in the, um, mullet? Him. Yes, him. I find him strangely attractive, particularly in the most recent ANNIVERSARY ad, if you will, and … oh forget it, it’s too awful to elaborate on, but yes, Free Credit Guy, this one’s for you.
– An update on the Pampers situation: They gave me my money back. And, uh, frankly, it was a little too easy, which means THEY KNOW. They know the new Cruisers suck and they’re BUYING US OFF. I’m onto you Pampers! I should start a crazy-ass campaign/crusade and act like a total lunatic on Twitter and start a Facebook group and comment in baby forums about how PAMPERS CONSIDERS ME THE ENEMY and … oh, wait.
(Sadly, it’s true. They’re totally buying people off so we don’t flip out on them. Dude, I didn’t even have to give them a RECEIPT to prove what I paid for them. They just fired me off a check, and I didn’t even have to ASK. They were, within five seconds of the call, “Well, let us reimburse you for those diapers!” ORILLY PAMPERS?)
(I’m done with Pampers. Forever. Up yours, PG&E I mean, P&G (wow, someone watched Erin Brockovich one too many times). But you are also totally right that if you DIDN’T reimburse me, things would be even more hideous. Am sheep!)
– Have you been to Style Lush lately? If you were wondering about the L’Oreal EverPure line, which I was, I tried it out and LOVED IT. Go check it, and all the other great stuff there, out.
– Still shredding. Can now move quadriceps, but my calves are still screaming in agony after cardio circuit one and it’s the ONLY THING that will force me to stay at level 1 for the entire month. THE ONLY THING. Well, that, and I’d like to live. That, too.
*Dire Straits
Entry Filed under: General jackassery,I Love Television,Inappropriate Crushes,Nuttin'
24 Comments Add your own
1. Amy | January 26th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
I’ve taken the Jeopardy test too! Srsly felt like a fucking moron when I was done.
2. Marie Green | January 26th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
I think Sayid is beautiful.
However, there is no way that LOST can tie up this last season that will be satisfactory to me. There’s just… to many things to settle, and they are going to have to give easy-way-out endings and stupid explinations and… well, I’ll watch it. But I’m prepared to be pissed! =)
3. Steph the WonderWorrier | January 26th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
So…. should I be complaining to Pampers to help pay off my credit card?
I don’t have kids… but they don’t know…
(Damn though, I’d feel like my Karma would be all messed up and I’d come back as a dung beetle in the next life)(Or die in a fiery car wreck or something)(Then we’d really be saying DAMN YOU, PAMPERS!)(Or, well, maybe someone would say it, probably not dead me)(This has taken an incredibly morbid turn)(And yet I am still. typing.).
4. Kerri Anne | January 27th, 2010 at 2:03 am
So I just started watching LOST for the first time ever two weeks ago and already I’m a quarter through the third season. Addicted much? Yes, please. (Sayid is totally my favorite, and at this point, the only one who isn’t making me wish someone would just blow up the entire island just so I can be rid of “The Others.” ICK.)
5. Shana | January 27th, 2010 at 6:14 am
This isn’t why P&G is one of the conglomerates I most ardently avoid, but it does add to my list of why they’re evil, evil bastards. May you find something else rilly good and also not hugely expensive or made by another bastard company. They must be expecting this change to net them HUGE profits, because a) women do most household spending and b) this is the class of products that can REALLY get said women worked up, so things like this are pretty risky. Don’t mess with diapers, formula, anything else that significantly affects baby’s health or mom’s sanity, peeps.
I hate to say this, because I have an annoying habit of being Speak Up Girl, but have you written them a letter along with the blog posts? It won’t change their decision, most likely, but I’m rather a big proponent of feedback, both positive and negative, and they should really hear a calm, reasonable “I know what you’re up to and it’s crap,” because it’s really easy to write off hysterical (I hate the way that word originated) women like that one you linked.
Diapergate. Who saw this coming? Have you considered a cloth outer with a flushable liner? I like those best, and it cuts down on waste while sidestepping the poo issue. *shudder*
When you say Seventh Gen products are really expensive there, do you mean more so than in other places? That would be very strange indeed. I know their TP is actually made in Canada, but don’t know what else of theirs is.
6. Dr. Maureen | January 27th, 2010 at 7:41 am
RE: coffee. I am of the opinion that if it grows in the earth and is edible, then it is good to eat. IN MODERATION. Coffee qualifies! Why does the whole “eat lots of different things in moderation” thing get reported as news every three months?
7. jonniker | January 27th, 2010 at 7:50 am
Shana: It’s funny, I buy hippie products in EVERY other aspect of our lives, except for diapers. I know that sounds awful, especially now in light of the gross chemical-ness of the diapers, and I’m feeling REALLY guilty about it, but … I couldn’t take the leaks and messes the hippie versions gave me, and cloth isn’t an option for us at this exact juncture (although as soon as our situation changes, I’m seriously considering it). I mean, if I can use cloth pads and a Moon Cup for myself, why can’t I use cloth dipes for my kid?
gDiapers are great, but Beebs is a peeing machine, and they aren’t very cost effective for us, which is important to us at this particular time, alas. I have one little G pant and tried the liners a while back and was going through more than twice as many liners as I was diapers.
Seventh Gen is in the process of a full-bore courting campaign with me on Twitter, so I’m tempted to try them and see what happens, cost-wise. In the interim, I’m headed to Costco tomorrow, and I’m getting a big old pack of the Kirkland diapers.
8. Mrs. D | January 27th, 2010 at 9:28 am
Oh Sayid… he will be sadly missed around my house. Well, at least by me. Am not sure my husband loves me swooning over him all the time.
9. pseudostoops | January 27th, 2010 at 9:40 am
Believe it or not, I know THREE people who have, like, actually appeared on jeopardy, including one who did so well he was invited back to be on tournament of champions. And won enough money to put a down payment on a house AND pay off his student loans. It’s enough to give one a complex about one’s intellectual aptitude.
10. pseudostoops | January 27th, 2010 at 9:42 am
Oh, and once you mentioned it, I totally signed up for the registration test for tonight. I plan to answer all questions I don’t know with “CREME BRULEE”.
11. Jess | January 27th, 2010 at 10:57 am
I do know someone who was on Jeopardy. She didn’t win, but she came very close. And her sister was also on Jeopardy and was one of the highest total winners ever. Now I have way more admiration for both of them.
12. Swistle | January 27th, 2010 at 11:25 am
Creme brulee is such a wonderful answer, I wish they would put you on Jeopardy just so you would come up with more of them. Humor is something that is sadly lacking on Jeopardy.
13. Anne | January 27th, 2010 at 11:52 am
I have not yet managed to do the Shred more than, uh, one day in a row. I seem to be falling into an every-other-day pattern, if only so that I can move my arms A LITTLE on my off days. Plus, I time it so that I never do the Shred in the morning if I have physical therapy in the afternoon, because then I’m quite positive I would DIE. TWICE.
14. Kristin H | January 27th, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Are you kidding me? Chileans love creme brulee!
15. H | January 27th, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Salt and coffee, coffee and salt, oh how I love them! My husband always asks me why I don’t taste my food before I salt it. HA! No need – I just KNOW it isn’t salty enough! (Also, I could add chocolate to this list of essentials…)
I cannot wait for LOST! I, too, find Sayid hot. For some reason, I get the feeling that Matthew Fox is a jerk in real life.
16. Jen | January 27th, 2010 at 4:30 pm
LOST! I still have all of the episodes from last season on my DVR. Think I can catch up before next week? Not likely. Hopefully they will have one of those big synopsis shows on and I can catch up that way.
Have you ever tried the Fisher Price diapers? Someone gave us a sample pack of the nighttime version not too long ago, and I thought they were pretty good. Might have to give them a try again. I’ve been using the Pampers Extra Protection at night and the smell nearly knocked me over when I walked into Avery’s room this morning.
17. Leigh | January 27th, 2010 at 6:14 pm
Salt and coffee are staples of my diet. STAPLES! I gave up coffee for a year and I was sleepy the entire time. I have no idea what I was thinking. I have very low blood pressure (like “passing out when I stand up” low) so I NEED salt. And coffee, did I mention? I have the metabolism of an earth worm so I’m pretty sure there is a minimum daily requirment of caffeine and salt for me. And tortilla chips.
Also? I am an alcolholic who has not had a drink for almost 9 years. Do not fuck with my coffee.
Also, on the diapers? How about an iPad to soak up the wetness? Ha ha. No, Really, Huggies all the way. Do not look back.
18. mar | January 27th, 2010 at 7:28 pm
love sayid. i have a thing for indian/middle eastern men and naveen andrews is gorgeous & then to add the accent on top of it kills me. (have you read his bio? moved in with his math teacher when he was 16 & she had his baby? i think he’s still w/ barbara hershey, so i don’t stand a chance as a younger woman!)
also, i think i read an article on slate or possibly msn.com about free credit report dude, who they thought it was ironic that he’s canadian. i think he’s kinda cute, but the latest commercial i’ve seen, the mullet-iest one makes me back pedal.
19. HollyLynne | January 27th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
I really would’ve agreed with you about the pointlessness of giving up caffiene . . . until I got pregnant and suddenly couldn’t have even half a cup of coffee without spending hours up at night twitching. I’m really hoping the anti-caffiene tendancies go away once the Bean is born. Cause I liked me some coffee.
20. Jeanne B. | January 27th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
Which one in the Fr*e Cr*dit Rep*rt commercial? The lead singer, or the tall blonde bass player guy? The bass player is my latest silly crush. I actually went as far as Googling, and found out his name is Vincent Charron. Lucky for him, I stopped short at Googlemapping his house… (J/K)
21. Erin (Snarke) | January 27th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
I. LOVE. The Free Credit Report commercials. LOVE. And now my answer for everything I don’t know the answer to is going to be creme brulee.
22. Blythe | January 28th, 2010 at 12:00 am
I adore the Credit Report guy. I started googling him after the first ad I saw, I think he was dressed as a medieval minstrel? (Were the minstrels medieval?) Or someone at a Renaissance Fayre. I’m thinking of having a poster made to hang on my bedroom wall. If I do, I’ll send you a copy.
23. SwingCheese | January 28th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
I can’t comment on the hotness of the Free Credit Report guy, as I can’t picture him, but I now have the songs running through my head, and that makes me like him a little less.
I adore Kirkland diapers. They’re the only brand I use. But I’m with you on the cloth diapers. I can do the diva cup, cloth pads, reusable sea spnges, etc., but could not handle the amount of diaper changing that went along with the cloth diapers. Also, I live in an apartment and am forced to pay per load for laundry.
But, in a moment of shameless bragging, I made it past the Jeopardy online test and went to the in person interview. I was entered into the pool, but my name wasn’t called within 18 months. So I’m planning on trying again. This is my plan for my child’s college education.
24. cindy | February 18th, 2010 at 2:53 am
it is 3 am and i have just googled info about the bass player on free credit report.com vincent charron ——–and then I found you so I am not nuts afterall????? i also have a crush on this guy!!!!!
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