Kids

When it comes to motherhood/kids, I think I’m pretty reasonable. I get why people don’t have them — really, I do — and it’s a choice I almost made and would have been quite happy with. It’s not for everyone, and there are plenty of people who have children who shouldn’t have, and plenty who want to, but can’t, and that’s impossibly hard. And there are plenty more who just don’t want to, because their life is full with something else, or frankly, they just don’t like kids. Which is totally fine! FINE! I mean it.

And I KNOW that my kid isn’t the center of the universe, and that while *I* think she’s beautiful and smart and interesting and funny, YOU don’t share those sentiments, and with perfectly good reason! She’s NOT YOUR KID! She’s just a kid like every other kid and no single kid is special, or at least, I like to think they ALL are, but not to people who don’t know them. If that makes sense.

HOWEVAH. My kid is a person, you know. So if she’s waving at you and smiling and clearly trying to say “HIII!” to you while you’re standing next to me, acknowledging ME, would it kill you to extend the same courtesy to her? And if she’s in a room with a bunch of adults, just do me a favor and SAY HELLO to her, and acknowledge that she’s IN THE ROOM. I mean, you wouldn’t do that to another grown-up, would you? No one’s asking you to sit on the floor and play with her, but if she’s grinning at you and waving, just SAY FUCKING HI. Yes, yes, I KNOW she’s only a baby, but see also: human being. Plus, this is how she learns how social interactions work. After you say hello, you can go back to your business. You don’t have to make goo-goo eyes at her, you don’t have to wave a toy in front of her, just acknowledge her existence with a simple hello.

I know that sounds like a crazy rant, but it happens all the time! Her little waving arms and a big old “HIIII!” in a tiny, baby-speak voice as she waits for the other person to acknowledge her, and then they just GLARE at her, like she pooped on their shoe, and it’s … it’s rude. Kids aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but they’re still people.

I can’t believe I just wrote that, but it happened yet again in the grocery store today, when Sam waved at the lady in front of us and said “Hi!” (it’s rudimentary, but she’s learning!) and the woman shot her a look that could wilt America’s gardens while saying HELLO TO ME. And it happens like, ONCE A WEEK.

Speaking of Sam, one of her little friends likes her a, um, whole lot, and is always trying to hug her — he’s two and a half to Sam’s 11 months, for reference. While at my girlfriend’s house the other day, he kept lying on top of her, hugging her and kissing her, and once — no, TWICE — he (literally) lured her into his bedroom to lay on top of her some more, and SHUT THE DOOR. Worse, he became angry and agitated when I wanted him to leave it open. And EVERY TIME I OPENED IT, he was on top of her. I know, I know, he’s TWO AND A HALF, but how lame am I that I was all, hey, kid? Stop rubbing yourself all over my daughter and LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN.

Am proving to be not as reasonable a parent as I proclaimed to be at the outset, right? Or is that creepy and I’m being TOTALLY REASONABLE?

Btw, I’m on a Pioneer Woman cooking kick, and though I had some early failures, I’ve since revisited recipes I’ve tried before and didn’t like, and loved every last one of them. Linguine with chicken thighs. Lasagna. Chicken spaghetti. Pork loin. Flank steak. WIN. WIN. WIN. WIN.

And finally, Real Housewives of Orange County. What the everloving FUCK, Lynne? Oh, these women! They’re so awful, every last one of them. Zero redeeming qualities whatsoever. And their KIDS. OH MY STARS. Lynne’s daughters are DISASTERS and she has no idea how to parent whatsoever, my God. It’s just an effing TRAINWRECK all around. A RIVETING TRAINWRECK. And yet? I love them. I love Gretchen so very much, I don’t care if she takes pictures of herself with vibrators up her ass and puts them on the Internet. I LOVE HER. I CANNOT BE CONVINCED THAT SHE IS EVIL.

Happy week! Not sure when I’ll see you again, but I’m sure I will.

*MGMT

114 comments January 31st, 2010