114 Comments Add your own

• 1. Mama Bub  |  January 31st, 2010 at 10:55 pm

  Yes. And YES!. To the acknowledging my child and to Lynne and Gretchen and the whole OC gang. I would just like to go back in time and tell my parents just how hard it is growing up in Orange County and see how much pity they take on me and how many presents they buy me to make it easier.

  Oh, wait. That’s not the way it works?

• 2. cindy w  |  January 31st, 2010 at 11:07 pm

  Huh. I wonder if maybe the “not acknowledging babies’ existence” is a regional thing? Because I seriously cannot think of a single time that’s happened to me/my kid. But, when I was in my mid-20′s, I lived in Worcester, Massachusetts, for a year (long story, don’t ask – it wasn’t a happy time), and if all New Englanders are like that… well, yeah. I guess I can see it.

• 3. jonniker  |  January 31st, 2010 at 11:17 pm

  Cindy … no, definitely, not all New Englanders are like Worcester, but the Worcester area is also not all bad. I know what you mean, though, about having a rough time in a certain area and it DEEPLY affecting your perception of said area. See: Florida.

  Erm, it could be a regional thing, but I doubt it. I think there are rude people everywhere, But, if anything, I’d go with northeastern, because we are not known for our friendliness. But anecdotal evidence from friends says it happens elsewhere throughout our, uh, region.

• 4. Jen  |  January 31st, 2010 at 11:29 pm

  I work with a woman younger than me by a few years, and she is single and she has a boyfriend who lives in London and she tells me at least once per week that she is NEVER having kids, usually after I’ve told some endearing (to me, I know, Rowan is the cutest baby TO ME) story about Rowan. Fine, I get it, she’s in a very different place in her life, but when she talks about her international boyfriend, how she only sees him three times per year, and she has all these doubts about their relationship, I’m always ALWAYS respectful of her decisions in life, even though *I* wouldn’t want that kind of relationship. It hurts my feelings when I talk about Rowan (not just to her, to my other co-worker, a married guy who wants to have kids, and who asks me at least once per week how Rowan is), and three seconds later she exclaims how she pretty much hates kids, and NOPE NOPE, she’s never having one. It’s rude, and insulting, and you’re right: babies are people, too. Show some respect!

• 5. Sam  |  January 31st, 2010 at 11:52 pm

  Hmmm. You just need to come South. We appreciate cute babies down here, and people will talk to YOUR BABY but not YOU.

  (Though I do wonder, are they not understanding her baby HI?)

  The Orange County ladies are completely wackadoo. I think Lynne really does CARE, but you can’t suddenly start parenting when your kids are teenagers and want to go out and do crazy stuff. Gotta lay the foundation, right? And I think Gretchen really didn’t mean anything by it, and Lynne is just ultra sensitive since her children are running around like wild hooligans. Or getting nose jobs. Whatever.

  As for that 2 year old – that’s really creepy, Jonna! Like, that sends up red flags for me. My 2 & 1/2 year old likes to poke babies, or try to sit on them in their bouncy seats. Still, not acceptable behavior!

• 6. Betsy  |  January 31st, 2010 at 11:56 pm

  Just to restore your faith in humanity, I will share what made my day yesterday.

  We went to Ikea yesterday evening (with our 10 mo-old, on a Saturday–where is my parenting merit badge?), and after wandering around, eating dinner, etc found ourselves at the end of a big ass line, because, duh, we are at Ikea. Our boy H was getting tired and antsy, and we had him out of the stroller, bouncing him, singing to him, trying to get him to chill out. I noticed he kept looking at something behind me, but I figured it was just a bright light or something shiny. Finally I looked back to see what he was looking at, and saw an older gentleman behind us in the line next to ours making silly faces, taking his hat on/off, trying to make H laugh. He caught my eye, and looked a little sheepish, and then kept up his routine. I love little encounters like that, when people openly show their affection for other people’s kids, and try to lighten a parent’s load a little bit. Made my day/week/month.

  As an aside, the Ikea warehouse is a fabulous place to let a newly walking baby roam around.

• 7. -R-  |  January 31st, 2010 at 11:58 pm

  I can imagine someone ignoring both you and the baby, but why would they say hi to you and ignore the adorable girl who just wants a hello? Weird.

  I haven’t seen a whole episode of the Real Housewives this season, but when your daughter says on camera, “I’m not going to do what my mom told me to because they never ground me anyway”? I think that is perhaps a sign that you have not really lived up to the minimum parenting standards. The daughter basically tells us exactly what she needs the parents to do, but they are obviously not listening. Poor girls.

• 8. Carmen  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:13 am

  Yes, oh yes. I agree. Completely. Here in Canada (or, at least in British Columbia) we don’t take our kids to a pediatrician unless there is completely seriously wrong. We see a family doctor. I switched ours recently because our FAMILY doctor wouldn’t acknowledge Kieran in any way when we went to see him. And then he wonders why Kieran would freak when he lunges towards him with the stethoscope or ear-looker-doodad. *sigh* New doctor is SO much better (90% of her practice is kids/women/pregnant women).

• 9. Carmen  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:17 am

  Wow. Let me try that again.

  “unless there is something seriously wrong.”

  Clearly it is bedtime.

• 10. Trina  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:26 am

  I think it’s ridiculous that people act that way. We don’t have children yet, and are still pretty ambivalent about it (though leaning towards yes). But for my whole life, I’ve been the person who can’t help but smile and wave at kids at the store or otherwise in public. Sometimes I worry that their parents will think I’m beeing creepy or something, but I figure if they do then they can tell me off. There’s just something special about these new little people who are so easily amused and gratified by a little attention. And dammit, they’re cute! I can’t resist other peoples’ pets, so how the hell am I supposed to resist *children*?!?

  And yes, I AM that annoying person who lets strange dogs approach her, and pets them if they’re friendly. If I get bitten, it’s my own damn fault and I would never sue. I wouldn’t sue if someone’s kid bit me either :~P

• 11. Erin (Snarke)  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:28 am

  Just thinking about the lady making a mean face at Sam and then only saying Hi to you makes me mad. Who does that?

  And also, the two year old boy? That seriously creeps me out. But I don’t know if I should say anything more than that because I don’t have kids of my own and do not know this particular kid or his parents. But it gives me the heebie jeebies. I don’t think you’re over reacting at all.

  Cooking-wise, I’m on more of a Julia Child kick right now but I, too, heart the Pioneer Woman!

• 12. pseudostoops  |  February 1st, 2010 at 7:39 am

  I have the opposite problem where I sometimes forget to say hi to the parents because I’m so busy engaging with their kids. To the point where once, a few years ago on the street in New York, I spent half a block making faces at this shockingly adorable redheaded kid, and it wasn’t until after we’d passed the little family that my husband said “can you believe that we just walked by Philip Seymour Hoffman?” and I was all “huh?! We DID?” But I can say: Philip Seymour Hoffman’s kid? CUTE.

• 13. Raven  |  February 1st, 2010 at 7:41 am

  Dude. The whole Gretchen and Lynne thing totally gets me. Gretchen TRIED. She may be a total fuck up or whatever, but she met up with that girl and tried to talk to her and then she tried to talk to Lynne about what she knew and then THEY BOTH threw her under the bus and as if that wasn’t bad enough, the kid goes on to just stay out wicked late with no one knowing where the hell she is exactly like Gretchen said.

  Hello there, “I told you so”. GAH.

  And also (and this is pretty bitchy) apparently all that money in plastic surgery can’t keep you from the ugly cry.

• 14. Raven  |  February 1st, 2010 at 7:43 am

  Oh, sorry, I totally went off on an RHOC rant and ignore the kid thing. Sam is right, in the south it is totally commonplace for people to ignore you and talk to your kid. It is ALL ABOUT the kidlets around here.

  (I think the 2 and 1/2 year old has some issues)

• 15. JMH  |  February 1st, 2010 at 7:45 am

  I LOVE babies and little kids (Hello-I am an elementary teacher!) so I always say hello to little ones too.

  If you ever feel weird about a situation (re: the 2 yr. old boy) I think you should ALWAYS follow your intutition. It is usually right. I think his behavior is odd. Does he do that with other kids too? What did HIS mom say about it? Seems weird to me.

• 16. AndreAnna  |  February 1st, 2010 at 8:25 am

  I have kids that run up to strangers and hug them. We’re working on this.

  However, even though I can find NJians to be giant douche canoes, most people are very kind to my kids. Of course, there have been a few people who just keep on going and confuse my poor, friendly children, but I just reply, “some people are just not that nice, dear.”

  And that, unfortunately, is the cold truth of humanity.

• 17. Cheryl  |  February 1st, 2010 at 8:26 am

  There’s no excuse for rudeness anywhere (hey y’all, please stop making generalizations about New Englanders). I looove babies and small two-leggeds all to hell and back. Guess what? Parents are not always thrilled when I respond to their child’s greeting. Many get a downright hostile look in their eyes and go all protective when I’m the one who initiates conversation with their wee one. I feel like a perv or a baby-raper when I get those looks. AND I don’t even fit the freakin’ profile. I’m a middle-aged woman (eek, that hurts to write out loud) who could be your kid’s grandmother or aunt.

  If it weren’t for the parents who actually appreciate my willingness to talk to their kids and treat them like people, I’d stop engaging with little ones because, yes in spite of my best efforts, I do take it personally.

• 18. Cheryl  |  February 1st, 2010 at 8:28 am

  Forgot about the 2-year old, too. Yes, trust your instincts.

• 19. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 8:30 am

  Cheryl: HA! Yes, but I will say that New Englanders are not known for their friendly, outgoing nature. I say this as a New Englander. HOWEVER, I don’t think it can be extrapolated that New Englanders hate babies or anything, unless you want to make a hashtag out of it.

• 20. St  |  February 1st, 2010 at 8:46 am

  Wow, that is ugly behavior! I don’t run into it too much. And yeah, the 2 yr old? That would freak me OUT.

• 21. H  |  February 1st, 2010 at 9:33 am

  My kids have a grandma like that, sadly. She talks about them, not to them. It drives me crazy. (The 2 year old would bother me too.)

• 22. jive turkey  |  February 1st, 2010 at 9:41 am

  On the flipside, I came into this mothering game expecting people to not show my kid any attention at all, and now when strangers pass by and say hello to her or compliment her, I about bust wide open with pride. It’s pretty cool. Now I fully understand how much it means to the parents when you acknowledge/compliment their children.

  Although I HAVE noticed that we get TONS more “Oh, she’s so cute!” comments whenever my husband is holding her. Not sure WTF that’s all about.

• 23. Marie Green  |  February 1st, 2010 at 9:45 am

  Luckily for me, I live in the land of Minnesota Nice, so it’s not usually a problem. People around here nearly always talk to my kids and ask me questions about them. However, now I’m wondering if the “twin factor” contributed to that… like, would they have talked to me so much had I only had one baby?… by the time Marin came along, I was too busy out in public to notice much.

  (Also, my older two are painfully shy to strangers, so being singled out and asked questions KILLS them. They literally hide themselves behind me, leaving me to make polite conversation for them.)

• 24. Anonforthisone  |  February 1st, 2010 at 9:58 am

  I have a 2 1/2 year old boy and what you describe is totally bizarre behavior.

  I hesitate to say this because I don’t know you and it’s total assvice, but I’m going to anyway. Please get and read Gavin DeBecker’s book Protecting the Gift. It worries me for your daughter that you were so quick to dismiss your concern about the boy’s behavior. I also remember the comments you made about Michael Jackson not being a child molester, and I worried for your daughter then too. (How could you possibly know? Why would you assume that he’s not when a child said that he was?) I have seen too many children’s lives damaged forever because their parents assumed everything would be fine or told themselves they had nothing to worry about. I’m not saying be hyper-suspicious of everyone, but if something feels weird to you, it probably is. Even if you think I’m a loon, please go read that book.

• 25. Misty  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:17 am

  I wanted to echo the whole Southern “talk to your baby, but not to you” thing. I never noticed that *I* do that until I read it just now.

  Also, re: creepy 2 year old. Trust your gut. Watch them carefully, especially as they get older. Consider talking about body boundaries with his mom or just with him through a story of some sort. I like the “Hands are not for hitting” etc. books. This could be a nice segue into how it is wrong to touch ANYONE in a way that they don’t want to be touched. And also a good lesson for him. He should not be touched in a way he doesn’t want to be touched either.

  Of course, you don’t have to do the whole “educate the world on bad touches” thing. But I would watch. Carefully.

• 26. Cheryl  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:32 am

  How about taciturn? It’s really a much kinder word and, in my experience, more apt.

  Besides,

  GODDAMMIT WOMAN, I’M OLDER THAN YOU!!!

  ^_^

• 27. Caitlin  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:37 am

  I have been thinking about this post all morning. I don’t think it’s lame at all that you expect the door open and another child to not be LURING Sam and LAYING ON HER and getting “angry & agitated” when this is all interfered with. 11 months to 2.5 years is a monumental difference in age and development, and there is a real possibility that he could hurt her – intentionally or not. I am completely freaked out by his behavior, and it raises red flags with me. Sure he’s only 2 and a half. But that’s exactly the problem. Where does a 2 and a half year old LEARN that behavior in the first place? Did he watch it on tv? Did he walk in on his parents? Was he molested? Who knows – but to do it repeatedly and then become upset when he is stopped…well. It ain’t right. And I hate to say this, but I have to ask – where were his parents and how did they react to this? I’m guessing you might have been the only one bothered by the behavior?

  Because with that said, I do understand you doubting your reaction — particularly if the other adults there did not think it was a big deal. We like to think that in situations like this it would all be so clear and we’d handle it well and WHATEVER but crowd mentality, etc, and sometimes it doesn’t hit us till later (or not at all) and we need some perspective. So, as others have said, trust your gut. It IS weird. It is cause for concern, and it was right to feel weird about it and want to protect Sam. It seems like that kid may need some help. Again, where does a 2.5 year old learn this – where does it come from??

• 28. Heather  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:38 am

  Oh man, people piss me off when my kids say hi and they just look away. How can you NOT say hello to a toddler or a baby? Maybe these people are shy in social situations because no one said hi to them when they were little. Grrrrr.

  I have to thank you for entertaining me. I religiously surf twitter and blogs while nursing or being bored to death all day with my children (that I love), but who are not a fill in for adult stimulation. You totally validate my stay at home mom woes and for that I thank you! The poop, the sleep, the sickness… I’m glad that it’s not just my kids who go through this crap. I mean, not GLAD you experience it, but glad it’s not just my kids… you know what I mean (I hope).

• 29. Gina  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:41 am

  I’m with you on finding the little boy rubbing himself on her creepy. Yes, he’s two, but to me that’s old enough to know you DO NOT RUB YOURSELF ON LITTLE GIRLS. I feel like… where did he learn that? What has he seen that makes him behave in such a way? I know these are your friends, but maybe he saw ‘something’ and they didn’t know? I don’t know. But, yeah. I’m with you.

• 30. Kristabella  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:49 am

  1) RHOC – Lynne is ridiculous and NO WONDER her daughters are such bitches! I mean, BE A DAMN PARENT! I too love Gretchen and will always be Team Gretchen no matter what she does. I think we would be such good friends.

  2) OMG, I don’t have kids and it bothers me when people don’t say hi to kids and babies! Like this morning, i followed out this dad and the chattiest little guy ever. He said “hi!” and then “hello!” and then “hi!” many more times in the 4 minute walk out the buildings. And I said HI every time! And also BYE! Because it was SO cute! And he just loved talking to people! (He lives on my floor so I hear him talking to EVERYTHING, including door mats!)

  So I don’t get it when people are like that! It bothers me too. I mean, you should always be nice to babies and animals. The end.

• 31. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:52 am

  Okeydokey, folks. I … well, where to begin? I REEEEEEEELY don’t think there’s any molestation or anything untoward happening in their home. At all. AT. ALL.

  I think he’s two and a half, is what I think. And after really thinking about it, I think he plays “tackle” with his friends who are closer to his age than Sam is, and I think he turned the door into a game in order to be obstinate because again, see: two and a half.

  That doesn’t mean I liked it or felt comfortable with it, and that doesn’t mean it can’t look and feel inappropriate (and maybe it is, but only time will tell, but it won’t be an issue in terms of how I handle it, that’s for damn sure), but I’m not going to leap to conclusions about someone’s home life based on one day of behavior from their two and a half year old. It also doesn’t mean that by me saying this I’m dismissing anyone’s concerns about molestation ever, and Michael Jackson? Seriously? OH HEAVENS.

  Frankly, there is so much being read into this that it’s actually funny to me, because, uh, none of you were there, and no, I didn’t like it, and yes, I stopped it and the notion that this kid is going to be around my daughter as he gets older is … not an issue, actually, but boy howdy have I learned not to be flip about this kind of shit, because Y’ALL BRING YO ISSUES TO THE TABLE.

  And of course, I’ll never leave my daughter alone with him, but uh, I never leave my daughter alone with ANYone, especially a tiny drunk person.

  However, to reiterate: Nope, wasn’t thrilled one bit. Nope, won’t happen again. But wow, some of you are taking this to a level that I did not expect and frankly, don’t appreciate.

  (Also anonymous, there is no such thing as being anonymous, with IP addresses and all. So, uh, hello, not-anonymous! I SEE YOU.)

• 32. Mimi  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:05 am

  Well, these comments sure turned in a different direction, didn’t they?

  Just wanted to chime in and say that a waving 11 month old, saying “hi”? Now that’s just adorable, and I don’t see how anyone could ignore that. It would be like ignoring an adorable puppy or something.

  I’m also on a PW cooking kick lately. Have made her chicken pot pie, chicken fried steak, roasted corn salsa, potato skins, just to name a few. They have all been excellent. I have much better luck with her entree-like items than her dessert-like items. Those are hit-or-miss for me.

• 33. NGS  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:07 am

  So, one time (ONE TIME) some little baby at the grocery store, all buckled in to the cart, said hi to me. I said hi back and smiled at her, waving my box of Cheerios so that it made a sound. The baby giggled and waved her hands about. And the mom turned around and said, “Excuse me?” to me with that voice – you know the voice – all snotty and mean – and then turned around to the baby and said, “don’t worry about that strange lady, honey.”

  And that’s why I no longer acknowledge babies. So, sorry. Blame one bitchy mom in the Rainbow grocery store in Minneapolis.

• 34. Cathy  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:11 am

  De-lurking to say that I wouldn’t beat yourself up over the awkward play-date situation — making a judgment about what constitutes inappropriate behavior from someone else’s child in front of that child’s parent, who is also your friend… well, I think it sounds like you did just fine. Though I’ve heard others recommend Gavin de Becker before and have been meaning to check it out myself — sounds like he provides useful rubrics for all sorts of situations where our really powerful (and praiseworthy) urges to keep peace can be at odds with our niggling (and also praiseworthy) feelings of unease.

  I’d also say that it seems like there are two separate issues here, one easy to identify and rather common, the other much trickier. The first issue is basic body boundaries and respectful treatment of others, something lots and lots of two and a half year olds need to have spelled out for them repeatedly — tackling and wrestling and even hugging is only okay if someone else says it’s okay, and if someone says it’s not then it’s not. The second issue — the oddly sexual vibe of this particular interaction — is so much harder to substantiate and so much more volatile. Fortunately(?), it strikes me as more a concern for the little boy than for Sam. Depending on how well you know his mother and what your relationship with them is like, I’d think it would be fine to do any number of things: decide to opt out of playdates with them for now or forever; keep seeing them, but make it clear that Sam isn’t his for grabbing or hugging or whatever, and if that works, hold off on raising any other concerns; or just raise your anxieties with the mother, making as clear as possible that you don’t think her child is deviant, just that you worried he might have somehow seen something that was upsetting to him — you could lose her friendship for thins, but I think most of us would say that it’s the kind of thing we would want to know, however hard it might be to hear.

  I’m sure you’ve thought through all this already, but seriously — that is one complicated situation. Good luck.

• 35. Cathy  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:14 am

  Oh, uh, so while I was composing that inordinately long comment, you were posting a comment that makes clear you know everything i was trying to say. So, yes, carry on.

• 36. Suebob  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:18 am

  I am with Cheryl up there. I always say hi to little kids and wave and make goofy faces sometimes…See, I only dislike children in principle. In practice, I can’t resist them.

  Sometimes kids don’t respond well and I understand that, too – they are either going through a developmental stage where they don’t think strangers are cool, or they are having a bad day, or they have been taught to be wary.

  But I don’t get when parents glare at me for trying to engage with their kids. I never touch them and I never get right up in their faces – I am usually at least 5 feet away with the parent RIGHT THERE…and yet about 20% of the time, I get these looks like they think I am a criminal.

  In some cases, I think parents are just preemptively afraid that I am going to say something about their kid’s behavior/their parenting/give assvice…so maybe that is it. But no, I am not going to do any of those things.

  I am Pioneer Woman’s biggest fan, but I do not cook her recipes, or I would be her Biggest Fan in more ways than one. All of her recipes seem to involve 2 sticks of butter. Food for people who chase cattle around all day…not for people who sit on their butts like me.

• 37. Katy  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:22 am

  I have pretty much the opposite problem in that people are constantly talking to my son who actually CANNOT speak and it makes me a little bonkers.

• 38. Katy  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:25 am

  Now I feel like I should explain that a little more–you know, now that I’ve already posted it and read it and realize I might sound like a freak. You see, I usually just want to buy groceries, craft items, etc and when people start talking to my handicapped child I feel squeamish. Do I explain the sitch? Let them continue til they figure it out?, on and on and really, I just needed some peanut butter.

• 39. Jen  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:30 am

  Ha! The Anon who is not really Anon cracked me up. BUSTED!

  So far I haven’t really had issues with people not acknowledging A…but I have had the weirdness of people asking HER questions that they want ME to answer. MIL is famous for this – she’ll ask A in a cutesy voice, “Now, what did you have for dinner tonight?” And then sit there and wait for me to respond, all the while looking at A like she’s going to respond. ANNOYING.

  I think I actually need to make something from PW’s website and stop just drooling over the pictures.

• 40. Alison of a Gun  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:34 am

  Okay so…I think your kid is supercute. And personally if I saw her in the grocery store I would probably wave at her or stick my tongue out or something. But…I don’t want kids. Like, SUPER DO NOT WANT. And sometimes I don’t feel like saying hi to them. I mean USUALLY I do, they’re cute, blah blah, whatever. But sometimes they’re bratty. Or sometimes you say Hi and then they keeeeeep maaaaaking you plaaaaay the whole time you’re doing something else and then you’re in that awkward thing where your food comes and you want to eat it but the kid is looking at you like “Come on, girl! We had a good thing going,” and sometimes that awkwardness is too much for me. Anyway my real point is, it ain’t personal. Some people don’t like kids. Some people don’t like dogs. Some people don’t like black people, and probably don’t wave at them. And while Sam is a tiny human being, us childfree types kind of don’t think of them like that, they’re really more like pets..or something. And yes, I know I was a child once too and all that. But I honestly can’t remember if people waved at me in public or not, and I turned out just fine. She’ll be fine. Aaaaand scene.

• 41. Fiona Picklebottom  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:45 am

  Yes, the little boy is creepy! Also, people who don’t even acknowledge kids who are waving and saying ‘hi’ suck. When my three-year-old says hi to someone and he/she doesn’t respond, she turns to me and says loudly, “Mom! He/She didn’t say ‘hi’ back to me!” And I say loudly in response, “Maybe he/she didn’t hear you! Try again!” Works every time.

• 42. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:47 am

  Alison: Saying hi to a kid who’s being rude and hanging over the back of a booth in a restaurant is totally different from saying hi to a kid in line at the grocery store who is saying hello to you in a situation that is inherently temporary. And you do NOT have to go out of your way to say hi to her if she said nothing to you. I GET IT. I really do. Kids are irritating! No one knows that more than parents.

  Kids as pets! Oh heavens, this comments section is really killing me today. Did not anticipate! Should have slept better!

• 43. -R-  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:53 am

  So now I’m dying to know who left the Michael Jackson comment because oh my God that is too funny.

• 44. Joanne  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:00 pm

  My 4 year old rubs up against and lays down on my 2 year old all the time and it’s super annoying, but I know he does it because he has *extreme* sensory issues and autism and he loves to push hard on people. He loves to sit down behind me and pull up my shirt and rub his belly on my back. We are working on it and it is mortifying (especially if we have guests) but there it is. HOWEVER, I would not let him do it to a 1) visitor and 2) a child littler than him, I don’t think you are wrong at all for worrying about it.

  Also I always say hi to little kids and I am from NJ.

• 45. Brenna  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:01 pm

  I can forgive or overlook a lot of rude behaviors, but being unkind to a child is not one of them. It’s my ‘rant weakness’, so I’ll do my best to keep this short.

  Like you, I can totally understand why some people choose not to have children. I even admire them, for knowing that parenthood is not for them and standing up to the societal pressure to procreate. I don’t really understand how people can detest children. Fine, maybe you prefer the company of adults, but how can one HATE children? But even so, not liking someone does not give one free reign to be rude or unkind.

  I’ve often heard that discrimination against overweight people is the last forgivable bias, but I disagree. I think it’s discrimination against children. And I am tired of children being treated like second class citizens. Crimes that would warrant jail time if committed against an adult are treated with a slap on the wrist, or even plain ignored when committed against a child. People speak to children in ways they would never even consider speaking to an adult.

  Children are NOT adults-in-waiting, or something to be tolerated until they reach that magical age of 18. They are full-fledged human beings, deserving of every right and protection and kindness and consideration therein.

  I know this goes a little beyond your point of simple acknowledgement, but like I said, my rant weakness.

• 46. hannah  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:04 pm

  I have an almost 3 yo and a 7 mo and the older boy is always wrestling with the baby. It’s his love language, I think. A few months ago his bff was always doing the same thing to him and everyone else- I think it’s a stage.

  My pet peeve is when people say hi and make a fuss over the baby and ignore Nathan, who is all, “Hi! I’m Nathan! LOOK AT ME!”

• 47. leigh  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:10 pm

  Hey! I don’t think MJ was a child molester either. He just seemed very childlike himself.

  I’m kind of dumbfounded by the rest of this discussion so that’s all I can contribute. But wait, I like happy babies too! People who ignore them have issues.

• 48. Zoot  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:16 pm

  I was going to say EXACTLY what Sam (at the VERY VERY top) said…that in the South? It’s more often that someone will talk to my kids and ignore me. And I’m not going to complain b/c I do the same thing to other kids. If there is a small child looking at me? I wave.

  Suddenly…I feel like I’m making the South sound a wee bit scary.

• 49. Kader  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:19 pm

  Oh, internets… All I can say is, “Whoa, Nelly!” Dudes, take a deep breath. Beebs is just fine. And her mama is no fool. So just go back to worrying about, well, whatever you usually worry about.

  And, onto other news, I LOVE kids who say hi! I, of course, will continue the conversation (Hi! Hi! Hi! Hi!) ad nauseum. Perhaps I’m a sucker for the development of social skills? Whatever the reason, who wouldn’t say hi to Beebs and her absolutely adorable self? We had a guy come to our house to do the closing when we refinanced when the little guy was about 3 months old. Not once did he allude to the fact that there was a baby in the room. There were 4 people in the room–and one of them was a ridiculously cute baby. And he NEVER acknowledged him. I still haven’t come to terms with that one.

  I am proud of my ability to self-censor in this comment, because, really, Michael Jackson? NO, REALLY.

• 50. Kristin  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:21 pm

  I think you were absolutely right to intervene, and I’m not projecting anything weird about his behavior. I just don’t think it’s appropriate for a kid that much bigger to be on top of a smaller kid. He’s obviously older, stronger, weighs more, etc., and could hurt your child without meaning to. I would say that same thing if they were both girls. I also wouldn’t want kids with that age difference to play where I couldn’t see them (for the same reason).

  I have a three year old and a 6 month old baby and it has been a long 6 months of me saying, “be gentle with the baby!” and “don’t lie down on the baby!!” Kids that age tend to LOVE babies or children smaller than them, and they get up really close to their faces and hug them and kiss them, and all of that love and affection can be a bit dangerous for the littler one. They don’t realize their own strength, or how fragile a smaller child can be.

• 51. Kacey  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:30 pm

  2 1/2 year olds are still very clumsy and I have often seen them accidently tackle a smaller child in an attempt to hug them and often they fall too. I wasn’t there obviously, but thats what it sounded like to me. We are so over-sexed in this country that teachers can’t hug children and toddlers being affectionate are somehow seen as potential predators. I personally think we could all use a little more physical affection. We might be a more emotionally healthy country if we hugged and touched each other a little more. That said of course you need to protect Sam and (although you’d be hard pressed to convince me his intentions were bad) the difference in size could make that situation and I would never allow a 2 1/2 year old to close the door on me because they’re insane.

• 52. The New Girl  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:32 pm

  Shamone, I say. SHA-MONE!

• 53. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:50 pm

  HOLD THE PHONE. Alison, I just re-read your comment and did you actually say “Some people don’t like black people”? Did you actually say that?

  SOME PEOPLE DON’T LIKE BLACK PEOPLE AND DON’T WAVE AT THEM. Because not liking dogs and black people can totally be put on the same level. Along with children.

  OH MY LANDS, YOU GUYS. I DID NOT SEE THIS DAY COMING. WHERE WAS MY HOROSCOPE THIS MORNING.

  Kacey: I agree with you in that I’m having a hard time imagining this as a bad thing. I know the kid and have spent a ton of time with him and … it’s just not adding up. But I do stop it for all the reasons you mentioned.

• 54. Swistle  |  February 1st, 2010 at 12:59 pm

  I would like to leap to your defense here, and I’m having trouble doing it because the attack was so silly. PLEASE WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN??? ARM YOURSELVES WITH KNOWLEDGE!!

• 55. barb.  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:01 pm

  As a Southerner who moved to Massachusetts, I have to say… I don’t find New Englanders unfriendly or rude. Just taciturn, as Cheryl said. And I always smile at babies and say “hi” in return. I find them a lot easier to talk to than their attached adults.

  As for the two year old, I think that was a little creepy but not necessarily alarming (in the OMG PINTSIZED MOLESTER sense). He’s still not much more than a baby himself, after all.

• 56. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:02 pm

  Swistle: I will admit that my reaction to this has mostly been HYSTERICS. I can’t stop laughing. Once I got to the black people portion, I was UNCONTROLLABLY WHEEZING, if not for the fact that it was such a not-okay thing to say or even think or be glib about, but … oh my lands. OH MY LANDS.

  I don’t mean to be flip about people’s experiences that led them to come to these conclusions, for I believe they are very real. But people! Take yourselves out of this situation!

• 57. Kerry  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:03 pm

  I thought the Michael Jackson comment was going to be my Comment of the Day.

  But then I saw the one where children and black people and pets were all sort of jumbled together.

  And then I considered canceling my cable, because really, the internet is more entertaining than anything they could put on TV (well, at least until the Dooce reality TV show starts).

• 58. Lynnette  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:04 pm

  I remember working in a church day-care and a 2-year-old boy had a thing for “hugging” smaller children, and doorways, and chairs, and caretaker legs, and anything else he could wrap his arms and legs around. He also had a thing for humping the larger stuffed animals. He was also insanely jealous if someone else was showing affection to one of his favorite people (or giant teddy bear). I was okay with this because the parents warned me beforehand that he was in this stage. By the time he was three, he had grown out of it.

  Anyway, Jonna is definitely not overreacting to the CURRENT behavior, but that does not mean that the boy is disturbed. It sounds like a stage to me.

  (Michael Jackson? Obviously is the exact same issue. Jonna must not care for her children’s safety because she offered an opinion for a now-dead superstar that she never met.)

• 59. Jamie  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:09 pm

  wow, the comments today have gone to a very special place.

• 60. Kader  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:10 pm

  Y’know, I was wondering what I was going to do today. But these comments have kept things hopping! Carry on, entertaining ones, carry on!

• 61. SwingCheese  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:18 pm

  Uh. I have a little boy. He’s one. He spent the entirety of his birthday party trying to press his forehead on the forehead of the 6.5 month old little boy of my best friend (who was having none of it, BTW). He also does this to the cats. I’m pretty sure he’s expressing affection, but I still pulled him away from his new BFF, b/c I didn’t want him to bump (and thus injure) the smaller child. Common sense, people, common sense. “Mom doesn’t like it” does not equal “predatory behavior”.

  Here in the Midwest, my child has been acknowledged every time we’ve gone out since birth, I swear. He’s not waving or saying hi, but he often engages others in the grocery store like by blowing spit bubbles. More often than not, he is well-received.

• 62. SwingCheese  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:21 pm

  The grocery store line, I meant. I do not insert “like” into internet comments as though I were some sort of retro Valley Girl.

• 63. Christine  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:28 pm

  Oh just wow. I mean, I figured I would flip through the comments, see what was on the up…but then I realized I had to worry for Sam, what with the pintsized John Lithgows and Michael Jacksons out there…also, black people. OHmygoodlord.

  1. I always say hi to children, and for a long time I didn’t know if I wanted any either. Still don’t I guess when you get down to brass tacks. That said, someone says hi, at least the first time they get a “hi” right on back. Yeesh.

  2.

• 64. Christine  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:30 pm

  doh!
  2. Haven’t seen any of the real wives.

  and 3. Be concerned due to size/age difference, but I’m pretty sure he’s just a huggy 2 and a half year old who does not know his own size/strength or boundaries, because hello: 2 1/2 year old. I could tell you this, and I’m no expert.

• 65. Trenches of Mommyhood  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:41 pm

  Oh.My.Lanta.

  The internetz is a weird place. Did you ever think when you wrote this post that these would be the responses you got?!

  (Oh, and Gretchen FTW! Methinks Lynne MUST BE heavily medicated when the show is taped.)

• 66. Danielle-Lee  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:42 pm

  I hate when people do not acknowledge my kid! She’s 4 and people still do it!
  Grrr!

• 67. Erica  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:47 pm

  Wow.

• 68. amandam  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:48 pm

  Well, I’m a pretty gigantic curmudgeon, have pointedly NOT wanted to have kids of my own from age six onwards and am a (former) New Englander and now a super-rude and harsh and so very NOT NICE! New Yorker. And I would NEVER ignore a smiling, waving baby. Good lord, at times that’s the only friendly presence I could hope to see all day. Though New York babies – not always so smiley and wavey. The angst, the jammed sidewalks, etc. They are often less than smiley and even that’s cool by me. Wow, I feel so much less curmudgeonly now. I have to go yell at my jerky neighbor or something!

• 69. WonderSpot  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:52 pm

  Some of these comments are the greatest thing I have ever read. Comedy gold, here.

  For what it’s worth, I love it when babies say “HIII” to me.

• 70. Sam  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:56 pm

  Jonna, thanks for clearing up whatever misconceptions we had about the toddler’s behavior. Tackling is pretty normal behavior, especially for a full-of-energy 2 year old!

• 71. Kristin H  |  February 1st, 2010 at 1:57 pm

  I was going to chime in and say I’d be surprised if the 2 yo was really up to anything…he just sounds 2. But you beat me to it. So…uh…hi! (waves)

• 72. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:06 pm

  To be fair, I really don’t think I needed to clear anything up drastically. I think people have a tendency to bring their own issues to these things and sadly … here we are. Even if it was hugging gone awry (which is also what I think it is, sometimes), let’s be honest, HE IS TWO AND A HALF. He doesn’t yet speak in full sentences on a regular basis!

  I’m really disturbed by the tone of all of this, because kids do a lot of things that are wildly inappropriate, every day. MOST kids. Most kids go through a hitting phase! Sometimes they hit their mothers! CALL DOMESTIC ABUSE. THEY ARE GOING TO BEAT THEIR WIVES.

  Again, y’all, I’m not going to sit by and let a kid hit my child, sit on them, or shut the door and lock me out, but a little perspective, please.

  And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got errands to run, and black people to avoid waving to.

• 73. bemytomato  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:07 pm

  I cannot stop laughing! Oh, Jonna, good morning to you!

  That anyone could resist Sam is purely beyond me, bless their hearts. They must be insane. Though, admittedly, I am a girl who will play the “Hi!” game ad infinitum.

  I think I have to go back and re-read. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while.

• 74. Kerry  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:16 pm

  I just waved wildly at my black neighbor when he came out to get the mail. On principle.

  So now my neighbor thinks I’m crazy.

  Thanks a LOT. I’m never coming here again.

• 75. Caitlin  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:17 pm

  Eh, long comment ahoy!
  I don’t really know if any of the backlash comments are in response to my original comment above, but I suspect so (and if not, then at least a sentiment I echoed). Maybe I didn’t explain myself well, or maybe I didn’t give enough qualifiers before voicing my opinion. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered even if I did. And while certainly some of the comments were wayyyy out of line (black people! michael jackson!), I guess I’m a little confused. Jonna, you’re right that we weren’t there. But I guess that’s what’s left me scratching my head. You described a situation and asked for people’s opinions. Which is exactly what you got. But then you don’t like the opinions and tell people to chill out, they weren’t there, you don’t appreciate where they’re going with the comments. I, uh…yeah. We weren’t there, so we only have your description to go by.

  I understand where you’re coming from in your comment @ 10:52 about having had time to think about it and it not being a big deal because of his other Normal 2 Years-ish Behavior. ( Kids are weird, especially at that age they don’t necessarily understand boundaries yet or certain behaviors that we deem to be normal. Kids are weird!) But please keep in mind that we didn’t have that information when you asked for an opinion – with the luring, and the trying to shut the door, and the rest of the way you explained it, it’s clear that there was a bit of a consensus on it being creepy, as you wondered. So, more information = different opinion? For me, likely so. I mean, I think you’re a great parent and have great instincts so, game over. It’s not a big deal. BUT. I also don’t agree that it’s totally out of line for people to agree and/or elaborate on WHY they agree (though yes! again! some of the comments were waaaay beyond decent!) based on the original information you gave. It also does !NOT! necessarily make him a molester, or molested, or any number of other things, but sure, it could. And since you were already a little concerned about it and asked for an opinion, well, you got those opinions.

  That’s all. I apologize if what I said was in any way offensive as that was not my intent. Like I mentioned to you via email, I read your post in the bleary early morning hours. When I try and absorb things that time of day they can tend to get lodged in my brain in weird ways (kind of akin to waking up still thinking that what you dreamed actually happened. Or thinking that it really IS a good idea to wear the striped shirt with the plaid shirt, which turns out to make no sense once you actually see said shirts next to each other.). Maybe if I had read the post in the colder light of day when I had time to let the day get started on a better foot, I would have seen it differently. Maybe not. But, I said what I said and I just am a little startled by the backlash.

• 76. Cathy  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:19 pm

  Okay, so as I said, the toddler baby-molester theory seemed unnecessarily far out to me, your reaction seemed totally adequate,and I 100% back the “reinforce boundaries without making a molestation mountain out of a tackling molehill” approach in all such situations. But to be a bit kinder to those who responded with alarm (but without making you feel like a parenting failure) – you kind of baited them. You wrote in caps about a little boy taking Sam into his bedroom to lie on top of her and rub against and then asked if it was just you who found that creepy. So people flocked to assure you you weren’t crazy (okay, and one or two of them suggested you were culpably negligent, oh, and also that refusing to wave to black people is a forgivable personal quirk, but I am not defending those people) — and really, before you told them to stop inserting themselves in your business, that was kind of exactly what you asked them to do.

  It was an unsettling situation, no doubt, and you blogged about it in a way that suggested you were more troubled than bemused so, you know, you got a reaction. It seems unkind to now suggest that people who took the bait are foolishly overreacting. Does that make sense?

• 77. Jamie  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:26 pm

  I don’t know how anyone could walk by that gorgeous daughter of yours and not acknowledge her speaking to them. However I have a question. As someone who doesn’t have children (tried for many years, unsuccessful, have moved on and am ok with the way things worked out), how long do you have to engage in the “Hi” game? For example, if you are in an area together, say shopping, and a young child repeatedly is saying Hi to you, even after you’ve said hi back several times, how long must you continue? I love kids, but sometimes you just want to concentrate on the task at hand. So at what point can I move on without being a complete douche for not playing the endless Hi game? Because the last thing I want is to make the child sad for not saying hi back eleventy million times.

• 78. H  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:29 pm

  I’d like to add – I commented that the 2 year old would bother me too, but not for THOSE reasons. And, trust me, I do have “those” issues but not once did it occur to me that the 2 year old had “those” issues. I just felt a need to clarify since my comment was rather vague because at the time, the comments had not taken a turn. Wow!

• 79. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:30 pm

  Caitlin: My backlash is primarily about the black people and the Michael Jackson bit, and the idea that because I am not all FREAKING OUT WOOP WOOP that I’m a bad parent, which is HILARIOUS.

  However. I’m really confused as to why anyone would think I wouldn’t have an opinion on people’s opinions? YES, I thought it was creepy and inappropriate, but there are degrees of creepy and inappropriate, and my concern level for creepy and inappropriate level for a two year old, no matter HOW inappropriate, is never, I’m sorry, going to reach the tone of these comments. Even if I thought it was AWFUL and DELIBERATE, I would never, ever expect people to jump to the conclusions many did. Ever.

  A two and a half year old is not beyond repair. A two and a half year old does shitty, awful things. I can find it creepy and not want my kid around it, but I’m not going to CONDEMN the kid the way some did. And yes, some of your comments were up there — “Where did he learn that behavior? Was he molested?”

  Those are things that, as a parent of SAM, aren’t for me to think about. The only choice I have is to consider how I want to react while it’s happening — and for me, it was to keep the door open, stand in the doorway, and pluck him off of her and correct him when he did it (when his mother wasn’t doing the same).

  Some kids masturbate in public and hit other kids. The behavior is wrong and creepy, but I’m not going to assume they’re doomed for life. I take issue with that attitude, especially about a two and a half year old.

  Yes, he lured her. Yes, he did. And yes, he’s all rubbing up on her shit with a full body press. But again, people seemed to have been forgetting we’re dealing with a two-and-a-half-year-old and not even a FOUR year old. Finding something creepy and appropriate (which again, it was, a little) is different in a two and a half year old than in someone older, and yes, I found the reaction to be over the top in that regard.

• 80. Becky  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:32 pm

  Whoa … some of these comments are a little crazy … so my comments may appear bland by comparison .

  I will say that I don’t have kids yet (although I definitely do want them.) I’ll admit that there have been times that I’ve been zoning out in line and may not have noticed a kid trying to get my attention — but I can’t imagine ever glaring at a kid like you described – that’s just bizarre.

  On the flip side of the things (and this obviously doesn’t apply to you) — I have had situations where I responded to a child or was making silly faces where the mother glared at me like I was going to run off with their precious baby. So sometimes I guess you’re darned if you do and darned if you don’t.

• 81. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:32 pm

  Hm. Cathy, I suppose I see your point, but frankly … with the baiting, well. Have you not known that I am hyperbolic? If I were legitimately, seriously over-the-top concerned about this, I would not have blogged about it in such a flippant manner and tossed it in as an afterthought paragraph. However, you are right in that because I was so flip about it (as I am most things), I legitimately forgot that I was talking about CHILDREN and that people might interpret it a certain way. Frankly, I thought I was being unreasonable because the idea that a two-and-a-half year old WOULD be deliberately creepy and inappropriate was almost laughable to me, so the reactions truly came out of nowhere for me, hence my response.

  And I never — NEVER — no matter what, would have anticipated that people would take it to the level that they have that this boy is SERIOUSLY disturbed, given his age. Never. Saying I don’t like the behavior is one thing, but seeing people ready to call the police and wonder about his home life is not okay with me, and I will say so. Because, again, kids hit, kids do a lot of inappropriate things, and me wanting to stop those things is one thing, but me assuming that there is something lurid and wrong about his home life is another. It is.

  But! Point taken. And I’m not deliberately trying to be unkind — this is where I wish we were all in a room and talking like grown-ups so you could hear my TONE and INFLECTIONS and I could touch your hand (in a non-creepy, non-predatory way!).

  However! I cannot move past Michael Jackson and black people. THAT is hysterical.

• 82. Cathy  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:41 pm

  Yes, well, there’s no point slogging through the not-quite-what-you-were-aiming-for reactions if you can’t really revel in the bat-shit crazy ones. If I had a blog, that’d be my rationale.

• 83. TwoBusy  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:47 pm

  Jonna, I’m confused. Why are you telling me I can’t wave at black children with dogs?

• 84. Caitlin  |  February 1st, 2010 at 2:54 pm

  Jonna, I totally understand what you’re saying. And I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect you to not have an opinion on other people’s opinions (this sentence makes my head hurt) – case in point: black people! michael jackson! NOT ACCEPTABLE! Nor do I think that a 2.5 year old is ‘beyond repair’, nor do I think (now that you’ve mentioned it and I’ve thought about it specifically in this way) that a behavior might mean the same thing from a 2.5 year old or a four year old.

  Because! I don’t have kids! And the kids in my life right now are mostly babies or teenagers, so I suppose I don’t have enough of a barometer for what exactly is appropriate/normal age development behavior in the in-between years. So I read what you wrote, and I responded – inappropriately, as it turns out. Maybe if he were six, THEN it would have been okay for me to ask where he learned it and whether he was molested? I have no idea. I really don’t know where that line is. So…I asked. Again, I apologize if it was offensive. Reading through these comments and seeing some more perspective on what’s age-appropriate has sort of been a game-changer for me, and I appreciate the education and the perspective.

  Additionally, now that you’ve put it this way (to Cathy), I think if you were legitimately concerned you may not have approached it the way you did. But the truth is, people DO have baggage about this stuff and people DO care about you (and Sam, etc) and so maybe with more time to mull it over I (speaking only for myself here to reiterate what I said earlier) I would have seen it more in the light in which you intended it. But, I didn’t. Was my reaction knee-jerk, poorly executed, and poorly explained? Probably. But, for whatever reasons, it was disturbing to me, and I saw it the way I saw it at the time.
  And I feel more educated now.

  As it turns out, no one is beyond repair at the age of 28, either

• 85. kris  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:04 pm

  Ugh. Please let me know when we’re back to talking about important stuff, like KEEPING OUR BABIES SKINNY.

• 86. Korinna  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:06 pm

  I, too, felt like I shouldn’t be liking Gretchen (especially when she went there with the “…baby between your legs…”-business), but I do. She reached out. She got slammed for it. Lynne’s plastic surgery face creeps me out.

  I have an almost two year old who is a Meeter and a Greeter. Our trips to the grocery store are one big sociology experiment. Who will say “hi” and who won’t. Young men–usually look uncomfortable. Older women–a sure thing. It’s interesting.

• 87. Marie Green  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:31 pm

  Wow. There is nothing left to say but that. I NEVER saw this coming, either, Jonna.

• 88. SwingCheese  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:36 pm

  Haha! Why do you want to wave dogs at anyone?

• 89. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:37 pm

  Oh, also Cathy, I don’t mind having people in my business I WAS asking if they found it creepy, but I reaaaallllly didn’t think they’d be all, YES AND HE IS DISTURBED. That was the only line I found that I had.

  Other than that, please, yes, tell me if I’m over or under-reacting I DID ask for it! AH DEE-ID. But I couldn’t really stomach the baby-as-baby-molester points. That’s all.

  (Well, and the other stuff, if you know what I’m saying AND AH THINK YOU DO)

• 90. Joe  |  February 1st, 2010 at 3:47 pm

  Sometimes in a store a baby will look at me and smile but the parent doesn’t notice. And then just as I start making stupid faces at the kid, the parent finally turns around, giving ME the icy stare of death, undoubtedly thinking I’m a complete perv for making unsolicited weirdo faces at the baby. So sometimes the whole acknowledging the baby thing backfires miserably.

• 91. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 4:56 pm

  Jamie: Dude! You engage ONCE in the hi game and then you exit stage left. You said hi! She said hi! YOUR OBLIGATION IS COMPLETE.

• 92. samantha jo campen  |  February 1st, 2010 at 4:57 pm

  My kid is almost two and the almost three year old boy at daycare kissed him on the lips.

  NOW THEY ARE BOTH GAY!

  *runs around in circles*

  My God you guys. Wow.

  I taught Theo to wave at black people and dogs. That’s how we roll, yo.

• 93. jonniker  |  February 1st, 2010 at 5:02 pm

  Caitlin: No no, I wasn’t trying to imply that EVERYONE was acting inappropriately.

  A few things:

  – I am hypersensitive to accuse kids of anything crazy like molestation or being disturbed or … whatever. Mostly because for me, my kid is a great unknown. I’m sure she’s going to do things that seem deviant or crazy or inappropriate, and I hope that people will look at it and say hey, THAT BEHAVIOR is inappropriate without condemning the whole child. So! Perhaps I am sensitive to that.

  If we were talking about an adult — or even a kid over the age of four, even — I’d be viewing this whole conversation differently. What I didn’t expect was the condemnation of the whole child, and not just the behavior.

  – I think I read ALL the comments about him with the same filter as I read anonforthisone and … well, to say I was all, WHATTHEFUCK OMFG is an understatement. So! For those of you who simply said yes, it’s creepy, you’re not crazy: I thank you. I think so, too, and I’m glad I’m not an asshole for being like, DING DONG, KID GET OFF OF MY DAUGHTER, HALLO.

  Like I said, I think the behavior was inappropriate, and no, I don’t love the parents in this case, because, as I’m REALLY thinking about it now (Thank you, uh, everyone), I think they’re far too indulgent of him, and I think he’s VERY lovey-dovey and they encourage that behavior to his own detriment, not realizing that sometimes it’s not appropriate. And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s DISTURBED or sexually deviant, I do think he’s in for a hard road in terms of behavior and expectations, because I think there’s a bit of a discipline problem brewing there.

  I had not, prior to this lovely comments section, really been able to come to that conclusion so succinctly before.

• 94. Dana  |  February 1st, 2010 at 5:15 pm

  I was going to say something that sounded grandma-wise, but I forgot when I read someone else’s comment about Ikea and then I got to thinking how bad it sucks that it’s 2010 and towns smaller than St. Louis have already gotten their Ikea and we haven’t. HATE THEM.

  I hate it when my kids are nice to adults in similar situations, like if they say “hi” or something and the other adult looks at them like my kids are two-headed calves. I tell my boys, loudly, that “maybe that man or woman is hard of hearing or maybe they don’t know how to return a salutation.” What I really want to do is punch the man or woman in the face but as it’s illegal and a bad example for my children, I refrain and just do it in my mind. Maybe that’s just as bad, I dunno.

  In conclusion: anyone who cannot bring themselves to smile and say “hi” back at your baby is Satan. Because, seriously.

• 95. Amy K  |  February 1st, 2010 at 5:38 pm

  Here in Seattle, my 10.5-month-old waves at everyone (including black people and pets!) and they all happily acknowledge her presence. In fact, we tend to end up with a circle of cooing admirers around our cart when we go shopping. The only downside is that she gets sad when friendly strangers walk away and sometimes dissolves into tears. I’d be suspicious of someone who didn’t at least smile at a waving baby, just like I’d be suspicious of someone who said puppies aren’t cute.

• 96. Krissa  |  February 1st, 2010 at 7:42 pm

  Heh. If you think about it, it’s funny that your poor daughter is that young and you are having to worry about the door being left open. Keep that bit of info around to tease her about when she’s old enough to be properly embarrassed by it.
  But, likewise, I think you’re correct that the door needs to be open. If nothing else he could accidentally hurt her with his, er, affection.
  All in all it’s a good reason to start the tradition of an open door with male companionship early.

• 97. Dr. Maureen  |  February 1st, 2010 at 8:58 pm

  I would like to very calmly and reasonably say that I am rather shocked to read that people are staring daggers at your adorable baby instead of saying “hi” back. I am a taciturn New Englaner, albeit less taciturn than average, and I ALWAYS say hi to babies who say hi to me. I always have, even before I had my own babies. And I’ve never experienced the stinkeye you have when my kid says hi to someone else. Stinkeye? Really? What is wrong with people? Sheesh!

• 98. lindsay  |  February 1st, 2010 at 9:22 pm

  Oh good god.Children are people; treat them as such. Agreed. But people! Calm yourselves.

• 99. Tutugirl  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:05 pm

  I’m on the same sort of kick with Smitten Kitchen. I sit in class thinking looking at her food p0rn and practically drooling, then race home and make it.

• 100. slynnro  |  February 1st, 2010 at 10:14 pm

  I’m a non-kid person to the max. I have that general “small people are cute” thing, but I feel no great need to interact with them at all. But I”m also NOT AN ASSHOLE, so I acknowledge children when they try to get my attention, just as I would if an adult I was passing said hello to me (which, This Be Texas, that happens a lot). I don’t even know what to say about that other situation. Something seems er, not right there. But I don’t know what it means.

• 101. rebecca  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:10 pm

  I live in the south, so it is more likely i will be ignored over my kid…

  and the 2 year old thing is creepy. I would be totally freaked out. always follow your instincts, dude.

• 102. Tutugirl  |  February 1st, 2010 at 11:15 pm

  And having just read all of the comments, all I can say is, TOO MUCH SVU PEOPLE.

• 103. Jeanne  |  February 2nd, 2010 at 10:41 am

  Oh My… Can I just say, what a hot mess of a comment section! Handled beautifully by you and some of your cohorts.

  Thanks for the laughs!

• 104. Leigh  |  February 2nd, 2010 at 1:20 pm

  Wait. THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO WON”T ACKNOWLEDGE PUPPIES? WTF? I had no idea. This is seriously the decline of Western Civilization. Fuck.

  Going back to bed now.

• 105. Blythe  |  February 2nd, 2010 at 2:32 pm

  I’m going to skip over all the other comments and go back to #19. “If you want to make a hashtag out of it” is my new retort. I love it.

• 106. Christina  |  February 2nd, 2010 at 3:23 pm

  Wow, I am very late to the party (and what a party it was) and I have not read all 105 comments so this may be a repeat but I am very curious about what the mother of the other kid was doing while you were following him to his room to open the door and try to get him off your kid.
  I ask this because I find that some mothers are not so good about intervening when kids are playing together (especially bigger kids with littler kids) when we are out at playgrounds and such and just this weekend we were at a indoor play place full of toddlers but this kid that must have been 7 was puching my 13 month old out of the way to play with a kiddy tool bench and then layed on the mat and kicked in the general direction of my kid til I finally picked my kid up and moved him to another area, all the while wondering “who and where is this kid’s parent?”
  Anyway, maybe I don’t have the playground ettiquette down but I just thought the parent of the older and/or offending kid should be the one to intervene here and set that kid straight and your story kid of remonded me of that so….. Ramble over.

  About RHOC, I also love Gretchen and think she is the real-est and most fun of them all, without being a raging b*tch like most of the others (except Lynne who is too medicated to be a b*tch)

• 107. Christina  |  February 2nd, 2010 at 3:25 pm

  Also, I just wanted to say Kid Kid Kid, can I say Kid anymore in one comment OMG that’s annoying!

• 108. willikat  |  February 3rd, 2010 at 11:01 pm

  I personally am flattered when a baby decides that I look like a Good Human Being to talk to. Also, usually children make me laugh like crazy, and who couldn’t use a laugh?

  I am also a person who will strike up a conversation, a game of peek-a-boo, or waving hi or high fiving with a small child. So… whatever.

  I agree….someone says hi, you say hi back. It’s not hard.

• 109. Alison of a Gun  |  February 4th, 2010 at 1:27 am

  Ha! I had no idea I’d cause such a stir. And yes of course I was joking, but I do live in the Deep South and SERIOUSLY some people will not wave at black people. Even black babies, who I feel are generally much cuter than their white counterparts. And I wasn’t kidding about dogs either. I think my dogs are freakin’ cute but not everyone is a dog person, and I don’t get all bent out of shape when someone doesn’t want to pet them or whatever. Maybe the people in the store are allergic to babies. Just assume it’s a problem with them, not with you or your (darling) kid.

• 110. Olivia  |  February 4th, 2010 at 2:24 pm

  It certainly is rude to not acknowlege a baby saying “hi” to you. As you say, they are people after all.

  I must be a grumpy pants though, because sometimes I get tired of all the comments my baby gets in stores. It’s all positive, “She’s so cute. Look at all that hair!”, but I get tired of acknowleding them.

  And that 2 yr old needs to be taught some boundries.

• 111. Penny  |  February 4th, 2010 at 3:37 pm

  Heh. Molested? My first reaction to the description was, “somebody walked in on their parents recently…” Or saw a movie. Or heard something.

  But someone who has had a negative experience with sexuality will not, at 2.5, attempt to reinact it.

  Kids at 2.5 do very weird things for very very innocent reasons.

• 112. hmmm  |  February 5th, 2010 at 2:13 am

  If I have to talk to you during a transaction or exchange of info or in passing, this does not mean I must give a shit that your lugging a child with you. Rude is putting your expectations out there as rules for others.

• 113. jonniker  |  February 5th, 2010 at 7:02 am

  LOL! Hmmm. So, if I say hello to you, and you just stare at me, that’s not rude? I really don’t expect you to give a shit that I’m lugging my child with me, but if *I* or my kid says hello to you and you ignore one or both of us, then you are rude.

  As is your comment. IRONY.

• 114. STOUTTerry28  |  March 30th, 2010 at 7:42 am

  According to my own investigation, millions of people in the world get the business loans from different banks. Hence, there’s great possibilities to find a collateral loan in any country.

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