50 Comments Add your own

• 1. Kate  |  February 25th, 2010 at 10:20 pm

  That one’s a toughie. I can’t say I have been in the exact same position because the former friend this story reminds me of was also taking advantage of me a bit — so I wasn’t outside the bad situation, not completely. She was pretty similar to the cheap friend you describe, but she was also a coworker who would shirk her responsibilities and take advantage of people at work and manipulate them and then started doing the same to her roommate, who was a mutual friend. All of this just added up to be too, too much to deal with and I stopped spending time with her.

  (She eventually got all up in my kitchen about it, demanding to know why I wasn’t hanging out with her anymore, and acting shocked when I described her bad behavior to her. God, I feel exhausted just thinking about it, it was that irksome.)

  With my former friend, though, there was never one defining action on her part, just an accumulation of behavior that eventually became intolerable.

  In your case, though, I’d think if the friend in question is doing something that bad, that reprehensible, then you are justified to cut ties if you want.

  Also, I feel just the same about Mos Def. Love him.

• 2. Someone Being Me  |  February 25th, 2010 at 10:36 pm

  LOVED The Worst Witch when I was a kid. Cannot tell you how many times I watched that movie.

  I completely understand your friend situation. I can’t be friends with someone that I have lost respect for and what your friend did was really low.

• 3. daysgoby  |  February 25th, 2010 at 10:40 pm

  OOH! My kids brought home The Dark Crystal a few weeks ago from the library (the movie – our library gets gifts of what I think must be yard-sale castoffs all the time) and I STILL can’t watch the part where they hook that poor cheeping thing up to that machine that sucks his soul out, or whatever….

  Yes. I have dropped people for bad behaviour not pointed at me. Because the next time it COULD be pointed at me.

• 4. cindy w  |  February 25th, 2010 at 10:47 pm

  First: thank you for introducing me to Temerity Jane’s blog because I’m now laughing my ass off over there. And OMG the Electric Grandmother triggered some long-buried memory in me – I had totally forgotten that movie until you said the title. So bizarre.

  As for the friend issue, I haven’t been exactly there, but I get it. I had to walk away once because a (former) friend evolved over the years into a pretty severe alcoholic, and essentially only wanted me around to be her designated driver. It got to the point where I just couldn’t deal with all of her accompanying drama, so I finally just walked away from it. I don’t think that counts the same as being morally bankrupt, though. In fact, I’d say your situation is far worse, and I wouldn’t feel one bit guilty about walking away from a friend like that. She might not have done anything directly to YOU, but why would you want someone like that in your life? I wouldn’t.

  I have a lovely friend who uses this analogy: “Your friends are like a garden. You need to tend to them often to help them grow and bloom and flourish… But sometimes, some of ‘em just gotta get weeded out.” Sounds like you might be due for some weeding.

• 5. Marie Green  |  February 25th, 2010 at 10:48 pm

  One thing I can say about myself that has followed me steadfastly through time (middle school! even back in middle school!) is that I’m extremely loyal.

  (As a kid, I used to feel guilty eating Milky Way’s because I felt like Snickers would be hurt. True effing story.)

  (I’ve since gotten OVER brand loyalty. But not regular loyalty.)

  Anyway, walking away from someone is very hard for me to do. Two things help me. One, I consider if I love the person. If I do (and this is usually because we’ve got a lot of history), then I just tell myself that I can love the person without accepting/condoning their behavior. Or making their problems my problems, etc. I also ask myself if having this person in my life is UNhealthy for me. If we can’t have a relationship in a healthy way then, in most cases, s/he must be let go.

  Two, I use that ultra-cheesy “friends come into our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime”. Sometimes, friends are just a season. It’s ok to grow apart and move on.

  Anyway, I hope that helps.

• 6. Melody  |  February 25th, 2010 at 10:50 pm

  First, hiiii-llo!

  Second, I have fond memories of my sister and I at a church picnic, at which time I was, oh, age 12 or so and my sister was probably 9. We had recently seen Grease 2 for the first time, and we were blown away by the fact that it was pretty much the best movie ever made. It was as good a time and place as any to sing our own loud rendition of “Reproduction.”

  Thirdly, I have walked away from friendships for way less than a person doing crazy bad shit. Which might sound cold, but I have always been a person to let relationships go pretty easily if it doesn’t feel right. I am an introvert to the extreme, and I can’t make myself invest the time and energy in another person if I don’t feel like it’s “worth it.”

  Some of the people I am closest to have been my friends for over half my life, and I have every intention of remaining friends with them for the rest of it. But having a past friendship with someone doesn’t necessitate a future friendship for me.

  And of course, I think it’s always at least somewhat dependent on the context of the relationship.

• 7. Farrell  |  February 25th, 2010 at 10:54 pm

  Re: Friends. I’m pleased to read the comments here because to be quite honest with you, there are way too many people out there that DON’T stand up for morals, values, good behavior…
  There is a difference between “sometimes my friends do things I don’t always agree with” (i.e. minor instances) and “this person is LOW.” So, all in all, i would distance myself, yes, definitely. And as another commenter said: If she can do it to them, she can do it to you (one day, if given the opportunity)

• 8. T  |  February 25th, 2010 at 11:05 pm

  Omigod, I’m absolutely going through this at work. This woman’s two daughters told her that their dad has molested them both, one of them just a month ago. His older daughter accused him when she was a kid, but nobody believed her. The older daughter called CPS and the police are involved, but the work woman keeps saying things like “well, he hasn’t been convicted yet” and ” I just don’t know what to believe”. YOU BELIEVE YOUR FUCKING KIDS, YOU ASSHOLE! Last week she was so shaken up about this, and we’ve all seen her straighten her spine and pretend like everything is fine, all the while talking to her husband on the phone a million times a day. It makes me literally sick to think about her poor daughters and what she’s doing to them, what she’s saying to them by not standing by him and not kicking his worthless ass to the curb. Every day it gets harder and harder to look at her, much less listen to why he’s not such a bad guy… Those poor babies.

• 9. Kate  |  February 25th, 2010 at 11:30 pm

  Ding dong…HALLO!

  Sorry, I couldn’t resist. YOU brought it up.

• 10. Erin (Snarke)  |  February 25th, 2010 at 11:48 pm

  I don’t know what to tell you about the friend situation, though I imagine if you have trouble even being around the friend because of what he or she has done to someone else, the friendship might wither away on its own… which might hurt but if you feel better not being around that person anymore then it might be for the best, though the drama of it might get hard to take (if there ends up being drama that is).

  And, on a brigher note: OH My God, I loved the Dark Crystal as a kid. I haven’t seen it in yeeeeeeeeeeeears because I’m afraid that, as an adult, the movie won’t hold up under the memories of my childhood adoration. It’s the same reason I haven’t watched Flight of the Navigator again even though Will bought it for me when we first started dating FIVE YEARS AGO.

• 11. Aneets  |  February 26th, 2010 at 12:15 am

  This post really spoke to me. One of my best friends who is married with two kids (one of which I am a godmother to) has been having an affair with a teacher at her kids school for over three years now.

  I wish I had no idea, but the fact that I do (nobody else does of course, as she is still married) means that I get to hear all about it. Sometimes I feel like blocking my ears and saying ‘la,la,la’ because I just so don’t want to know. I have to see her playing happy families and I feel so bad for her husband.

  If I weren’t godmother to her daughter I would have ditched the friendship a while ago, but sadly I cannot. I have cut back contact to a minimum but unfortunately can’t get her out of my life completely and it sucks as I really dislike spending time with her.

• 12. kdiddy  |  February 26th, 2010 at 12:20 am

  I am also a big fan of Electric Grandmother, The Worst Witch, and The Dark Crystal. Your people, you have found them.

• 13. Nothing But Bonfires  |  February 26th, 2010 at 12:32 am

  These movies are going on my Netflix queue NOW. I mean, Electric Grandmother? That one sounds like a hoot!

• 14. mrsgryphon  |  February 26th, 2010 at 2:11 am

  Last year, I had to cut ties with someone I had been friends with for a couple of years, and who turned out to be a vortex of drama and selfish betrayal (minor instances directed at me, but major issues with several other good friends of mine) It’s difficult, because we still have mutual friends and I see her at my daughter’s school every day, but as I continue to hear about more situations and conflicts around her, I’m so glad that I’m not in her target zone anymore. We talk because we have to at the kids’ school, but we will never be “friends” again. There is no room in my life for people who have proven that they can’t be trusted, or who could consider treating people she calls “friends” the way she did (and continues to do).

• 15. Charlotte  |  February 26th, 2010 at 5:48 am

  In terms of friendships, they’re supposed to be 2 way streets. If one person is being a friend and another is abusing it, then it’s not a friendship.

  In early adulthood, I cut ties with someone for being a whore. Not for having sex with people (which she didn’t, and if she had, it would have been her own business) but for holding out the possibility of sex, in exchange for gifts. I tried explaining my point of view to her, and it went completely over her head. Although as I said, “at least a prostitute names a price up front. Selling your time and company and the prospect of sex for /gifts/rent etc is whoring. Plain and simple….”, I’m not really sure how she could misunderstand…

  I’ve cut all ties in recent times with someone for what I believe was appalling behavior, aimed at someone else. What she did was typical and tawdry, and nothing out of the usual. HOW she did it was contrary to everything she purported to believe in and espouse. So I figured, “You are not the person you said you were. You are not someone I can now have a conversation with, because I’ll never be able to trust another word that comes out of your mouth. And you did all this deliberately, to hurt and humiliate someone you are supposed to love, a much as possible. Goodbye.”

  Think of it this way. How would to explain the situation (minus the adult complexities) to your daughter (granting her non-childlike understanding, and making her a stand-in conscience)? If you’d be embarrassed to explain why you are friends with someone to her, I figure that you’re better off out of it.

  I know, in my exhausted state (3yo and 11mo girls – no sleep in 4 years now…) I use the girls as my version of a conscience. “Yes, it’d be easier/faster/less exhausing to do it that way, but how would I explain to ****?”.

  I also figure if you’re asking the question, you already know the answer. You are just looking for confirmation.

• 16. Swistle  |  February 26th, 2010 at 7:21 am

  I think the hardest part is when the friend doesn’t see anything wrong with their behavior so they don’t get why you’re backing away, or they think it’s a small thing and why are you making such a big deal over nothing—-when really it IS a big thing.

• 17. twojams  |  February 26th, 2010 at 8:09 am

  In some ways, I am probably a little too loyal. I try to accept that people are who they are for (mostly) unexplainable reasons, and I guess that can rationalize some very bad behavior. However, the people with that bad behavior are kept kind of in the “outer circle” of my friendships. I don’t get close with them. If it was someone I was really close with already, I’d probably try to talk to him/her about what they were doing; if that didn’t work, “ZAP! I banish you to the outer circle.” Not that being in my inner circle is any humongous privilege, but, you know, it’s mine.

  Grease 2, favorite line: “We’re gonna die, and I’m wearing my mother’s underwear!!”

• 18. Jessie  |  February 26th, 2010 at 8:28 am

  That sleep pattern you put up there is exactly true, and each one lasts about a week for us. She sleeps for a week, she stops sleeping entirely for a week, repeat ad nauseum. It’s killing me, but I’m sure I’ll survive it and go on to repeat it with another little rugrat sometime soon.

  I had forgotten totally about The Electric Grandmother! I used to love that movie, yet I don’t think I really got it at the time. I also kind of feel like my mom may have turned it off or fast forwarded at some point to avoid me having nightmares. Does something scary happen? Off to go check and see if they have it on Netflix, because I will totally add it to my queue and see if it’s as awesome as I remember.

• 19. Shelly  |  February 26th, 2010 at 9:06 am

  I remember The Dark Crystal! I loved it as a kid!

  And I have dropped friends for way less than that, but the same principle. I had an old friend, who, as we got older, just seemed to grow more entitled and snotty. Once, talking about one of her co-workers, she made the comment, “I know I make more money than she does, why don’t I FEEL RICHER than she is?” Nice, huh? I just found her whole attitude and personality repugnant. So I just put more distance between us and eventually the frienship tapered off. I struggle with this one, but I do feel that you have to share values with your friends. If you’re constantly biting your tongue or being horrified by their comments or their behavior, then what is your friendship built on?

• 20. Kristin H  |  February 26th, 2010 at 9:10 am

  I am laughing at Marie Green’s comment about the candy bars, because I used to feel sorry for the TV networks that weren’t doing well. I’d feel bad for NBC and CBS because ABC had Moonlighting and was doing so well…

  About your friend, though, what an awful story! I don’t even know any of those people and I feel terrible for the guy. We got sued once and it is a terrible, terrible thing.

• 21. Gina  |  February 26th, 2010 at 9:53 am

  love the reference to weeding from Cindy W. And, I agree. You have to decide if this is something you can eventually get past and if not… Also, if you secretly kind of dislike the person for this behavior, you’re really never going to enjoy your time trying to maintain the friendship…

• 22. Caitlin  |  February 26th, 2010 at 10:01 am

  This is such a tough situation, but I have to echo what a lot of people here have said. It is a two-way street, and the longer you hang around with someone who operates with those morals, the stronger the likelihood that behavior may get directed your way.

  I just read a fantastic article on this, that may be helpful. Long but some real gems in it: http://goop.com/newsletter/71/en/

  The story about your friends suing that guy reminds me of something that happened to my aunt’s friend: My aunt & uncle had a big group of friends that always had big winter get-togethers. One year they were at someone’s house and the underage kids of one of the friends had a drink or two (with their parents’ permission). They took out a snowmobile (many people were using them at these gatherings) and crashed. It was dumb and could have been prevented, but everyone was fine.

  The parents, as you may predict, turned around and sued the friends whose house they were at. Their own friends. On whose property they allowed their own kids to drink and then do something stupid. The parents told the friends “Don’t worry, it’s not personal. It’s just about the money.” IT’S NOT PERSONAL, IT’S JUST ABOUT THE MONEY.
  Needless to say, those jolly fun winter gatherings don’t happen any more.

• 23. Pocklock  |  February 26th, 2010 at 10:15 am

  DING DONG

  Okay. So, here’s my story about money hungry bleepbleeps.

  My ex boyfriend’s family defined the term money grubbers. Both his parents stopped working and either collected unepmloyment or disability by the time they were 40. They continued to collect disability until they could collect social security. Then, his father had a stroke and his mother (they were divorced) moved back in just so that SHE could collect HIS social security check. The lazy. The disgusting. Ugh.

  BUT! That’s not even the worst part!

  My ex was in a car accident on his birthday in his brand new car (the kid had THE worst luck) with his mom in the car. He was pretty badly injured. She walked away. HOWEVER. She! Sued him (and his insurance company) for a slew of things! SHE SUED HER OWN SON! The whole family is just screwed UP. Hence… EX boyfriend.

• 24. Andrea (@shutterbitch)  |  February 26th, 2010 at 10:34 am

  I own both The Dark Crystal and Grease 2 and am on a mission to find The Worst Witch on DVD so my kids can experience the cheesy effects. My sister and I will break into song every now and then a la Tim Curry. “I wouldn’t change plaaaaaaccceeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss with anyone toniiiiiiite…” LOVE. Also, there’s a part where the main witch’s friend says a few too many syllables when accusing someone of something so every now and then I’ll say, “You knew it all a-la-la-long.” Never fails to crack me up.

  For the friend thing, I get you. I had a friend who was so negative all the time she made me feel guilty over everything. I was not well off by any means, but I had parents that paid for my college and dorm fees and she had to struggle to make enough money for tuition because her parents whittled away her nest egg they’d started for her on silly things. She was bitter and it showed in every word she said. I gave up on our friendship after I called to tell her that the car I’d had totaled in an accident had been replaced and that my boyfriend and I had gotten back together after a three month break up. She told me I was spoiled and that my boyfriend was only there for the sex. Something clicked right then and I just never called her back. Tolerance level, reached. Also, the boyfriend? I married him and now we have 2 kids.

  Incidentally that car accident I mentioned, during which I sustained a permanent injury to my foot wherein I have had four 2 inch long screws and a couple metal plates inserted in there to stabilize broken bones and I have permanent nerve damage, resulted in me suing the other driver for the injury and I have guilt over doing it still. 1.) She was not remorseful at all, and 2.) I am not so fine, as I have a bit of a limp now and then and I am limited in what I can do physically (I’m trying to train myself to be a runner, but I just don’t know if this injury can be overcome). And I STILL feel guilty over the lawsuit, but it was her insurance company that forked over the settlement, not her per se. The only reason I can sleep at night is knowing that it was an insurance company footing that bill, and I didn’t ruin this girl’s chances to go to college or something. I cannot see suing anyone over a non-injury, especially someone as remorseful as your former friend’s defendant.

  Sorry for the novel. Chatty today, I guess.

• 25. Amie  |  February 26th, 2010 at 10:56 am

  I have a low tolerance for low moral people. I say that not meaning to sound like the moral police and I’m not religious but I try to surround myself by people who are uplifting, positive, goal oriented, low drama, kind etc etc. I have no problem cutting losers out of my life, you should do the same.

  And about Grease 2 – I cannot hear the word “reproduction” without breaking into song. Baby give it to me now! Luaus have never been the same for me either. I was disppointed that me and my high school friends never broke into spontaneous song at the bowling alley. It LOVED grease 2!

• 26. Gaby  |  February 26th, 2010 at 11:30 am

  I just have a small need for clarification–did you former friend sue a Father, as in, the priestly sort? Or a man who had children? Either way, it’s pretty low, but something about the idea of suing a priest over this particular incident sounds like a quick way to getting struck by lightening

• 27. Annie  |  February 26th, 2010 at 11:42 am

  Good for you for having morals. I mean, seriously. I’ve actually been hit by a car before. As in, moving vehicle hit me while I was walking in a cross walk. Rolled up on the hood of the car and then back on the street and everything! I was bruised and kind of paranoid for a little while afterwards, but otherwise fine. In fact, I kind of FORGOT it happened. I hope the guy wins the case. Sorry, ex-friend. That’s just bad karma. I don’t blame you at all. But I think it’s harder for people to try and cut ties when something wasn’t done directly TO them.

  I never watch American Idol, but caught the women… I liked Siobhan! But that was really it.

• 28. Christine  |  February 26th, 2010 at 12:20 pm

  Totally dumped a friend because of her actions with another person. We all traveled in a big group of people, and for some reason she decided that person X was trying to hard to be friends with her, and launched a “talk badly about X” campaign. First were the ugly twitters posted whenever X twittered something (and anyone who knew how friend felt knew they were about her). X was twitter friends with her too, so got the ugly passive aggressive tweets, all unknowing. Then was the second twitter account, only sent to “friends” that she used to snark about her more privately and viciously. I bowed out round about this time, though I understand it got much worse, all the while she was hugging on the girl and being lovely to her in person. Yuck!

• 29. Christine  |  February 26th, 2010 at 12:52 pm

  On the defense attorney side of things: here’s hoping she got nominal damages. I see it all the time. Hilariously, we’re considering filing suit right now, but for property damage, and the amount of the damage, and it’s related to the brand (!) freaking (!) new (!) house we bought, that was literally built within the year, purchased six weeks ago, but has either a roof or stucco (or both! woo for us) leak that has ruined drywall down all four floors, left my basement flooded, destroyed our hardwood floors, and maybe killing us with black mold. Fun.

  Blerg. And yeah, I see no problem with leaving that friend, she doesn’t sound like someone I would want to be around either. But then again one of my cases involves a car accident where a woman and her five children are suing my client for a car accident which involved literally just the the driver’s side mirrors getting scratched. You should know that when two driver’s side mirrors hit each other (not enough to fall off, mind you, just enough to be scraped) it sounds like an “airplane crash”. Or at least according to this woman. While it’s going to settle, because our nominal offer is less than it would cost to try it, I would so love to have this case tried.

  BUT on to better things: the other day (within a week?) I made my husband watch “My Little School” with one Charlotte Rae. Apparently to other people this is torturous.

• 30. Jess  |  February 26th, 2010 at 2:08 pm

  That would be it, for me. Something as awful as that! I wouldn’t be able to look at that person the same way. I would drift apart, you know? I wouldn’t, like, issue a formal Break-Up Proclamation, but it would just be natural, because after that I would never want to confide in that person or talk to them about anything personal or important again, so that would start the end of the friendship anyway, I think.

• 31. ABDPBT  |  February 26th, 2010 at 2:34 pm

  Yes, that’s happened to me, and it feels like you are being overly judgmental, but no, you are not. Because those kinds of things are what tells you about somebody’s character, and in my mind, you don’t wait to be on the receiving end of that kind of stuff. Also, I think being cheap is a sign of poor character, but then, that might be my issue. LOL.

  But Tiger Woods admitted to being cheap on 60 minutes, and after that I couldn’t think of him as being all that great. Just saying. Years before WE FOUND OUT.

• 32. jonniker  |  February 26th, 2010 at 5:01 pm

  Gaby: HAAA, no, he was someone’s dad — maybe even a grandfather, I can’t remember. Was not a priest.

  Everyone else: Dude, thank you. Would have responded earlier, but our stupid cable modem died and we have a new one now, hooray!

• 33. bacioni  |  February 26th, 2010 at 5:28 pm

  Ok, well this was educational reading for me. It’s good to know I’m not alone in having dropped friendships, so I can get over feeling guilty about it. I have sometimes let things fade away due to lack of interest/commonality, but in two cases I just cold-dropped the toxicity and walked away. I guess I don’t need to feel bad about not hanging on to bad stuff. Don’t know what I’ve been thinking.

  On to good things: you know about Hyland’s Teething Formula? I hear it’s wonderful in easing the teething pain and might let you (and her) get some rest. It’s worth a try.

• 34. Kader  |  February 26th, 2010 at 7:14 pm

  First of all, is it because I’m old that I don’t even recognize the names of those shows? Do other people born in 1970 know of those shows? My mom didn’t let us watch anything, but I usually still knew about TV. Hmmm.
  As for friends, I liked what someone else said above about being an introvert and, therefore, being very picky about the investment of time and energy into friendships. Sometimes I learn something about a friend that just lets me know we’ll never really understand each other well enough to be good friends. And once I know that thing, it’s like the stark, bright light is illuminating all of the other holes. So, yes, I’ve ended friendships because of something that seemed morally repugnant to me, even though the person hadn’t done anything directly to me. I’ve never done this with someone who I had considered a close friend. Just with people who were more casual/newish friends.
  I haven’t watch AI at all this season. I guess it’s just as well. But I was so hopeful about Ellen.

• 35. H  |  February 26th, 2010 at 8:40 pm

  I haven’t been in a similar situation but I agree with you.

  I’m dying reading the comments about feeling badly for “things” because I feel badly for the animated Wii balance board when I choose not to listen to a fitness tip, and then it says something like, “Well, if you ever do want a fitness tip, I’d be happy to share mine with you.” And I feel terrible for that Wii balance board! It would only take me a few seconds to listen to the tip and make the board happy…..right?

• 36. Rosie Cakes  |  February 26th, 2010 at 8:44 pm

  I loved all of those movie as a child. My husbands parents used to rent The Electric Grandmother on 16mm from the library and show it on a projector. Another movie in this category for me is The Peanut Butter Solution. The plot lines get very weird in this movie (slave labor and hair growing), and I wonder why it was made for children, but still have fond memories of it…

  Yeah, the whole friend thing… I have stopped friendships before based on morals. But I have been thinking about this a lot lately, as I have a friend who was laid off, and is going back to school basically on the tax payers dime. I think is great that the program exists in our state, but I feel she isn’t the targeted audience for it. She basically complained/bad behavior-ed herself out of a good paying job, and got “laid off.” (They would have fired her if layoffs hadn’t come up first. I know this for certain) She had to go on food stamps to qualify for this education program, but she doesn’t need food stamps. She lives with her boyfriend and they live well above the poverty level. So, she must have been slightly dishonest to apply for the food stamps. (My aunt hardly makes any money at all with her disability check and sometimes doesn’t qualify for food stamps.) Then she gets paid unemployment for a year while she goes back to school for learning about wine. HMMMMM…. Did I mention that she has marketable skills and could probably find another job?

  Now this maybe isn’t as bad as your friend who sued, but it is immoral in my eyes. She is taking assistance that she doesn’t really need, or really qualify for… But she would never ever see it that way. So I will probably never talk to her about it. UGH.

• 37. megs  |  February 26th, 2010 at 9:25 pm

  OMG THE PEANUT BUTTER SOLUTION.

  I was beginning to think I had made that movie up.

  I have to say, since having the kid, I find it easier to walk away from friendships that aren’t “worth it.” Meaning I actually dislike or distrust the person. Recently I’ve had a friend become angry with me because I don’t spend enough time with her; I had to tell her that she could basically take me or leave me, because with the kid? And a job? And finishing my PhD? I have exactly as much time as I was giving her, no more. In fact, I could and should have been spending less. Shrug. Why spend time with someone who demands my time as if it’s owed her? That goes beyond sweetly desiring our “old friendship.” Ugh, I’m rambling.

  Anyway, do you want this person in your life? Do you want this person to eventually be around your kid? Let it slowly die off.

• 38. sue  |  February 26th, 2010 at 10:32 pm

  I have no problem with dumping a friend on moral grounds. After a years long friendship, holding each other up during dire illness, dire spousal illness and a divorce (hers), I discovered she had a taste for married men. She cried on my shoulder for the first one who (go figure) “Just couldn’t leave his wife because of the kids” The second time I backed off…third one, “dont want to hear it, please leave me out from now on” we not have a polite acquaintance type relationship if we ever meet.

• 39. Lippy  |  February 27th, 2010 at 3:10 am

  A) I frequently sing “whose that guy” in my head.

  B) A friend of mine and her husband were divorcing and she told us all he was seeing someone else. We all got really pissed and circled the wagons. Months later we found out she was cheating on him long before he started. Apparently, she thought since she was cheating with another woman it was ok. That is one friendship I let go. She continues to play the scorned woman. Still bugs me.

• 40. JMH  |  February 27th, 2010 at 9:18 am

  Grease 2!!! “We’re gonna scor-or-ore tonight…..we’re gonna rock we’re gonna roll we’re gonna bop we’re gonna bowl” I will be singing that all day now. I love the Talent Show in that movie too! And seriously, what was going on with that love triangle? And where were all of those Pink Ladies and T-Birds in the original Grease? Frenchie obviously knew them, yet that was never explained. Ahhh, the mysteries of life……:)

• 41. KBO  |  February 27th, 2010 at 9:29 am

  You already know what I think, but as I grow older (you know, as I wisely approach all of 30), I realize that life’s too short, and there are too many non-assholes in the world, to waste time and energy on people my gut tells me are douche canoes. Who I associate with is a reflection of me, you know? So you have to ask yourself if you are okay with that person, in some way, being a reflection of you.

• 42. Summer Nicklasson  |  February 27th, 2010 at 10:30 am

  I can’t believe (!) you just wrote that about the boring doorbell. I have been laughing my ass off at that skit all week!
  Ding dong. Your blog rocks. Answer your door!

• 43. Shin Ae  |  February 27th, 2010 at 6:29 pm

  Yes. And I feel badly about it. I still feel as if it is not really over and that I may, perhaps, change my mind someday. When I say “change my mind,” that makes it all sound so much more intentional than it was. I didn’t intend to not hang out anymore. It just kind of happened because I just couldn’t. Someday, I wonder if I will. I like to leave room for realizing I misjudged things, or for some kind of resolution. The whole thing still tears me up inside.

• 44. Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo  |  February 28th, 2010 at 1:45 am

  oh how that sounds like my friend from highschool.

  I don’t have the heart to cut her loose.

  But a friend you can’t trust… is that really someone you can call friend or just someone you keep close cause you are too scared of what they will do…

• 45. Sheryl  |  March 1st, 2010 at 5:04 pm

  Cutting loose is rough. But I’ve done it, certainly. Probably not well…I’m too non-confrontational for my own good.

  Most recent break-up? The “friend” who after 12 years of sobriety started drinking again, started cheating on her husband and asked me to lie and cover for her. No, no, no. Not long after that she hopped on a plane leaving the hubby and 2 boys to go to the Bay Area to meet up with the man-whore. Dropped off the face of the earth for 2 weeks. Not cool.

• 46. Artemisia  |  March 2nd, 2010 at 1:35 pm

  Oh, I would walk away from that “friend.”

  I was hit while crossing the street by a drunk 19-year-old. I was in the hospital a couple of days, and he and his parents visited me. He apologized, he was shaking in his shoes.

  People make mistakes. He pled guilty. I never ONCE considered going after HIM.

  His insurance company was a huge dick about everything. All I wanted was medical bills covered and a week of lost wages. (Which, at the time was something like $230. I mean, jesus.)

  They drug it out for over two years. I finally had to file suit with them for them to finally settle.

  I am still so glad I never went after the driver. It would be one thing if he plead not guilty after being proven to be drunk. If he didn’t show up to court. If he hadn’t had insurance.

  Oh, it makes me kind of sick that this friend of yours is trying to gain from this. Gross.

• 47. Kristabella  |  March 3rd, 2010 at 5:59 pm

  So um, I’m kind of having that kind of a dilemma with a friend right now. We’ve been friends since preschool. And we were out for her birthday a few weeks ago and she was telling me about how she had sex with a married man. And I was like “WHY?” And I think I also said “DO NOT EVER DO THAT AGAIN! You are a HOMEWRECKER!” And she said, I KID YOU NOT, “I’m not the one doing anything wrong. He is the one that is cheating!”

  And I sat there with my mouth agape wondering how I cold leave and run out the door without leaving a KJ shaped hole on my way out.

  I haven’t really talked to her since. I just can’t be friends with someone like that.

• 48. Natalie  |  March 7th, 2010 at 12:11 pm

  But what if the “friend” in question is a family member?!?!? That is my situation. And let me tell ya, It. Is. Effing. Hard. Because everyone ELSE seems to think, GOOD FOR YOU! YOU GOT ALL THIS MONEY AND REALLY SCREWED XYZ and when I pipe in that it was in a way that is shameful and wrong I am glared upon as something other than human. I guess I’m saying, Yes, this has happened to me…the doorbell was never very loud anyway.

• 49. Trenches of Mommyhood  |  March 9th, 2010 at 2:38 pm

  For me, it was notsomuch “Let’s Bowl” as it was “Reproduction”…which? Back then? I don’t even think I knew what it meant – I just new it was something NASTY.

  Reproduction, reproduction!
  Put your pollen tube to work!

• 50. blog list  |  May 27th, 2011 at 11:10 am

  I appeared to be extremely pleased to discover this particular web-site.I wanted to thanks for your effort for the great study!! I ACTUALLY surely having fun with any little bit of it all and I’ve you saved as a favorite to see new thing you article.

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