Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
March 16th, 2010
Look, here’s the truth: I’m not sure if I can REALLY give up Big Love. Oh, I know I SAID I was, and I will admit, I half-watched this entire season, because it was a strangely repellent mixture of incredibly boring and incredibly far-fetched. All the things that made it wonderful in the first few seasons — the delicate nuances of the wives’ personalities as they danced around the (horrible) center of their universe, Douchebag Bill; the impact it had on their children who, for the most part, were expected to live normal lives without ever letting anyone in on their secret; the unforeseen challenges of being a husband, three times over.
All of that was replaced by bombastic fireworks with little substance. Murder! Mayhem! Closeted gays! Arm-slicing! A bizarre eugenics experiment that went entirely unexplained! And it was all so poorly written and … oh, what the HELL, people?
But you know what, I said the same thing about Grey’s Anatomy somewhere in the range of FIVE THOUSAND TIMES, and umpteen MEELLION years later, here I am, TiVoing the shiznit outta that show and relieved, week after week, that they’ve refrained from torturing us with MerDer dramzzz.
I’m a sheep, however. I can’t stop.
***
Whenever my dog is behaving oddly — like, say, this evening, when she busted into Sam’s bedroom during our nighttime routine no fewer than three times — I have a tendency to suddenly assign a great deal of meaning to her actions, like she’s somehow channeling Lassie and trying to tell us something Very Important. “Is there a fire, girl? Do I smell different? DO I HAVE CANCER, SUNNY ROOBS?”
All this portentous behavior ascribed to a dog who can’t effectively communicate that she needs to go outside to go to the BATHROOM.
***
Here’s a sad fact: I quit smoking at least five years ago, probably longer — I can’t even remember anymore, maybe 2003? — and the truth is, I miss it every day. Every. Day. When I find out someone I know smokes, my reaction is almost never one of revulsion, although I AM repulsed by the smell of smoke, but instead is, OH YOU ARE SO LUCKY. I miss smoking terribly, you guys. TERRIBLY. Everything about it just screams “RECKLESS YOUTH!” to me, from taking too-long smoke breaks at my first job to bond with coworkers, a la Rachel in “Friends,” to Adam and me, in the throes of our early days, buying two packs apiece on a Friday night and wondering if it would be enough to last until Saturday morning (!!).
I’ll never smoke again, especially now that I have a daughter, but I don’t think there will ever be a day where I look back on it with anything but fondness.
However, that doesn’t stop me from being a totally judgmental douchebag when I see anyone climb into a car with little kids (in their CAR SEATS, even!) and light up. And if you have the windows rolled up? There’s a chance I’ll flip your ass off. I don’t care if you smoke, but their little lungs are all FRESH AND PINK and you have no right to sully them, biznatch.
And finally, a baby in a barrette, made by Metalia:
Happy Wednesday!
*The Platters. Yes, THE PLATTERS. From DECADES AGO. I have a thing for The Platters, for reasons that have to do with my mom and me singing them while baking cookies.
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,I Love Television,Sunny The Pug,What the fuck?
29 Comments Add your own
1. Erica | March 16th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
O.M.G. She looks like a tiny, little Jonna! Adorable!
2. Danell | March 16th, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Gosh looka all dem teeth!! I was starting to wonder if Marshall was ever going to get any…she finally has two little bottom ones poking out.
3. cindy w | March 16th, 2010 at 9:44 pm
Oh my, hair clips on baby girls SLAY me. LOVE that pic. What a cutie.
I’ve never smoked & have always been repulsed by it. The smell gives me a headache. And yeah, people who smoke around their kids = boiling, white-hot rage.
And now that I have a kid with asthma? People who smoke outdoors in public places are subjected to my death glares and muttering “stupid asshole” under my breath as I walk past them. Totally irrational, I know, but that’s my visceral reaction. Of course, the great irony here is that my husband quit smoking years ago & just started again 6 months ago (during a time of extreme stress) and it is DRIVING ME BONKERS. He smokes outside, but I can still smell it when he comes in, and ugh. Barf. I can’t stand it.
4. Megan | March 16th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Yeah, I’m rewatching Big Love at this very moment. Clearly, I have a problem.
5. beyond | March 16th, 2010 at 10:12 pm
i stopped smoking in 6 years ago, and won’t ever smoke again, like you. i still miss it sometimes. it’s strange, isn’t it. i feel like i just really enjoyed smoking, like i wasn’t really addicted to it. (although i know i was.) it’s kinda like missing an old friend…
6. Jen | March 16th, 2010 at 10:19 pm
I’ve never smoked, but both my parents did when I was growing up. They both stopped abruptly when my dad had his first heart attack at 36. My mom started up again when my parents were divorcing, for a short time, then quit again, but my mom maintains, some 15 years later, that all it would take to get hooked again is one drag, even though it totally repulses her, too. Weird thing, but seems like it’s a common sentiment among former smokers.
7. -R- | March 16th, 2010 at 10:51 pm
Smoking grosses me out. My parents smoked when they were young (before I was born), and my mom said quitting was one of the hardest things she ever did. She basically told me that she would forgive me for anything except smoking. It was her one big thing.
I have been stuck watching bad shows too, but Grey’s Anatomy was easy for me to give up after the second season. I started hating every single character.
Sam is adorable. I think she looks a lot like you in that picture.
8. How safe is your mattress&hellip | March 17th, 2010 at 1:53 am
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9. Shelly | March 17th, 2010 at 7:54 am
Oh Sam is SO CUTE! I love that barrette.
10. heidi | March 17th, 2010 at 8:46 am
It has now been 16 years since I quit smoking. And sometimes? Still totally miss it. And you are right, totally signifies reckless youth to me. Just the smell makes me sick now but oh, the loveliness of smoking. And I am with you on the burning hot rage at people who smoke around kids. I stopped when I found out I was pregnant the first time. Just quit. And in the following years I did smoke occasionally when out at a bar, wedding reception, party, something with other smokers around. But it’s been about 8 years since I’ve even done that.
11. Marie Green | March 17th, 2010 at 8:49 am
I miss smoking too, though not every day. But I think what I really miss is how FREE and FUN my life was during my smoking days. I only recall smoking with fondness as well. And I DO sometimes still smoke, with a friend, out of sight of children. While drinking. And it feels so wonderful and reckless and nostalgic.
Also, ditto on Grey’s. DITTO.
And you tiny, barretted child? SWOON!
12. Annie | March 17th, 2010 at 9:37 am
That barrette is too adorable! Cute models always help, too.
I don’t smoke. I never have. I didn’t meet my maternal grandmother because she died of lung cancer before I was born. That was enough to make me realize it would never be worth it. And it is a repulsive habit. Plus, holy crap, it’s EXPENSIVE. I’d rather spend $5 a day on some delicious coffee or funky nail polish or, you know, something that isn’t gonna kill me.
Also, I don’t think it’s irrational to be annoyed by people smoking in public places. You can smoke at my city’s freakin’ ZOO and people do it all the time. I don’t understand why people think their right to smoke is more important than my right to clean air. It’s not like there’s another ZOO I can go to. Shucks.
13. Andrea (@shutterbitch) | March 17th, 2010 at 9:58 am
Aw! Love love love! Smooshy baby cheeks nom nom nom.
Ahem. Sorry. It’s an ingrained reaction to baby pics.
I’m glad Sunny just had to go. True story, my SIL and her husband were thinking that their 14 year old black lab was getting sick. He was following my SIL around and bugging her by being under foot all the time and just up in her business as much as he possibly could be. They thought he knew his time was short and he was bonding as a way to say goodbye.
Turns out, my SIL had a brain tumor. She successfully had it removed and has had clean MRIs for 2 years now, and so is now just fine. The dog? No longer follows her every move or hovers over her.
Weird, no?
14. claire | March 17th, 2010 at 10:13 am
Oh, so I shouldn’t have deleted all of my episodes of Big Love from the DVR? Cause I’ve been saving them up, never really in the mood to watch it and I was looking at them the other day just taking up precious, precious room that could be saved for some other piece of crap show and then i read yesterday’s post. I deleted them all cause you gave me permission. I know, right?
No wonder I’m a smoker. Peer Pressure! I am weak and do what people tell me to do.
But seriously, I think about quitting like every other day, but have never actually tried. I’m afraid I guess – of what i’m not sure. Sometimes i just think, “but i really LIKE IT” and I know that’s stupid. I want to be the kind of person that can have one every now and then and be ok to drop it for months or years at a time. I’ll work on it…
15. Aunt Becky | March 17th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Like, I WANTED to like Big Love, but then I thought it was SO BORING and then SO STRESSFUL. I dunno. I couldn’t handle 3 freaking wives. *shudders*
16. Sarah Lena | March 17th, 2010 at 10:58 am
I have so little to offer here .. I don’t watch Big Love, I don’t smoke and never have, and I have a little boy who SOMETIMES lets me put clips in his hair but then his father gets all weirded out and starts playing Army with him immediately after removal of said clip.
BUT, I do the same thing when my dog or cats start acting weird. Also, when the baby does. When he lists all of our animals, if he leaves one out or says “No (pet’s name here)” while listing them, I immediately assume that said pet is going to be belly-up within 24 hours.
17. Michelle | March 17th, 2010 at 11:41 am
Me too on the smoking! Well except that I don’t miss it every day, but there are days that are a struggle.
18. RockyCat | March 17th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
I quit a 30-year, pack-and-a-half a day habit almost a year ago. And I STILL think about smoking every single day. Like #6 jen’s mom, all it would take would be one drag to get me started again. So I’m just never gonna take that one drag.
19. Christine | March 17th, 2010 at 3:20 pm
I never smoked, but my mother used to sneak cigarettes in the car when she would drive us somewhere (I’m guessing in the 8 year old range through high school) and I secretly still don’t mind the smell of Marlboro lights. But then, she only smoked about a pack every two weeks. My husband still smokes and holy cow, those menthol Newports…barf. So, so gross.
Sam is getting so big! I think she looks like you here. The expression maybe?
20. Suniverse | March 17th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Cute barrette!
I quit smoking about 14 or 15 years ago and I still miss it EVERY SINGLE DAY. Right now, having read this post, I miss it even more. God, my husband [who quit about 8 years ago] and I used to say, “I love you because you smoke.” IT WAS AWESOME and so were we.
Of course, it totally stinks and I am constantly appalled when people do smoke, but man, if I could . . . yum.
21. TwoBusy | March 17th, 2010 at 6:53 pm
Say what you will about the doo-wop era, but Tony Williams? Had crazy vocal chops.
Gorgeous song. Which I will now be singing to myself all night.
22. Katy | March 17th, 2010 at 8:21 pm
I gave up on Big Love midway through the last season. I’m really interested in the women/politics dynamic, but I want to kick Bill in the butt.
I had a student who’s mom smoked in the car every day with the window rolled up. The student had chronic ear/throat problems, missed a ton of school, and even had to have her tonsils removed. I’m not saying it was definitely related, but it sure got me thinking. . .
23. H | March 17th, 2010 at 8:53 pm
Sam looks so grown up!
I do the same thing with my dog and the rest of my family thinks I’m nuts. Now I think he has dementia so I’m never sure if he’s trying to tell me something REAL or if the message is the result of his dementia. And that reinforces for my family that I’m as crazy as the dog.
24. Carolyn J. | March 17th, 2010 at 10:08 pm
My question is, what are Big Love’s writers going to do now? They’ve painted themselves into a corner.
And I feel the same way about 24. This season and the last are just awful, but I keep watching to see what happens.
25. slynnro | March 17th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
I just love that people are reminding you of how gross smoking is here, LIKE YOU DO NOT KNOW. I went through on and off smoking periods, nothing that was ever difficult to quit. But every time I have a sip of alcohol, I get that same craving.
26. home and uncool | March 18th, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Personally, I’d love to hang in the writers’ room at Big Love when they try to come up with these crazier and crazier storyline. And I’d be smoking the whole time.
27. Amy | April 18th, 2010 at 1:19 pm
Say what you will about the doo-wop era, but Tony Williams? Had crazy vocal chops.
Gorgeous song. Which I will now be singing to myself all night.
28. Nick | April 25th, 2010 at 4:32 pm
I never smoked, but my mother used to sneak cigarettes in the car when she would drive us somewhere (I’m guessing in the 8 year old range through high school) and I secretly still don’t mind the smell of Marlboro lights. But then, she only smoked about a pack every two weeks. My husband still smokes and holy cow, those menthol Newports…barf. So, so gross.
Sam is getting so big! I think she looks like you here. The expression maybe?
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