The Book of Love
March 18th, 2010
You know what would be awesome? If I didn’t pee every effing time I sneezed. Even when I don’t THINK I have to pee, it sneaks up on me, like an insidious unwelcome visitor. These are the things no one warned me about before I had kids. To think, all those people wasted all that time telling me how I would never! sleep! again! (I’m sleeping now, bitches!), when they should have been warning me about the loss of bladder function. Oooooeee! What’s up with that? WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?
(Apparently my entire life is an SNL skit. It’s in my vernacular now so hard that I can’t stop it even if I tried. I find myself ding-donging and “OH REALLY”-ing and … well, OOOOEEEing ALL THE TIME.)
It seems I am the only parent in the universe who is in TLA with the DST. Dudes! My kid is sleeping until SE-VEN A to the M. She’s going to bed later, sure, but as a late to bed/late to rise person, this fits in to my schedule perfectly, and allows me to eat dinner WITH my child, rather than shoving food in her face, jamming her into the bathtub, and then scrambling to get something on the table for Adam and me to eat before 9 p.m. This eating-with-my-child thing is also new and weird, now that she’s a whole one year old and can eat what we’re eating for dinner. HELLO MINDFUCK.
I know this is in no way revelatory, as, well, this is what babies DO, but in one short year, my kid has gone from barely opening her mouth like a baby bird on my boob, to using her fingers to shove (SHOVE) pieces of chicken and asparagus into her gaping maw, and it’s BLOWING MY MIND. It’s like, dude, who is this small PERSON with opinions and food preferences — this tiny person who, when I offered her more blueberries, swept them all off of the table with her arm and said, “NOOOOO!” and glared at me like, Jesus, bitch, do I LOOK like I want more blueberries to you? Have you SEEN the amount of cheese I just ate?
Okay, then, kid, I get it! YOU ARE ALL DONE. FINE.
The other day I glanced over and saw her sitting on Adam’s lap, sippy cup in one hand, graham cracker in the other, acting like a TEENAGER waiting impatiently for me to turn on One Tree Hill. It’s … I don’t know what, but I tell you, I know I’m killing y’all with this mommyblogging bizness, but there’s something about having Samantha turn ONE that has me all like, WHAT THE EFF? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love it — sleeping, for instance, is a truly fantastic thing. It’s that she’s becoming so big and SO fun, and while I wouldn’t go back to any other age — truly, not even for an instant — I can’t help but be a little sad because it’s all going so terrifyingly fast.
The littlest eater in the throes of cheesecake ecstasy on her birthday.
Hey, one last thing that will be interesting only to parents of small children: Sam is uninterested in eating anything she can’t pick up herself, which means things like yogurt and other puree-type things are out. HOWEVAH, my friend Meg tipped me off the other day that Cheerios mixed with yogurt are great for little ones like Sam. Messy as all hell, but also, awesome. And OMFG YES. AWESOME. Here’s the recipe:
Stir Cheerios in yogurt. Serve.
SO COMPLEX, I KNOW. And yet, GEEEEENIUS.
Finally, my friend Kate came over with her little boy today, and … well, honestly, I just love Kate. Down to earth, rational, chill and just … NORMAL, she’s very refreshing to be around. But what really gets me — what gets me about all of my mom friends, the good ones anyway (all, um, three of them), is that I love watching them with their kids. I LOVE hearing that Kate thinks her son is the cutest, and watching her kiss him and tell him what an angel he is. (She must have done this five times today, and by the fourth, I almost said something, for I was getting MISTY.) I love watching Meg hide a toy in her hands and laugh while her son giggles like crazy and tries to guess where it went.
It’s just … I don’t know, a completely unexpected joy of parenthood, not only watching and enjoying MY kid grow up, but seeing other good parents — my friends, who I love — who adore their kids in action. It sounds silly and a little shmoopy, but it reminds me that although this world is full of annoying, shitty assholes who do annoying, shitty things, there is so, so much love. It gives me hope.
Aaaand, on that completely out of character note, I hope you all have a great weekend!
*Peter Gabriel. Can you tell I just got Scratch My Back, and can’t stop listening to it? I have a Peter Gabriel PROBLEM. It’s OBVIOUS.
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,What the fuck?
31 Comments Add your own
1. Blythe | March 18th, 2010 at 9:46 pm
1. I was doing OK with the, um, urinary thing until I caught a horrible hacking cough. I thought seriously about buying some Depends. (TMI? NEVER.)
2. Another excellent adhesive food = mashed potatoes. Mix some peas or something in there, and they all go in the mouth.
3. Mom perspective is a funny thing. Now I look at everyone, every single person, including the mean mean lady who stole my parking space today and think, “Wow, some mom loves her just as much as i love my kid.”
2. Nothing But Bonfires | March 18th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
That picture of Sam is fantastic. When you eat cheesecake as an adult, you have to do it all politely and delicately, when what you REALLY want to do is just stuff great fistfuls of it in your mouth as fast as you can while rolling your eyes back in ecstasy. Sam has the right idea. I might take a tip or two from her. Probably not at lunch with my boss or anything, but in my own home, sure.
3. Jen | March 18th, 2010 at 10:36 pm
Does Sam use a straw yet? Because we’re now giving Rowan yogurt in the drinkable form, and he loves it! We blend two parts vanilla yogurt with one part whole milk, throw in some frozen berries, pour it into a sippy cup with a built-in straw, and voila! Drinkable yogurt a whole heckuva lot cheaper than the YoBaby brand stuff — AND she can hold it, too.
Yep. Our babies are growing up way too fast. DISLIKE.
4. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) | March 18th, 2010 at 11:59 pm
Wait until you catch a horrible cold and have to spend the week sitting princess and the pea style on a stack of folded beach towels so as not to desecrate the sanctity of your couch. Delightful.
Also, there’s no tangible evidence of this fact, but I am pretty sure I look like that every time I eat. Seriously, I just enjoyed some Reese’s Pieces in a way that could have been marketed to a pay-per-view audience.
5. Juli Ryan | March 19th, 2010 at 1:28 am
I found you through Kate. I went to high school with her, and I…kinda love that you two are are frends IRL cuz she is the awesome. Anyway, yeah, it goes too fast. And, hi.
6. Erin (Snarke) | March 19th, 2010 at 1:43 am
Love the picture! And the comments about watching friends with their kids. It’s fun and, at the same time, a little surreal especially if you’ve known them a really long time.
7. Cheryl | March 19th, 2010 at 5:32 am
Happy Birthday Ms. Sam.
8. kakaty | March 19th, 2010 at 7:17 am
Oh man – I’m in my 3rd trimester with my second kid and a few weeks ago I had a horrible case of bronchitis which brought with it 3 weeks of a body-shaking cough. It was the perfect storm for leakage and I had to buy Pose pads to get through the day without freaking out I would pee my pants. I’m 32 and had to buy incontinence products. Thanks, kids!
And I had my own mindfuck last week when my 3 1/2 year old walked up to my husband and said “Daddy, I need to have a word with you…” – who is this tiny person and where did she get such a vocabulary??
9. Olivia | March 19th, 2010 at 8:09 am
Watching baby blobs turn into people with actual opinions is endlessly fascinating. My little one isn’t talking yet. Whe she is full she juts both hands out front in a “don’t come any closer” gesture and screams like “Eennnnnnaaa”. No warning, just happily eats a bite and on the next offer the body language of “I’m freakin’ full, woman!”
10. Christine | March 19th, 2010 at 8:24 am
Oh man, I love that picture of Sam. She’s got the right idea, for sure.
Also? you’re the cutest. Seriously, you’re the person who makes me all misty with your adorable child and your adorable self.
11. saly | March 19th, 2010 at 8:45 am
My baby is a bit older than yours (20 months), and she is totally in to eating yogurt, cereal etc WITH A SPOON!! HERSELF!! (omg!!) It is very messy, and also adorable, however, my mother recently taught her how to drink her leftover soup broth from the bowl—which is not cute. Especially since she wants to drink all of her food now. (Sam is a gorgeous baby, btw. Insanely gorgeous. Those curls make me want to die!)
12. Life of a Doctor's Wife | March 19th, 2010 at 8:48 am
Cheesecake ecstasy indeed! What a cute photo.
I think I’m going to have that SNL song stuck in my head all day now. (Love that skit.)
13. home and uncool | March 19th, 2010 at 8:52 am
Kegels, baby. They stop the sneeze pee and offer other benefits. So I hear.
14. Accidents | March 19th, 2010 at 10:37 am
Now I know this won’t work with every kid, and you may have already nixed the idea based on experience, but have you tried just giving her utensils and letting her go at it? My kid was born within days of Sam and loves using a spoon and fork. For breakfast I mix plain yogurt with fruit sauce (usually already mixed with carrot purée as my kid is bad with vegetables) and pulverized cereal or grains to give it more stick. I have a few bowls with suction on the bottom so they stay stuck to the table (not foolproof by any means, but for long enough to get him going). Stick the bowl in front of him with the spoon and he eats with it. Until he just starts going in with his hands…but good practice. He generally won’t let me feed him anymore so this is what we do. Now that you are eating together more she’ll likely want to imitate you more, too. I wish we were there but Hank still has a freakishly early bedtime.
15. JMH | March 19th, 2010 at 10:40 am
Love this post. My kids are almost 9 (!) and 6 and they still blow my mind with the things they say and do. My friend has children in college. Whenever I tell her about how much fun my kids are, she always says, “It just keeps getting better as they get older” So far, she has been totally right.
16. Kader | March 19th, 2010 at 11:08 am
I totally love seeing my friends with their kids, too. I find that they’re so much THEMSELVES with their kids, and it warms the cockles of my heart.
You and Sam have a virtual lovefest most of the time, which is the cutest thing ever. Sam is the greatest!
Also–you think I’m chill? And normal? So many people would disagree, but those are huge compliments. And, so, thanks.
17. Jennie | March 19th, 2010 at 11:10 am
I love the last couple paragraphs of this post so much. Man, how lucky are your friends to get to have playdates with you. A playdate with you would cost me like $500, but it’d be worth it, I swear.
18. Suebob | March 19th, 2010 at 11:13 am
You get the incontinence thing even if you don’t have kids. It just takes a little longer. Eeeh.
My mom, who is 84, is so amazed that my nephews care for their own children. It is kind of funny to see. She will say “He just picks that baby up in the car seat and takes it to the store with him!” as if that is absolutely miraculous. I’m glad times have changed.
19. H | March 19th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
You stopped me in my tracks when you said she eats asparagus! What? Awesome! I am an asparagus lover myself but it was an acquired taste. I had yet to know of a child who likes it. Go Sam!
I also have the pee problem when I do jumping jacks and any other jarring exercise. It is gross.
20. samantha jo campen | March 19th, 2010 at 1:53 pm
Dude, I just can’t wait to meet you in person. For realz.
21. Suzanne | March 19th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
There are just too many things I relate to in this not to comment.
I totally started pee-leaking when I sneezed like LAST WEEK. Dude, my baby is almost 1 I was so sure I had reached a safe, no pee zone.
How is it possible that it only takes a year for a kid to go from useless blob to having opinions and preferences and, like, POINTING? It took me 4 years to understand long divison and that’s not even the HARD kind of math. One year is nothing.
The Book of Love is my favorite song of all time and the one I sang fiveteenbillionty times in a row when the child will not setlle for the night.
P.s. Can you send some of that eating and sleeping this way? We have had…less than good luck in those departments.
22. Maggy | March 19th, 2010 at 5:45 pm
I often wonder if other people love their children as much as I do mine. I see some not-so-great parenting in action all the time. (I’m a nurse.) It’s nice to know that other people love their kiddos as much.
I ask my almost five year old how he got so big, and he says, “I growed!” He also asks, “Why do you keep asking me that?”
Also, now I want cheesecake.
23. jonniker | March 19th, 2010 at 7:11 pm
Accidents: You know, I have, but not with the bowl with the suction cups — that’s a *great* little find, and I should get some. Usually, the bowl and the spoon just end up getting thrown repeatedly on the floor. She gets it, in theory, but her interest in executing it is minimal so far.
24. SwingCheese | March 19th, 2010 at 10:21 pm
My husband and I often find ourselves singing “ooooeeee! What up with that? What up with that?” at our little boyo a lot. It makes him smile, but it really cracks us up.
And earlier today, I began to cry while my son was happily listening to “Puff the Magic Dragon”, when the lyrics talk about how dragons don’t die, but little boys grow up….oh, and I’m tearing up again now! Argh! I never used to cry!! But boyo is almost 14 months now, and has it ever flown by. I’m going to be an absolute basket case when he graduates high school!
25. twojams (Shannon) | March 20th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
Oh, the peeing. It’s by far the worst thing about post-partum, and post-post-post-partum. In the days right after I had my kids, I would get up from a long feeding session or nap session, or whatever, and SPLOOSH. Helloooo… where did the urgency signal go? It took days for me to get back to realizing when my bladder was full. And now, it’s like that urge/stress incontinence thing just decides to show up at random, like, for a *ahem* theoretical example, if I ran a 5K on February 26. Yeah, yeah, Kegels, but who remembers to do those?
Love the rest of this post also. The time does go so fast. My daughter is halfway to middle school, and I’m already getting nervous knots in my stomach for her. Or they could just be flashbacks.
26. Shin Ae | March 20th, 2010 at 10:01 pm
You are not killing me. I love it.
Second the drinkable yogurt. My younger guy cheers for it. Yay! DanActive!
I’ve learned to embrace the peeing. Then I can say, “I just peed.” It’s an icebreaker.
27. Ericka | March 20th, 2010 at 11:44 pm
Kate is great! So is her key-uuuuuuuuuuuuuute son.
I’ll have to try the yogurt/cheerios thing. Thanks!
28. Sarahviz | March 22nd, 2010 at 1:47 pm
…and then this is when you get knocked up again and start the cycle all over.
You know this, right?
29. Sharilyn | March 22nd, 2010 at 5:24 pm
K, LOVE your posts, I am pregnant with my first babies, yes twins (eeeee gad!), and it’s so nice to see the wonderful that goes along with being a mom. I’m generally pretty freaked out about parenthood, even though I’m the ripe age of 33, so it’s great to get a snap shot into how fabulous it will all be, after wading through all the crap of twice as many diapers of course, haha!
30. shriek house | March 22nd, 2010 at 5:31 pm
THAT is an awesome photo. Clearly she is saying “OOOOOOEEEEEE”!
31. Sara @ Belle Plaine | March 26th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Your recollection of watching your friends with their kids was kind of a lightbulb moment for me. I just realized that I am the opposite. I go out of my way to adore other people’s children during playdates but don’t spend enough time adoring my own. That’s not right. Thanks for the kick in the pants! My kid is pretty great and he should always know that.
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