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May 9th, 2010
HELLLOO!! We’re here! We MADE IT!
And the boxes are almost all entirely unpacked, thanks to my completely neurotic and wonderful husband, who can’t let a packed box lie there and while I’m wrestling a kid and trying to unpack two boxes, he’s got an entire room done and is moving on to the next. It’s fantastic. Fantastic!
My kid, however, doesn’t think sleeping is all that important, and is getting up at 4:40 a.m. and it’s all making me want to KILL MYSELF SLOWLY, because she’s pulling NEWBORN-TYPE SHIT with her schedule — up every two hours, then up FOR THE DAY around 5, but USUALLY EARLIER. I’m a zombie. No wonder I’m not unpacking boxes with any sort of speed.
Speaking of speed, um, our first night here we stayed in a hotel because our furniture wasn’t arriving until the next day, etc. etc. and there was a small incident with the luggage cart that I can’t even BEGIN to explain with any sort of clarity, really. All I can really tell you is that while Adam was unloading the car, I helpfully went to get the luggage cart, baby in hand, and … oh God, you guys. The parking lot was on a steep angle that I hadn’t noticed, and although two people tried to help, I brushed them off, thinking I could handle it, when HA HA! I could not handle it! Not even a little!
The next thing I knew, I was RUNNING DOWNHILL towards Adam and the car with Sam on my hip, desperately trying to outpace the runaway luggage cart, my eyes so wild Adam didn’t know what the hell was wrong with me. I just kept yelling, “GRAB IT! GRAB IT! It’s GOING TOO FAST!” and oh you guys, it WAS. It was INCHES from crashing into like, SIX CARS.
AN EMPTY LUGGAGE CART! And then Adam was laughing too hard to really help me, so I was half on my own yelling, “PLEASE! I CAN’T HOLD IT MUCH LONGER!” And again with the running downhill and the … oh God. He caught it in the nick of time, thank you God.
And then OH THEN, after our stuff arrived and we had mostly unpacked the Fios guy came! FIOS! Look at us, with the modern conveniences like more than one Internet provider and fiber to the home and stuff! And I only had to show my vagina to get it! Oh wait – what?
Yessss. Sometime during the four to five-hour (!) installation process, I had to pee, natch, so I went in the bathroom/laundry room off of playroom (WE HAVE A PLAYROOM) while Sam hung out. I didn’t shut the door to the bathroom so that I could keep an eye on her, but I DID shut the door to the playroom and HALLO, I DID NOT REALIZE THE FIOS GUY WAS GOING TO BE IN THE PLAYROOM. So all of a sudden I looked up and saw the FIOS guy slinking out of the room, clearly hoping I did not see him — apparently he walked in, spied me on the toilet, staring off into space for I don’t even know how long, and tried to escape.
HA HA. HA HA. OMFG. And then I did what any normal person would do in that I SLAMMED the bathroom door shut, effectively blocking my view of Sam, which apparently signaled to him that he could come back IN and then we just pretended like it never happened, although I frankly would like to kill myself slowly, maybe with an asp on my bosom, because seriously.
Nothing is without humiliation. Nothing.
Beyond that, we’ve been getting a thrill a minute, quite literally, as we act like nothing less than the Beverly Hillbillies, going in and out of the various stores and marveling at all the STUFF you can buy. So much stuff! So many stores! The STORES! We stood in a plaza about five minutes from our house and discussed how there was more shopping in this single plaza than in all of Middlebury. And restaurants, OMFG. Indian! Chinese! Middle Eastern! KNISHES. That you can buy in a grocery store! KNISHES! Meat knishes!
And with that, I really have to go. I should be around a lot more lately, but my chapter of Glee is due next week, so I am working a bit, plus the chaos of the house and … yeah. I’ll be around, but also busy. Speaking of Glee, there is still time to contribute your essay for the contest, and have your work included in the same book. Go here for details.
Happy Monday! Happy Adam’s first day at his new job, too.
PS, have you joined the Book Lushes? We’ve got a new book for May (Olive Kitteridge!) and are selecting June’s book now.
*Jay-Z
Entry Filed under: Book Lushes,Boston!,General jackassery,Moving moving moving
53 Comments Add your own
1. Alyce | May 9th, 2010 at 8:06 pm
Yay!!!! You made it!
Sorry to hear that Sam is not sleeping. That blows. Have knish for me, will ya?
2. Kate | May 9th, 2010 at 8:37 pm
I’m so glad you’re getting settled in and I hope you do not hold it against me that I laughed until I cried at your luggage cart story.
3. Swiggy | May 9th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
I know what you mean about the STUFF! We used to live in the town at the base of Smugglers Notch and just about died from happiness when we moved back to Colorado Springs where everything is so CLOSE and PLENTIFUL! I made a promise to myself that I would never move away from convenience again. So far, I’ve kept that promise.
4. ABDPBT | May 9th, 2010 at 9:27 pm
Welcome home. So jealous of the playroom. OMG.
5. Suz | May 9th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
When I moved from Norwich, VT to Seattle I felt the same way…I mean, I didn’t have to drive 1 1/2 hours to NEW HAMPSHIRE to go to Target! It was heaven!
6. Kader | May 10th, 2010 at 5:29 am
Yeah, yeah. Stores. Good take-out. Blah blah blah. But, you didn’t have snow on Mother’s Day, did you? So–ha HA!
Glad you’re there and unpacked. But so sad you’re gone.
Happy first day to Adam!
7. Christine | May 10th, 2010 at 7:10 am
Welcome to your new home! And well, I guess you’ll have the best Fios service ever, huh? Oh dear.
8. H | May 10th, 2010 at 8:19 am
Please don’t take this the wrong way – but I swear your life is kind of like a series of Lucy episodes, sometimes with a little added splash of naughty parts! Thanks for the laugh on a Monday morning. Enjoy your new house, the shopping and restaurants!
9. Cheryl | May 10th, 2010 at 8:43 am
Welcome! So glad everything’s going so swimmingly. I mean, really, it wouldn’t be any fun at all if shit like the FIOS guy watching you pee didn’t happen. You are so damned glamorous, I can barely contain my jealousy.
10. Li | May 10th, 2010 at 9:49 am
HOWLED through the whole post — and so glad you made it and are settling in!
11. Life of a Doctor's Wife | May 10th, 2010 at 10:39 am
Wow – the runaway luggage cart and the accidental peep show had me giggling!
But I am seriously so jealous of your husband’s mad unpacking skills! I’m pretty sure we have a box or two stuffed into a closet somewhere that we just NEVER UNPACKED a year ago when we moved here.
Congrats on the move and the playroom! Happy first day to your husband! And here’s to a quick sleep transition for your little girl.
12. mar | May 10th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
oh g-d! i love you, jonna! you’re sharing makes me feel so much less of a doof (not because you’re more of a doof, but because such things actually happen to other people)
and okay, what’s up with no one else commenting on olive kitteridge? i tried to get the ball rolling…
glad you’re settled in; we’re still working on it & we closed on 2/26. here’s hoping you can get sam tired out enough to sleep through the night!
13. jonniker | May 10th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Mar: It’s still WAY early in the month, so I think a lot of people haven’t read it yet. Usually talk doesn’t pick up until mid to late month.
Belated congratulations on your house!
14. mare | May 10th, 2010 at 6:13 pm
thanks, jonna!
and i think it’s because i already finished olive, even though i didn’t pick up the didion book until 4/30. oops!
15. Liz | May 11th, 2010 at 12:09 pm
I’ve been following your twitter feed kind of wondering “Damn, what’d she do to piss off the universe? I mean: really” but also excited for you because there is nothing more awesome then the feeling of finally being at home in a new place.
I love that you mentioned the STUFF. My husband and I go back and forth on wanting to move far far far away from our stupid stressful city life (he has told me pointblank that he doubts I have the ability to live in such a stressful area AND have a newborn and God, I know he is right), but I worry we’d miss, you know, the stuff. The food. The consumer ability. The different types of people you get to be friends with. Stupid life tradeoffs
16. Karly | May 11th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
If it makes you feel any better about showing off the vagina to the FIOS guy, I once shared it ALL with the plumber. I was in the laundry room getting dressed (because that’s where all the clean clothes were, I’m not much of a folder), and just as I dropped my towel he came walking by the laundry room window and looked right in at me. WE MADE EYE CONTACT.
Later, during another visit from the same plumber, he had to get into our bedroom closet to get access to the shower on the other side and, well, I kept a…uh…personal massager in there. I WATCHED HIM pick it up and set it aside. He TOUCHED it. Like, he’d already seen me naked, clearly the next step was MANHANDLING MY SEX TOYS. Right in front of me!
So, yeah, I’m not allowed to be home alone when the plumber comes anymore.
17. Farrell | May 15th, 2010 at 10:50 am
The cart and the toilet stories cracked me up!
Moving is hell; glad you made it.
Your husband sounds awesome, that unpacking machine!:)
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