Headlights Look Like Diamonds

June 21st, 2010

WE-E-ELL! I have returned after an unplanned week away. Whoops! So! Instead of updating you on the minutiae of what happened in the last week (hint: a deadline, a parental visit, and a few other busy-like things and it’s been so fun-filled that I haven’t even seen this week’s True Blood, is all I’m saying), I am going to tell you the TWO RUDEST THINGS EVER that I can’t get out of my mind and maybe YOU can share other rude things and we can all marvel together! Marvel! At the rudeness!

My mom and stepdad recently moved to a new house. Like, THREE WEEKS AGO. (Note: these are not the parents who were visiting, and yes, I have two sets of parents and I am super lucky like that, and yes, that means two moms and it is ALL VERY CONFUSING, and I’m terribly sorry about that.)

So! They moved on a Thursday, and on Saturday, they had a wedding to go to — the groom is the son of some friends of theirs from church; apparently they aren’t BFF with this couple, but they’re friendly enough, I guess. Now, a few weeks PRIOR, my mom ordered a bunch of stuff for the couple off of their registry, but in the move, it ended up in my brother’s car for, um, safekeeping I guess. I don’t even know. But the morning of the wedding, my mother realizes the gift is in his car, is too late to go find him and just decides to mail it later and … well, this doesn’t seem to be a huge deal, AM I RIGHT?

So! Wedding comes and goes, it’s the Tuesday after the wedding, and my mom locates the gift, puts it in the mail and forgets about it. UNTIL!! That afternoon, she fields a call from the mother of the groom, who says, “Tommy said it would be okay if I called you about this, and I hope you don’t mind, but he noticed that there wasn’t a gift from you at the wedding.”

ARE YOU DEAD YET. BECAUSE IT IS AT THIS POINT THAT I BELIEVE I DIED. BUT OH, IT GETS WORSE. BECAUSE SHE GOES ON TO SAY:

“And we thought maybe it was lost, so if you just want to write a new check and pop it in the mail this week, I know they would really appreciate it.”

WHICH MEANS THEY ASSUME THAT IT IS MONEY. AND THEY WANT IT. NOW. THIS IS THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM OH HOLY PANTS.

(It was, if you recall, items off of their registry.)

Now my mother, to her credit, did not tell them to stick an entire fraudulent checkbook directly into their ass, which is what I like to THINK I would have done, but in all likelihood, I’d have stammered something nice and awkward, which is precisely what my poor mother did.

COULD YOU DIE?

I hope they liked the towels and sheets she got them. AHEM.

And now we are moving on to the SECOND rude thing that involves a person I encountered again recently, and for the sake of everyone, let’s leave out how and where and who it is. But it’s an acquaintance that I will likely see somewhat regularly now that we’re all back in the same general area.

So! The first and last time I saw this person was about eight or nine years ago, and we were all recently engaged and happy times, hurrah! She was … well, kind of cold, and I felt as much of a connection with her as I would, say, Paris Hilton, but I tried! I really, really tried. One of my last (and lamest) attempts at conversation was noticing that we had the same style of engagement ring (three-stone Bostonian, whatever) and her reply was, I SHIT YOU NOT:

“Oh! It looks like we do. But mine is bigger.”

I was honestly just sort of stunned into silence, because WHO SAYS THAT? WHO SAYS THAT? It’s one thing if you think it, but please, my God, don’t say these things out loud! Shut your pie hole! Exercise restraint! AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN, ANYWAY? That you WIN at engagement rings? That your fiance spent a few thousand dollars more? OH MY LANDS WHO CARES? WHO CARES? NO ONE CARES.

(For the record, she was as big of a douche as I remembered. Good times.)

Rude, right? Are you dead from rudeness? Now please, if you would, hit me with your worst rudeness, because I need more to stew about over here, apparently.

Happy Tuesday!

*Arcade Fire

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Entry Filed under: All Riled Up,What the fuck?

185 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Alias Mother  |  June 24th, 2010 at 1:04 pm

    I’m wicked late on this, but Mon’s comment above reminded me how shocked I was whenever I asked if I planned on nursing/was nursing. And this was in professional situations! Yes, random person at a conference, I would love to talk about my boobs with you.

    I’m now on kid #2 and it still floors me every time.

  • 2. Amy --- Just A Titch  |  June 24th, 2010 at 3:46 pm

    Best story ever. I love people’s unabashed rudeness.

  • 3. Rosie  |  June 24th, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    (Background: I had a miscarriage last week, and a D&C this week. We’d had a miscarriage last year with an announced pregnancy and I really didn’t want to have to deal with everyone’s sympathy again.)

    This week, I emailed my teammates on my rec volleyball team to let them know that I wouldn’t be there, but would find a sub. I had also been gone last week, and once several weeks before. My husband also plays on the team, and he did still play this week.

    One of the girls on the team asked my husband (in the huddle before the game) why I kept missing games. He said something noncommittal about me not feeling well. Not satisfied, she kept bringing it up during and after the game. He kind of lost his temper and said, “Because we lost our f***ing baby today, okay? And we hadn’t announced the pregnancy yet, so we’re just dealing with it on our own.”

    That shut her up. But only temporarily. Later, she had to tell him how she and others had been speculating whether I was pregnant because I hadn’t been drinking, etc, etc. And asked whether she should call me to offer condolences.

    She is clueless.

  • 4. metalia  |  June 24th, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, THESE COMMENTS.

    My contribution: A (former) coworker coming over to me when I was about six months pregnant and demanding to know the gender Of my kid (which we weren’t sharing). I politely told her that we were keeping it a secret, whereupon she glanced at me and said, “It’s okay, you don’t need to tell me. I can tell it’s a girl, because girls take away your beauty.” Then she wandered off. DRIVE-BY DOUCHERY, AHOY.

  • 5. Sara  |  June 24th, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    Oooh. I just thought of another one. My parents named me Sara, same as my father’s mother. When they told my Grandma Sara for who I am named she said “Well, I wouldn’t give a DOG that name!” WTF?

  • 6. Erin  |  June 24th, 2010 at 11:50 pm

    So, I had to chime in with my rude wedding story. And I had to stop reading comments at #75 or I will NEVER go to bed.

    Anyways, my husband’s brother got married several years ago to a very sweet lady that he’d been dating for YEARS. She’s of a different nationality than us, but is fantastic. We all love her.

    So, the outside ceremony is held at my husband’s parent’s house, with a gigantic tent set up to accommodate the reception afterwards.

    The ceremony is under way, and suddenly there is the sound of several cars coming up the driveway. That was distracting enough, but then, the latecomers get out of their cars and start slamming doors and talking amongst themselves as they make their way into the tent. In the native language of the bride.

    THEN, THEN!

    The ceremony is over and the reception is under way and I notice that several of my new sister-in-law’s relatives are going to every table and scarfing ANY and ALL unattended favors.

    And bottles of wine.

    And centerpieces.

    Anything that wasn’t nailed down was fair game.

    Like, people were making for their cars with ARMS FULL of stuff.

    So, my husband’s mother discovers this and politely confronts some of them, explaining that the centerpieces weren’t meant to be taken home, as she had some sentimental attachment to them (they’d also been used in her daughter’s wedding). While my husband’s mother is talking with some of the relatives about this, others are hurrying around to the other tables to get what was missed before they get caught.

    It was the single most shocking thing I have ever witnessed.

    Also at that same wedding? The photographer STOPPED THE CEREMONY after the vows to TAKE PICTURES. I shit you not. I have NO pictures from the ceremony (wherein I was sitting in the front row) that do not also contain the world’s most intrusive wedding photographer EVER.

  • 7. Anon  |  June 25th, 2010 at 12:30 am

    I swear, if what happened to your mom happened to me, I would have marched over to the couple’s house to take back the gift and painting. THE NERVE WTF?!?! Also, I have wedding stories:

    Numero uno: My husband’s SISTER didn’t come to our wedding because her (now ex) boyfriend’s niece was having a birthday party the same day. She turned 3. They aren’t all that close but REALLY?!

    Numero dos: My (only, and formerly very close) cousin had cancer a several years ago. She started a blog to keep family and friends updated, and kept it going as a regular life blog after she got better. Last year, few months before my wedding, she starts RIPPING on me in this post….that many of our family and family friends still read…about how my ridiculousness over my wedding is “TEARING MY FAMILY APART” and that I’m taking advantage of our Grandfather’s good will of offering me money to help with the wedding by having outlandishly expensive photographers and locations and that “GUESS THE BAD ONES ALWAYS GET THE ATTENTION” and “SHE ALWAYS GETS THE HANDOUTS.”

    I cried for hours, honestly believing that something I was doing was tearing my family apart and that everyone was upset…until I got a hold of my aunt and found out she was horrified by the whole thing and no one was thinking any such things.

    For the record, I had a terrible childhood with rotten parents, and was always quietly jealous of my cousin’s wonderful parents that she never appreciated. Also, my Grandpa (he offered and we didn’t even know how much until we received the check in the mail) contributed $500 to our $2000, tiny, wonderful wedding at our own church. Which a friend photographed for free. And which family friends helped to potluck.

    WTF?!?!?! I’ve never gotten over it yet. I sent her a lovely “Yep, I do still read your blog because I, know, CARE about you, and also, HOW DARE YOU” email. She wrote back half apologizing but saying not everything she writes on her blog is true, some stuff is for entertainment value, and that she thought only two friends living out of state read it. BULLSHIT.

    She came to the wedding and didn’t smile in any of the pictures. Actually, they look like she purposefully frowned. Lovely. Oh, and she got us the $5 EuroSealer off our registry. Just made me laugh.

  • 8. Rhi  |  June 25th, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Um. Wow. Dying. DYING.

  • 9. Che_ken  |  June 25th, 2010 at 1:35 pm

    Greatest hits of rudeness:

    1. I lost all my hair from a medication reaction for an autoimmune disease. I got both of the following lines many times from many people: 1. You look like you belong in a concentration camp and 2: At least it’s not cancer.

    2. The day of my baby shower, my widowed step-grandma dropped off the gift since she couldn’t make it to the shower, as she had a date with the guy she was screwing in my grandfather’s house. She asked me how much weight I gained, and with 100% honesty I said, “about 5lbs” and she looked at me over her glasses and says, “Oh, I’d wager it’s a great deal more than that” Well fuck you very much. Peace out.

    3. After my daughter was born, an event which left me within hours of death and rendered infertile, a coworker asked when I would have my next child. I said, “I can’t have any more children” with as much courage as I could muster, and she said, “That’s better anyway, one is a family, any more than that is insanity”. She has two children.

  • 10. Eliz  |  June 25th, 2010 at 3:37 pm

    What is it about weddings that bring out the worst?

    I have two wedding-themed outrages to share: When my cousin got married, my aunt was so riled up over a relative who never RSVP’d that she drove my grandmother to tears. It was my grandmother’s sister, who at the time was in the early stages of Alzheimer’s (though we didn’t fully realize it at the time). She must have RSVP’d yes but didn’t come. Anyway, my aunt RAILED AND FROTHED at my grandmother for hours, and — goody! — I got to hear it all bc we were all at the same table that night. She told my grandmother (her MIL) how RUDE it was and how much money they were out bc this great-aunt never showed up. RAILED! (Like it was my grandmother’s fault?)

    And then she berated my grandmother for not making a reservation at the hotel where the wedding was (it was 20 min from my grandparents’ house) because that meant someone was going to have to leave the wedding to drive them home. (They were at that shouldn’t-drive-at-night stage of their lives.) My grandparents, at 80-something, just weren’t going to book a hotel room so they could get loaded and party all night after their granddaughter’s wedding, you know? And when I said I’d be glad to drive them home — cause I wanted nothing more than to get the HELL outta there — she yelled at me and said, “Don’t be a jerk! They deserve what they get.”

    THEN (can you see what’s coming?), when I got married a year later, my younger cousin didn’t show up, after my aunt had called me personally to RSVP for her and my uncle and my cousin and his girlfriend. When I asked if everything was OK and where he was, she said that he went to a car show instead and that I shouldn’t have expected him anyway, since he’s a boy and boys don’t like weddings.

    Then she told everyone that she wore pants because I wasn’t serving a “real meal,” only cocktails and hors.

    Non-wedding-related: My husband recently told his father that he might have to take a job out of town, leaving me and our daughter for a few months. When my FIL told my husband’s stepmother, she said, “That sounds like a separation to me. I guess she’s divorcing him because he’s not making enough money.” I suspected she thought I was entitled, but there’s nothing like getting proof.

  • 11. Shea  |  June 25th, 2010 at 4:30 pm

    OK-delurking- I keep coming back and reading the new entries and I just can’t stand but to join in:

    My daughter was an infant that cried literally 12 hours a day. Call it colic, call it acid reflux, call it nervous mother- whatev….that it beside the point. She tended to REALLy wig out when we tried to go out so we stayed home 99% of the time for nearly the first year of her life. ANYWAY- when she was about 3 months old-my mom and two sisters convinced me to meet them out for lunch at an outdoor cafe. As per usual- about two minutes into lunch she started crying uncontrollably so my older sister started walking with her down the street to calm her down. A store about two doors down had a display of these bright colored windcatcher things that spun round and round outside there door. My daughter stopped crying when she saw them and just stared in awe. My sister literally sat with her on the bench and let her stare at it until we finished lunch. I was so excited that something- anything had calmed her down that I decided to go into the store to buy the thing. As I was checking out at the store, my infant daughter pooped her diaper. (Aside- 100% breastfed infant = not bad smelling poop). So my sister asked the shop girl where the restroom was and was told they did not have one available to the public. She then she started to head into the dressing room and the girl told her she could not change the baby’s diaper in the dressing room. At this point my sister got really irked and sat in a “folding metal” chair and started to change the diaper on on her lap. The girl then actually picked up the phone and said she was going to call the police b/c my sister changed a diaper in her store. I was such a postpartum mess by that point I think it took me 3 weeks and a prescription of paxil to finally quit crying. RUDE. RUDE. RUDE.

  • 12. HereWeGoAJen  |  June 25th, 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Your mom needs to call them immediately and say that she hasn’t received her thank you note yet and obviously it was lost in the mail so they’d better send a new one immediately.

  • 13. Amanda  |  June 26th, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    Late to the party, but I had to chime in:

    1) My boyfriend’s mother wanted to invite ALL of his ex girlfriend’s mothers to our baby shower. ALL OF THEM. Not just the ones from eons ago, but like, the last one that he broke up with and she burned half of his clothes? Her mom. Because they were her friends. And why shouldn’t she get to invite her friends to my shower? (Maybe because it was my shower, not a gd barbeque for her buddies.)

    2) We also decided to do cloth diapers. The BF’s mother, true to form, said “I’ll never change a cloth diaper. Never. Never have, never will. Won’t do it, you can’t make me. They’re gross and dirty and stupid.” So when our son goes to her house in a cloth, he comes back in a disposable, with his cloth diaper balled up in the bottom of his diaper bag. She REFUSES to use them and mocks them every chance she gets, knowing that I love them and am very proud that we use them.

    3)This is the worst one. Back story: My mother died 5 years ago of esophageal cancer. For her radiation she was given tiny blue dot tattoos on her sternum and ribcage, to line up the machine. Also, she loved dragonflies. So when she died terribly, 4 months after being suddenly diagnosed, my sisters and I got blue dragonflies tattooed – mine is on my sternum because of where her dots were, and because it’s the most painful place to get a tattoo. (Symbolic, obviously, because losing her in that way was the most painful thing I could imagine.) So. I’m at a party for the boyfriend’s uncle, and his mother is ten feet away. She looks right at me, makes EYE CONTACT, and starts talking to some random relative about how tattoos are tacky and cheap and ugly, especially ones that are VISIBLE and in SUGGESTIVE PLACES. Staring at me, the whole time. I was sitting there with my newborn, in shock. It was 8 months ago and I’m STILL MAD.

    She’s an awful woman. AWFUL. RUDE RUDE RUDE.

  • 14. Rebekah  |  June 27th, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    This mandatory gift-giving thing has gotten so out of hand. The idea that anyone is OBLIGATED to buy you a gift because you get engaged. you get married, you have a baby BLOWS. MY. MIND. If I’m not mistaken, when I chose to get married, didn’t that make it my (and my husband’s) responsibility to obtain those things we needed for OUR household? When we choose to have a baby, won’t it be OUR responsibility to buy our kid clothes, diapers, toys? I didn’t want to sign up for a wedding registry because it felt like I was saying “Here’s a list of things you can buy me.” — which is exactly what it was. My mom convinced me to do so though because she felt that IF someone wanted to buy us a gift, they would rather buy us something we wanted and a registry made it easier for the guests. With that in mind I did not list a $500 grill or a bedroom suite or a 20-piece set of Le Creuset. I kept everything well under $100 including my china which (almost 12 years later) remains in its original boxes, never used.

    And finally, to my story of rudeness or, as I like to call it “Lady, you have some really big balls”:

    Years ago, a former co-worker became pregnant via artificial insemination and as the time drew near for when one typically has a baby shower, she threw her own baby shower for herself and her partner because, as she put it to another co-worker, “I never had the chance to get gifts from a wedding registry like you did when you got married so this is my turn.” Because she is a lesbian and did not have a wedding or commitment ceremony the rest of us OWED her a kick ass baby shower. There had to be 70 people at that baby shower, bigger than my wedding, and she got the gifts, oh yes she did.

    (On a side note, she was not a warm fuzzy kinda gal and she never struck me as very motherly. I heard from another couple, years later, that the child ended up being really quite partial to her other mother who always seemed down to earth and quite humble.)

  • 15. tracey  |  June 27th, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    The comments have become an entity of their own! Wow…

    Rude stuff usually rolls off my back. I try to let it go but some things stick with you no matter what. Ahem.

    This one time, (at band camp) I was told how lucky I was to have snagged a husband that worked so hard that I was able to stay at home and get sunburned at the pool with my kids. “Yes, How lucky!” I agreed (on FACEBOOK, no less), “that my husband has a wife who is willing to take care of his 3 children so that HE can have a CAREER. I ‘get to’ stay home and eat bon bons and while my life away, cleaning the basement when it floods and explaining exactly WHY my son needs to learn algebra. Lucky, lucky me!”

  • 16. Andrea  |  June 28th, 2010 at 8:28 am

    I don’t have any rude wedding stories, since my husband and I eloped. We had a low key part at my parents house a few weeks later. However, I get rude things said to me all the time. I’m asked often what I am, since I don’t fit into a preconceived racial category. The rudest conversation I’ve ever had happened was at the doctors office. I had a miscarriage the week prior and was having some compications. I needed to get in right away so I made an appointment with a new dr that was two min away from my job. I waited an hour, then had to wait in her office before getting an exam. She asked what I did for a living, I told her and she said “oh, you take care of babies and you lost a baby, huh.” then she said “sometimes it’s not meant to be, and I’m not saying it’s anything you did but taking a prenatal vitamin may have helped.” I was taking one, but for some reason she assumed I wasn’t. She also gave me an unexpected pelvic exam with no lube and no warning. WTF. Another time I was with the kids I watch when a powerwalking grandma doubled back to tell me that her daughter hired “girls like me” (whatever that means) and if she caught them texting she would fire them. I had been texting when she walked by, but the kids were all within five feet of me, I was watching them closely, AND I was texting their mom not that it was any of her business. I’m not white, like most people in the area, and I look younger than I am but still not excuse for the rude. I’ve also been with this family for five years! I hate this area with it’s busy bodies.

  • 17. Open Question: how to coo&hellip  |  June 28th, 2010 at 7:15 pm

    […] Headlights Look Like Diamonds […]

  • 18. Morrigan  |  June 30th, 2010 at 11:54 am

    I am clearly (very) late to the party, but I had to share my own story of wedding rudeness. My husband and I married after dating for ten years. Due to personal preference and the fact that we paid for our own wedding, we wanted to have no more than 80 people at an evening wedding and cocktail party reception. We had tonnes of food and an open bar, and it was our hope that everyone there would know they were invited because they are important to us and would have a wonderful time.

    My MIL insisted that we invite one of her cousins to the wedding. I had never met her, and had not been invited to join my then-boyfriend when her own daughter got married a couple of years earlier. In an effort to keep the family peace, we sent an invitation. The cousin in question chose not to come and gave the invitation to her other daughter who RSVPed for herself and a guest. I was appalled! It never occured to me that a wedding invitation needed a disclaimer of “non-transferrable” stamped on the bottom. Luckily, both the cousin’s daughter and her boyfriend were lovely, but it doesn’t negate the rudeness IMHO!

  • 19. Blythe  |  July 7th, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    I started reading with horror (OMG she called and ASKED for a gift?!) and it has gone on from there.

    But I think I’m getting old, because I’m a little sympathetic to some of these people. Rude, yes, (and in some cases unforgivably so – “You look like you are from a concentration camp?”!! EEK) but maybe also just uncomfortable and stressed (see: wedding behavior). And insecure.

    And totally inappropriate (“I see where you get your big boobs.”)

    Holy Cow.

  • 20. Temerity Jane » Blo&hellip  |  July 12th, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    […] this post on Jonniker’s blog, she talks about some astoundingly rude encounters. Seriously, the two […]

  • 21. Amanda  |  July 12th, 2010 at 3:27 pm

    My now-husband and I were together 12 years, 7 of them living in a house we bought together and 2 as officially engaged, when we discovered we were expecting. A few months before our daughter was born, his grandmother informed me in front of the entire family, including the cousin whose second child was born well after her divorce and third child born to a father no one in the family has met, that we had better get married pretty quickly as “we don’t want a little bastard child running around.” OMG.

  • 22. Adlib  |  July 12th, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    Here via TJ’s blog. Wow. My mind – she is blown. (by both the OP and the comments)

    Here’s one of mine. My SIL is my husband’s only sibling, and the only relative in town. While we housesat for them when their first son was born, they didn’t even tell us about the birth of their second! We heard it via my FIL on the phone. Not forgetful exactly, just thoughtless, like they are with everything else. I know that’s like a 3 on the rudeness scale, but still, irritating as all get out to us.

    Once my mom and sister went into a Walmart for the pharmacy. The actual pharmacist saw them standing at a register (both were empty), and he finally put a “closed” sign in front of the one they were at (without helping them) and said something to the others like “You have to put the sign out or else they just don’t get it.” My mom explained (probably much too nicely) that it wasn’t clear which empty register to stand in front of and she is not, in fact, an idiot. The guy didn’t really respond much and walked away so my sister shouted “Don’t apologize or anything!” So he tosses “sorry” over his shoulder. They reported him to the store manager and then transferred their prescriptions. (And yes, this was the head pharmacist that acted like such an asshat. Crazy.)

  • 23. Courtney  |  July 12th, 2010 at 4:56 pm

    Another here from TJ’s recc :) That horrible bit of wedding rudeness totally reminded me of this:

    At my best friend’s wedding reception, we all gathered around to watch her do the traditional father-daughter dance. The song started, and of course it was sappy-sweet and super emotional and everything. Right in the middle of the sniffles and dead quiet, the AUNT of the bride turns to HER daughter, and tells her to get out on the floor with HER father and dance…AT HER COUSIN’S WEDDING. NOT HERS. ARE YOU EVEN KIDDING ME. I almost threw up right there out of embarrassment for this woman who CLEARLY doesn’t know how weddings work.

    She also pulled little stunts like that throughout the entire wedding process. She tried to get her daughter to get up and try on wedding dresses for pictures while we were helping the bride find hers. I just…I can’t even fathom the audacity :c

  • 24. Bernie  |  July 12th, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    @ Steph: Yours was by far the best. Every year on your anniversary you should send the email to your friends and accidentaly cc it to your SIL.

  • 25. Ale  |  July 13th, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Wow, I cannot fathom calling someone to ask whey they didn’t give a gift. I had a wedding reception and invited friends and family to have a good time and share our excitement. Drink, eat and be merry. Plus it is the best dress up day of all time. If I wanted money or gifts, I could have just eloped and had my parents write me a check. Just….wow.

    My MIL is very rude in a I can say whatever I want because I am 70+ yrs old and shouldn’t have to filter my thoughts before I speak because my age has given me this right. She has a place in north MI that we go to in the summer per her request on Memorial Day, 4th of July and Labor day. She is the type that when making a salad, makes a super sugary salad dressing and puts in on the salad. This is a big family as she has 6 kids all married with 15 grandkids total all under 14yrs. None of the kids will eat that salad with that dressing as they prefer italian or ranch as most kids do. On one occasion, I asked my sister in-law to please not put the dressing on the salad so the kids would be more likely to eat it (of course I don’t like her sugary dressing either and two of the kids are mine). My MIL noticed and I was sitting at a table with her and she said she was dissipointed that the salad wasn’t dressed and she had asked her daughter who told her someone requested that it just be on the side. I responded that it was me who asked and explained why, becasue I didn’t think it was unreasonable. Her response to me was, ” well I should have expected it was you since I know you guys eat out all the time with your parents and can just order stuff how you want it.” I wasn’t paying attention to her and only heard about the comment later because my husband told me as he was fuming about it. My husband and I work till 5pm or later and have 2 kids. Sorry if once a week we just don’t feel like cooking and order pizza. Also, my parents live 5 miles from me and every Monday when my husband golfs, I take the kids to visit them after work for dinner and 90% of the time, we order out because both my parents work as well. I don’t really feel the need to explain to her that until I was in Jr. High School, my mother stayed at home and cooked every day and money was tight. Now they have money and adult kids and have every right to fricking eat whatever they want to and so do we. She has hurt the feelings of several of my sister-inlaws with her offhand comments. I mostly have no idea what she is saying because when she talks, I have started replacing her end of converstaions with the I Dream of Jeanne themesong.

  • 26. MrsTiara  |  July 14th, 2010 at 9:40 am

    At my wedding we had a dessert buffet. I did not get any since by the time one of my bridesmaids went over to get me something, nothing was left (like, ten minutes after it was set out). Whatever. I mentioned this to my mother a year or so ago, how I was a little disappointed that there wasn’t enough food. Her response? “Oh, there was plenty, guests WXY&Z filled up their containers with a bunch of desserts.” WTF?? I didn’t get dessert at my own wedding because my mother’s greedy friends cleaned it out????

    And for a non-wedding related rudeness. When I was pregnant with my first child, every single time my mother talked to me she asked me how much I weighed. Which I refused to tell her. And told her that it wasn’t her business. But she still kept asking. It was all I could do to not respond: “Don’t worry, Mom. I’m nowhere close to what you actually weigh without being pregnant.”

  • 27. Coranada  |  July 14th, 2010 at 11:37 am

    Rude behavior always makes you WANT to respond with the same as you are given but I think most commenters here agree that we are generally rendered speechless by the behavior and don’t manage it. A friend of mine, however, when her own mother was astoundingly rude to her responded by writing on the outside of the box she was mailing her mother with her responses to the rudeness. They were polite but forceful and my favorite part was she ended with “PS I f*#@ing love you.” She hit just the right tone and now her mom gets to worry the mailman will judge her for being mean to her daughter.

  • 28. D  |  July 21st, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Oy, I can’t believe I’m coming back here to post AGAIN, but I have new wedding-related absurdity to report, and by report I mean I’m seething with anger and need to get it out in a semi-anonymous yet also public forum!

    So. My mom has been engaged for 6 years to a wonderful guy (side note, her engagement ring is massive and tacky and she loves to brag about how big it is, and it makes me want to puke). They bought a beautiful home about 5 years ago, and they’re in their 50s. They haven’t gotten married yet, basically because if they get married before my dad turns x age, the alimony stops rolling in, which infuriates me, esp. considering my dad now has two kids under 10 (he’s in his SIXTIES), and that money should really be going towards their college, or his retirement, or whatever.

    So they finally set a date fairly far off in the future, and they decide to do a destination wedding, which is going to be pretty expensive for all their guests, but whatever. My sister and I are bridesmaids, and she recently told us she wants us to wear matching bridesmaids dresses, like ACTUAL formal wedding attire, for her second wedding, in the Caribbean, where the dinner is going to be some crappy barbecue (note: normally I do not sneer at what the couple serves at a wedding, because hey, it’s not my business and everyone has their own budget, if you want to serve hot dogs go for it, but I think it’s absurd to require formal wedding attire for your bridal party that’s already spending over a grand to attend your wedding and then serve them chicken drumsticks and corn on the cob. BREATHE.)

    Even worse – I recently found out that she has a wedding registry. With ABSURD stuff on there. $300 stand mixer! $300 food processor! Fancy china, “everyday” (read: still fancy) plates, absurdly expensive silverware (when she already has beautiful silver cutlery), mattress pads, three sets of linens, bookcases, wine refrigerator, top-of-the-line toaster and blender, YOU NAME IT.

    My intention is not to malign second weddings, of course, nor complain about registries in general – but seriously, you do NOT need this crap when you’re in your mid-50s. Hell, no one needs this stuff when they’re 25! You cannot expect people to drop thousands of dollars to attend your destination wedding and then buy you a goddamn Kitchenaid stand mixer.

    The worst part? She’s admitted she doesn’t even really like the idea of being married a second time. She just wants the loot (and a big party).

    Phew. Sorry about that – like I said, I needed to vent (where she wouldn’t see it!)

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  • 33. Frederica Clemmons  |  October 9th, 2012 at 2:51 am

    It is as though some couples see their weddings not as a celebration of their love and commitment, but as an occasion to really rack in the gifts and money. SO RUDE.

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