One More Try
June 27th, 2010
You know, I almost feel like asking for wedding horror stories, but after the last several days, things have gotten pretty crazy up in here, and I’m starting to wonder if there are any nice people left in this world, for heaven’s sake. I mean, other than you guys.
So! Back to the usual drivel, which is not nearly as interesting, and for that, I am truly sorry.
One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with as a parent is that my daughter does not like new things. At all. I’m ashamed to admit that I find this interminably frustrating, and while I am actually amazed at my ability to stay cool when she loses her shit and throws a tantrum about ANYTHING ELSE, I am horribly, embarrassingly impatient when it comes to this. The second the freak-out starts, I feel my blood pressure rising, and I find myself wanting to force her to enjoy whatever activity I’m foisting upon her, because SERIOUSLY, KID. It’s a POOL. I AM DOING THIS FUN-FILLED AFTERNOON FOR YOU. I COULD BE AT HOME WATCHING GLEE RERUNS.
I don’t like myself for this. At all. Because really, the poor kid. The world is brand-new and thrilling and she doesn’t know what any of this stuff is, and no matter how many times I put my “THIS IS SO FUN!” face on, it’s still kind of freaky, right? I mean, gym class is a crazy room full of bondage-style equipment with perky young women singing kind of scary songs about a monkey named Mymo. For the love of God, that’s … well. And yet. It’s hard for me to accept. I am, and this is heartbreaking, a little embarrassed as the other kids go jumping fearlessly into the unknown, while my kid clings to the sidelines, screaming bloody murder and holding on to her mama for dear life. And that statement right there is the worst thing. The worst! I’m her MOM.
There is no reason this should be surprising. I mean, her father and I are not exactly known for our adventurous spirits, so it’s not like she has some kind of wild risk-taking genes in her heritage. But everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, that is not the norm is a total battle. Everything. Our first gym class was a hysterical, clingy tantrumfest the first time we went. Her first trip to an indoor pool? Meltdown. A new restaurant? Breakdown city. Turn on the hose? Screaming! Screaming! Oh, is that your new water table? It MUST be out to rip your face off! Let’s scream!
The other night, I put bubbles in her bath for the first time. Bubbles! Bubbles are fun! It was even Burt’s Bees, so it was a familiar scent! You guys, it was like TERROR ON THE HIGH SEAS. She refused to get in the tub. Refused. Cried. Screamed. Left the bathroom and peed on the floor. Over bubbles.
At the park, she’s uninterested in leaving my side, even when her friends run off to climb the kiddie slide. The swings are about as exciting as it gets. Sandboxes are instruments of the devil, and there is yelling! YELLING!
And yet, we persevere. The second and third time we see things are usually better — for example, we now take bubble baths every night, and she plays like it’s totally normal — but oh, that first time. And I get SO FRUSTRATED. Kid, it’s a SLIDE. There’s no reason to LOSE YOUR SHIT.
Swimming lessons start on Friday morning, and … oh whoa, this should be awesome. Shall we put an over/under on how long the kid screams? Do you think it will be the WHOLE HALF-HOUR? Because that’s where my money is.
(Side note: I just realized I have four days to find and purchase a bathing suit. I kind of feel like barfing.)
(Also, it’s not really SWIM-swim lessons. It’s more the kind of thing where you normalize the water for your kid and make them less fearful. HAHAHA, IRONY.)
(Seriously, comfort in water is VERY important to me, so yes, we’re starting early. And although the first one will be a scream-fest, I’m fairly confident she’ll get used to it quickly. And if she doesn’t, we won’t do it. But for God’s sake, this is a kid who flipped out screaming the first time she saw her Cozy Coupe and now yells, “AGAIN?” every time I put her in it, so I’d say odds are in my favor up in here.)
And the thing is, I GET IT. I am horrible with new things. I hate change. I fall into comfortable patterns and stick with them — you could set your watch by my weekly routine. And yet the things I find most comforting for myself are the things I find most frustrating in her, and are the things that try my patience the most. But there I am, all, just TRY IT, kid. You’ll LIKE IT. (Thanks, Yo Gabba Gabba!). But honestly, talk about being completely unfair.
But still. Swim lessons. Oh good lord. This was actually my idea, too. And I’ve dragged Megan and Lila down with me. (Megan is worried about Lila wearing the flotation device, but *I* predict that Lila will think swimming is THE MOST AWESOME THING EVER. Lila has balls, you guys. It’s awesome.)
In other news, if you’re the True Blood fan type, I agreed to be a guest on Blog Talk Radio show at 9 p.m. Monday night to talk about Bill and Eric and the True Blood book. The show is an Eric fan site and the hosts call themselves … Viking wenches. Yes, really. I don’t even know what to expect up in here, but the host recently interviewed Kristin Bauer van Straten (PAM!), so color me jealous. I’ll post an updated link when I get it, but the show is called Dead Air (OH HA HA HA) and it’s run by the people who host EricNorthman.net .
It has come to this. But really, I’m looking forward to it.
Also! The book is really and truly available now, so pick it up at Smart Pop or Amazon or the bookseller of your choice. Or listen to the radio show tomorrow night to win a free copy. There’s that, too.
Happy Monday!
*Oh, George Michael. I love you so.
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,True Blood
26 Comments Add your own
1. Blythe | June 27th, 2010 at 9:24 pm
Next time someone tries to get me to try something new at work, I am going to attempt running from the room and peeing on the floor. Something tells me my coworkers will not handle this as compassionately as you are.
I know nothing about True Blood but I may tune in just so I can hear what you sound like! Is that creepy? But so is True Blood, right? I’m right in the spirit.
2. TJ | June 27th, 2010 at 9:33 pm
I kind of want to introduce “left the bathroom and peed on the floor” into the common lexicon for situations in which someone flies off the handle in a way completely disproportionate to the situation.
“Did you SEE her reaction to the bridesmaids’ bouquets? Insane. Left the bathroom and peed on the floor.”
3. AndreAnna | June 27th, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Seriously, the “left the bathroom and peed on the floor” not only made me laugh out loud, but I will be using it in daily conversation like TJ suggested.
My oldest loves the water and my youngest would rather just look at it.We did the same things with both kids with early lessons and repeat exposure to all water and still, he’d rather sit or walk near the edge. Which of course, is almost worse because I am waiting for the inevitable moment he falls in. I have him swim-bubbled-up even though he won’t go in and always make a metal note where I’ll toss my iPhone if I have to dive in.
4. Joanna | June 27th, 2010 at 10:03 pm
My 21-month-old has gone through many a phase of feeling one way or another about bubbles. He has always loved his gym classes, but hated a library storytime group–WHY??? One day I heard him murmuring “Try. TRY” to himself in some kind of toddler peptalk as we walked the steps/plank to story hour. So cute, but still…story hour with a nice older lady at our local library. NOT an upside-down roller coaster; not even a midnight Rocky Horror singalong.
And I also get frustrated with myself for being frustrated/impatient with him. It always seems that my intellectual “Well, he’s only a baby” gets muffled by the emotional “Just enjoy it already!”
(Also, it took him three swim lessons to start having a bit of fun.)
5. Megan | June 27th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
I have 2 suits if you need one. Friday is going to be…interesting. Lila will no doubt be fuh-ree-king out, so no worries about being alone in that. And HA, I will buy you dinner if she doesn’t freak. At someplace without a kids menu. But she will lose her mind, so don’t get too excited.
6. Melanie Kerton | June 27th, 2010 at 10:13 pm
My son was and to some extent is still the same way, no matter how many swimming lessons I put him in (or how early I started—he had private lessons just after his second b-day) its a disaster… now at age 5 while all the other kids are gleefully putting their heads underwater while the teacher counts to 3, my son clings to the side SOBBING (but trust me I WILL WIN because swimming is something I don’t negotiate on… you DAMN well are gonna learn to swim kid!)
… right now my daughter is 25 mths old, and fights everything, at 19 1/2 months she fought diaper changes so bad, I threw out the diapers (figuring if I am gonna fight with her anyway I might as well fight with her about peeing on the toilet!!) and by 20 mths she was potty trained–but I have to admit those 10 days before it clicked with her that I wasn’t giving the diapers back–HELL…. I told my husband the other day that I felt like I was getting an emotional beating EVERY SINGLE DAY… I mean I am pretty sure the 2 yr old spends more waking hours crying than happy…and that breaks my heart…..
7. Lise | June 28th, 2010 at 1:18 am
Is there any chance you could go to the swimming-lesson pool ahead of time so that the inevitable freak-out won’t be at the actual lesson? Just a thought.
And although I sadly have never seen True Blood (no cable TV) I’m about to start work on a project with one of the actors from it. I see a few evenings of netflixed episodes in my future.
8. jonniker | June 28th, 2010 at 6:19 am
Lise: Totally. I plan more than one trip out there this week for her to watch other kids at their lessons.
9. -R- | June 28th, 2010 at 8:21 am
B is good at new things, especially if he sees kids a little older than him enjoying whatever the new thing is. Except he really is not into water, which makes me sad. He likes baths, but he doesn’t really like the swimming pool. We took him to a splash park this weekend, and he stood near the edge for a while and then said “Bye bye,” and walked away. AARGH. So guess what? His first swimming lesson is tonight! I will let you know how it goes, but I am expecting 30 minutes of begging to get out of the water.
10. Jenna | June 28th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Oh I feel you on this one. My 4 year old has always been sensitive and averse to new things, and it is so hard for me not to try to force FUN on her. (Forcing fun! That’ll totally work, right??)
What I found works for us: 1) I blather on about what she can expect ahead of time, what the place will look like, who will be there, what sounds she might hear etc. 2) We get places early. This usually helps us get her freak out over with before the class/party/meal, though sometimes it just means we have to leave before everyone else gets there. 3) I remind myself CONSTANTLY in my head how much I love her sensitivity. How it is a strength. How I am THE SAME WAY. How she needs to be encouraged to step outside her comfort zone while also being supported for being just who she is.
Good luck.
11. Shannon | June 28th, 2010 at 10:45 am
Oh geez. We JUST came from the first day of swim lessons for my 3-year-old. Before the summer started, I carefully sat down with a calendar and planned out a whole series of activities so he could have something fun and enriching every single day. I paid all this money for the activities. I planned my life around these activities. All this money, all this stress, ALL FOR HIM. So of course he gets to the pool and throws a massive tantrum in the lounge chair for 10 minutes. Mind you, the kid has taken those “water acclimation” classes the last two summers, as well as three months of indoor lessons at the gym. And the outdoor lesson pool is the EXACT SAME ONE we have been swimming in for weeks.
12. cindy w | June 28th, 2010 at 11:04 am
My 3 year-old is SUPER cautious about trying new things. The playground was *always* a disaster of epic proportions until the last few months. She’ll now (finally! At age 3!!) go down a slide IF I hold both of her hands the whole way, and she’s willing to touch the sand in the sandbox. But she still thinks that the swings are evil.
She’s also terrified of water, and we were going to do swim lessons this year, and I just recently decided to hell with that. When I just say the words “swim lessons,” she freaks out. I just don’t see the point in putting either of us through it. Child is stubborn as hell & will scream for the full hour through all 10 lessons just to spite me. So, no. We’ll try turning on the sprinkler in the backyard and see if maybe she can just get used to *that*.
So I guess what I’m saying is: yes. I get it. Totally. They’ll outgrow it eventually, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating when you’re in the middle of it.
13. Swistle | June 28th, 2010 at 11:10 am
Urg, I’m the same way: embarrassed when my kid holds back. As if I should talk.
14. Deb | June 28th, 2010 at 11:29 am
A) She will outgrow it
and
B) In 15 years, you will be happy that she is cautious.
It took my son a YEAR to be willing to go down the slide, much to his daddy’s dismay. My daughter, on the other hand, tried to FLING her entire body into the Stingray exhibit at the Aquarium when she was two. She has no fear, at all, of ANYthing. Trust me – cautious is not the worst thing ever.
15. Alias Mother | June 28th, 2010 at 11:50 am
I’m nodding emphatically because yes! My daughter does this! She spends the first three to four exposures to any new activity silent on the sidelines. If I try to encourage her, SCREAMING ensues. And I hate feeling awkward and like everyone is annoyed with my uncooperative daughter.
I’ve started pretending I don’t care. Seriously, when she looks for my reaction I’m all “la la la, sorry, is something happening?” I don’t think it helps, necessarily, but it redirects my energy into a less Joan Crawford direction.
16. parodie | June 28th, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Kids can be so so frustrating eh? And they really manage to find those buttons we have that we’ve hidden from the rest of the world and push ‘em like no one’s business.
(Some random ass-vice:) Since you have a few days before the swim class, maybe it’d be worth it to go to the pool and sit in the observation area for 5-10min once or twice before the lesson… Just to make it one less new thing on Friday. Depends on whether you want your screaming all at once or spread out over time, I suppose. Good luck!
17. Danell | June 28th, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Dude, can we TRADE for a little while?? Mine screams to DO stuff. She flings herself around violently, out of my arms, out of high chairs, out of car seats, out of shopping carts…she wants to SEE EVERYTHING and DO EVERYTHING. And if you are not taking her to see it or do it RIGHT NOW then the screaming will commence.
*Sigh* I am a really shy, really self conscious person. Doing anything with her is like trying to do stuff with a rabid chimpanzee…it attracts a lot of attention. There are sooooo many times when I would like to try an activity with her where she wants to be cautious and observe quietly with me while sitting on my lap for a while first. But no. And I do not foresee this getting anymore comfortable for me as she gets older. I cringe thinking about it. (Oh but I love her so, though! My heart!)
18. Christine | June 28th, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I was going to say exactly what Lise said. Yes, that!
Poor kid. Peed on the floor made me sad for her. I imagine that in another year or so she’ll get a little more gutsy, especially once she gets that other kids are doing some fun, fun things.
19. H | June 28th, 2010 at 2:48 pm
The odd thing is that this may not be a clear indicator of her personality later in life. My son was extremely cautious through about 7th or 8th grade and then somehow flipped to the other side. He will try almost anything and is a risk taker to the point that he crosses juuuuust over the line he should NOT at times. (See: speeding tickets when he thought there’s no way there’d be a highway patrol car on that road on that particular day!) Although he’s probably about a year from getting engaged, he says he would like to have some kind of extreme wedding – like on a cliff somewhere, during which I will be clinging dramatically to a tree and screaming for everyone to stay away from the edge. I was a timid child and I’m still not a risk taker so I assumed he’d be the same way. NOT!
20. Calliope | June 28th, 2010 at 8:21 pm
W is hit or miss with new things. I usually get super excited to present some much prepared bit of foodstuffs and he lobs it away. I think I have the only kid that refuses to even TRY mac and cheese. But other foods, new foods even, he goes to town on like it’s his job. SO of course I take the mac and cheese moments personally.
Sadly W has inherited my inclination to say No first to everything. Which is all kinds of annoying (& I am now systematically e-mailing apologies to many friends for all of the fun I wasn’t). I just try to present an experience as often as possible so that it becomes less and less OMG.
It took several meet & greets with a bucket swing and the park before he would even consider getting in it.
Good news is that maybe this means we have kids that won’t be into bungee jumping. right?
21. kakaty | June 28th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
2 weekends ago we went to this huge festival/parade – one of the best events of the summer. It’s jammed full of awesome kids activities and art projects to do. It was crazy hot and humid but we arrived early and while Mark and the baby secured parade seats I took her around to the booths and it went like this: Me- “Look at this! Do you want to do {insert insanely cool free art project}?” Her-”No thank you!” Every.single.booth. Kids are assholes sometimes.
No advice on the swimming front. I’m one of those crazy moms dumped water over my infant’s head and took her 3 month old to lessons (she’s been in lessons ever since). M loves the water and at almost 4 is a pretty great swimmer. But I can assure you if Sam freaks out, she will be far from the only one.
22. agirlandaboy | June 28th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
I definitely find myself getting frustrated with my kid over the things that others no doubt find frustrating about me. (Simon: “Oh there he goes, being his mother’s child again!” It’s a wonder I don’t strangle him.) It’s definitely a case of my frustration being in direct proportion to how much I want my son to be better than I am about trying new things or being patient or whatever. (Yes, I get impatient with him for being impatient. HUH.)
That said, being a person who hates change and new situations and anything outside of my immediate comfort zone, I also know what it takes to ease those fears, so we do not just preparatory pep talking before new/stressful situations but also a lot of post mortems. “Remember how you got in the pool today? It was fun, wasn’t it? Do you think you’ll want to go again soon?” So far so good, most of the time.
What I’m finding especially hard at this age (his age, not mine) is that because he’s old enough to understand what I’m saying and follow directions and all of that, I tend to overestimate his emotional maturity and ability to process things in a logical way. I have to keep reminding myself that just because he knows X, Y, and Z doesn’t mean he’s not just still a little baby who doesn’t know what’s going on half the time.
23. -R- | June 29th, 2010 at 9:22 am
Swimming lesson update: there was only one other kid in B’s class, and they both cried at different points during the lesson. But the teachers were totally unphased and good at distraction. I’m sure it will suck if Sam has a fit, but I’m guessing the instructors will be used to that kind of thing, and it sounds like Sam will get over it for the second lesson. =)
24. Manda | June 29th, 2010 at 7:03 pm
The pee on the floor and slip in one’s own pee and lying in a the puddle screaming happens to us ALLS THE TIME. Why I don’t learn I’ll NEVER EVER KNOW. So yes, diapers please. My daughter – quite obviously – needs them more often. And yes, she pooped on the carpet and an ANTIQUE QUILT at Yaya’s house today JUST FOR THE RECORD.
25. tracey | June 30th, 2010 at 5:53 pm
From a mom who has one of the screaming about new stuff kids, I understand. It sucks. Because we all relish the child who joyfully runs into the world, arms extended with glee. But the kid who scrutinizes every little detail is often looked at with puzzlement because, “isn’t every kid supposed to be the SAME?” Nope. They’re not. We’re all different. It stinks that my son has issues with textures and sounds and unplanned situations. But he just needs a different pace than the rest of the world. And that’s that.
Go slowly and rejoice over the small stuff. You’ve already figured out that she just needs 2 or 3 times to get used to stuff. So be prepared for screams and hope to be surprised by smiles…
26. Courtney | July 15th, 2010 at 7:32 pm
My kid is the same way! He’s 10 months and has been since the very start. The first time he tried the swing, the car seat, the bath, he hated them. SCREAMED. The screaming slowly ebbed until finally, after the 5th or 6th time, he loved them. The first time he tried solids he made the worst face, spit it out, turned his head, all that. Even after a few tries he still wouldn’t really eat. So we gave up and took the cereal to daycare. Turns out he ate like a champ for them! WTH.
I feel like I’m always apologizing for him – like, oh sorry, he’ll come around soon. He’ll warm up to the crowd soon. He’ll let you hold him soon. Ugh. I’m sure no one really cares but me, but I’m still embarrassed sometimes when he’s such a *baby* about trying new things.
But at least now I know he’s like that and can expect it. We took him to the pool for the first time, and as expected he hated it at first. So we went sloooowly: first sitting on my lap on the edge, then his feet in, then his legs, then standing in the water . . . after about half an hour he was in a floaty thing chasing around the pool and laughing his head off.
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