Poker Face
July 29th, 2010
Ah, Facebook. It’s such a strange cocktail of misery and usefulness, that I hardly know where to turn. Lunatics and Facebook Moms and crazy political nutballs and high school friends and coworkers and LOOK, WE ALL KNOW THE PERILS.
However, I’ve just made the best discovery that I can’t seem to get over. A guy I know has a Photograph Face, which is probably also his Mirror Face. And although I’ve seen this person many times — recently, even — seeing his Mirror-slash-Photograph Face is weirdly intimate, as Sex Face feels not that far behind and JUST GROSS, MAKE IT STOP. Mind you, many women I know have Mirror and Photograph faces, but men! This is new. And worse, Mirror Faces are never — okay, RARELY — the most flattering face on a person! And yet, people THINK they are, because that’s the face they perpetually see in the mirror and … oh dear. When Mirror Faces become Photograph Faces, it’s never good.
One of my dearest friends (NO I AM NOT TELLING, but no, it’s not you, I promise) has a Mirror Face, and for decades (literally, DECADES), it has mystified me, for she is beautiful, but her Mirror Face is … well, not. It’s awkward and funny-looking, if I’m being honest, and yet there she is, fixing her lip gloss with Awkward Mirror Face, and it remains one of life’s greatest mysteries for me. The second she resumes life without Mirror Face, and steps away from the mirror, she is once again beautiful. Fortunately for all of us, Mirror Face is not Photograph Face.
****
You know, another helpful tidbit, now that more than a few of you will be meeting me in person, is that I have attention deficit disorder, and not in the cute way of being all, I have ADD! I can’t find the pretzels! No, I actually have ADHD in a kind of not-fun way sometimes, although I’m not really sure what to do about it, if anything. On the one hand, it makes me quirky and fun, and it is, in large part, why my life takes the strangest of turns — I forget things, I zone out, I trip, I fall, I end up with six dozen donuts instead of one because I got distracted by the new pockets in my jean jacket. You know.
I mean, I was in Target the other day with Kate, and I got distracted because I couldn’t find my BJ’s card, which led to a few other thoughts about where that card might be, and how I’d given it to Sam in Land’s End Canvas and then, OOH! Land’s End Canvas! I wonder if those pants will fit like these shorts! Let’s see how these shorts fit! And I’m pulling the tag out of the back of my shorts and realize that the reason — the original reason, for God’s sake — I wondered about my BJ’s card was because I was supposed to be getting out my debit card to pay. I had FORGOTTEN that I was in TARGET in LINE and ABOUT TO PAY. I’m not exaggerating. Like, I got lost in this crazy Other Place and … well, that happens a lot.
And while I realize that’s kind of a lame example, there are others where things have been more, uh, dire. Nothing life or death, but sometimes, HOO BOY, things take me longer than they should, because I get distracted and carried away and oh look! There’s that phone bill. In the freezer. Right. (Sadly, not kidding.) In a way, it was easier when I worked as a full-time professional, because I could organize my day to work around it — by setting time limits, and tasks and small deadlines throughout the day, I was able to do what needed to be done without it impacting my work too much. Being busy and on heavy deadline in a job like journalism is actually helpful for people like me, although you’d think it would be the opposite.
But with an unpredictable toddler? OH HEAVENS. Coping is kind of hard sometimes, because I’m all over the place, and even people who DON’T have ADHD can become distracted and lose their minds.
I was medicated once, a long long time ago, and frankly, it sucked. I didn’t feel like myself; I felt like all of the things that made me, me, were kind of gone. Creatively, I wasn’t the same, because distraction is a good thing for a creative person — one thought tumbles to the next, and before you know it, you’re in a place you never expected.
I think I just answered my own question, which is to go back to behavioral therapy basics and not even think about meds again. At all. Like, ever. But! If I seem spazzy or you think you suddenly lost me in a conversation or I say I’ll be right back and hours later, you’re wondering what the EFF happened to me, that would be why.
Good times!
Happy Friday! Have a great weekend!
*Lady Gaga
Entry Filed under: General jackassery,Nuttin',The anxious anxiety
26 Comments Add your own
1. Perpetua | July 29th, 2010 at 9:49 pm
Hey, my husband has ADHD! We can be friends! He was medicated once too, and he said it actually made the whole mess worse. On the bright side, we can get through everything we need to say to each other on the phone in about 12 seconds (really), so…I don’t know, that’s got to get us somewhere, right?
2. TinaNZ | July 29th, 2010 at 10:09 pm
My son has ADHD and it’s really cool to hear an adult articulate what it’s like from the ‘inside’. Should be helpful the next time I’m about to tear my hair out trying to get him organised for school in the morning, too.
And on a different topic, a BJs card sounds like something my boyfriend would like to get…
3. sam | July 30th, 2010 at 1:35 am
I am very confused about photo vs mirror vs real face. Like, I re-read this post three times and then looked for help in the comments. Maybe it’s the xanax? I need to lie down now.
4. jonniker | July 30th, 2010 at 5:58 am
Tina: With adult ADHD — well, for me anyway — there’s no hyperactivity, which is why in conversation I usually just say “ADD.”
5. Kristin H | July 30th, 2010 at 7:38 am
The thing I find hilarious about blogs is how someone can post something that they have or do — say, a penchant for finding the face of Baby Jesus in potato chips — and then the comments section springs to life with Me TOO! MEE TOOOOO!!!!!!! (This, of course, if not at all meant to denigrate you because you know I love reading you, or your commenters. I am thinking of other blogs here.)
However.
ME TOO!!!! Or rather, my husband too. It never, ever occurred to me that maybe there’s a reason he’s so scattered, and that reason could be something like ADHD. Last night, for example, he was making dinner and a dish that by all rights should have taken 20 minutes took an hour and a half, and in the middle of it I found him emptying every trash can in the house.
Consider me enlightened!
6. Amy | July 30th, 2010 at 8:13 am
I’m with sam….you have blown my mind with the Mirror Face and Photograph Face. How have I never known about this phenomenon? And I still don’t understand how that could happen.
7. Jessica (Jersey) | July 30th, 2010 at 8:38 am
I’m jumping on the me too! bandwagon. I am an imfamous mirror face maker! I’m also have a wide variety of other equally humiliating faces like the Dance Face (see tuesday’s post) and the Roller Coaster Face and the I-Think-I-Can-Raise-One-Eyebrow-But-I-Can’t-So-I-Just-Look-Like-I-Have-Gas Face.
8. Annie | July 30th, 2010 at 8:43 am
I am also wanting a deeper delving into the Mirror Face/Photograph Face. This is a phenomenon I feel compelled to understand immediately!
ADD/ADHD, oooooh boy! I went through a gifted education program through school and I still contend that I wasn’t gifted, but that I actually had a case of ADD. I still get really scattered if I don’t make myself lists… I mean, put me in Target without a list when all I needed was toothpaste and orange juice and I will leave with $80 less and cute hair accessories for my nieces, a board game and new shampoo, among other things, none of which are toothpaste and orange juice. C’est la vie!
9. AndreAnna | July 30th, 2010 at 9:57 am
Ha, I live with the man version of you.
“Hey honey. Can you get me the scissors?”
“Sure.”
……..minutes……
“Babe? What are you doing?”
“Brushing the cat.”
Oh, right. Okay.
10. Accidents | July 30th, 2010 at 11:46 am
My dad has a very extreme case of adult ADD. I say this with much love to other ADD-ers: In the case of my father it is an absolute nightmare to deal with when it comes to important and urgent things (he was medicated briefly, but not anymore). It is so sad, because it causes him to come off as unreliable and even mean, when he just has no control over the vortex of distraction that sucks him in. He’s actually deeply sensitive and caring, and one of the most generous people you’ll meet, but when he offers to help you move or something? And shows up 9 hours late? And then starts going through your stuff instead of carrying it to the truck? He doesn’t appear in the best light. But he’s so wickedly creative and unique and the way he is about everything is so My Dad, I can’t imagine him not being this way. He manages to hold it together very well at work, though.
I’m giggling about you in the line at Target, I’m sorry! You told it well.
11. Carrie | July 30th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
My son has ADHD and doesn’t want to be medicated, but we tried biofeedback/neurofeedback and it really helped him. Here’s the website of the guy we went to http://www.qeeg.com/index.html not because you can come to Minnesota for this, but maybe you could find someone nearby that does similar work. Basically he hooks you up to an EEG and teaches you how to recognize when you brain is producing “I’m paying attention” brain waves versus “I’m not paying attention” brain waves and learn to control them at will. (note, the doc’s website looks a little hoodoo voodoo, but it was legit and really really helpful).
12. Caitlin | July 30th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
*hurriedly sifting through facebook photos for refrigerator face. No! Poker face! Um..mirror face. Photo face? Isn’t every face photo face?*
ADD..nice to meet y- ooh! Pickles!
13. Eurosport poker | July 31st, 2010 at 7:12 am
Good and nice aritcle, I will copy it to my website with your link.
Regards.
14. Danell | July 31st, 2010 at 2:05 pm
It’s my understanding that girls with ADHD frequently do not have the hyperactivity component…which is why we end up not being seen or treated or diagnosed in childhood. All those spastic boys are getting all the attention.
I really, really liked being on medication, though. It was SUCH A RELIEF to be able to FINALLY focus on one thing. To FINALLY be able to sit down and FINISH something. It was like somebody had the remote control to my mental cable television and was wildly flipping though the channels ALL THE TIME. And I so desperately wanted it to please STOP so I could just finish watching one show! Medication did that. However, it made me physically ill. Sad for me. waaah.
I’m stumped by the mirror face photo face thing. Maybe I don’t spend enough time on Facebook?
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16. Tracey - JustAnotherMommyBlog | July 31st, 2010 at 8:47 pm
Shoot. I forgot what I was going comment here as I heard my 4 year old singing a Hannah Montana song perfectly. I mean, it’s pretty difficult and she’s doing the moves and everything. Where did she learn that? Not from me. Probably from her cousin. She’s not the best influence. I wonder if I should monitor them more? But I try to not monitor much. Not because I want them to be so independent but because I want them to be QUIET and I can’t handle all the noise and distractions.
Wait. Distractions. That was one of the main points I was going to comment about. Damnit. I forgot again.
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19. Shin Ae | August 1st, 2010 at 11:00 am
Oh, I wish I was meeting you!
I get the Mirror Face, Photo Face thing. I have a Mirror Face, I suspect, because I never look like “myself” to me when I see me in photographs. I look much more pointy and prickly when I haven’t arranged my face for my viewing pleasure. My husband has a Mirror Face and I hate when I know he is seeing himself in the mirror when I am talking to him. His face completely changes in a split second. Hey! You! Look back here! At the wife!
I don’t have ADHD, but the distraction thing? Oh boy. That happens. I have a little something that I could probably get a prescription for, but I watched a friend be medicated and I felt like I had to get to know her all over again. It was hard, though I never said anything to her because, whatever, IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. For myself, I work very hard to manage things without meds.
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21. Sara @ Belle Plaine | August 1st, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Ooo ooo! I get to meet you! *clap clap*
My college roomie has a TERRIBLE Mirror Face. It was cringe-worthy and she did it all the time. And yet…so pretty when she wasn’t making that face.
22. Jett | August 2nd, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Even in conversation, where you’ve been all “DUDE AHM ADD” you haven’t really been to explain it because we veer around so much. And we’re both, well, kind of excitable. Making the veering around and gesticulating wildly even worse, because we both get AMPED RIGHT UP.
This explains so much. Thank you for posting it.
23. Life of a Doctor's Wife | August 3rd, 2010 at 9:26 am
Love the Mirror Face/Photo Face description! My SIL has a serious Photo Face issue. Although she is still quite lovely. But every photo looks The Same. And I have a friend who used to have a crazy scary Mirror Face – somewhat like Blue Steel but with more rage behind the eyes? (Rage at what, I’m not sure. Hair that wouldn’t cooperate? Stray eyebrows?)
24. karen | August 3rd, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Have you ever tried ways of controlling your ADD without using meds? My husband is totally ADD, but he finds that when he puts on techno music, he’s actually able to concentrate for long enough to finish a task. It’s weird, but it works.
25. page | August 4th, 2010 at 12:31 am
I’m with you on the meds. the ones that worked took away my me-ness and the ones I thought left my me-ness intact were wonderfully addictive to the tune of me nearly becoming a speed freak. Suffice to say, when we started trying to have kids I said enough was enough and turned my back on the drugs forever.
Now? Everyone at work thinks I am the most scattered person on earth. I work really hard to keep up but always feel like one of those arcade games with all of the nickels and the shovey things- with one little plunk the whole thing could come cascading down. And with kids? I can only imagine the fun I’ll be.
Oh, Jonna. Thanks for sharing! Good times, indeed!
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