Paparazzi

HI HO!

The short BlogHer version, which will be woefully disappointing to many of you: I had a great time. It was super low-drama. I don’t have a lot of complaints. Everyone I met was lovely, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart, in total sincerity, no snark whatsoever.

I realize that makes this kind of boring. I’m sorry. But like everyone else, I have to say it, because, well, I paid for the damn thing, let me have my recap post, please!

First of all, the best part was easily my roommate, Jennie. (Tell me you love Jennie!) I can’t begin to tell you how wonderfully we got along, or how our friendship is sort of, um, epic in its awesomeness (LIKE BEACHES) (MORE ON THAT IN A SECOND), and it was so easy to be with her, and it made the whole conference worth it.

The other best part was that my OTHER, OLDER (in terms of friend-time, not age, although Mer and I are same-aged crones to Jennie’s youthfulness) epic Beaches friend, Meredith, met Jennie. And PEOPLE. IT WAS BEACHES, BUT WITH THREE PEOPLE. They loved each other, and both texted me separately to tell me so, and it might have been the best thing in the world, having two people you love so, so much (so beyond blogging or writing online or any of this stuff, I mean Real Life Friends) love each other! It was a VERY BIG DEAL for me, and I’m touched and tickled and thrilled and excited to see them both again.

Everyone was lovely. And pretty! What’s with all the pretty? I thought we were all supposed to be dorky and smart and socially awkward? I didn’t meet an unattractive person! Not one! Amalah was lovely and funny and exactly as you’d expect, but even prettier! STUNNING, in fact. What’s up with that? Who is that pretty in pictures, then takes it up a whole notch in person? WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

People were so nice and friendly and exactly what you’d expect, and if they weren’t, they were better than you expected, even if you had high expectations. Linda! Jodi! The New Girl (who I already knew and is always beautiful)! Kelli! Cass! AndreAnna! Samantha! (btw, I’ve now told Sam I love her eleven times. She is scared.) LEAH! HELLO I LOVED LEAH SO MUCH I WANT TO TELL EVERYONE TO SEEK HER OUT AND MEET HER. SHE IS SO WARM. Metalia! Ali! Slynnro! Kristabella!!

Anne! I loved Anne. And Julie! Julie, for the record, has been the kindest person to me in ways no one even knows about, and I can’t tell you how special it was to meet her. It was a moment, if you will.

Also special was Suebob, whose blog I’ve been reading Way Back When, and is the person you want in your corner, for real. Damn, was she warm and wonderful. Meagan!

Miss Britt! Y! ALEXA. FOR GOD’S SAKE, PEOPLE I MET ALEXA. No, I didn’t just meet Alexa. I FANGIRLED at Alexa and spent ten minutes, dead sober, telling her how talented she is. (SHE IS.) Pseudostoops! Sara! The Ladies of Style Lush! TwoBusy, who I have the ability to see again and again! Ms Picket to YOU! DITTO, BITCHES.

I’m wringing my hands, because I know I’m forgetting great people, and it’s not because they were forgettable, but it’s because I am dim, and it’s almost 11 p.m. and I’m repeating people and picturing faces of people I’ve known for years, and yet cannot recall.

ALLYSON. See? SEE? I cannot be trusted with links. AND LETTERB. Liz! My old boss, who I love and can see again soon! SHIT. I am so fucked with this list. Please forgive me.

However, here are the only two photos I took at the entire conference, because I am an idiot. Behold:

It’s ANNA! I loved Anna even more in person. You guys, she’s funny and smart and beautiful and has a smile that lights up her whole face. And please note: She does not have horns. If you ever have the opportunity to hang out with her, please do so. Just introduce yourself! She is lovely, and I’ll cut a bitch who says otherwise. My bra is also making a special appearance here, as it did all weekend. My right boob, for some reason, did not enjoy being contained.

Worst picture of me ever, but you know, I don’t care, because it’s Holly and AB! AB, you need to know, was my first blog ever, before they were called BLOGS, tied with Mike Monteiro’s Henry’s Diary. I’m all, IT IS AB CHAO, BITCHES. I started reading her … Jesus, I don’t know, ten years ago? When her daughter Mad was in like, THIRD GRADE, IF THAT. (Mad is now one year away from graduating. WTF.) Meanwhile, when poor AB tries to tell me things she did in 2005, I’m all, “Dude, I remember that.” WHICH HAS TO BE CREEPY.

And poor Holly. Poor, poor Holly, who asked about the realities of having kids, and Jennie and I regaled her for an hour and … oh poor Holly. There were a few times I was thinking, “We should be stopping this!” and yet I went on. For many hours.

And AB was with Drunken Bee! Who I also read years ago, when I was jealous of everyone who went to JournalCon and stuff, and yet I had my dorky little overwrought Diaryland account where I think I composed POEMS, OH MY LANDS.

(I was in my early twenties. Please forgive me. I think I was generally an asshole.)

(PS, Drunken Bee does the Friday Night Lights recaps on Television Without Pity. They’re awesome.)

Now for the bad parts: There were assholes. I was treated astonishingly poorly on at least two occasions, one of which was SUPAH SHOCKING and almost funny in its awfulness, but you know what? There are assholes everywhere, and they were not people I knew well or cared about. There are more assholes on my street right now than I met at BlogHer, and that’s a fact. You can’t have a conference with 2400 people and expect there to NOT be assholes.

I just really hope I wasn’t that asshole to any of you. If I was, please tell me, and let me apologize. Unless you are the woman whose foot I accidentally ran over with my bag the first day who yelled at me even after I apologized OR the people next door to Jennie and me, who called security on us for TALKING IN HUSHED TONES. TWICE. You are mean. Also, I’m glad we kept you awake, even when you banged on the wall at 10 a.m. (TEN IN THE MORNING) to tell us to be quiet.

*Lady Gaga. And obviously I was a poor paparazz…ist. Whatever.

51 comments August 10th, 2010