Summer in the City
August 22nd, 2010
I didn’t get a pedicure once this summer, and let me tell you, that was a TRAVESTY OF FOOTCARE. These puppies are perhaps the most terrifying they’ve ever been, and I’ve done precisely nothing about it, and now — NOW! — I’m thinking maybe it’s time to pay attention and do something about it, because I can’t take it anymore. Day late, dollars — millions of dollars, to be specific — short.
My urge to get a pedicure is strangely symbolic of the idea that I’m not all that excited about summer ending. Before I had Sam, I was a winter person. You know, back when winter involved lots of sloth-like behavior, warm stews and doing nothing more taxing than snuggling by the fire and lifting the remote control. Winter meant reading! Adorable snuggly clothes! Sleeping late while the flakes fall softly outside our window pane!
HA HA HA, I have a child now, and while I’m all, YAY, FALL! Yay! Pumpkins and park visits and warm apple cider and apple picking and all that APPLE-Y FALL STUFF. But fall! Fall is very brief.
AND THEN THERE IS DOOM. DOOM FOLLOWS THE LAST APPLE. Winter colds and snotty noses and Jesus knows WHAT flu strain they’ll terrify us with this year that I’ll spend copious amounts of time pursuing a vaccine for, but will be unable to obtain. Or — OR! — I know, I’ll actually GET the vaccine after breaking down in tears to the receptionist about how I have a BAYBEE and DON’T LET MY BAYBEE DIE, and then my kid will get the flu anyway, and it will be five days of misery, and then we will all move on, Amen.
Incidentally, Flubaby came up in conversation the other day, and Adam has ZERO RECOLLECTION of Sam’s flu from last year. The Thanksgiving Flu From Hell. NONE. He claims, probably accurately, that he merely blocked it out, because last year was also The Year That No One Slept, but how do you block out this face?
Besides, what the hell are we going to DOOOOOO? I mean, there are playdates, but our gym has closed (THE GYM HAS CLOSED) and my girlfriends and I are going to be stuck dragging our kids to Wednesday Lap Sit at the library while Lois, the Mean and Angry Librarian, butchers kids’ classics and acts like the fact that kids showed up at all is an affront to her delicate sensibilities.
DON’T LEAVE ME, SUMMER.
Speaking of no one sleeping, we’re in the midst of a STAGGERING sleep regression, and by staggering, I mean not very staggering at all to my former non-sleeping self, who would tell me to cry me an effing river and get over my damn self already. But to my well-rested self? This blows. She’s falling asleep late, getting up early (AN HOUR AND A HALF EARLY), taking the briefest nap known to mankind, and no amount of letting her holler will get her back down (FORTY FIVE MINUTES OF HOOTING AND HOLLERING), and yet, she’s clearly exhausted. By the end of the day, she has SUITCASES under her eyes. SUITCASES. Little lady could pack up an entire HOUSE and take it with her in those undereye bags.
AND YET. IT PERSISTS. And to date, there are no discernible skills to speak of resulting from this regression, despite the myriad promises by the ever-vague They. Well, unless you count an increase in the frequency of nonsensical conversations featuring arm waving and and hand gestures used by yours truly, and THAT is freaky, let me tell you.
But still. No results of this agony. No quoting of Derrida or loquacious lectures on astrophysics. Just a lot of “ASSSAGLAABEEBADOBEEBADADOO?” and an adorable little shoulder shrug, followed by wild hand-waving. Sometimes she nods violently, as if to underscore a very important point.
This … ends, right? I mean, she will sleep again? Sleep … late-ish? And NAP? WILL SHE EVER NAP AGAIN OH HOLY MERDE?
Good thing she’s cute, is all I’m saying. Also, packed with attitude … and pigtails.
Happy Monday!
*Regina Spektor
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,The anxious anxiety,Uncategorized
24 Comments Add your own
1. Amy K | August 22nd, 2010 at 9:55 pm
Oh God, the pigtails! The attitude! She’s totally 18 months going on 13 years.
2. Jess | August 22nd, 2010 at 9:57 pm
OK, this isn’t exactly related to this post, BUT. I have this “Universal Registry” plugin in Firefox that allows me to add items from any website to our Amazon baby registry. And when I was opening your site I accidentally clicked the “Add to Registry” button and this little entry popped up with this post as the item. So, there I was, registering for 1 “Summer in the City from Jonniker” for the price of $50 (where that number came from I could not tell you). But the best part was the picture. It was FLUBABY! I could have added FLUBABY to my baby registry! Believe me, I was SORELY TEMPTED to confirm the new item on the list.
3. jonniker | August 22nd, 2010 at 10:02 pm
HA! Jess. May you never be blessed with Flubaby, and may Piglet remain flu-free.
4. Marie Green | August 22nd, 2010 at 10:12 pm
1. I will never forget Flubaby face. Ever. In fact, if I ponder it much, my heart could be broken anew, just thinking of her poor miserable self.
2. Those pigtails make her look like she’s on the verge of rollerblading on outta here. When… did she get so OLD? (Have I mentioned that I have BALD babies and toddlers… and well, preschoolers too, and in fact my daughter that will be FOUR in a month just received her first “real” “haircut” last week. (Unless you count the trimming of the baby mullet, and which I don’t.)
3. Winter. You will get together in each other’s homes, and you will make snacks and tea and banana bread and it will suck but you know what? All that time together, in each other’s homes, will create a really cool community too, since you will all cease in caring whether or not your unfolded yet clean white load-including bras and underpants- is sitting there, out in the open. And that community will make your parenthood experience that much sweeter. (Or, at least, that’s been my experience.)
(I hate winter now too, for all the reasons you mentioned. PLUS, you forgot the wrangling into and out of all of the WINTER GEAR: hats, mitten, coats, boots, snow pants, scarves, fleece, wool. AIIIIIEEEEEEE.)
5. Suebob | August 22nd, 2010 at 11:43 pm
How could he forget Flubaby?? I barely feel like that flu just ended. Totally fresh in my mind.
You can come live with me this winter. If last winter is any indication, the waves will be totally rad.
6. Jamie | August 22nd, 2010 at 11:43 pm
Flubaby is unforgettable – how could anyone forget that poor little face?! Here’s hoping that you have a fabulous winter and autumn full of things like sledding and hot toddy sipping – not nose blowing and well, let’s face it – crying. KNOCKS WOOD
7. Carmen | August 23rd, 2010 at 1:16 am
Ohhhhh, the pigtails. When is Lexi going to sprout enough hair for pigtails? When?
8. Maura | August 23rd, 2010 at 7:25 am
Sweet Jebus! I thought that was someone else’s kid in the last picture! She looks so grown up! To quote Julie Andrews in “The Sound of Music,” she’s practically a LADY. (Because who doesn’t quote Julie Andrews in “The Sound of Music?”)
9. Lawyerish | August 23rd, 2010 at 8:45 am
Pigtails. PIGTAIIIIILLLLLS. You have just killed me.
And why does your baby look like a teenager? This is not RIGHT.
10. H | August 23rd, 2010 at 9:09 am
She is too cute!
I hate winter. I am going to have to get a punch card for daycare for my dog, I think. I dread the day it is too cold/snowy/windy for me to put him on his tie-out in the backyard and let him sniff the air and watch people so I get a tiny break until he decides it is time to play tug – again.
11. Kristin H | August 23rd, 2010 at 9:14 am
Oh my. Those pigtails! That face! So, so cute.
Yes! She will sleep again! And then she won’t. And then she will! And then she won’t. But I’ve discovered that the sleeping periods get longer and the non-sleeping gets shorter with time.
(sending good sleep energy your way)
12. SwingCheese | August 23rd, 2010 at 9:20 am
Ha! Also going through the sleep regression over here. Boyo goes down sometime between 9 and 10 pm (!), but is always up by 7 or 7:30. The daytime nap varies, somewhere between 45 min. and 3 hours, but it keeps getting pushed back. (A couple days ago, he went down at 3:30 in the afternoon, and got up around 6 pm. I was flummoxed.) I live in fear of the day that the nap is jettisoned altogether.
13. Navigating the Mothership1 | August 23rd, 2010 at 9:21 am
Even I remember flubaby and I’m just a random reader! Ha
And, like other commenters have mentioned, the pigtails are too fantastic. I keep trying to scrape my almost 15-month old’s curls into pigtails but there just isn’t enough hair yet. Soon, I hope!
14. Swistle | August 23rd, 2010 at 9:46 am
OMG those pigtails make her look about THREE!
15. Dr. Maureen | August 23rd, 2010 at 11:50 am
Pigtails! The pigtails! I am suddenly bereft that Nora is a good three years away from pigtails, if that soon, based on the level of baldness I’m contending with at aged 14 months.
16. Kristin | August 23rd, 2010 at 2:41 pm
I can’t believe how much hair she has! So cute.
And now I am officially depressed because you’ve made me think of winter! It’s about 85 degrees and humid here and I am dreading winter already. For all the reasons you mentioned. However, I will be soooo glad to be rid of the insane swarms of mosquitos that have taken over the midwest this summer, so I guess Fall has some good points too.
As far as sleep goes–my son did the exact same thing at that age. I just let him skip his naps for a few days, maybe a week total, and then he went right back to his normal schedule. You will have a week of torture because she still needs the naps and she’ll be exhausted by dinner, but hopefully that will start her sleeping normally again. He did it again at 2 and a half years old, but went back to normal after a week. He still takes a good 2 hour nap now in the afternoons, and he’s almost 4. Just keep telling yourself that it’s a phase!
17. agirlandaboy | August 23rd, 2010 at 3:57 pm
God DAMN I love your kid.
18. Perpetua | August 23rd, 2010 at 6:42 pm
*I* remember Flubaby, and I’m not related to her! However, I was a crazy mutha when it came to H1N1. I pretty much quarantined the baby, who was born two days before the damned pandemic was declared.
Sorry, flashbacks. :She was a cute Flubaby, she was.
19. Suzanne | August 23rd, 2010 at 7:27 pm
I was actually looking forward to this winter, imagining a toddler in the snow getting all warn out and exhausted by the sledding and the running the fun and then crashing for long afternoon naps while I baked bread and sipped hot coco and read every blog on the internet.
Instead, I’m going to be 1) enormously pregnant and then 2) attached to an infant, so all outdoor activity is out. So is going anywhere there might be germs, which includes malls, playdates, church, the pediatrician’s office, and all indoor locations that are not my couch. I cannot have a Flu-NEWBORN on top of a Flubaby.
Please send help.
20. samantha Jo Campen | August 23rd, 2010 at 9:52 pm
Oh that attitude! Holy cats she looks 14.
21. Elle | August 23rd, 2010 at 11:07 pm
My daughter is 16 months and is doing that nap thing too. Then she becomes monster toddler and we have to put up with it until her bedtime. The she’s so overtired she doesn’t want to sleep. Oy!
22. Katy | August 26th, 2010 at 11:27 am
You know, we are story time drop outs because Charlie started throwing fits and I think our librarian hates us as a result. She was really delightful an if I have other children, we can totally go, but man do I feel guilty when I’m in there.
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