Money

September 22nd, 2010

We’re on a new! improved! totally Draconian! budget to save for some life-goal type stuff, brought to you by the letter S for Screwed and F for Florida and let’s just throw in H for House!, and I think I’ve mentioned this before, but the truth is, I love budgeting, and I say that with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. In my head, it kind of sounds like Plex from Yo Gabba Gabba. “I’m thinking of a budget! It’s flexible and painful!”

I! Love! TO BUDGET!

And of COURSE I love to budget. Budgeting is fun! Budgeting makes it seem like you have all! this! extra! money! Assuming, of course, that you stick to it, tracking every blasted cent and this — this is where things usually go horribly awry, and it’s kind of like being on a diet, where suddenly you want to run right out and eat an entire chocolate cake, then spend the entirety of your bank account on hookers and blow. HOOKERS AND BLOW! And maybe a pizza or some new jeans. Or a pedicure. Man, I would love a pedicure, but under the new regime, I’d have to save and account for said pedicure and decide if I want the pedicure or something else with my allotted monthly fun money and OH BLERGH, the growing bank account is satisfying, but I’m not sure it’s as satisfying as sitting in a spa chair, you know what I’m saying?

Screw responsibility, man. Sometimes adulthood blows.

At any rate, this whole hot mess is how I found myself doing things like buying a $5 toy kitchen at a yard sale, followed by (and this is really terrifying, just TERRIFYING), coming to a screeching halt in front of a house on a busy street because they had a giant kid’s easel out front marked “FREE!”

You guys, I loaded this giant, awful plastic easel into the back of my car on a busy street and it’s awful! It’s awful and large and unwieldy, and I’m not even sure what I was thinking! I just LOADED THIS BIG-ASS THING IN THE CAR AND DROVE AWAY. And it’s awful! And now *I* am going to have to be the assface who leaves it outside MY house saying, FREE TO GOOD HOME. PLEASE TAKE THIS PLASTIC MONSTROSITY AWAY FROM ME.

And let us talk about the total savings theoretically achieved by my drive-by easeling: $14. Yes, friends, the easel I’ve been meaning to get Sam is $14. Is $14 going to make or break our budget? HA HA. NO. Especially when I’ve budgeted for Sam and Sam-related items and activities, and FOR GOD’S SAKE.

This is why I tend to be an insane stop-and-start person. I go whole effing HOG on something, and the next thing you know I’m irrationally weeping into my generic K-cups about how life is UNFAAAAAIR and I’m DUMPSTER DIVING and before you can say “THROW THE EASEL!” I’m going to be like Frank and Charlie, pushing carts through the streets of Boston and hollering about how, THIS RADIO IS STILL GOOD, DAMMIT. Put a plastic bag on it and jam out in the shower! That EASEL IS STILL GOOD! PAINT! PAINT PAINT!

And then, in a fit of frustration, I’ll decide that I will … I WILL SHOW MYSELF WHO’S BOSS. And then I will have a commissioned, artist-approved easel embossed with the work of Van Gogh himself, to the tune of thousands of dollars, all for an 18-month-old who just wants to COLOR, dammit, with the COLOR OF BANANAS. THE ONE SHE WAS THINKING OF! I! LOVE! TO COLOR!

(My mind often goes Plex on me. Why? Because sometimes I find myself watching Yo Gabba Gabba ALONE. WITHOUT A CHILD. This, by the way, brings me to a tangent when a few months ago, Adam came home with a Backyardigans DVD for Sam for an upcoming car trip. Me: “The Backyardigans? We never watch the Backyardigans!” Adam: “Shut up! Of course we do! Every night!” Me: “This is because we leave Nick Jr. on after Sam goes to bed. SAM does not watch the Backyardigans. WE DO.”)

In other news, the Book Lushes are back in action, and our book this month is going to be a young adult selection. I know! YOUNG ADULT! Finally! Please join us here, and vote in the poll, which should be up by Thursday morning is now live, bishes! And then read with us! Join us! 500 people can’t be wrong! (Except that I hated our last book but that is not their fault! Apparently I have Red Tent issues!)

Also, I post at Highchair Critics on Thursdays. Just a heads-up.

Hey, I hope you have a great Thursday!

*I’m going with Jesca Hoop on this one.

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Entry Filed under: Book Lushes,General jackassery,The Floridian Nightmare

21 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Lara  |  September 22nd, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    Oh man, we (well, *I*) have recently put us on a My K-Cup only budget as we’re saving for a trip that is coming up too fast. It’s horrible. Horrible! I miss my K-Cups so very much – they will be the first thing restored in the post-vacation budget which, uh, is already drafted.

  • 2. Jeanne  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 5:36 am

    Setting a budget is the one thing that’s most likely to get me to go on a spending binge. I’ve known since April that I was would be losing my job next week (but just found out yesterday that I’m being extended another month) and I have been spending ridiculously over the last couple weeks. Maybe it’s like hibernation and I’m just storing up fat before the lean months ahead?

    Also, I have always loved watching the shows my daughter watches (even the Wiggles!). She’s 8 now, so I totally missed the rise of Yo Gabba Gabba (and can’t get her to regress so I can see what all the hype is about), but Wizards of Waverly Place is one of my favorite programs, and I stop what I’m doing if there’s a new episode on. I’ve been known to watch an I Carly or two as well…

  • 3. april  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 6:28 am

    a) I am incapable of budgeting. I find myself to be a closet miser, so if I don’t know how much is in my accounts I don’t spend it. Therefore, I trust my husband to be anal enough to pay attention to such things and I don’t look at it at all, not even when I pay bills (which really, should be his job because I wait until there’s a notice on my front door that the water will be turned off in 24 hours before I pay. It’s not that I don’t have the money, but I can’t stand to part with it).

    b) what is a K cup? I feel that I’m missing out.

    c) I hate Yo Gabba Gabba, but I am with Jeanne on Wizards of Waverly Place etc. However, in full disclosure my kids are way too young (and are boys) to watch tween Disney so it’s all me – and I watch the made-for-tv Disney movies too. I have an addiction.

    d) How long is the poll going to be up? I don’t want to vote right away because the only books I know anything about are the 3 that I’ve read and I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be voting for them …

  • 4. Maura  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 7:27 am

    Budgeting IS like dieting and I’m doing both now and I’m like WOE IS ME. Want THINGS and CAKE, damnit! I almost kicked my dog out last night because his eye was all puffy and I said to him (yes, the dog) “I don’t have the MONEY for vet bills!” Luckily the eye is no longer swollen or else I’d have to make him get a part time job.

  • 5. scantee  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 8:37 am

    I love to budget also; the spreadsheets, the arithmetic, the growing bank account. I love it all.

    My son didn’t really “get” the Backyardigans until recently, around age 2.5, and now he LOOOOOVES it. It is by far my favorite kids’ show. The other night I wanted to watch something sort of mindless to wind down after a long day and I actually thought, “maybe I’ll turn on the Surf’s Up episode of the Backyardigans, I really like that one.” That was quickly followed feeling like an total sad sack. Some day Sam will like the Backyardigans and you won’t have to pretend it’s on for her!

  • 6. Anne  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 8:49 am

    Oh, I DO THAT, TOO! I am currently doing it with Healthy Eating. I worked myself into a delightful tizzy last night over if I should have my turkey burger on a bun or not, because OMG EVERY TINY THING IS THE END OF THE WORLD! I predect I’ll down an entire cake over the weekend just to prove to myself that not everything is such a big deal. It is the easel! In food form!

  • 7. Gaby  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 9:42 am

    I totally understand what you’re saying about going from the one extreme to another, but more importantly, had to share that I now have “Easels, Cake, and Blow” running through my head to the tune, “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.” I’m sure you’re thrilled to know this.

  • 8. bessie.viola  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 11:22 am

    I LOVE the Backyardigans. I let my daughter stay up late so that we can both watch and I feel less nerdy.

    I have a love/hate relationships with budgets too. Which is probably why I spent $50 at Target today. On what, I cannot tell you. A rug? Some art supplies for the kid? I… I am not sure, really.

  • 9. Katie  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 12:18 pm

    Dying over the easel story. I do this as well. We are on a very tight budget right now so when I see things marked as FREE on the side of the road I feel the need to pick them up EVEN THOUGH WE DON’T NEED THEM. Ugh! I end up throwing them away half the time. WHY?

    Anyways, you made me laugh so hard with this post.

  • 10. TwoBusy  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    That Backyardigans revelation is one of the best things ever.

  • 11. Rachel  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Ugh. I am so blushing right now, but I think Brobee thinks of colors. Not plex.

    Also, this is not important, but I couldn’t help myself.

    Moving on.

  • 12. Jen  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Are we living the same life? NO JOKE – my mother-in-law brought us a HUGE plastic easel thing that she got at a garage sale for $0.50. She was so pumped about her great deal, and I was all, “Where is the ever loving heck am I going to put that??” So my husband sent it back to her house and told her that SHE could find a place for the monstrosity! But let me tell you, I am not above finding something on the side of the road and shoving it in my car! We got a Little Tikes picnic table AND a sandbox this way! Both like new on the side of the road! Score!

  • 13. jonniker  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    AHAHAHAHAHA. Rachel, you are SO RIGHT. Plex does the learning segment! HA HA HA.

  • 14. Danell  |  September 23rd, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    Man, I totally would have shipped you our giant plastic awful easel had I known you were looking.

  • 15. Maya  |  September 24th, 2010 at 10:58 am

    I agree – bugeting does sometimes equal insane action…Have no clue what a K-cup is…have never seen gabba gabba whatsitcalled (no tv! Yaay!) and really just popped over to say Robert Smith for Halloween is a GREAT idea! Do it!!

  • 16. julie  |  September 24th, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    I’m jealous of your $5 kitchen.

  • 17. craftyashley  |  September 25th, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    driveby easeling. HA.

  • 18. slynnro  |  September 28th, 2010 at 11:39 am

    OH MAN. This budgeting thing. SO JUST LIKE ME. I WILL SAVE SAVE SAVE! No cleaning products! No new shoes! NO FOOD! NO NOTHING! THEN THE GATES OPEN AND ALL THAT.

  • 19. Em  |  September 29th, 2010 at 9:33 am

    girl after my own heart! I love to budget!! I am a total nerd … but it has it rewards. :-)

  • 20. Trudy  |  July 19th, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I love budgeting, and I say that with as much enthusiasm as I can muster. In my head, it kind of sounds like Plex from Yo Gabba Gabba. “I’m thinking of a budget! It’s flexible and painful!”

  • 21. Gutters Long Island  |  May 29th, 2013 at 3:43 am

    I totally understand what you’re saying about going from the one extreme to another, but more importantly, had to share that I now have “Easels, Cake, and Blow” running through my head to the tune, “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves.” I’m sure you’re thrilled to know this.

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