Somebody’s Watching Me
Sam’s started singing, and while that seems painfully mundane and boring to the outsider — and it probably is — it was a crazy hilarious revelation yesterday when I realized that her off-key nonsensical warbling was her best imitation of what she hears me (HAHHAHAHA), and let’s face it, the Fresh Beat Band, do every day. Yesterday, she wandered around the living room, clad only in a diaper, yelling in a strange, entirely out of tune sort of whale-like voice, and I realized, based on her movements, what she was doing. “Adam I … I think she’s … she’s … SINGING?!”
And I’ll be damned, she is. She sang the whole way to BJ’s this afternoon after I piled her into the car to break up the NAPOCALYPSE! which seems to happen every afternoon after naptime, at least the last three days. NAPOCALYPSE! is a horrible phenomenon and involves whining, crying, screaming, demands to be held! Put down! Held! Put down! Picked up! Milk! No Milk! WOE IS ME! NAPOCALYPSE!
NAPOCALYPSE! started on Friday, when we set out on a four-hour journey to my parents’ cabin in the wilds of Pennsylvania (the nearest metropolis is … Scranton). Sam’s a great sleeper, but she is only a great sleeper when she is in the presence of a crib — any crib will do, and no thank you, not a pack ‘n play, A CRIB — but put her in a car or an adult bed and she’s USELESS. Kid needs her space, her crib, her buddies, her sound soother and a car seat ain’t gonna cut it. She woke up after 45 minutes to NAPOCALYPSE! which required us to pull over and ply her with Munchkins. Honestly, I’d have given her a fucking PONY at that point, so I don’t even feel bad about giving her Munchkins to feel better, so long as the face-melting screams stopped.
We had a great weekend with my parents, though too short, and by Sunday, we were on the road again and NAPOCALYPSE! struck again, and would you believe we had a three-day driving journey scheduled for early December and within two hours of arriving home, the joint terror of NAPOCALYPSE! had us booking FLIGHTS, despite the fact that we wanted to save the money?
The power of NAPOCALYPSE! is so great, it can make reasonable people spend hundreds of dollars on ponies, flights and Munchkins.
Speaking of milk (what? Way up there!), I noticed that this morning’s coffee dollop was tasting a little … well, especially milky, but chalked it up to the fact that when milk goes bad, YOU KNOW IT IS BAD. Well, it turns out that’s completely wrong, because one trip to the store later, I poured Sam a glass sippy cup, took a test swig and realized, HA HA! My morning coffee milk (two cups, thanks!) was beyond bad, and YUMMO, who’s ready to come over for a healthy serving of factory-farmed dairy! (OMG JUST KIDDING CRAZY DAIRY PEOPLE)
And finally, two things, only vaguely related, that I CANNOT get out of my head, so here, have them, gross as they are:
1) The degree to which Sam not only notices EVERYTHING I do, but imitates it, seems to know no bounds. Last week, I caught her exiting the laundry room with a roll of toilet paper between her legs, as she attempted to use it to wipe her girly bits through her leggings and diaper. She was WIPING! And … what?! Worse! WORSE! Today she picked up one of those ClearBlue Easy fertility monitor pee sticks, OPENED IT UP, and pretended to pee on it for a solid ten minutes. She even put the cap on it when she was “finished.”
OMG WTF JESUS
(Yes, I’m tracking, yes, I want another baby at some point, this should not be a surprise … right?)
2) Speaking of pee, I love asparagus, but seriously.
Aaaand, that’s all I got, unless you’re expecting an email from me, to which I say I am getting there, but this weekend, and MY TERRIFYINGLY DIRTY HOUSE, put me a tad behind. Did I mention my house is TERRIFYING? Well, it is. TERRIFYING.
MESSYHOUSOPALYPSE.
Happy Tuesday!
*Rockwell. Did he … ever do anything else?
20 comments November 15th, 2010