Holiday

If I’d thought about it for more than five minutes or so, I’d have realized that instead of being wholly magical, holidays kind of suck and blow for little kids. Oh, they have their moments of wonder and delight that keep us from selling them on Craigslist, but other than that, it’s like someone took their routine and all the things they’ve come to rely on to keep the fragile threads of tiny drunken sanity together and snapped them like a bunch of broken guitar strings.

There is strange shit! In their house! Like this … Mom, is that a TREE? With crap on it that looks pretty but I can’t even TOUCH? And what do you mean, my nap is being delayed? What are these gifts? Why are these people in my house? What do you mean, I have a BUNCH OF STUFF wrapped in paper that I have to rip open and then — wait, what? You want me to open another one? But I want to play with THAT one!

By New Year’s, we were all done. D-O-N-E, and thank God the holidays only come once a year, because while I loved it — seriously, there really was so much to love — by the Tuesday after Christmas, Sam was screaming before she went to bed every night in an overstimulated, overtired mess of toddler misery. She’s a sensitive one, that kid, and oh, did I mention the Tuesday after Christmas?

HA HA THE TUESDAY AFTER CHRISTMAS. Otherwise known as the Day of Pure Hell, the day we I attempted to take my delightful, sensitive, easily overstimulated and/or overwhelmed not-yet-two-year-old daughter to Disney on Ice.

Yes, I will let that sink in for a moment so you can marvel at my stupidity. YES. YES, I DID THAT. It seemed like a bright idea at the time. Who cares if the kid isn’t into Disney AT ALL, and won’t recognize a single character? WHAT WAS I THINKING, PEOPLE. Oh, the guilt. The GUILT. The thing is, a good friend of ours gets tickets for this stuff all the time, gratis, thanks to her husband’s job, so a bunch of us went together. Together, as in I did not drive myself.

(HAHAHAHA. OH MY GOD.)

Sam hated it. She took one step into North Station/Boston Garden and went from being excited about seeing her friends to FLIP YOUR SHIT, and without giving you a blow-by-blow of the entire scene, it involved me holding her the entire time, walking around in circles for about an hour and a half straight. But NOT BEFORE we got locked into a stairwell, thanks to the changing of escalators and doors for people exiting vs entering and I DO NOT KNOW EITHER, all I know is that there was a horrid moment of WOOP WOOP PANIC as I sat there, stuck, for MANY MINUTES until a security guard finally heard me knocking. Worse, my poor friends had no idea I was stuck in such misery, as I LEFT MY PHONE AT MY SEAT, and had no way of telling anyone that, a) things were not going well, OH NOT AT ALL; or b) I AM STUCK IN A STAIRCASE. CALL SOMEONE.

It was hard. It was hard for a lot of reasons, mostly because I felt like a GIANT IDIOT for even attempting such a thing in the first place, because hello, I should have known better, and I am a terrible, horribly clueless mother. But secondly, because honestly, her little friends, most of whom are EXACTLY her age were having this absurdly magical experience. Meanwhile, my kid was behaving as though I was chopping off her toes and feeding them to Princess Ariel while Ursula cheered from the sidelines.

(The flip side of this: there are a JILLION new experiences that Sam loves that so many of her friends can’t tolerate. Animals! BIG ANIMALS! Someone get Sam on a horse, because she SCREAMS with excitement when they come near her. Water play! New, loud parks! Water parks! Sprinklers! AND YET I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.)

Sigh. Lesson learned. Surprise! A not-quite two-year-old is not ready for live shows in large arenas. THIS IS SHOCKING, I KNOW.

Wednesday, we spent a quiet day at home, just the two of us. We watched Elmo, colored, and played with her new toys all day long. She was so happy, you guys. So happy! My poor, sweet, overtired little girl just needed a day with her mama. AND I BROUGHT HER TO DISNEY ON ICE.

And with that, I bid you adieu for tonight. I hope you all had fabulous holidays and happy, happy new year to you! Looking forward to talking with you all more in 2011.

*Vampire Weekend. Man, did Honda ruin that song for anyone else? OH WE GET IT. WE WILL ALL GET HONDAS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON. NOW STOP. THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER.

44 comments January 3rd, 2011