Back In The High Life Again
February 3rd, 2011
For those of you who asked for photos of the snow, I give you my house, which is virtually unrecognizable compared to its normal form. Like, from this photo, you cannot even tell what it normally LOOKS LIKE. I’m not worried about anyone appearing on my doorstep, because GOOD LUCK FIGURING OUT WHICH ONE IS MINE IN THE DRIFTS. The whole neighborhood looks THE SAME. Entire trees are buried! My CAR is in there somewhere! (Can you see the very wee tippy top of my car? I DRIVE AN SUV. THE SUV IS TOO SHORT FOR THE DRIFTS.)
I got out today, and it changed my life, dudes. I went to a friend’s house with other friends, and I laughed and I had conversations and my kid played with toys that weren’t hers, and I came back and did something other than lie about on the couch like a bump on a pickle and THIS. This is living, people. Putting on real pants and drinking coffee made by someone else’s coffee pot and HOO BOY, that’s the high life, right there.
It’s really a shame we’re getting more snow on Saturday, then.
I mean, seriously.
Meanwhile, the other morning, Adam accosted me just out of bed and was all, “You peed in the middle of the night and it SMELLED TERRIBLE. I had to GET UP AND FLUSH THE TOILET! It WOKE ME UP!”
Um, okay, several things: 1) I did not pee. No one did. 2) When was the last time someone PEED in the NEXT ROOM and woke someone up with the stench? OMFG. 3) His statement was immediately followed by, “WAIT, I STILL SMELL IT. DID YOU JUST PEE AGAIN?”
Um, no.
The culprit? The chicken stock I had simmering all night in the crock pot, which apparently smells like foul pee. Looking forward to making rice pilaf with it! Viva la urine rice!
Separately, and apropos of LITERALLY nothing, we’re in the throes of researching our trip to the Caribbean (because after the January we had, OH YES) without our precious offspring (thank you, parents!) and I almost had a panic attack looking at the pictures of scuba diving that popped up in a travel website. Mind you, I have always thought that scuba diving would totally be on my life list if I had one, but here we are five or six trips to the Caribbean in, and I’ve never gone, thinking, oh, next time! I’ll get certified first and go next time! And then today happened and I saw a photo of dolphins underwater, and I realized that right then and there, if something large and dolphin-like, no matter how friendly, came towards me underwater, I would do one of two things: a) die, right then and there; b) lose utter control of my bowels.
I’m going with Option B, and then the poop would attract OTHER wildlife, and then I would die anyway, because I would be eaten.
Thus, it is declared: I will never go scuba diving and I am perfectly okay with this. For God’s sake, I have a FEAR of LARGE THINGS underwater, AND I am a little claustrophobic and NO. NO.
I will also never, ever venture into space, no matter how accessible and affordable it becomes. I don’t care if Richard Branson himeffingSELF wants to fly me up in a private rendezvous with Alexander Skarsgard, Philip Seymour Hoffman (what?) and TIM EFFING RIGGINS (yes, I know he’s fictional, STOPIT). I AM NOT GOING INTO SPACE.
And finally, a few photos of Sam that are KILLING ME. This is actually the third and fourth in a series of her in the same outfit, same place in the house. And yet, things go horribly awry between photo three:
And photo four:
Since these photos were taken long enough ago that I have absolutely no idea what happened, or WHY I kept snapping instead of stepping in, I’m totally blaming Elmo, lying there all innocent-like. That little red bastard stuck his foot out, I KNOW he did.
Happy weekend!
*Steve Winwood. Whatever, don’t mock me, it was a great album.
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,Boston!,Things that suck,What the fuck?
25 Comments Add your own
1. beyond | February 3rd, 2011 at 10:19 pm
She almost looks like she’s doing fancy pilates push-ups. Not that I would know anything about that.
I love how you caged in your TV ; )
2. Cheken | February 3rd, 2011 at 10:29 pm
Is that the gottdamn chattering Elmo from hell?
Because we have one of those and I want a picture of myself burning it in effigy.
3. megs | February 3rd, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Dude. That 2nd pic. DEAD. Love it. Although I love Adam’s rogue shoe in the 3rd pic.
4. Deb Rox | February 3rd, 2011 at 10:35 pm
Whoa. The snow. Whoa. I’m just…whoa.
5. jonniker | February 3rd, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Deb, dude, those bushes on the left front part of the house? THEY ARE TALLER THAN ME. I’m 5’7”. The snow comes past my waist. Not the drifted snow, the actual ACCUMULATION. IS CRAZY.
6. Mama Bub | February 3rd, 2011 at 10:55 pm
I always, always think chicken stock smells like pee.
7. Veronica | February 3rd, 2011 at 10:57 pm
All that snow is a little scary. I think that much would eat my house alive.
8. Katy | February 3rd, 2011 at 11:00 pm
My feed reader at work here!
I have no desire to scuba dive. I like oxygen and I like easy access to it. Call me crazy.
9. ellbee | February 3rd, 2011 at 11:07 pm
Whoa. I’m mildly jealous of your snow…but I think I’m just jealous of the idea. The last time it snowed like that in Denver was 3 years ago, and the first day–that magical day when you wake up and know that you and your husband don’t have to go anywhere and can just snuggle on the couch and watch the snow fall–I want it again. The rest of the winter, when the once magical snow just LINGERS? Nuts to that.
Also? My husband came into the kitchen a few months ago and asked me if I’d brought the baby’s poopy diaper with me (to help me cook? hell if I know) b/c the kitchen apparently didn’t smell like FOOD, it smelled like massive blowout. And then I beat him to death with a spatula. Yay!
10. JCF | February 3rd, 2011 at 11:08 pm
Whenever I have chicken stock simmering in the crock pot overnight, I always wake up in the middle of the night thinking “What kind of fool neighbor do we have who cooks chicken at 3am?” (we live in a 3 story building, so lots of foods smells). Then I realize I am the fool cooking chicken all night long.
11. velocibadgergirl | February 3rd, 2011 at 11:14 pm
The accusation of middle-of-the-night pee stench made me laugh so hard. As for Sam, I dunno…that feather boa looks like it’s trying a little to hard to appear innocent.
12. Natalie | February 4th, 2011 at 2:13 am
I’m so glad that you got out! I’m also glad that you included a picture of your snowy house, now I’m getting a much better picture. And oh geez, that’s some mighty big snow drifts.
I love how you gated your TV, is this before or after she peanut buttered your DVD?
13. Kristin H | February 4th, 2011 at 8:43 am
Steve Winwood, but also Warren Zevon. Have you heard that version? An entirely different song.
14. Laura | February 4th, 2011 at 8:56 am
It took me a minute to get past the cuteness of your daughter and the awesomeness of her expression on her face in the second pic to notice that we have the exact same rug. Twinsies!
15. cindy w | February 4th, 2011 at 9:40 am
Oh god, the look on her face in that bottom picture. It’s killing me. So very, “WTF was THAT???” Awesome.
16. Gaby | February 4th, 2011 at 9:59 am
I’ve never scuba dived (dove?), but I’ve gone snorkeling a few times, and I think it’s a good compromise–yes, you can’t go as far down (unless you hold your breath and swim down, but…no), but you still see pretty things and then you can simply pop above water when the mood strikes.
And here’s where I completely discredit my previous comment by telling you that I snorkeled in Hanauma Bay, HI, and the waves got just a little choppy for my liking. I wanted to stand up for a minute and catch my breath, since I only in about 5 feet of water, but I was above the reef! And I had just watched the video about how “the reef is a living thing! don’t hurt the reef!” and I am nothing if not obedient, so I proceed to essentially have a panic attack while treading water until my husband noticed and dragged me to non-reef sand! All the while, I could’ve just stood up, but THE REEF! IT’S ALIVE!
17. Life of a Doctor's Wife | February 4th, 2011 at 10:40 am
I totally agree with you about sea and space (and Tim Riggins). No. Way. I might follow Tim Riggins to, like, Antarctica. But not space. No thank you.
(Plus, in space he’d be wearing a big clunky space suit and that kind of defeats the purpose, no?)
Love the photos – and holy cats that is a lot of snow.
18. Elsha | February 4th, 2011 at 11:16 am
Man, that is a LOT of snow!
I love the baby gates around the tv. When we were living at my parents’ we used ours to block off their whole “office” area. No access to computer, printer, shredder, file cabinets, it was great. So great that they kept our gate even though we don’t live there anymore. (We still live in town so they do have grandkids over a lot.)
Great expression in that last photo. She’s looking at you like, “how could you let this happen to me?!”
19. Christine | February 4th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
Man, I shouldn’t laugh at a baby, but that second picture, her face? HILARIOUS. I love her. Seriously, I might ask you to overnight her to me the next time I’m stressed. She’s gotten so big, she looks like she’s 12 there.
20. Marci | February 4th, 2011 at 3:54 pm
I live a couple of towns west of you, and I can SO relate. When I back out of my driveway, I feel like I am in a cave, the snow is so high on either side. Snow tomorrow, Tues, & Thurs, when I will be trapped at home with a 2 year old who has decided naps are for wussies.
That’s all, I just wanted to moan to someone who understands.
21. Court | February 4th, 2011 at 9:48 pm
Wow–I KNOW what you mean about the underwater issue. I am even nervous to go into the ocean water knee deep—I am a freak, can’t help it! I am with you, I am OK without the scuba diving! I would rather sit on the beach, drink pina coladas, and have me a cabana boy (Tim Riggins)!
LOL about the pee stock—I made rice the other day and it tasted like plastic—don’t have a clue what I did to it! We had to throw it out!
22. page | February 5th, 2011 at 9:36 pm
I’m stuck at snow, Riggins and ASkars. Having fantasies of being stuck inside with them. Yay.
23. TwoBusy | February 6th, 2011 at 5:31 am
The dolphin fecal explosion.
I will never, ever be able to get that out of my head.
24. shan | February 8th, 2011 at 12:28 pm
I’m coming out of lurking (and many days late – sorry!) to comment on scuba diving. I’m not so worried about large things underwater, but I do have a bit of fear about deep and/or dark water as well as a smidge of claustrophobia. And yet I’m a certified diver. I’m not gonna lie, the panic attacks were something I had to really work through at first, but once I got the hang of it. . .scuba diving really is amazing. I was at the Great Barrier Reef last year and I would’ve hated myself if all I did was snorkel. I even have underwater video of me with a sea turtle!
The part that I wouldn’t have believed, not in a million years, had it been described to me a year ago? I even did a night dive. It was completely terrifying and yet at the same time very cool. I wouldn’t say my fears are totally overcome, but I’m very glad that I pushed through them.
25. MommyNamedApril | February 21st, 2011 at 11:23 am
i am 100% with you on the sea and space thing. land is dangerous enough, no need to make things worse.
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed