Intervention
February 14th, 2011
Friday night, Adam and I were in bed, just about to go to sleep, when I marveled at how long it had been since Sam, or any of her core group of little friends, have been sick. I talked about it at length! I marveled at her hardy nature!
GOD THIS IS SO STUPID. DO NOT EVER DO THIS.
Before I fell asleep, I heard her coughing, something she never does, and Saturday morning, she woke at an ungodly hour, flaming red, sweaty and sporting a pathetically high fever.
Streak ended, thanks to yours truly. We shall see which one of her friends is felled next, given that the whole group was HERE, at MY HOUSE, on Friday, day before the weekend sickopalypse. And it goes without really saying that I did this. It is all my fault. I BROUGHT THIS UPON US.
She’s fine now, but, ah, that was our weekend. How was yours?
OH WAIT, I lied … there was more excitement! We risked a trip to Microcenter, sick unhappy kid in tow (cabin fever, FTW! GENIUS PARENTING!), where Adam had a nerdgasm, and I marveled at the fact that a not-insignificant portion of the Microcenter-going MIT population is terminally nerdy, and not in the sexy way I always imagined. I mean, *I* am married to an attractive smart geeky-type who is good with things like circuits, computers and algorithms (oh my!), and I know plenty of hot MIT alums! Besides, on the tee vee, all the nerdy guys are like Patrick Dempsey in Can’t Buy Me Love. It’s nothing a little pomade can’t fix, amirite?
Wrong. WRONG WRONG WRONG. It turns out, the irredeemable nerd with the greasy hair, cable knit sweater and weirdly pube-like facial hair exists, and it’s likely that you can find him at Microcenter in Cambridge, hovering over the stacks of RAM.
There you have it. The most thrilling weekend in history.
But wait, Ken — is there more? YES! It can be made even more thrilling by the fact that I declared, out loud and everything, that I was going to “treat myself” to some high-end doggie poop bags. OMFG. TREAT MYSELF. TO A BAG THAT PICKS UP MY DOG’S SHIT. I made a big deal about buying them — Mutt Mitts — thinking how much easier they would make walking Sunny instead of those godawful recycled Stop & Shop bags that always have holes in the bottom, leaving my FINGERS to end up in my dog’s POOP! And how they would be worth the extra cost!
(They are.)
I … oh my God, I don’t even know where to start with this, except that I bought them this afternoon, and it’s taken me until JUST NOW to realize how sad it is that I consider dog waste bags a LUXURY ITEM. Look at ME! I think that I am WORTHY of not sticking my hand in animal feces! I think I missed a memo from L’Oreal or something, because my definition of being worth it comes in a package of $10 Mutt Mitts.
Someone also call the spa, because MAMA IS COMING IN FOR A MASSAGE. IT’S TIME.
Happy Tuesday!
*Arcade Fire
Entry Filed under: Adam,Beeber McSteebs,Sunny The Pug
25 Comments Add your own
1. Veronica | February 14th, 2011 at 10:18 pm
So, how is the snow? I hear snow is insanity inducing. I wouldn’t know, because we don’t get it here, something I lament every winter when it’s bitterly cold and very dry.
2. EmilysHollow | February 14th, 2011 at 10:39 pm
Oh, we are alike. High end dog shit bags? LOVE THEM. Our neighborhood puts some out because there are tons of dogs, but I will drive 5 miles to the dog park where they have the nice ones. That don’t tear. Also? I used my birthday money this year to buy myself new socks. Plain, white ones from Target. But! They were new! And not stained! Or ripped! Best self purchased gift EVER!
3. natalie | February 14th, 2011 at 10:56 pm
That is a sad state of affairs indeed. I was very bummed we didn’t get to meet up either!
4. Elsha | February 14th, 2011 at 11:03 pm
I love your description of the irredeemable nerd! I got a chemical engineering degree at an engineering school (Colorado School of Mines) so I know *exactly* the kind of guy you’re talking about.
5. Kate | February 15th, 2011 at 5:49 am
I agree that you did, indeed, bring the sickness on by proclaiming how healthy Sam was. But, just so you know, no one at our house did any such thing and we had fever boy all weekend too.
We also did not go to Microcenter (as their isn’t one in this state) and did not treat ourselves to luxury poop bags. Your life is WAY more exciting than ours.
I’ll meet you at the spa.
6. Kristen | February 15th, 2011 at 8:44 am
Oh dear god, I just laughed so hard at the poop bags because ME TOO. And it doesn’t stop there.
When I pick up the poo in the back yard (once every week or so, and with two big dogs, well, it’s a lot), it’s like I compete with myself to see how much shit I can fit in one plastic grocery bag. DUDE, I CAN GET MORE PLASTIC GROCERY BAGS FOR FREE. I don’t even use the fancy bags for this, because that would be a waste. I just … I don’t even know.
7. Gaby | February 15th, 2011 at 9:18 am
Gah, the nerd guys. I work with them. The ones who work in their office with the lights off and only the glow of their monitor to light up their pallid face. The ones who avert their eyes when I say hello to them as we pass in the hallway. The ones whose game of “Magic” I interrupted when I arrived early for a post-lunch meeting. Sigh. I do not belong in the world of IT, and yet, here I am.
8. Life of a Doctor's Wife | February 15th, 2011 at 10:22 am
Oh wow, the nerd with the pube facial hair drooling over the RAM – that kills me! I feel lucky to know a lot of nerds, and most of them are the cute type, but man – there are a few out there that make you do a double take and wonder if you’ve wandered into the middle of a Chuck Lorre production.
9. Jenfromboston | February 15th, 2011 at 10:39 am
1. So, would you be the type to comment on a pitcher who would be throwing a perfect game? Because after reading this, I wonder. (YOU NEVER DO THAT. NEVER EVER!) Yeah, you had a hand in Sam’s illness. ha.
2. Regarding your tales of excitement and luxury, thought I’d mention last night, right before bed (this is V-Day), my husband and I were at the bathroom sink and I was doing my mock conversations to no one in particular, “Yeah, we cleaned the humidifier out together. So what did you guys do?”
Ah, young love. (Seriously- it was a 2 person job- apparently, those things can get pretty gross and needed: half a dozen q-tips, a few stridex pads, tweezers (for scraping crud) and some cotton pads.)
10. Kate | February 15th, 2011 at 11:48 am
Weirdly pube-like facial hair! Oh I laughed and laughed. I have a whole bunch of high-end (ish?) dog poop bags that I should send you.
11. Devan | February 15th, 2011 at 12:49 pm
I was laughing SO HARD at the dog poop bags. Get thee to a spa, indeed!
12. anne nahm | February 15th, 2011 at 7:49 pm
You had me at sickopalypse. And then nerdgasm? Seriously. I loved this post so hard I had to bop my head a little and whisper:
What is love? Baby don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me no mo’.
That awesome.
13. Courtney | February 17th, 2011 at 2:25 pm
My husband and I were discussing that in our pay-off-the-credit-card (wedding) state, a haircut, above or below the belt, has become a luxury item.
A sad, sad state of affairs, indeed.
14. Shauna | February 18th, 2011 at 9:20 pm
You know what’s worse? I’ve had this saved on my google reader since you wrote it because I too was so excited about the poop bags that I had to comment/remember the name of them.
I have this thing about using certain bags for my dogs crap. I won’t use stores that I like. Therefore my dog usually gets his poop wrapped up in a Walmart or Acme bag, two stores that raise my blood pressure when I just drive by them!
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16. Tracey - JustAnotherMommyBlog | February 21st, 2011 at 7:18 am
Hey, that IS an extravagance. $10 is HUGE!! But instead of a massage, might I recommend a deep scrubbing manicure?
Ew.
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20. Intervention poop | Unive&hellip | July 25th, 2011 at 8:38 pm
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