Goods
March 17th, 2011
Our Target is being renovated into a SUPER Target, and though I appreciate the new whisper-soft carts, I do not appreciate the fact that I honestly can’t find anything, as it’s all smooshed up into a smaller store during the expansion. I also don’t appreciate that they rolled out the new carts, which are twice the size of the old carts, while the aisles are half the size of the old aisles, and the entire time I was there today, I kept saying, “SAM! Watch your head! HEAD!” because she was lounging with head all dangly, and my God, Target is so effing HARROWING lately.
Worse, because of all this, I was looking for underwear for me, and here’s where I admit I was basically looking for the worst underwear in the world, because I just wanted those stupid plastic packages of, like, Jockey for Her or Hanes or something, you know? I’m sure you all had this vision of me lying about in a smoking jacket and silk tangas from Victoria’s Secret in between floor steamings, but I’m sorry to say, it’s … well, at least it’s not those giant cotton BRIEFS, is all I’m saying. So anyway, there I am, in Target, and you guys, I CANNOT FIND ANYTHING. The women’s section is all squinched into this wee corner of the store next to some makeshift dressing rooms, and I can’t find the damn underwear to save my life, but I did find a collection of underwear for little girls, and even as I write that, it seems PERVY.
The point is, there aren’t any packages of underwear for grown-ups in a place that is easily located, but that’s no excuse for me stopping a Target employee and stammering, “Where is the underwear? You know, for moms?”
FOR MOMS. BECAUSE MOMS WEAR SPECIAL UNDERWEAR. The whole exchange, honestly, is just grossing me out, because … well, I don’t even KNOW WHY, except that I’m imagining why moms would need special underwear and then my mind went to birth or kangaroo pouches and YOU GUYS, I WANT TO THROW UP.
To the employee’s credit, she just pointed me to grown-up lady underwear and I picked up my Fruit of the Loom in body tones (but not giant over-the-belly briefs, and again, I feel like this is important information), if by body tones they mean an odd shade of rose and some sort of pasty beige that is the color of no one’s skin, pretty much in the history of mankind. Well, except for maybe a special breed of moms.
At any rate, if you need me, I’ll be over here dying a slow death by daylight saving time, because if THAT isn’t the worst invention known to man — NOT INVENTED BY A MOM, UNDERWEAR OR NO — I don’t know what is. We’re sleeping late! Going to bed late! (And by ‘we’ I mean Sam and me.) Waking up at 9:30! And … not napping. I basically want to take cheese graters to my skin and bathe in vinegar. SRSLY.
I’ll leave you with this shot of Sam from last week that Megan took, natch. I love her so, and by her, I mean Megan, although Sam is pretty nifty too. Sam as deep thinker, even if she’s really wondering where Elmo is and how she can make him HERS, ALL HERS.
(Click to embiggen, should you desire.)
Happy weekend!
*Mates of State
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,General jackassery
25 Comments Add your own
1. natalie | March 17th, 2011 at 9:51 pm
I also wear “mom” undies, and I’m not even a MOM! The horror! HAAHAHAHA!
Very cute pic of Sam!
2. Sahara | March 17th, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Gorgeous photo! The curls! The lips! The hand dimples!
3. Marie Green | March 17th, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I feel your Target pain, as their are two nearby(ish) to us (neither a Super, though), and I get confused and LOST between the two. But soon! Soon you will be able to have Archer Farms frozen pizzas! Not that there’s anything special about their frozen pizzas, but look, you’re talking to someone that dwells in the land of SuperWalmart, and just typing that makes me sigh.
Also, I LOVE that photo of Sam! She’s beautiful, and so well captured in that shot.
4. Marie Green | March 17th, 2011 at 10:47 pm
ALSO, I have a favorite kind of 3-pack skin toned underwear, but when faced with the rows of packages, I can NEVER remember WHICH kind… was it the bikini briefs? Or the high cut briefs? Or the low rise briefs? or maybe the stretch hipsters? I DON’T KNOW. But I only REALLY like ONE kind (not the over-the-belly kind for me either, and I too feel it’s important to point out), but it’s like some kind of… I don’t know, game of CHANCE that I get the right kind. And I never feel like I can take back an OPENED package of the WRONG kind so I either end up wearing the wrong ones and squirming around uncomfortably for months OR donating them… and then I’m back at the Target aisle, stumped as ever. (I even LOOK at my current ones before I leave home, but I guess I need to WRITE IT DOWN b/c once faced with the aisle and rows of choices I CAN’T REMEMBER.)
5. Erin | March 17th, 2011 at 11:04 pm
Sam is a beautiful little girl and your friend takes awesome pictures!
6. Mary O | March 17th, 2011 at 11:25 pm
Your girl is beautiful and hahahaha underwear for moms. .. you crack me up. But it’s so true. I have also scoured target looking for underwear for moms.
7. meg | March 18th, 2011 at 6:49 am
I can’t stop laughing at this. For many reasons. It’s SO TRUE, Target is a disaster area lately. The “for moms” made me die. I only wish I’d been there, hahaha.
8. onecookieshort | March 18th, 2011 at 7:12 am
They did that to our Targets when they added expanded grocery sections, and it was so annoying. Also, they recently turned one of local Wal-Marts into a Super Wal-Mart, and that was beyond annoying. Every time I went in things were in a different place. And the unfortunate things is that sometimes there things you can only find out Wal-Mart, or I would only shop at Target. Because I seriously heart Target.
The picture of Sam is adorable. She is very cute.
Also, I agree that DS time is evil. Although, it really depends on the child. My oldest did not adjust well to DS time, and still does not. We have to have blackout curtains in his room. It was a nightmare when he was little. My youngest isn’t phased. If he’s tired he goes to sleep and it doesn’t matter how light it is outside.
9. Christine | March 18th, 2011 at 8:53 am
Bwahahaha the underwear for MOMS. You kill me. I generally just grab hand fulls of whatever underwear is for sale on those random underwear tiers that they have at my Target. Classy!
DST has kicked my ass this year and I don’t even have kids. Every day I wake up at 6 in the morning and check my clock and think, please please please let me have another hour, it must be five a.m.; and well I’m kind of right, but there certainly is no extra hour coming my way. Bah.
That picture of Sam is amazing. What a gorgeous kid. Your friend is ridiculously talented.
10. slynnro | March 18th, 2011 at 9:57 am
THIS IS HILARIOUS.
11. Raven | March 18th, 2011 at 10:26 am
That picture is gorgeous!
12. Cherie Beyond | March 18th, 2011 at 11:22 am
Megan, please come take pictures of me looking introspective. I can totally do it better than Sam, although she has my ass kicked in the pouty-lips department. Also the hair department. Okay, fine, the introspective department, too, never mind.
Jonniker, they are currently in the middle of renovating my grocery store, which means that have been randomly shutting down sections here, sections there as they need to. Which was fine until this past weekend when I took the girl specifically on a Fun! Mommy! Adventure! to buy ice cream and…the entire ice cream freezer was empty. They had frozen pizza, yes. They had frozen vegetables, yes. They had frozen Cool Whip (WTF?!), yes. But ice cream? No.
Good lord. The tears. The despair!
So I panic-bought M&Ms instead and then gave her ten and ate the rest after she went to bed. Luckily, she is not yet able to manage a number/volume M&M estimate.
This was very long. I’m sorry. I probably should have just written on my own damn blog.
13. Jen | March 18th, 2011 at 1:09 pm
We are also in the midst of getting a Super Target! I have mixed thoughts on the whole thing because A) yes, the new carts are awesome but B) as I overheard someone saying the other day, I am just not sure that I want to get my bananas from Target. Hmmm.
I bought a big old package of the Fruit of the Loom BIG OL’ BRIEFS for wearing after A was born, and lo, are those puppies comfy.
14. katie | March 18th, 2011 at 1:55 pm
underwear for moms! im now hysterical and in danger of wetting the couch.
15. Shannon | March 18th, 2011 at 4:29 pm
I always wonder if the concept of “flesh-toned” is kind of racist. Like, aren’t they assuming the customers are white? And what about Band-Aids? Are those supposed to blend in with skin? In the name of racial harmony, I only buy the clear ones.
16. Life of a Doctor's Wife | March 18th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Beautiful photo!
And I found this whole thing quite hilarious – especially your description of the “skin tone” underwear. You’d think with all the technological advancements in the world, undergarment companies would have figured out how to create some sort of fabric that matches the wearer’s skin.
17. Kristin | March 18th, 2011 at 8:02 pm
I adore that photo.
And… the last two days my two year old has spent over an hour in his crib, calling out, “Ma-ma?” over and over again when normally he would be SLEEPING. I couldn’t figure out what was going on and I was literally terrified that he might think that naps are only for those who are UNER 2 years old. But… now I am hopeful that it might just be the time change. Thanks for giving me hope that this may soon end. (Hope it ends for you soon as well)
18. Katy | March 19th, 2011 at 2:28 am
I’ve worn the mom underwear of which you speak for probably the last thirteen years. Charlie is, of course, three. I actually get kind of riled up when I think about what a scam the fancy stuff is and how an industry or something has basically convinced us that we need to be wearing lacy thongs while we do stuff like scrub toilets. It’s at the point where there’s actually c-section underwear so that not five seconds after major surgery you can avoid the disgrace that is regular cotton.
Wow. I just ranted for an entire paragraph about underwear.
19. Gaby | March 21st, 2011 at 9:19 am
They remodeled the Target near me, too, and I was also really disturbed by the process. Dog food next to baby clothes next to pillows! MADNESS! And it’s not like they built an addition to the store, so there is the same amount of square footage for more “stuff,” and I feel like my selection is going to be reduced to make room for canned veggies, and that makes me sad. And Target should never make me sad! All that to say, I feel your pain. And I sure hope the produce is worth it!
20. Renee from GA | March 21st, 2011 at 9:55 am
I feel compelled to comment that while I am not a mother, my skin is a shade of color that could only be called “pasty.” Though I may be the only one it works for, I love the color palette you described! Much better than the “nude” hosiery of old, which always made the bottom half of my body look like an Oompaloompa.
21. seadragon | March 21st, 2011 at 4:05 pm
What a GORGEOUS picture.
And if you don’t mind me saying so, I think you deserve some nice underwear.
22. Anna | March 21st, 2011 at 7:24 pm
They are renovating our Target as well. There is nothing more depressing than walking in to a Target that isnt its usual bright, colorful, organized self.
23. anna banana | March 21st, 2011 at 8:21 pm
dear lord that girl is gorgeous. Scrumptious! And a perfect combo of her mom & dad. LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture. MISS MISS MISS You! xo, Anna Banana the Momma Cass UnderwearER.
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