44 Comments Add your own

• 1. kathleen  |  March 21st, 2011 at 9:25 pm

  i don’t know what to say, except i think you are a great mom and totally not crazy and life has been so wild for you lately i just want to pour you a big glass of wine and let you sit alone in the sun. i hope tomorrow is better.

• 2. Danell  |  March 21st, 2011 at 9:27 pm

  You know, if you never met Adam at the door in tears before now, then you are a MUCH MUCH stronger person than I.
  Both nighttime sleeping and nap times continue to be an unpredictable, volatile subject around here and if either is a problem I end up in tears AND being an insufferable witch to my husband.
  Also, not that you’re asking for pointers or opinions or anything, but once I focused on trying again, it was easier to push my miscarriage experience into the past. Then again, I’m a stick my head in the sand kind of person, sometimes.

• 3. melanie  |  March 21st, 2011 at 9:39 pm

  I just wanted to say that my 2 yr old went through a no naptime spell and I am happy to say that through tears (mostly mine) she is back to the super duper napper she was before, and SO MANY PEOPLE told me her nappin’ days were over…. there is hope!

  As for the rest, hugs from one anxiety prone person to another.

• 4. April  |  March 21st, 2011 at 10:05 pm

  My two year old decided to stop napping when I was on maternity leave with my newborn… It was the most stressful time ever. Unfortunately we never went back to naps except once in a blue moon (and the occasional glorious sunday when he goes down at 4:30pm and doesn’t wake up until the next day) but we have implemented thirty minute quiet time. I don’t care what you do, just stay on your bed for 30 minutes. Life saver, and he can’t tell time so 30 minutes sometimes lasts all afternoon if I need it.

• 5. Marie Green  |  March 21st, 2011 at 10:16 pm

  I have a close friend who’s a psychologist, and she’s been talking a great deal lately about how fish get actually paralyzed when the seasons change- they literally can’t move- and how there’s a connection to their condition and the human brain, too. That when the seasons change, we become paralyzed, stuck, and a little frantic and panicked. I’ve been thinking about that a great deal lately, and for some reason this post made me think of it again.

  Also, my 4 1/2 year old still naps. I even have thought on several occasions that she was giving up napping- or at least napping every day- but NOPE! She still naps religiously. Imma send you some good napping vibes, is what I’m saying.

  Hang in there. Maybe hit up the 2 buck chuck, too, while you’re at it? (Wish there was more to say or do…)

• 6. SwingCheese  |  March 21st, 2011 at 10:32 pm

  Hang in there! You are a good mom, you’re just having a stressful time, which is enough to bring even the strongest woman to tears!! Boyo started doing that exact same thing, down to the screaming, and he added the extra lovely wrinkle of waking several times during the night, which drove me to a level of exhaustion that I hadn’t felt since he was an infant, and wow did I cry and fly off the handle at the drop of a hat. And I could tell myself that it was a phase, and knew that it was and yet, I wanted to slam my head into the floor every time he woke up at night. Anyway, it’s better, now that he’s napping again. His sleep schedule changed – he now does a late afternoon nap, waking between 4 and 6 (depending on when he goes to sleep) and going down for the night sometime between 8 and 10, and he is up around 8:30-9 in the morning. It’s still a little wonky, but it’s so much better than it was a month ago, I don’t want to kill anybody anymore. And he’s speaking in longer sentences now, so I definitely think it was due to mental discombobulation. You’re a good mom, this is just a tough time.

• 7. Mary O  |  March 21st, 2011 at 10:39 pm

  Don’t give up on the napping. It’s surely just a phase and everything will right itself soon.

• 8. H  |  March 21st, 2011 at 11:02 pm

  I hope you feel more settled soon, very soon. I have similar anxiety about my family’s health (reinforced by Bad Things) to the point that I couldn’t go to the doctor with my kids when it involved certain issues. Thankfully, my husband always could. Good luck with everything.

• 9. Crystal_m_k  |  March 21st, 2011 at 11:57 pm

  Just….well, just know you aren’t alone, okay? The nap issues, you’ll just work them out, you will. You will come up with something, or not, or she’ll magically return to some sort of normalcy. You know all that.
  But I mean in the wanting to prep others even when you know you just can’t, it won’t help, might even hurt, but you cannot stop feeling that you could/should. My sister found out she was pregnant right after you. Her third. And then I watched from afar as you began your journey into loss and I just wanted to tell her “look! Look what can happen!”. But then…what? Don’t be TOO excited? No. Don’t let down your guard? What good would that do? We just take our joys and sorrows as they come. We can’t plan for tomorrow’s joy or sorrow. That is no way to live. I think of the people who have lost important people in their lives….old and young, and beyond the occasional ‘don’t take it for granted’, would I want them constantly reminding me that it could happen to me and mine? Absolutley not. Knowing it could happen to you is not what gets you through, that is certain. Focusing on that is paying a debt you do not even owe. I know you hate debt, right? Ha.
  The point is, this is a tiny pep talk to say the obvious: most of us feel the same urge so you are not alone in that. And may the gods of naps and sleeping quietly return their favors upon your household!

• 10. Sam  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 1:15 am

  My teenager is a disaster. My two year old has suddenly become TWO with NO! NO! NO! even to things I know he wants. And there is yelling, general toddler pissiness and OMG there is another one already on the way please shoot me NOW.

• 11. Giselle  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 4:53 am

  Hopefully the nap thing is just a phase…ugh…it is so sad when the first child gives up naps. Especially when they clearly aren’t ready for it.

  As far as the nervous to get pregnant thing? I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks with my first pregnancy. I discovered I was bleeding clots when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night (TMI…I know). I went on to have 3 more successful pregnancies. But every time I went to the bathroom at night…which is frequently, as you know…EVERY TIME I prepared myself for those clots before I went to wipe. Basically until I could feel the baby move. I tried not to, since this always seemed a bit hypersensitive and over-reactive…but I just had to think worst-case scenario. Even after I had had a successful happy baby ending, when I got pregnant again…back to the mental prep before potty time.

  That being said, I never took pregnancy for granted. Not that anyone does. But this long winded, over-sharing comment is just meant to tell you that I think it is normal to be nervous. And that even if your miscarriage leaves you with permanent mental quirks…you’ll have your happy ending too.

• 12. Jess  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 5:46 am

  Jonna, hugs. I have a daugter who will be 5 tomorrow(!) and she was always a screaming fussy infant then toddler then tantruming preschooler. (I don’t think her sleepless was nearly as bad as yours, you deserve a special medal). But anyway, I’ve never felt like I knew how to manage her or relate to her or figure out what works with her until recently, now that she’s almost 5. Obvs I do not know Sam or you but in my groggy 6am way I’m trying say that I have struggled too, it has gotten better for me and you’re a great mom. I also dont know if there’s an anxiety-thing about being in that stage of family, after #1 and (hopefully) before #2. I had serious anxiety between my first two and right after the second.
  Anyway, I’m rambling and don’t know if this makes sense. Internet love and hugs to you, couldn’t we just meet for a drink?

• 13. Swistle  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 6:00 am

  Every time a sleep issue crops up at our house, I think “THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE -slash- THE WORST.” I think of it like colds, where when I don’t have a cold I think, “Well, you know, a cold,” but when I DO have a cold I think, “HOW CAN ‘JUST A COLD’ FEEL SO INCREDIBLY AWFUL???”

• 14. Kate  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 7:00 am

  I, too, am prone to hypochondria as a symptom of stress. For example, this morning I woke up at 4:45 and worried about how we’d turned J’s car seat around too soon and how susceptible he would now be to neck injuries, etc., etc., etc.
  I find some comfort in the fact that you worry about illness/injury/surgery, too.
  I hope that works both ways…
  I miss you, my friend.
  And you are a wonderful mom. I know that for sure.

• 15. Ann  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 7:06 am

  I’m a long time lurker – I rarely (if ever) comment but I had to offer a shred of hope for the nap issues. My two year old went through a phase when she screamed at bed time and nap time every single day (right around when she turned two – she’s two and a half now). She stopped napping and it would take her an hour or more to settle down at bed time. The good part is that it passed, through no major changes on our part. She just got over it on her own and now naps most days and bed time is back to being pleasant. So there’s hope, even when it seems so completely hopeless.

• 16. jonniker  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 7:44 am

  Aw, man, you guys. I feel better already. Thank you.

  Sam was up last night crying at 2 a.m. IS CRAZYMAKING. But oddly, it makes me feel like it’s not just naps, but sleep in general. She’s developing more speech by the HOUR, and I am hopeful that it’s a developmental leap that’s making it impossible for her to settle down. I hope.

  As for the rest, I just can’t tell you how much your kindness and stories mean to me. I can’t. Thank you.

• 17. A.  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 7:57 am

  I wish we knew each other and lived near each other because then I’d give you a big hug. I know what’s it’s like for life to be Just Too Much sometimes and I wonder how we’re all going to survive it… But we do, and you will too.

  Why is it that child sleep issues always feel like the end of us? Right now I’m dealing with 4:30 am wakeups – waking up For The Day. zzzzzzzzzzz Which makes it nice to read other comments about kids with sleep issues, because I definitely feel less alone. All kids have sleep issues! And, like Swistle, I try to tell myself it will pass (it always has before), but when it’s going on it definitely seems like the worse thing ever. And never ending.

  Anyway. You’re not alone. You’re doing great. And you have virtual hugs coming to you all the way from MN.

• 18. drhoctor2  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 8:19 am

  I don’t find this at all maudlin. Grown men can’t make me cry but a two year old can have me weeping in the bathroom within days if they can’t sleep.
  Growth spurt ? she says hopefully ?
  I’m with you on the anxiety attacks and run on thinking. I found a pharmaceutical solution.
  I know you are having a very difficult time in your life right now, I think you are handling it gracefully and well.

• 19. jive turkey  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 8:28 am

  I totally understand the uncontrollable anxious thoughts that snowball into heart-pounding panic. I’ve gotten pretty good about distracting myself/derailing my thinking whenever I feel the snowball effect coming on, but this also means I pretty much can’t watch/read the news. At all. I’m calmer and happier, but dumb as a fucking post when it comes to current events. Yay.

  I also have a very specific anxiety-based problem that is SO EMBARRASSING to me and pervades my life so regularly and is about something SO STUPID AND LAME that I can’t even bring myself to write about it on my blog. You are braver than I am.

• 20. Cathy  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 8:39 am

  I’m sorry — about the anxiety and the frustration and everything. Some weeks are hard.

  Sleep has always been a fraught issue for my daughter, and now that I have another baby on the way, I find myself dreading reliving each stage of it. The only coping strategy I’ve ever hit upon — and it’s the same one I use when taking long trips with a three year old — is to try to reject any anxiety or anger that’s related to the possibility that this particular stress will go on in the future, that it will always be like it is now. That’s the fear that induces panic and rage in me; if I can cultivate some sort of tunnel vision, and focus just on the particular stress of this particular bad moment right now, that’s usually a far more manageable emotional task. And, after all, whatever it is either will persist or it won’t, but forcing or allowing myself to wonder if I will NEVER SLEEP A FULL NIGHT AGAIN or NEVER GET A NAP AGAIN is just unbearable.

• 21. Diane  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 8:44 am

  Hypochondria? Check. It’s horrible. Google is the worst thing that ever happened to me in that regard. Except, I suppose, my mom had one of those Merck guide things and would freak herself out with that. I suppose hypochondria will always find a way.

  I know you don’t want to hear about 2-year-olds giving up naps, but! Would it help if I said both of my girls have gone through a phase around age 2 where they acted like they were giving up naps, but I think it ended up just being a developmental spurt, because they were napping like champions again within a couple of weeks? Violet did it at 3, as well, but then kept on going. So try not to worry (HAAHAAA) because she really, really will go back to the super sleeper once whatever is going on has passed, be it teeth or development or just a really shitty ass mood.

• 22. Kristina  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:03 am

  Oh I totally get this. You made me cry b/c it’s so nice not to know I’m not the only one. My anxiety manifests itself in imaginary death scenarios, e.g. if I hear about an accident in the general vicinity of a road someone I love is traveling at that time of day, I convince myself it’s them and they’re mortally wounded. I know where this comes from, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

  I also wish I could figure out a way to stop it–I know that I can’t live my life like this, but it’s so hard.

• 23. Kerry  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:04 am

  I keep typing stuff and then deleting it because it sounds dumb, so I will just say: I am thinking of you. All of this sucks hard, but I think it will get better soon.

• 24. -Jen  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:13 am

  I saw your tweet yesterday about turning in your resignation and I mentally screamed “No!” You are the parent that gives me hope about this gig. If you want to give up, I don’t stand a chance. Your grace under extreme circumstances has helped me through some rough patches of my own. I admire your strength, both in how you live your life and in hope vulnerable you are to all of us (most of which you will never meet). Thank you and I hope things start turning around for you soon.

• 25. Lawyerish  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:16 am

  Anxiety is such a monstrous thing, in the way it distorts our thinking in ways that often have nothing at all to do with the source of the anxiety.

  Whenever I have a lot of stress in any area of my life, it manifests itself in waking up in the middle of the night and convincing myself that I screwed something up at work and am about to be fired, disbarred and ultimately homeless. There is little I can do about it, except to go through a slow and deliberate thought process in which I remind myself that I have had these anxieties hundreds of times before, and the fears have never come to pass.

  And when actual bad things have happened to me, they’ve been totally unanticipated — which is no great comfort, except as a reminder that we can’t control things with our minds or with our worries — and in the end, I’ve survived in spite of them.

  My thoughts are with you, friend. It will get better. It IS getting better. You’re not at the end yet.

• 26. Christine  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:28 am

  I don’t have nap issues or advice. Just want you to know that I totally get your stress reaction. I must drive the husband crazy with proactive worrying but I can’t help it. Thinking of you guys

• 27. relaxmammal  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:31 am

  I do this worrying thing too. Max once referred to it as me trying with all my might to keep the plane in the air. Very insightful.

  I hope poor Sam gets back on track soon and Mom gets a break!

• 28. Melospiza  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:51 am

  The nap thing…it really doesn’t sound like she’s done with naps at all. It sounds more like lingering disruption from the Dreaded Week of Daylight Savings. Whenever I’m in a bad patch with the kids (or, uh, myself), I remember that it usually takes two to four weeks to change a routine.

  Then I stick out my tongue and kick myself on the damn shins for being so calmly patronizing. But then that two to four week mark hits and things generally ease up.

  Also, I have that my-bad-karma-is ruining-the-world thing, too. After baby # 1: 9-11. After baby #2: the 2004 tsunami. For the sake of the global population, I stopped having babies. (And yet! Disasters keep happening!)

• 29. Jenna  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 9:56 am

  It is SO a developmental leap (I swear I thought that before I read your comment, Jonna!!) My almost 5 year old did the same thing when her language exploded around age 2. Have no fear, she will nap again. Just keep on putting her in there and telling her she doesn’t have to sleep but it’s time to rest and give her toys and books and then…. walk away.

  There’s my assvice. And here’s my digital hug. From a stranger. Who just gave you assvice. WIN.

• 30. Josefina  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 10:18 am

  I hate that you’re feeling so lousy right now.

  I have anxiety problems, too, although hypochondria isn’t my overwhelming issue. It’s just…I understand. I understand how those thoughts get in and they just won’t go away. It’s awful. Of course, always worsened by stress and/or having the rug completely pulled out from under.

  You’ve been dealing with so much. It’s going to get better. Truly.

  As an aside, I’m anticipating funny stories about Sam! Now with extra words!

• 31. Charlotte Breen  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 10:29 am

  You may be the only one made happy by this, but my 2nd is 2yo next Sunday. And she wakes every night. She fights every nap. She argues with me in her SLEEP!

  “No Mama, dat cheating!”

  The first was not as bad, but a light sleeper as a baby and now passes out at 8.30 p.m. and wakes around 7 a.m. A herd of elephants through her room wouldn’t wake her now.

  What did I do differently? Nothing. Not one thing.

  It will happen. At least that’s what we tell ourselves;-)

  Keep rolling with the punches. Much like giving up smoking, it’s a case of not thinking of the time ahead. Just getting up again this one time…

• 32. Meghan  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 11:12 am

  Sorry for all the assvice on Twitter yesterday. I’m just so sympathetic — naptime/bedtime have sucked balls around here for so long. At least, since my daughter is in daycare, she naps great there, but if I were home with her every day I would probably greet my husband with tears every day.

  I hope you get pregnant when you want to and that it is as anxiety-free as possible.

• 33. Halyn  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 11:19 am

  Perhaps a post-lunch shot of Benadryl?

  I kid! Put away the pitchforks and hangin’ rope.

  Seriously, I’m sorry it’s been so rough lately. Sleep issues suck, especially in older kids, because you’re not expecting it at this point. It does pass, eventually, although I know that doesn’t help right now.

  I really, really wish I had something useful/comforting to offer.

• 34. Suebob  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 12:31 pm

  Worst Case Scenarios a specialty. I’m actually kind of surprised that everyone I know, me included, isn’t living in a cardboard box with 10 cats, suffering from brain cancer. Because that’s what I always expect to happen.

• 35. Amy K  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 12:32 pm

  My mellow daughter recently turned into a very, uh, spirited two-year-old, and my husband and I concluded that we simply don’t have the mental fortitude and mad parenting skillz to raise another child until the first is off to school. We’ll be in our late 30s then, but that’s going to have to work for us. Any benefit to having them closer together in age would be cancelled out by the strain on our marriage, I just know it.

  This comment isn’t helpful AT ALL, I know. Sorry. Some days I really want a second child, and then it’s exactly like you said — you have one of those frustrating toddler days and it sounds like the worst idea in the world. I keep turning it over and over in my head. Millions of people do it all the time and it turns out okay, right? Anyway, I hope Sam sleeps better soon. Good sleep makes everything better.

• 36. Leigh  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 12:48 pm

  Hmm. I am a very strong, fiercely independent, successful professional woman.

  I will never forget the time I found myself sitting on the floor of my kitchen at 3:00 p.m. in my nightgown, crying hysterically on the phone tothe advice nurse because every time I put my child down for a nap he screamed bloody murder. I had just had it. Could take no more.

  I don’t remember what happened next, but that day and that phase, like all sucky things, came to an end.

  You’ve had a sh*# ton of stuff to deal with this year. But this thing with Sam WILL get better. You are a wonderful mom.

• 37. Amy  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 3:04 pm

  It HAS to be developmental…(the fighting sleep thing). My daughter will be 2 in May and has been crying in her sleep multiple times per night for the past few months. At first I would go in to comfort her only to find her asleep. Now, I only go in if the crying lasts a long while or sounds “awake”. (plus, now she has another cold, so we have those issues too) If it’s not developmentally related, I may lose my sanity. Strangely, naps are no problem for us. Back in December for a week or 2 she was extra clingy and didn’t want to go in her crib for naps and bedtime. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do when I pulled her off of me and left the room and closed the door. She would then fall alseep almost instantly….but it still broke my heart.
  It will pass…..and hopefully soon, for our sanity.

• 38. Kristin  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 4:22 pm

  I have days that I feel like I am not cut out for this ‘parenting thing’ too… lots of them. Also, winter (cause it’s still winter where we both live… with a teaser day thrown in every now and then, am I right?) will be over soon. That thought cheers me up a little. Hang on, Jonna.

• 39. Deb  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 7:18 pm

  The nap-stopping is an unmitigated hell. My sympathies. Some people have luck enforcing a “I don’t care what you do in there,but we are having quiet time whether you like it or not” sort of thing. (I am not one of them)

  I gave my kids books and a few quiet toys at nap to bribe them into being quiet until they fell asleep. It stopped working around age 3, so hopefully you can stretch naptime out a little longer.

• 40. -R-  |  March 22nd, 2011 at 10:19 pm

  I hope today was a better day.

• 41. Jen  |  March 23rd, 2011 at 12:19 pm

  Maggie napped LIKE A CHAMP until 38 months. So

• 42. Jen  |  March 23rd, 2011 at 12:21 pm

  AAAAAAND I just realized that sounded totally douchey. I wasn’t saying that like HA! MY KID NAPPED AND YOURS WON’T! NEENER NEENER. I meant it like ‘They all go through phases of refusing to nap (even Maggie did!) but there IS HOPE that Sam will get back on track and keep going with great naps for another year! So POOOO! to those who tell you otherwise.’

  heh

• 43. Wabi  |  March 23rd, 2011 at 1:44 pm

  Ugh, nap dropping. When they don’t sleep they get beyond cranky by late afternoon, falling apart over any little thing for the rest of the day. And if they do manage to pass out for even a tiny cat nap they will act better at 4 p.m., but not so hot when they are STILL awake at 11 p.m. So, condolences on the nap thing. It’s a total bitch.

• 44. diesel outlet  |  May 25th, 2011 at 6:15 am

  I enjoy reading your post.

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