What I Got

So as it turns out, the great sleeping disaster was so obviously some kind of crazy language explosion that I feel STUPID in retrospect. A few days after she stopped sleeping, she started busting out full sentences, on one occasion even singing me the “Party In My Tummy” song from Yo Gabba Gabba completely unprompted. There are countless other examples of Stuff She’s Learned This Week, including, unfortunately, the phrase, “Holy crap!” which was uttered in the car after seeing something particularly startling and promptly repeated, over and over again.

Also repeated and learned was, “We’re going to get booze!” as I playfully told her that’s why we were going to Trader Joe’s. “We get BOOZE!” she parroted cheerfully. “Booze!”

I am carefully curbing my use of expletives, but instead, I am teaching my toddler other, equally awful words and habits and oh God, in some ways it was so much easier when all she could do was lay there like a bump on a pickle.

ANYWAY, did I TELL you that Adam and I booked a trip, just the two of us? To … well, it’s to Las Vegas, for a terrifyingly long time, considering it’s Las Vegas and also, we’re going to be away from our kid for SIX DAYS. And yes, as I mentioned, that’s a long time for VEGAS!-type activities, but when you consider that we’re parents who routinely get up at the crack of dawn so that our offspring can bang on a snare drum and crash cymbals while singing and playing the kazoo, and so help me, people, if ALL WE GET TO DO is lay in bed and read books and watch TV and take long, uninterrupted baths, IT WILL BE A RAGING SUCCESS. YOU MUST TRUST ME ON THIS.

Incidentally, the Caribbean and/or some other locales were considered and hoped for, but ultimately Jonna, Practical Budgeter, decided that no matter how awful a year we’d had, money must be saved, and this is an easy save.

Practicality blows sometimes.

Who doesn’t blow, however, are my parents, who are coming here to stay with Sam the entire time we’re gone. And my friends, who have promised to help them and hang out with Sam and her friends and keep life normal for everyone. Well, for Sam, anyway. Can I get an amen for my parents? Because, seriously. I am so lucky. Seriously.

I am also sick and fearful and worried about being away from Sam, not because I think she’s going to be mistreated or in trouble or ANYTHING, because after all they are my PARENTS and are generally awesome, but because … oh, Sam. My little lumpkin. She’s so much fun right now — talkative and funny, snuggly and madly in love with her mama — that I think about being away from her and I feel sick. At least one moment every day, I think, well, this: this is why I had kids.

And yet, I know it’s good for us, and I also know that the next time we do this will probably be the twelfth day of never, because if we DO have a second kid, let’s be honest, I won’t want to leave THAT one until s/he is at least two, and by then, Sam could be FIVE and in KINDERGARTEN and LET US ALL PAUSE TO HYPERVENTILATE HERE, and you see why I can’t think of a situation that far into the future without throwing up.

Oh, and finally: My sister’s surgery went awesome. She’s home already, two days earlier than they thought she’d be. It was entirely successful, there’s nothing wrong with her — well, except for feeling like ass and you know, missing part of a major organ — and can I get an AMEN?

That’s all I got. I hope you have an awesome Tuesday.

*Sublime

27 comments March 28th, 2011