City of Delusion
April 25th, 2011
First of all, I think it’s absolute CRUST that people are behaving as though they are above the royal wedding. Now, listen, I get if it’s Not Your Thing, but you don’t have to act like you’re cooler than me because you’re not interested. Come on! COME ON! It’s this bizarre antiquated institution full of bizarre mores and customs and yes, Charles and Diana’s wedding was a TOTAL SHAM, but for the LOVE, it’s still stupidly exciting. It’s watching CELEBRITIES GET MARRIED, and if you think I wouldn’t have tuned in when Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt got married (RIP, Brad & Jen), you are seriously off your rocker.
I’m not even a WEDDING PERSON, but if I can tune that shiznit in from the comfort of my own home, with Twitter at the ready and perhaps a mimosa? I am so there. In fact, if you follow me on Twitter and don’t want my unsolicited, unfiltered opinions on the wedding, perhaps it’s best if you unfollow me on Sunday FRIDAY DUH SORRY. I won’t be offended, so long as you come back when it’s over.
This weekend I wrapped up a couple of work proposals, and I realized today that if they come through, I might … um, hire someone to help with part-time child care. I just … well. It dawns on me that most people do their work during the day and are sort of kind of done at night, save for some loose ends, and don’t spend every minute of their free time trying to cram an ENTIRE DAY’S WORTH OF WORK into four hours every nap/night, and wait wait, this is why people have work days and … hm, maybe I want to reevaluate some things here, eh? I’m not talking a LOT, just a few hours here and there and … well, I popped the childcare panic-cherry by enrolling her in preschool and apparently it’s a slippery slope that I’m pretty comfortable with, and also, this is a no-shitter to most of you, but forgive me, I AM SLOW.
Speaking of slow, on at least two occasions recently, I have been reminded of and/or once again experienced the type of parents who, and I hope I explain this properly, seem to actually believe that their kids really ARE superior to every other child on earth, and fail to grasp that it might be — just a little — colored by the fact that they are the parents, you know? Like, I’ve had multiple conversations, and I KNOW y’all have too, with parents who talk about their smart, glorious children in a way that suggests, somehow, that I’m supposed to be jealous of their children? As though I would … trade my child for theirs, or somehow think that my (perfect, brilliant) offspring is INFERIOR to theirs and I got a dud model? Or … that your parenting MUST be better than mine, and OH TEACH ME, JEDI.
Look, we’re all proud of our kids. I think Sam is the most amazing person I’ve ever met, or likely ever will meet. I find her endlessly fascinating and funny and of course, I believe she’s exceptionally smart and beautiful, but I ALSO recognize that I am her MOTHER and thus, it is my job to believe those things. And as a mother, I also realize that you, a bystander, might not feel the same way, because it’s not really your job to feel that way, and honestly, I might find it a little creepy if you did.
Am I … making sense? I mean, yes, I share stories of her, and how funny she is, but I recognize that *I* think she’s funny, and I would never talk about her as though she is the FUNNIEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED, because I realize that’s probably not true (there are other mothers out there, of course), and also, that’s obnoxious. And yet, you would be amazed at the number of people who do NOT recognize this fact.
Further, this is what I want for my daughter in life: I want her to be happy. I want her to do her best and achieve things, and reach her potential and all that Tiger Mother bullshit, but most of all, I want her to be happy with herself, her choices and her life. I’m not sure any of that is fully realized at age two, you know? I don’t care if your two-year-old is a Mensa candidate and can speak four languages beyond the fact that it makes you happy, and hopefully she’s happy … it has really very little to do with MY kid and how I perceive her successes and failures.
Even if your kid can speak Mandarin while painting elaborate Ukrainian eggs and knitting a sweater, I am STILL going to prefer my kid to yours, sorry. The same way that, say, I might possess more self-awareness than you by not rubbing my kid’s accomplishments in your face like an obnoxious one-upper, by some strange miracle, your child will still prefer you to me. THIS IS HOW THINGS WORK.
I’m rambling, and it probably isn’t making any sense. I just find some parents amusing is all, I suppose. Because once again, are we supposed to be JEALOUS of their CHILDREN and want to TRADE OURS IN FOR THEIRS? If only … If only I’d given birth to THAT KID instead!
Oh God.
You know what else is amusing? When Sam wakes up, she demands that Sunny get up too. Girlfriend is SO! EXCITED! about! Sunny! that she can’t keep it together until the dog comes out, reluctantly and very slowly. Mind you, this is a dog who, up until recently, woke up FOR THE DAY no earlier than noon, and now Sam’s rousing her by 7 at the latest. She’s … very tired. Sam, ever perceptive, realizes this, and by 8, is usually trying to make things right by giving Sunny a fluffy pillow, blanket, her juice and both remote controls.
“There you go, Sunny! There you go! Rest up!” She then covers Sunny with the blanket and tries to force her to take a drink from her sippy cup. “REST UP, SUNNY! JOOOOOOOOSE?”
Meanwhile, Sunny’s wondering what the hell happened to her cushy life. Having a baby hardly changed it at all, but having a toddler rocked her whole world, and not in a good way.
Hey, I hope you have a great Tuesday.
*Muse
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,Nuttin',Sunny The Pug
32 Comments Add your own
1. Ginger | April 25th, 2011 at 11:05 pm
I don’t get those parents. I really don’t. Yes, yes, your kid is awesome. I see that. But, uh, so’s mine. And I will never think your kid is as awesome as my kid is (even as he tries to eat rocks and puts his shoes on his head.). That’s…kind of what parents do. I thought everyone got that until I actually had a kid and started interacting more with other parents.
As to the Brits, I can see WHY people are into the royal wedding, but beyond wanting to know what dresses Kate wears, I’m rather meh about the whole thing. But then, I’ve never really cared about the royals, even (blasphemy!) Diana. But hell, whatever floats your boat, you know? I’m into a ton of stuff other people don’t care about, no harm no foul.
2. Blythe | April 25th, 2011 at 11:18 pm
I am unashamedly COUNTING DOWN to the wedding. I may set my alarm for 5am on the big day even though I can DVR the whole thing. I just can’t wait to see the dress!
Give me a break, royal wedding haters.
(It’s on Friday, right?)
3. Jess | April 25th, 2011 at 11:25 pm
I am pretty sure that when you describe Sam as “ever perceptive,” what you are really saying is, “I’m sorry your kid isn’t as perceptive as mine. I know this must hurt you deeply. IF ONLY YOU COULD ALL HAVE A SAM INSTEAD OF YOUR OWN INFERIOR CHILDREN. You know you wish it too!”
4. Jen | April 25th, 2011 at 11:57 pm
I love this post, especially the part about just wanting Sam to be happy and to achieve things and reach her potential. This is exactly what I want for my son, too.
5. Carla Hinkle | April 26th, 2011 at 12:41 am
I am the nosy, pushy person who is always badgering my friends and acquaintances (hi, Jonna!) who work part time/freelance/etc to PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE get some child care if it is at all financially feasible. I have worked the nap/evening schedule and it is a brutal one. Hooray for Babysitters!
6. Amy (frugan) | April 26th, 2011 at 1:40 am
Yes, yes, yes, on all fronts.
These parents drive me crazy. I want there to be a “loss of perspective” button on Facebook just for them. What disturbs me most is it just seems so stupid. Like how do you not realize that we all feel the same? How do you not realize that you are doing the same thing that is so annoying in others.
I wanted to tell you this back when Sam turned two, (it just seemed a little too negative for that post) but I very much appreciated the way you wrote about her birthday. I find that many child birthday posts are becoming all about accomplishments. Like, you are four, let me list the things you CAN DO not describe WHO YOU ARE. There’s a major difference there and it’s the second one that is more appealing and more important.
So, as a reader, thanks for striking the right tone. We see you think Sam is the best (of course!) but I’ve never felt the need to shout back, “No, my kid is the best for me!” to any of your posts.
Also, the Royal Wedding? Of course! I have off on Friday and the ceremony is right when my daughter usually naps. If she refuses to sleep that day and forces me to switch on Curious George, I will be very very sad.
7. Swistle | April 26th, 2011 at 7:28 am
I’m getting so frustrated at the way people seem to have forgotten that it is actually HURTFUL and MEAN to attack other people’s interests: it’s saying, “I see that you like something, but I think it’s stupid, and I will tell you so in order to make you feel bad, and also because YOU should not be interested in anything _I_ am not interested in.”
Plus, it’s irritating: I want to say, “Listen, if I agree that you are a BETTER AND SMARTER person because you think something I’m interested in is stupid, will you DROP IT ALREADY?”
8. Katie Mae | April 26th, 2011 at 7:37 am
No, but sorry…..that is objectively hilarious, Sam with Sunny. Rest up, doggie! Have some juice! I am laughing at my desk. I am so sad that my future children aren’t your current child, I may as well not even have them
9. SwingCheese | April 26th, 2011 at 8:20 am
I, too, assumed that we all realized that we like our own offspring best, and that our love for everything about them that is precious and genius and hilarious may not be matched by other parents. Or other people in general. Then a friend of mine told me a story about her SIL, who, in a very serious conversation, admitted that she feels sorry for other parents (moms, in particular) who see her children at the park/playdate/grocery store and realize that their children just are not as good looking/amazing/perfect as hers. I think I would have slapped her, had it been me. Luckily, my friend has much more patience and grace than I. I’m just thankful that my SILs (if they think those things) don’t share them aloud.
10. Josefina | April 26th, 2011 at 8:40 am
Royal wedding? Yes, yes! And, I’ve already decided not to mention it on my Facebook, even though I really want to know who else is watching so we can discuss. I just, well, I don’t need to hear the opinions of those who are not watching. Because just as much as they don’t care about the wedding? That is how much I don’t care that they don’t care, and why not just let others (i.e. ME) enjoy?
As a complete stranger, and hopefully without seeming too creepy, I’d like to say that I have loved seeing the mother you’ve become, and also that Sam is empirically adorable and hilarious and wonderful, apart from the special magic that she holds for you which is never going to be the same for anyone else because you’re her mama, but still. She’s fantastic. I just wanted to voice that and now seemed like an okay time. Anyway, about “those” parents: I moms like that in my life, too, and they’re a huge bummer. Also, I think that behavior may be contagious with too-frequent contact.
11. Shannon | April 26th, 2011 at 9:43 am
This is a great post. Especially about wanting what is best for your daughter and for her to be happy!
12. Dawn K. | April 26th, 2011 at 10:05 am
I am a firm believer in that my kids are the best ever and I will always think they are the best (for me), and that your kid is the best kid ever (for you). I don’t really get the competition/comparison wars that go on.
Oddly, I get this attitude from going on a few dates with this guy in high school, who insisted I admit he was smarter than me merely because he scored better on his SAT. Just because you may be better at one measurable task in no way makes me any less of a kick-ass person. I try to remember this philosophy every day, for my kids, coworkers, and anyone I may come across.
13. drhoctor2 | April 26th, 2011 at 10:09 am
I agree with you on the Royal Wedding snobs, I mean, really ! It’s a big deal whether you are “into” the royals or not. I don’t care much, but I can undserstand why other people would. I, would like to add that a wedding is a LOVELY event and I would never harsh on one. I hope I’m far beyond crapping on other peoples like in order to feel validated about my own.
I don’t run into many of the type of moms you describe. Glad of that because I have a difficult time not getting all WTF on people. Of course, I like my kids best, I made them myself !! However, ALL little kids are awesome. ALL of them. I can’t imagine how rough it would be on a person to grow up with parents who have such impossible to sustain “opinions” on the superiority of their child. How miserable would that childhood be? Never get to be just a regular person. It would make it so difficult to grow up and be happy with who you are.
I can guarentee that nobody has ever made me believe in their kids inherent superiority. EVER. I do believe in that parent’s inherent ass-ity tho’.
14. Catkins | April 26th, 2011 at 10:28 am
J, you’re so…well rounded!
My sister-in-law is just like that other parent you talked about and I don’t handle it quite as well.
My neice and my daughter are only two weeks apart and there’s always something that my neice does that is FUNNIER and SMARTER and JUST BETTER than my kid and instead of making me want her kid, I want to HATE her kid. Which sucks since I’m supposed to LOVE her kid, you know?
Anyway, well done. I applaud your being above it all.
15. JMH | April 26th, 2011 at 10:30 am
Just wait until Sam starts school…”those” parents become worse! I just want to shake them and say WHO CARES…and I am a teacher
16. Christine | April 26th, 2011 at 10:38 am
Oh sorry on the Royal Wedding thing. People shouldn’t make you feel inferior for having a particular interest. I don’t think you or anyone else is stupid (as suggested above) for being interested; I’m just SO tired of it. It isn’t news so I wish news organizations would stop beating me over the head with it. I get it they’re getting married, good for them. Really! I’m happy for them, as I would be happy for your relatives that I have never met if you told me you were going to a wedding for relatives I’ve never met.
BUT I have been fully marinated in the Royal Wedding and am totally over hearing about it. It doesn’t make me better or smarter; it just means we have different interests. I promise, I have never thought myself cooler than anyone in any capacity. For Pete’s sake, my favorite indulgence is food blogs. But hey, if you think that’s boring; that’s cool by me too.
Now I just wish it would happen already so I can get a recap on what she wore and then I can hear about something else.
17. Elizabeth | April 26th, 2011 at 10:55 am
I think I always knew that I would tend towards the “OMG MAH BABEEEE IS SOOOO AMAZING” side of things and so I guard against it, and probably fail much of the time, but I always have it in my head that I need to at least try to rein it in, lest I become an unsufferable a-hole. And I am well aware that it’s really just me and Erik who thinks these kids are so freaking amazing, no matter how amazing we think they are. Which is why it always shocks the pants off me when I encounter someone who obviously just doesn’t even consider this idea, and who is just balls to the wall all “MINE IS THE BEST!” without so much as a trace of irony.
18. Caitlin | April 26th, 2011 at 11:45 am
Oh Jonna, I just love you.
YES. YES to this entire post.
(And also, I would like to start saying “JOOOOOOSE!” when I drink mimosas. Which I may or may not be doing at 5am Friday.)
19. cindy w | April 26th, 2011 at 11:56 am
I’m married to a British guy, and he gets particularly snarly whenever anything about the wedding comes up in conversation. (“Grrr, bloody royals, waste of tax dollars,” etc. You get the idea.) And I figure, you know, that’s his heritage, so he’s entitled to be pissy about it. But I won’t say anything nasty about people who find that stuff interesting. I’m sort of in the middle – hey, they seem like reasonably nice people who are in love and getting married, good for them! I probably won’t watch it on TV, but I hardly get to watch anything on TV with the 4 year-old Remote Control Tyrant in the house, so whatever. I’ll read the recaps later. (You KNOW there will be recaps.)
About the superior parents… I have a cousin who I’m friends with on Facebook who does this kind of crap ALL THE TIME. Almost every post is about her “precious Munkee” (yes, spelled that way) and how God blessed her by choosing her to be his mama, and how it breaks her heart that someday he’ll grow up and love another woman more than her. (Which, the way she’s over-coddling him? Not bloody likely that he’ll end up wanting female companionship, I’m just saying.) It’s nauseating, and I’m tempted to submit her to the STFU Parents blog almost daily, but I never do because I know it’ll come back to bite me. But yes: those types of people are just… absolutely baffling.
20. Life of a Doctor's Wife | April 26th, 2011 at 11:57 am
I love this post. LOVE. But I want to primarily speak to the freelancing thing, because I do that. And, well, my HAT is off to you for doing it AND having a kid. Because I can barely juggle a husband and “housework” and my work. You ROCK. Seriously.
Good luck with the project proposals and HELL YEAH to the child care.
21. mar | April 26th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
I grew up with an Anglophile mum and desperately want to go back to visit England (5 times and counting since I was 16-mum’s only gone twice), so I’m totally planning to be up at 4am to watch the coverage. Luckily, it’ll be over before I have to get to work. This morning my bf asked why I didn’t just DVR it, but I told him it was a good excuse to be at the gym when the doors open at 5:30 am! Wishful thinking there.
Also, Sam is beyond adorable, but probably even moreso to you. As it should be.
22. Sam | April 26th, 2011 at 7:42 pm
I so agree! I am unabashedly excited about the Royal Wedding and don’t want to hear if you’re over it/bored/think it’s stupid. I know some people feel burned out about the incessant coverage but I don’t watch morning news shows or anything like that, so I still feel like it’s exciting. Now, People.com does publish some stupid stuff about it all, but it’s my own fault for clicking, right? I still can’t decide if I should get up and watch it live, or just watch it a few hours later. I am thinking it will be more fun to be awake early and bombing Twitter with my own thoughts.
Love your point about how we’re all crazy about our own kids- funny, I don’t feel like I’m in the competition game with other moms at this point. No one has made me feel like their kid is The Best Kid Ever! in a pushy sort of way. Hopefully I haven’t made anyone feel that way, I certainly do gush about my child. I know people must roll their eyes when I stick another picture of his people-drawing skills on Instagram. What can I say? I’m excited! I have to celebrate the little things since he’s resolutely unpottytrained at 3.5!
23. Jenna | April 26th, 2011 at 7:50 pm
I am way into the Royal Wedding for …. NO REASON I CAN SUMMON. I honestly don’t know why I care but I’m excited (Young love! Pretty dress! The new generation trying to de-stuffify the royal family!).
As for “those parents”, I’m pretty sure I was one of them when my first was a baby. I’m not saying having one child is the cause of this for everyone, but it was for me. I was SO freaking anxious about doing things right that anytime there was anything remotely resembling confirmation of my parenting abilities, I just latched on to it and, without thinking too much about it, blabbed about it to anyone in earshot. I think the amount that parents do this kind of thing is in direct proportion to the amount of anxiety they have about parenting.
PS. Good luck with your work proposals!
24. Jessica | April 26th, 2011 at 8:02 pm
The royal wedding haters (which include my husband) drive me crazy. I don’t go around telling him it’s stupid to watch baseball, do I?
That said, I love sleep and there’s no way I’m getting up early for the wedding. That’s why TiVo was INVENTED.
25. Page | April 27th, 2011 at 12:55 am
ROYALLLLLL WEDDDDING. I am so over the haters. I watched Diana get hitched, and I plan on watching Wills do the same..
I’m rolling about Sam and Sunny. The image of “JOOOOOOSE” is killing me over here.
26. Kris Taylor | April 27th, 2011 at 7:47 am
I think I would be more enthused about the royal wedding if A) coverage didnt start at 1 am here on the West Coast and B) if the American media didnt insist on talking about it for hours on end every day. I too, am married to a Brit who likes the royals, as he is a huge history buff, but he certianly isn’t going to skip work etc because of it. He’s more interested in what they do in terms of the non-ceremony stuf…so…I may DVR I may not, depends on how I feel Friday, but if it floats your boat, have a great time! Enjoy!
27. Tammie | April 27th, 2011 at 12:14 pm
Myles’ entire nursery class made commemorative hand (finger) painted royal wedding plates today. AND he’s gotten two proposals for Friday from girls in his class.
I know you wish you could live in England and be half as cool as me and my kid.
Actually I think the English are way too “cool and reserved” to be into the royal wedding, but it’s super awesome for me to be here right now. We get all the really good insider info.
28. -R- | April 27th, 2011 at 3:10 pm
I’m not going to watch the whole procession or wedding, but I am excited to see Kate’s dress!
The acquaintance of mine who honestly thinks her kids are superior to all others has socially awkward, horribly-behaved kids.
29. Anon | April 27th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I am being anonymous for this comment in case of the crazy far-fetched off chance my brother or sister in law find this because OH MY HELL they ARE those parents. All time time with the facebook posts about the *adorable* things my nephew is doing and what a *fabulous* child he is. And I read them and think, “Is this the kid you bring over? Who throws a fit every 6 minutes or so? Who can’t be nice to my daughter for more than like 90 seconds?” (He’s 3 by the way, just a few months older than my daughter.) And I’m not even kidding you, they would BRAG to me about how well he was doing with potty training and it was all I could do not to remind them that my kid has been potty trained for A YEAR even though they’re the same age. Brag to someone else!
As for the royal wedding stuff, I am pretty indifferent. Definitely don’t feel like I’m above it though. Actually, I feel a little LESS cool for not being into it.
30. Lippy | April 27th, 2011 at 9:41 pm
I was planning to tivo the Wedding, but now that I know there will be twittering at the same time??? I may go to bed early, and get up go back to bed later ? And hope I don’t pass out at work. I remember getting up to see Princess Di and it was so cool. I know my 4 year old would love it.
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