Rolling in the Deep
May 11th, 2011
This is going to be all OVER the place, y’all. Just like it used to be! Bullet-style:
- One of the things that plagues me on a fairly regular basis, is when one of your friends — someone you really like, who has proven to be of decent character and all that rot — is ALSO friends with someone who has proven to be morally bankrupt on more than one occasion, in my admittedly-strict viewpoint. Now, before I go on here, I want you to simmer down, Warren Beatty, because this song isn’t about you. I can think of at least two people who would think this is about them, but really, Warren, it isn’t.
But what do you do? I’ve voiced my opinion — even more gently than I normally would, I swear! — once or twice, and I’ve even PERSONALLY been screwed by the person in question and said something and YET THE RELATIONSHIP CONTINUES. Mind you, it’s not that I expect them to CHOOSE ME over them — this isn’t that kind of high school drama — it’s that I am MYSTIFIED how someone can still be friends with someone who has PROVEN to be such an absolute douche.
I DO NOT UNDERSTAND. It is honestly one of life’s greatest mysteries.
- If you’ll indulge me a moment of Glee, I was ALL HOT AND BOTHERED to see the return of Jesse St. James in what is certainly the most ridiculous crush imaginable. Yes, I am a 35-year-old married mother with a huge crush on an openly gay man playing a teenager, and while I have no issue with either of those things, of course, the problem is that no matter how you slice it, the fantasy doesn’t work. I would either have to turn into a man OR a teenager and neither really works for me. Yet, it persists.
However. They turned him into a one-dimensional vapid asshole, when yes, I realize that he royally screwed Rachel over last year, I ALSO thought there was some complexity to him and it’s … gone. I am ALSO angry at how they’ve turned Rachel into a sniveling GIRL who also suddenly turned stupid. Last season, Rachel was multi-dimensional, and what made her amazing was her incredible insight into HERSELF. And now she’s fawning over Jesse and saying things like, “He’s so smart! Can you believe he flunked out of college?” after he says something amazingly inane. And so we’re left with Kurt (and his personal orbit), the only character with any sort of heart, and honestly, it’s pissing me off, because it seems like Ryan Murphy is just re-writing his own history, and the only person he has any sort of generosity to is himself.
Also, uhhh, weren’t they juniors LAST YEAR? How long can they drag this out?
- I also have Strong Feelings on Friday Night Lights, and I’m telling you right now that I’m live-tweeting the episode for my bosses at Smart Pop Books, because an essay of mine is in the upcoming anthology on the show in its entirety. So, you know, fair warning. And while I LOVE this season, I have VERY LOUD OPINIONS on the finale, and as such, I can’t wait until all of you (all, um, four of you who watch it) have caught up so that we can discuss.
- One of the things I am shocked to discover that I am struggling with is getting Sam to enjoy reading. I KNOW. I KNOW. Are you as floored as I am? I am, above all things, A Reader. The periods of my life when I wasn’t relying on a book for my primary form of evening entertainment are few and far between. Even still, I’m usually either reading or writing, even while the TV is on in the background. I mean, I love TV, but if I had to choose, I’d choose a book any day of the week.
So how is it possible that she’s my child? We set aside time to read every day. I read CONSTANTLY. I’ve even taken to reading her books by myself, with rapt enthusiasm, just to make them seem interesting. Yes, we watch TV, but with few exceptions (involving DJ Lance), she’s really not that into it, and she almost NEVER sits still to watch a whole anything unless she’s positively exhausted OR it’s first thing in the morning, so I’m not panicked that she’s a TV head or anything. (I WISH she was one of those children who sat quietly and watched television for more than six minutes at a time. I could use that to my occasional advantage! NO DICE.)
She just … does other things. Swaddles Brobee. Draws. Listens to music and dances. Draws some more. Plays with her animals. Paints. Dances some more. Sings. Dances. Music. God, this kid is SO INTO MUSIC. And when there is no music? SHE MAKES ME SING SO SHE CAN DANCE.
And forget reading before bed — she’s ALL business. Once she became a prescient human being, she dropped the bedtime reading routine before it really got going. When she’s ready for bed, she wants to be IN THE BED. The second we start the bedtime routine, “BYE MAMA! NIGHT NIGHT!” and she’s finished. She wants to be in bed, lights out, my annoying mug out of her face. It doesn’t seem to matter how early we start — the moment she senses bedtime is nigh, she’s all about it, as soon as humanly possible, and thank you. (Yes, I know I’m lucky. Our bedtime ritual is three whole seconds long. “Kiss Daddy!” “BYE MAMA!” Aaaaaaand, fin.)
I’ve gotten her books on her favorite subjects — animals and bugs — and it sort of works, but man, if I had one trivial wish for my daughter, it would be that she loves to read, and right now, despite my best efforts, she’s not nearly as into it as I’d hoped.
Also, can we talk about the bug obsession for a moment here? BUGS. Ants are “cute!” Worms are “awesome!” She picks them all up and tries to take them home as pets! God forbid we see a bumblebee, because kid is BESIDE HERSELF with excitement. “It’s a BEE! A BEE!” and she lurches toward it, hands open. Explaining that although bumblebees look fuzzy and friendly, they REALLY need to be left alone, was a surprisingly rigorous parenting challenge.
But still. Books. Man. I mean, Adam and I both read. We have stacks and stacks of books and Kindles full of reading material. I have a to-read list that is more than 250 books long and I can’t get my kid to sit still long enough for “No, David!”?
Tell me: is all hope lost? Will she eschew reading forever? Will I be stuck raising an entomologist-slash-oboe player? Any tips are welcome.
- Speaking of TV, uhh, sort of, the only show I’m really looking forward to other than True Blood is “Falling Skies,” and I cannot WAIT.
- Speaking of BOOKS, we have plenty of interest in the book club, so stay tuned for more — as soon as I get it cleaned up and a new spam system in place, I’ll be hitting a re-launch. And to say I appreciate the offers of help is an understatement. I think this time it will probably be better than the last, because there was an INSANE AMOUNT OF INTEREST from people who … weren’t all that interested. I think this time has the potential to be smaller and more engaging. Honestly, even if only two of you said to do it, I would have. Fortunately, we have a bit more — but far fewer than the 600 we had the first time.
Thanks, everyone. I hope you have a fantastic Thursday. We’re getting our beach passes, finally, although it is the furthest thing from beach weather you can imagine. Hope springs eternal, even if spring doesn’t.
*GLEE’S VERSION WAS AWFUL. AWFUL. AWFUL. I liked Haley’s better on American Idol and that is SAYING SOMETHING. Oh, Adele. You are, indeed, incomparable. (I love her.)
Entry Filed under: All Riled Up,Beeber McSteebs,Book Lushes,Books,Gettin' thinky with it,I Love Television,Inappropriate Crushes,Pop! Goes the Culture
64 Comments Add your own
1. Portia | May 11th, 2011 at 10:02 pm
It’s so interesting that you’re posting about this today, because my sister and I were JUST having a conversation about our hopes for our (future, hypothetical, not-even-a-possibility-right-now) kids, and how much we hope our kids love to read. I can’t imagine having a kid who didn’t. I mean, if my kids hate dance, or art, or theater, or any of the other things I love? Totally fine. Those are just hobbies and I assume they’ll have their own. But if they don’t read for pleasure? I would be so crushed. Reading has just always been such a fundamental, wonderful part of my life.
So it’s interesting to hear about your experience with Sam, and I’ll be watching to see if you get any tips! I do wonder, do you think the Kindle has any effect on how you read, or how Sam sees you read? I don’t mean to suggest that if you read only “actual” books, Sam would of course be a reader — it sounds like she’s an active, curious kid who just hasn’t clicked with books yet — but I do wonder how e-readers in general affect kids’ perceptions of books, since they can’t see what you’re reading or be interested in the cover or mimic your actions with their own books. (That’s really more of a general thought, though, not about your situation with Sam.)
Gah. Sorry for the long rambly comment!
2. jonniker | May 11th, 2011 at 10:13 pm
Oh God, Portia, it’s funny you say that, because I HAVE thought about that, and I am really careful to only read “real” books around her, so that she associates what mama reads with what she can read. I think the Kindle is great for what I read at night, but I make a point to go to the library and get real books relatively often just for that reason. Maybe that’s silly, but yes, I think that seeing me hooked up to an electronic device — even one that is ONLY used for reading — can be confusing.
3. Portia | May 11th, 2011 at 10:19 pm
I don’t think it’s silly at all! I know I used to look at what my parents were reading (heck, I read Love in the TIme of Cholera when I was twelve because I ran out of books on a road trip and my dad had brought it. It was WAY over my head), and somehow it’s just different if it’s all on an electronic device. Although, I may be biased here because I still resist the e-readers, even though I know they make more sense in terms of money and space. I just love the physical books so much.
4. Jennie | May 11th, 2011 at 11:14 pm
Kyle is not all that into music. So much so that I was CONCERNED for a time. Like brought it up with his pediatrician. I mean, occasionally he dances and even occasionally tells me he wants to dance but that is VERY OCCASIONALLY. Usually he’s all TURN THAT DOWN. No, really, he says that in the car. The radio can never be on! And it’s heartbreaking. All these stories of kids grooving to Wilco or Kings of Leon or, damn, even Lady Gaga and my kid is all, “MUSIC OFF MOMMY.”
WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT HIM?
(I have a similar Jesse St. James crush on the brother in Shameless (the oldest brother, thank god), but he’s definitely playing a 17 year old on tv and I should really IMDB him to make sure he’s of legal age for me to lust after.)
5. Sarah (mrsgryphon) | May 12th, 2011 at 12:18 am
Oh, the toxic friend thing – I have the same sort of situation with several amazing friends who are still friends with someone who is (what we call) a vortex of drama, me-me-me and immaturity. I just don’t understand why smart, otherwise savvy people can’t see it.
Re: reading – our oldest, who is 5 years old, has enjoyed her bedtime stories but only (I think) for the delay in the actual going-to-sleep part of the routine. Surprisingly, she asked a couple of weeks ago WHY she needed to learn to read. I guess I never really thought to explain why reading was important and we’ve had a lot of conversations lately about all the things she’ll be able to do independently once she can read the words herself (Webkinz on the computer being a big incentive!). It occurred to me that if you DON’T know how to read, you don’t know all the “reading” that you’re missing. So, we’ve been pointing out all the opportunities for reading since then, and now that she is starting to realize the world that can be opened up by reading something HERSELF, I think there’s more hope
She read her first “learn to read” book by herself this week, and she was so, so proud.
6. Ginger | May 12th, 2011 at 12:21 am
This will break my heart, if my son doesn’t like books. Right now he goes through stages of liking and then ignoring, but I hope, hope, hope he gets even a small measure of my love of books.
7. Allison | May 12th, 2011 at 7:11 am
Maggie doesn’t seem to like reading very much either. She enjoys our nightly book reading before bedtime but other than that, she doesn’t seek out books to look at or ask me to read them. I love to read and I LOVED to read when I was a kid and I really hope that she learns to love reading too. My husband is not so much a fan of the reading even though he owns more books than I.
8. Sam | May 12th, 2011 at 7:11 am
I think they go through stages with reading. Nothing thrills me more to find Thomas in his room with a basket full of books dumped out on the floor! But sometimes he could take it or leave it. Books are usually a part of our bedtime routine, but there are plenty of nights where he crashes out on the couch, too.
Re: the Kindle, my husband has one, and Thomas knows it’s “Daddy’s book”. So maybe show it to Sam? That may be a bad idea right now, but Thomas was in the bed with his daddy, who was reading his Kindle, so it just unfolded naturally.
One thing I have found about introducing new books (which Thomas used to be resistant about) is the Scholastic video series. I love these videos with the love of thousand suns! We started with Goodnight Gorilla and they have other stories on the DVDs, too. So sometimes I check out the books he’s already seen on the DVD and he’s so excited and LOVES them! And I don’t feel too horrible about him watching the videos, since it does introduce him to reading.
9. April | May 12th, 2011 at 7:49 am
Get her one or two of those read and find books. My son goes through phases, but he loved those even when he wasn’t interested in the actual reading. Also, if you let her extend her bed time by 20 minutes by laying in bed reading, it goes over really well.
I’m interested in book club! I was interested last time too, but the books that were picked I had already read. Maybe I’ll have better luck this time!
10. Jennifer | May 12th, 2011 at 7:52 am
My son used to take the books from my hands and throw them across the room. He finally started enjoying them at about age 4 and now he can’t get enough.
11. Leandra | May 12th, 2011 at 7:56 am
If someone told me that I had to live without books, I would sincerely die. HOWEVER, that hasn’t always been the case. I wasn’t really a reader at all until I was about 7 or 8 years old. I was complaining to my mom that I was bored and she told me to go read Beverly Cleary’s “Emily’s Runaway Imagination.” I immediately declared it “boring” (though I had never cracked the cover) and she told me to go read the first chapter and then decide if it was boring. It wasn’t. And I was hooked. I can read a book a day now, if I have the time. So, don’t despair. If you love books, chances are she will too.
12. kakaty | May 12th, 2011 at 8:17 am
Sam’s like 2 – 2.5, right? In my (very limited) experience NO 2 year old will sit for books (or anything else) unless they are very tired or trying to stall bedtime. Age 2 is the time to DO! PLAY! MOVE!
From my observations with my daughter, niece and nephews none of them really got into reading until between age 3-4. And still now, with my daughter (age 4.5) her attention span is still limited to 2-3 storybooks at a time. She is learning to read (Thank you BOB books!) and that is increasing her interest and patience. And my niece and nephews, now 14, 10 and 7, are such voracious readers that they ask for books and only books for gifts.
13. jonniker | May 12th, 2011 at 8:33 am
Oh Kate, that makes me feel better. What struck me was the other day when one of my friends was reading a book to a couple of the girls, and the three of them sat, completely enthralled, for book after book, and Sam was all, FUCK THIS NOISE, I think I see Brobee over there, ninjas! Imma go swaddle that shit! And she left. And the girls are the same age as her, so I panicked. I mean, she’ll sit for one book at most.
When she was younger, she definitely sat longer and loved to flip through her books on her own.
Helpful! Thank you!
14. Nimble | May 12th, 2011 at 8:37 am
She’s two. That’s probably it. Lift the flap books might get her interested but maybe not until next year. (I got really tired of lift the flap books — I usually didn’t have to read them but there’s all sorts of maintenance/condition issues if it’s not your personal copy — but they were very popular until my youngest was five.) Books are the best. I predict that you will have a six year old whipping through the series books.
15. melissa | May 12th, 2011 at 8:40 am
My daughter is 15 months old. She likes to page through books (especially board book because then she doesn’t rip the pages) and speak jibberish like she is reading aloud. It’s really cute. However, in the last month or two she does. not. want. to. be. read. to. PERIOD. If I take a book and start reading aloud to her, there is a lot of wailing and maybe some full blown, on the ground tantrums. If I sit her in my lap while she reads, that’s ok. However, I must not speak.
It’s a phase. A weird, weird phase.
Is 15 months the normal age for the super I-do-it-MYSELF phase? I cannot feed her with a fork, put on her shoes, push her in a swing, or pick up the dog toys without much wailing. I really thought it was the terrible two’s, not the terrible just-over-a-year.
16. Dr. Maureen | May 12th, 2011 at 8:40 am
I think the problem is just that she’s two. You can’t tell if a two-year-old is going to be a reader. Basically what kakaty said, I guess!
17. SwingCheese | May 12th, 2011 at 8:53 am
I agree with the others – it’s a stage. Boyo has always been ahead of his age group on the motion curve (he started walking at 9 mos.), and as such, he went through his must! move! phase from about 18-24 mos. Recently, he’s been bringing me book after book after book to read aloud, but he could have cared less before, and he would barely sit through one reading of “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”. Now he requests “The Cat in the Hat”, but he still doesn’t sit in my lap, he sits next to me and wiggles through the whole thing. So I think it is totally the age. (I also think he’s trying desperately trying to figure out letters and words, as he’s not much of a talker yet, but that could just be me fervently hoping that he’ll soon say something more than “I don’t know”.)
18. Maura | May 12th, 2011 at 8:58 am
My little sister had books on tape with a little kid’s tape recorder. I guess they now have CD’s. The one I remember is Mother Goose is on the Loose (this might be it: http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Goose-Loose-Betsy-Diamant-Cohen/dp/1555705367). Maybe if she could sing along and see the pictures, she might like it more.
And I’m just throwing this out there, don’t be offended or anything, but is it possible she has trouble seeing the pictures and words? I know she watches TV, but maybe her vision is blurry close up? I only say this because I come from a family with horrible eyesight and have stories about “and then we got her eyes checked and WOW a miracle! yadda yadda.”
19. carolyn | May 12th, 2011 at 9:04 am
The whole “friend who is still friends with an asshole” really bugs me. I’m super duper loyal, and if a friend of mine is slighted or wronged or totally screwed over by someone, that’s end of my friendship/contact with said asshole. I have a couple of situations similar to yours (one is an ex situation — that is, the ex of someone very important to me is a douche and several of my CLOSE friends are friends with this douche). It SUCKS and feels really wrong to me.
Re: the book thing — I’m a librarian, and I basically shoved books down my kid’s throat. She definitely had a “No, thank you” period when she was around Sam’s age, but now (she’s 5.5) is a reader. So just keep the books around. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Lastly — I really wish mine went to bed like yours. Dear god, do I.
20. jonniker | May 12th, 2011 at 9:08 am
Maura, it’s totally possible, but also really hard to tell at this age unless it’s REALLY egregious. But she does also have no trouble looking at OTHER things up close — like bugs and her animals — so I’m inclined to thin that isn’t it. But we are sort of vigilant about it for the same reason you are — our family has the eyesight of bats, on both sides. Adam and I both wear glasses, and I have since I was nine.
21. Josefina | May 12th, 2011 at 9:09 am
The friend issue: I have had, and do have, the same problem. I try never to admit it to anyone in my real life out of fear that I would be the one considered toxic. You’re braver than I.
Reading: I love to read, and my husband doesn’t. Older son hated being read to as a tiny guy & now loves it. He also reads on his own. Younger son loved being read to as a tiny guy & now hates it. Will only read Diary of a Wimpy Kid -type books OR non-fiction. He adores non-fiction. All that to say, it changes and they each have their own, very distict preferences and it took a while for me to figure out what the non-reader kind of guy wanted. Also: he’s into music and a really good guitar player, and much prefers that to reading.
22. Jessica | May 12th, 2011 at 9:12 am
Don’t fret with the bugs! I babysat a little girl years ago from the time she was 3yrs to 5yrs. That first summer: All About The Bugs. What did she want to do all day? Go outside and dig up Potato Bugs and put them in a jar and name them. Poor bugs.
But she quickly grew out of it and by the following summer we had more adventures involving the park, the “‘Quarium” and the pool.
23. Summer | May 12th, 2011 at 9:14 am
Admittedly I only read the Glee parts so far (I did mark it unread in my reader so I can go back), but I had to comment.. I AGREE. And I was wondering about the being Juniors thing too… I think they didn’t want a preggo freshman so they made them a bit older, now they realize the show is such a HIT and are trying to drag EVERYTHING out. Also I HATED HATED HATED thier version of Rolling in the Deep. I had to listen to it ON MY IPOD in my car this morning to get it out of my head. I may or may not have been belting along… Going back to read whole post now..
24. -R- | May 12th, 2011 at 9:15 am
Friend issue: A guy I really respected is friends with someone who lied about me and tried to get me fired and had an affair while his wife was pregnant. The guy I respected knew all these things and is STILL friends with the a-hole. I am still polite to the respected guy, and I don’t hate him or anything, but I don’t respect or trust him anymore.
Kid: I think she’ll like reading eventually. I wish my kid liked drawing! I want someone to color with!
25. Slim | May 12th, 2011 at 9:28 am
First kid loved to be read to from the start, second kid had virtually no interest until he was three or four. And now that he’s in grade school, we have to take his books (plural — he takes multiples to bed with him) away from him at night.
26. Cherie Beyond | May 12th, 2011 at 9:28 am
Well, now, I was totally nodding along with the douchebag friend problem until I remembered that I WAS that middle friend for a bit in college. Two women I was friends with had a sudden fallout with one of them claiming the other had totally screwed her over. I continued being friends with both. It’s not that I thought person #1 was lying or that I was ambivalent to her feelings, it’s more that I thought it was a two-sides-to-every-story situation because I had, personally, never had a single problem with person #2 being anything but fun and lovely. Until person #2 screwed me over in the exact same way a few years later. Then I regretted not backing up person #1 the whole time. But I do not end friendships lightly and, given what I had to work on at the time, it was totally a she-said/she-said situation with two women who were, frankly, both prone to drama. I couldn’t tell what was what, so I kind of hung out on the middle road, which is what felt right to a cautious person like me.
Or maybe I’m just a waffling, unreliable douchebag. Also totally possible.
And, yeah, what everyone else said about the books. Remember that child development truism: they can’t work on all things at one time. She’s just working on other stuff. She sounds like she’s got plenty of imagination in other ways, so you are totally fine.
27. Sara | May 12th, 2011 at 9:32 am
Glee–While I haven’t watched this week’s episode yet, I totally concur re Rachel. I loved that character, even though a lot of people hated her. They have completely ruined her. I was talking to my husband about the upcoming prom, and he had the same reaction about how old the students are. And he has only watched a few episodes!
With regards to Sam & reading, I wouldn’t be concerned. Ally is 6 and has usually liked books, both looking at them and being read to. In the past month, she finally is able to read to herself. Amazing! But my almost 3 year old went through huge phases–she loved being read to, and then went through a long phase of not wanting anything to do with books. Recently, we are back to her bringing me books. So, just provide the opportunity and don’t worry!
28. joan Vanover | May 12th, 2011 at 9:56 am
We should share a Jonniker/Reader moment: When J was in pre-school, at about 4 years old, she was “reading” books in the sessions…I put reading in quotation marks, because that’s what the leaders thought she was doing, “reading,” although they were SURE she had memorized them. SO, they gave her a newly-published kids’ book and WOWEE !!! She had never seen it, but was reading it to the other kids! We were so proud (and obviously still are….but humble, too, hahahahaaa)
29. Ris | May 12th, 2011 at 9:58 am
I went through a period where I was decidedly NOT interested in books, actively UNinterested, which worried the hell out of my parents, both of who are ENGLISH PROFESSORS who read for a living. There was, I’m sure, lots of hand-wringing and expert-consulting. Basically they left me alone about it and then, several months later, found me knee-deep in their poetry books from grad school, saying something like “This is great!” Now I don’t even really watch tv (except for a healthy dose of Glee and 30 Rock online) because it would get in the way of all my reading. So I’m sure things will also be fine with Sam, especially since you’re such an avid reader.
30. joan Vanover | May 12th, 2011 at 9:59 am
That last post makes NO SENSE unless you know (and now you do) that I’m her MOM….Proud, humble, me….
31. Kristina | May 12th, 2011 at 10:14 am
Your first bullet made me giggle because the chicks on the Bachelor always say that they can’t understand how they could love a guy who also likes so and so (NOT comparing you to chicks on the Bachelor, promise!!). And I always think that, while they are totally insane (because really, how could you think you love this guy you’ve known for approximately 2 seconds anyway), it makes a little sense. I’ve been in the same situation and it’s hard to understand how you can be friends with someone who you think has the same values as you but you’re also thinking that if they did share your values then they could never be friends with that other person. So perplexing. When I was dealing with it, I just tried to accept my friendship with the good friend for what it was and not focus too much on Bitchy McBitcherson.
And I agree with everyone above about the reading thing. My son LOVED books around age 1 and 2 then at 3 he dropped them totally and I was so sad. But now at 4, he loves them again and is even doing the whole memorization thing and “reading” them back to me. So much fun! Stick it out, she will come around. I think with two parents who love books so much it will be hard for her not to love reading.
32. Jess | May 12th, 2011 at 10:23 am
Don’t push the reading thing. I was big into books around 2, by the time I hit school I ditched them. The harder my mom pushed, the less I cared. I am a serious, hardcore, devoted reader. But I’m also independent and I had to discover reading on my own. She’ll get there if that’s who she is.
33. jonniker | May 12th, 2011 at 10:26 am
Jess, I think yes, there’s a fine line between pushing and making them available. I’m aiming to stay on the right side of it.
34. Christine | May 12th, 2011 at 10:42 am
Jonna, I love your mom. I learned how to read after being read to as well…apparently I was very angry at being accused of memorizing the words. I remember reading Dr. Seuss at a Red Lobster (keepin’ it classy!)
I wouldn’t worry about the books too much yet, mostly because she’s two and it sounds like she’s just too active to concentrate on a book just yet (or tv, etc.)
And man, I watched like two episodes of this season of Glee, but as my husband flipped through the channels I heard that AWFUL rendition of Rolling in the Deep and I hoped and prayed that Adele was spared hearing it. (I kind of have a ridiculous girl crush on Adele, and hope that when I’m reincarnated I come back with a singing voice that doesn’t sound like nails on a blackboard.)
35. Elsha | May 12th, 2011 at 11:23 am
The friend issue: My sister has multiple friends that she has kept up friendships with despite being screwed over REPEATEDLY. I can hardly bring myself to be civil with these people because they’ve been so mean to my SISTER, (even if they haven’t done anything to me) and yet she keeps it up. In her case I’m pretty sure it has to do with her being a people pleaser and thinking everyone should just get along.
The reading thing: Kalena definitely went through a phase where she didn’t want to be read to. She would peruse her books herself, or sit through one favorite book but that was about it. Now (at 3 (well, next week)) she LOVES to be read to and will sit through story after story for up to an hour. And maybe longer, but after an hour of reading kids books out loud *I’m* done.
36. Heather R | May 12th, 2011 at 11:28 am
I remember when I was a child, that I didn’t enjoy reading as much as my mom wanted and I have VIVID memories of teacher conferences in which she discussed her concern within ear shot. Her enthusiasm and pushiness made me even less interested in reading. She FORCED me to read a couple Laura Ingalls Wilder Books in 3rd grade and even now tries to make me like them and I am 33!!! I enjoy reading now as an adult, but I am not an “avid reader”. I prefer to read magazines and blogs, but will read a few books a year. I am telling you all of this so you don’t make the same mistake my mom made! Just don’t *tell* her that you are worried or push it on her too much and I bet she will come around. BTW-I learned how to read without an issue, I just didn’t prefer to read for “fun”
37. laura | May 12th, 2011 at 11:36 am
Have you taken Sam to the library yet? Mayve some time there just roaming, exploring would encourage her.
Don’t give up hope, she’s still so young, and perhaps just wants to be able to read all by herself before she jumps headlong into loving books.
I am so with you on the friend issue too. Like it ‘almost’ colors my opinion of the friend i really like because I can not fathom why she could possibly like this other person.
38. jonniker | May 12th, 2011 at 11:40 am
HA, Heather, I swear, I’m not really that pushy. I DO set aside time to do it every day, but once she’s not interested, she’s not interested. I plan to save all of my Chinese mothering for when I force her to become a master violinist and call her garbage when she fails to meet my expectations.
Laura: We go to the library all the time, but she really loves to just sit and play with the toys there. It IS nice to get a break from being at home, so I don’t blame her. Different toys! Dinosaur sets! Snakes painted on the wall in a woodland mural!
39. Cathy | May 12th, 2011 at 11:45 am
Your first observation made me laugh because I — a very remote onlooker in blog-world — have always thought of you as someone who occupies precisely that interesting middle position. That is, there are at least a few instances of well-known can’t-stand-and-don’t-respect-each-other blogger pairs where you’re the apparently neutral friendly link. It’s a quality that could, I suppose, be read as indicative of moral equivocation, but I’ve always taken it as a sign that you’re probably level-headed and generous-minded. And I admit that I’ve wondered idly how you navigate precisely the sort of resentment you describe here!
40. Cora | May 12th, 2011 at 12:17 pm
My kiddo is a month or two younger than Sam and he just now got excited about reading them. I was really worried for a while because he used to LOVE it and then he just…stopped. But we’re now back on the book train, so maybe it’s just a phase thing? I’m also a big reader, but my husband is NOT. We’re both hoping the kid takes after me in that respect.
Also? I totally agree with you about Glee. It used to be my favorite show and now I don’t even bother with it. I’ll watch it on Hulu if my husband wants to, but that’s it. It just all around sucks this season.
41. Carla Hinkle | May 12th, 2011 at 12:19 pm
My oldest (now 7) who is an insane, voracious reader, wasn’t really into books as a toddler/preschooler. I mean, she liked some bedtime stories and all, but we rarely sat down to read during the day and she never asked me to read to her. I LOVE to read but you know what? I find reading to little kids pretty boring. So I didn’t do too much of it. We had books and read a bit every day and that’s it.
When she hit kindergarten, she started asking to have books in her bed at night. Then we got her a little reading light and presto! She taught herself to read. She has now, at the end of 1st grade, already read the entire Harry Potter series. And now I never read to her because she just wants to read chapter books to herself. Heh.
So ANYWAY, who the hell can tell at two if a kid is going to be a reader or not? Plus I know very few two year olds who actually want to sit and read. So don’t worry!
42. Kristin H | May 12th, 2011 at 12:20 pm
I haven’t read all the comments yet so if I’m repeating I apologize! I think her interest in reading will come with time, don’t worry. You’re setting an excellent example and you’ve got books everywhere so…just give it a little time. She’ll get there.
43. Cobwebs | May 12th, 2011 at 1:20 pm
My son was lukewarm about being read to and actively disliked reading by himself most of the way through kindergarten. He could read if forced to (such as for homework), but he fussed about it. Then, almost as though a switch got flipped, he loved to read and has a book with him most of the time now. I suspect that he was getting frustrated because reading was a slow process, and once he had enough experience to recognize basic words and sound out unfamiliar ones it was no longer a chore.
I agree with several of the other commenters; if you keep presenting reading as a Good, Fun Thing and don’t push, she’ll eventually warm to it.
44. Shannon | May 12th, 2011 at 1:50 pm
I had a really annoying friend who had a baby about 6 months before I did, and she was the bragging type. She said her THREE-MONTH-OLD would sit and listen to books for 45 minutes straight. Oh, this stressed me out. I was so panicked that my son didn’t care about books until he was over 2. I was certain he’d be ruined for life. But he’s 4 now and likes books.
(Also he’s a giant bedtime staller, so I’m jealous of your bedtime “routine.”)
Also, RE: the toxic friend, my guess is that the other person doesn’t like her either. I’m thinking of a particular example in my life where there’s this one woman who knows a million people, and each of us individually thought we were the only one who disliked her and that everybody else was her BFF. Slowly it came out that nobody liked her, and we just hang out with her because she’s the kind of person who is always organizing events or inviting herself to yours.
45. Devan | May 12th, 2011 at 1:56 pm
A 3 month old would HAVE to sit and listen. Hahaha!
I’ve slowly ended friendships with people who were friends with people who screwed me over. I just couldn’t look at them the same.
46. Marie Green | May 12th, 2011 at 1:59 pm
First, the friend thing, YES OMG YES. I can’t understand it, and it mystifies the SHIT out of me. HOW can you LIKE that person and put ENERGY into that person, when… well, when they’re obviously… Well, when it’s SO OBVIOUS, and you KNOW THIS?? Really makes me ponder true human motivations. What do we really get from friendships and why do we put energy into the relationships we do??
Also, although my girls all like to read (or be read to), we have had many seasons of time when we did barely any reading, for whatever reason. Our standard mode is that everyone reads (or is read to) at bedtime and before naps… but I think last summer we maybe read to Marin before bed, like, twice a month. We were busy, outside until dark, etc… And she STILL loves reading.
You’ve put all the right things in all the right places… she has books available that she can touch and carry around. She is offered to be read to on a regular basis. She has models of readers. She goes to the library. She cannot- simply CANNOT- grow up in that environment and NOT love reading. Impossible. She’s just busy getting other shit done right now.
Really, someday soon, she’ll become obsessed with a certain book, or she’ll suddenly get into picking HER OWN books at the library, or she’ll one day just sit for a half hour and listen to you read. You know, when she finishes getting her current shit done. 
47. bessie.viola | May 12th, 2011 at 2:01 pm
The book thing! I am a reader too, and I NEED MY CHILD TO READ. Of course I want to turn it into Thing, but like with everything else – she seems to fade in and out. It wasn’t a BIG THING with her at two, but now at three she wants to read constantly. 10 books in a row, or the same one over and over – she just wants to read. (Which is difficult because it’s an EXCELLENT bedtime distraction, which leads to me needing to tell her “no more books” which breaks my nerdy heart). Anyway, just keep trying – eventually she will get back into it.
Also? I LOVE the Brobee swaddling. That is adorable.
48. EmilysHollow | May 12th, 2011 at 2:18 pm
Friday Night Lights. I cannot believe it will be over. I am crushed. Crushed. Also because OMG, Tim Riggins, where are you?
Word on Glee.
Xander is a bit young for reading, but I swear, I’ve been reading to him since he was still cooking inside because I’ve ALWAYS been a reader. I used to get “grounded” by having my books taken away. It was (and is, when I have the time) one of my all time favorite things in life. I hope he catches the bug.
49. Suebob | May 12th, 2011 at 3:16 pm
I KNOW! You’d think the great thing about a show like Glee would be the opportunity to have worn-out characters grow up and move on and have younger cast members grow into their own and so on but NOOOOO. It’s TV so it has to be frozen in time, I guess. Rachel has absolutely turned into a dope and so have most of the other characters. AND the episodes are growing longer and longer, aren’t they? They never seemed so long before. But I’m too lazy to go back and look. I couldn’t even watch the Fleetwood Mac episode. I hate their stupid music and I just could not bear 45 minutes of it. Even Sue has gotten kind of wimpy. Is the show over? Should they quit?
50. Calliope | May 12th, 2011 at 3:21 pm
I really really (REALLY) suck with reading with W. Like big time. (I say this as he sits next to me watching the same episode of Curious George for the 22862986th time)
I can tell you exactly why I suck tho- and that is because right now W does not respect the page. LIterally. He is a book ripper, shredder, eater, whatever. He will let me read two pages of a book and then he is all up in the book aggressively turning the pages.
51. Swistle | May 12th, 2011 at 4:58 pm
I don’t get that thing with friends of friends, either. I’ve had similar things, where someone has been in fact BATSHIT—and people I know continue to leave them praise and adoration, and link to them talking about how awesome they are, and I am baffled. As you say, it’s not that I expect them to “choose me”—it’s that, once they’ve seen the person’s batshittery, why would they want to associate with that? How can THEY be people _I_ like, if they don’t see the batshittery as a problem? BAFFLING.
My two older kids don’t like to read, and I…don’t know what to do about that. I guess I was ASSUMING that they’d be like me, draped over recliners reading from a pile of books. But no.
52. Swistle | May 12th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
P.S. And I think the baffling friend thing can be worse on the internet, because you can SEE it. Like, I’ll know of a blogger who is constantly creating drama and trying to get attention and throwing babyish fits to get MORE attention—and then I see people I know and like GIVING her the attention. ….Or, but I guess in an office situation or friend group, I would see it too. Never mind.
53. Diane | May 12th, 2011 at 8:04 pm
I’m always worrying that my boys won’t be readers like me. They are only 6 months old but I already think how devastated I would be if books weren’t as important to them as to me.
The friend thing is baffling and difficult to understand.
54. natalie | May 12th, 2011 at 10:06 pm
It seems like you are doing everything right to encourage pre-literacy. I would keep doing the things you are doing buying books that she likes, being an excellent role model of reading in your spare time, and even reading her books. She’ll come around, don’t give up. You might want to say, “first 1 book, then Elmo.” she could just look at the book for 30 seconds, and then reward quickly. You can increase the duration of the looking at books as you go. What about story time at the library? Or does she like audio books? My students are mesmerized when I put a book on tape. I think they get tired of hearing my voice!
55. Camels & Chocolate | May 13th, 2011 at 1:43 am
OK, I’m a huge fan of Haley and thought she rocked it out, but I’m with you on Glee: TERRIBLE. I cringed and fast forwarded through the number. Gwyneth’s Adele song, Turning Tables, last week (or was it the week before?) was equally as bad. STOP IT, GLEE. Just stop.
56. Amy (Frugan) | May 13th, 2011 at 5:09 am
I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at the difference in our bedtime routines. Three minutes? Hahahahaha!
My daughter (same age as Sam) only really likes to read when she is avoiding getting her diaper changed or during the HOUR she fights sleep. I’ve actually started new thing at bedtime so as to keep the reading but not encourage the staying up: a few books out loud and then you and I both read our own books. It kind of worked, until she made me switch books with her last night.
I have a similar worry to Jennie. Sigrid is not that into dancing, it seems to annoy her when I try.
Hoping for more books for Sam and more boogie for Sigrid!
57. Page | May 14th, 2011 at 12:59 am
The friend thing blows my mind. I can never understand it: it weakens any existing friendship as getting past it is so hard.
I’ve been watching my friend’s daughter hoping that she will be a huge reader. My first gifts to her were the Richard Scarry picture dictionary and a few other favorite children’s books. Her mom worked on her with the Harry Potter and Little House books and had some success in getting her to listen, but it really took her learning to read for her to get the bug. I’m hoping it really takes off here soon- I got her The Secret Garden this year and I am dying to discuss it with her. I hope my kid someday reads- I always had a book under the table or the covers growing up- and still do.
I cannot WAIT to see what you have to say about FNL. I watched, and I have no one to bounce this off of!
58. drhoctor2 | May 14th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I’ll adress (re vent) about the frenemy thing. I’ve been hit twice !! Life changingly badly. even. and lesser offenders of the my friendship standard code. The one, who’s actions were so egregious as to warrant me using “amoral” as a descriptive for someone I KNEW and cared about…reserved that for Nazis and their ilk till then. no one else even gave themselves a back up step to assess the situation or get some distance from her. I was then, and remain, flabbergasted.
I loathe manipulative personalities. It seems obvious to me and I don’t know how other people can deal with being “handled” like that. I hold my breath in a manner of speaking , waiting untill my other friends get burned and try to validate it. The “I told YOU, so’s” are hard to keep in check, I admit.
59. Sheryl | May 14th, 2011 at 4:54 pm
When I was a kid, my mother would have to take the book away from me, and kick me outside to play. Then she’d find me in the backyard, with the book I’d somehow snuck out with me. I’m a huge, life long reader. HUGE
I don’t think I ever saw my ex-husband crack a book for enjoyment. Not once, not ever. But him and the TV, the computer, or any other screen? Hours and hours and hours. Then more hours. Then a few more.
We have one kid. Who has lived with me and only me for the last 12 years (since she’s been 18 months old.) For the past 8 years, visitation has been….not so much (his choice.)
Guess who’s never been a reader, at least until recently. Until 6 months ago, it was a fight to get her to read. She’d do what she had to for school, but’s it. And the girl would beg, borrow, steal, lie, cheat and embezzle for screen time. But she’s picked it up, finally. FINALLY. There’s hope for Sam!
60. Life of a Doctor's Wife | May 15th, 2011 at 10:26 am
I can totally see how the not reading thing would be… upsetting. BUT (and this is purely anecdotal evidence, so, you know, worthless) (and yet I am still sharing it) my husband was a non-reader as a kid – not only disliked reading, but HATED it – and now he is a voracious reader who has stacks and stacks of books on his to-read bookshelf simply because he loves reading so much he can’t wait to finish one book before he starts thinking about another.
I love that you get her books about subjects she loves, because that has to be the BEST way to get a non-reader interested in reading.
And I loved your observation about bumblebees. Because they DO look fuzzy and rather cuddly. What a horrible disguise THAT is.
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