Yes, I am burnt out on searching for title-related music, why do you ask?
June 15th, 2011
As it turns out, I’ve got a sinus infection, and I’m on the first antibiotic I’ve been on in … decades, I think? I am not particularly hippie-ish about medicine — I mean, I take two big pharma-esque pills a day, and will likely do so for the rest of my life — but you, too, might be squirrelly about antibiotics if you had adolescent bladder infections that rendered you immune to every single one except the ones that cause hallucinations (but conveniently, cure anthrax!). And – AND! – knowing one too many people infected with (OMFG) C diff after antibiotics which causes the MOST unsavory symptoms of anything I have ever dreamed of and I’m terrified of … OMFG HA HA, WHY AM I TALKING ABOUT THIS?
I forget sometimes, like in situations like last week, what a good kid Sam is. I know it will change, and that she’ll eventually (SOON) be punky and Freshy VonFresherson (though she’ll still be a good kid), but for now, she is rarely fresh or willfully defiant, she shares nicely and loves her friends, and hell, I just love the spit out of my sweet girl. There are lots and lots of hugs and kisses – initiated by her — and she’ll hug anyone who asks, and plenty who don’t, sometimes to the surprise of others. Before bedtime, I tell her to “get your lips ready!” and she pouts like Angelina Jolie posing for photographers as she swoops in to kiss everyone in the room.
She’s gentle and kind to plants and animals, has a great sense of humor (I mean, for a two-year-old, let’s be realistic here, it’s not like she’s quoting Seinfeld) and … oh, man. I love her. I say this not to brag, because I recognize that these are things we ALL think about our kids, but it’s more to remind myself, and her, someday, that she’s a great kid whose current failings are purely the circumstance of her age and lapses on my part, not hers. I don’t want her to ever read this and think, wow, my mom thought I was a total pain in the ass. Because oh hell no, kid. You’re fucking awesome.
And hey, do y’all remember the disco kitty shirt? Well, more proof that while my girl might be amazing, personality-wise, she, um, SORELY LACKS in the taste department, and I promise you, I had nothing to do with her latest attachment:
Yes, that’s a boa-wrapped hot-pink fur notebook with a POODLE on it that Adam won her at a corporate outing at — oh, I can barely type it — Dave and Buster’s. “Pink doggie come? Pink notebook? WITHA PEN?” UGH, FINE KID. Here’s your hideous notebook.
In other news, I’m currently interviewing sitters for some (VERY) part-time help while I get some work done and also, uhhh, have my fertility appointments and other sundry items taken care of. Like my HSG which, for the uninitiated, is that test where they shoot dye into your tubes ‘n utes and view all your lady parts via ultrasound to make sure they’re smooth and shiny, and NO ONE, I assure you, wants a two-year-old in that situation. Or you know, at the dentist. Or while trying to conduct a client call with a modicum of professionalism.
What kills me, however, is how stupidly guilty I feel about the whole thing. As though I’m putting her in HARM’S WAY by allowing someone other than me (or Adam or my parents or siblings) to care for her. God, it’s so ABSURD. I don’t feel this way about other people — quite the opposite, in fact — and logically, I KNOW that this is NORMAL and GOOD FOR HER and GOOD FOR ME (and our bank account! And my teeth! And my … uterus?), but there I am, all Cringey McCringerson about having a perfectly capable, kind human being feed my child lunch and put her down for a nap. As though because I am paying them, rather than squeezing their familial obligation out of their pores, that they will somehow fail in an immeasurable, damaging way.
This is one of those cases — like, say, breastfeeding, at least for me — where my emotions cloud my actual, logical judgment of the situation at hand. I was all, I MUST BREASTFEED OR THE WORLD WILL END. And yet, if other people formula fed, I did not assume the world would end, and in fact, admired them for making a totally reasonable choice that worked best for them. Kind of like how I always assume MY plane will crash, although I willingly allow my loved ones to fly without a care in the world. IT IS SO ABSURD. She’s TWO. I CAN GO TO THE DENTIST. PEOPLE PUT THEIR KIDS IN DAYCARE. AND IT WORKS GREAT. GET OVER YOURSELF, JONNA.
What I DO find a little strange, however, is the number of applicants who want to … bring their own child along? Is that strange to anyone else? I feel like I can disassociate the emotional factor from this one enough to suss out the feeling that, a) it would be kind of disruptive to Sam to not only have a new person to get used to, but a new person and their kid? And navigating that dynamic of mother/child and then poor Sam? It’s one thing to leave her at my friends’ house with their kids, but she KNOWS all of them and … and I just … well, is it me?
(It might be.)
(But I still don’t think I’m going to hire anyone who does.)
Hey, have a happy Thursday! Woo!
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,General jackassery
38 Comments Add your own
1. Page | June 16th, 2011 at 12:16 am
I love that notebook. It is fabulous and amazing.
How weird that some of your candidates… Actually, let’s not go that far- applicants- want to bring their kid. WTF?
C diff? Dare I ask?
2. Jessica | June 16th, 2011 at 12:31 am
Kudos to you for getting help! I have that in mind someday in the future! Although, I have to say that it makes sense to me that women with kids would want to be hired by you. Unless you are looking at teenagers/college students, it seems that it would be hard to find a single woman who doesn’t already have a job and can find the time to be a part time sitter. Much less be able to live off a part time babysitting gig!
3. Carla Hinkle | June 16th, 2011 at 12:43 am
I have interviewed and hired a number of sitters in the past few years … and while I get that some people who do that for a living might need to bring their kids (are they paying people to watch their kids while they watch yours?), and I feel for someone in that situation financially, I am really not down with it. I am hiring YOU. To watch MY KID(S). Your attention should be on MY KIDS. It’s not a home day care situation (in which case I’d be paying considerably less, for divided attention). It’s one-on-one care, and pay, and thus, no children of sitters, please.
For many reasons, I have shifted over the years to hiring almost exclusively college aged, youngish sitters. Much fewer outside commitments, so lots of availability and flexibility. Plus the young ones do just what I say.
(God, I come off as a high-handed, crabby old lady about this stuff. But when I first started hiring sitters I just had NO IDEA and while they were all fine from a safety perspective, several were just SO NOT THE SITTER FOR ME.)
4. anna | June 16th, 2011 at 2:44 am
I can completely see how it may seem strange that a potential sitter would want to bring a child, but I do understand the perspective. My son’s sitter watches Oliver and her own son and it works out great. BUT, like Carla mentioned, I pay her less than I would a nanny hired to only to watch my son. I was worried about the divided attention, and definitely thought about how the mother/child bond might affect her ability to be diplomatic if a situation arose between the boys. None of my concerns have been an issue at all, and she has been a wonderful caretaker. Plus, Oliver has a built in buddy to play with each day. It works out great.
5. Meghan | June 16th, 2011 at 6:49 am
I have a daycare kid and family nearby so I have actually never paid for any extra babysitting but I have seen a lot of ads with stay-at-home moms offering their services, but want to bring along their kid, too. It would depend, for me, on the circumstances, if that would be OK with me or not. Like, if the kids were about the same age (meaning they would nap around the same time, one wouldn’t have a huge physical advantage over the other, etc.) and it was a regular thing, that would probably be fine, but not if their ages were way different, or something like that.
Seeing that it’s the first time for Sam to have a non-family-member sitter, then I’d be with you on wanting someone that was fully devoted to her.
Have you checked out the local state college to see if any of the students would want to babysit? They likely wouldn’t have kids. I think a couple of the universities by me also have job boards where you can look for sitters, as well.
6. jonniker | June 16th, 2011 at 6:57 am
Meghan, yeah, I’m running into a fair amount of people who want to bring their four- and five-year-olds (and sometimes older), and that’s what worries me a little. No naps AND a significant physical advantage. I’m not, however, having a huge problem finding people who don’t need to bring their kids, though. Yet …
I think if I were hiring someone that I brought to THEIR house, I’d be way more OK with it, strangely. But these are people who are coming to my house, which is making me twitchier than normal.
7. Meghan | June 16th, 2011 at 7:09 am
Oh, 4/5+ is way too old. Totally agreed.
8. Stephanie | June 16th, 2011 at 8:37 am
The way you describe the irrational MUST DO IT about breastfeeding while truly not caring/judging what other people do is something I’ve been trying to verbalize for YEARS. Ditto, exactly.
And it makes me wonder what else I will emotionally abuse myself about down the road . . .
9. Christine | June 16th, 2011 at 9:38 am
I know someone from high school who sits other kids and brings her (twoish? gah, I think) kid along. It seems to work out for her, but I would probably be twitchy too.
My mom watched a neighbor’s kids while my brother was young and the kids were significantly younger than we all were, but the kids lived across the street, and we had a friendly relationship so it was pretty different. Also, they brought the kids to our house, even though at about age 13 I would go across the street on weekends to watch the kids, which was a pretty good gig for a 13 year old. I’d put the kid to bed, and then watch their HBO while getting high on their candy and then pocket their $200 drunken dollars after the father would watch me cross the street. Frankly, it would have made more sense for me to tuck them into bed they were always so out of it after their nights of freedom. (Seriously I picture them with painted blue faces screaming FREEEEDOM! into the night air.)
Ahh the good ol’ days.
10. Kate | June 16th, 2011 at 10:01 am
I am not a professional baby sitter, but I do help out a friend once a week by watching her two darling boys (she does pay me for my time). I bring my daughter along. (The boys are 2 and 1 (12 months apart – I KNOW! And my daughter is 9 months.) It is a lot of work, but in our case, the boys love seeing my daughter and my daughter loves watching them play. Like I said, I’m just helping out a friend, so it is a slightly different situation that yours, but it has worked out great for us! I don’t put my own child’s needs ahead of the other two – they are all babies, after all, and need as equal attention as possible. If you interview a sitter that you just Love, but she wants to bring her kid, I wouldn’t discount her outright. Maybe try it out and then decide?
11. Josefina | June 16th, 2011 at 10:02 am
I would feel weird about someone bringing their own child along when I paid them to babysit my child for the reasons you mentioned. I also share the feeling that it would be less weird if I was taking my child to the babysitter’s home. Not sure why I feel that way, I just do. I was told that in my state it is against the law to work in a childcare situation and simultaneously care for your own child. I heard about that in the context of more public childcare (at the Y), and I don’t know if it applies to home childcare (I’m assuming no, considering the number of people who have little kids and who run daycare facilities from home). ANYWAY.
I love the notebook almost as much as I love the disco kitty shirt. Sam is fantastic.
Also? I had to run over to a new window IMMEDIATELY to Google C diff (what ELSE could I possibly do?) and good grief, yikes, and ouch. I hope your sinuses feel better soon.
12. Kate | June 16th, 2011 at 10:04 am
Oh, I forgot to say one PROBLEM with bringing my kid when I watch my friend’s kids is that if either of her kids are sick or if MY kid is sick then we will cancel. This could turn into a huge issue for you with a professional sitter and not just a friend where it’s kind of a casual arrangement.
13. -R- | June 16th, 2011 at 11:20 am
“Get your lips ready!” just might be the cutest thing ever.
14. Jessica | June 16th, 2011 at 11:32 am
I feel bad for the kid that’s brought alone to babysitting jobs. There’s got to be a lot of pressure on them to behave, not antagonize the other child, not break anything, etc. Sounds stressful for the kid AND their parent. Unless the parent lets their kid run wild, in which case they’d be a terrible babysitter.
15. Jessica | June 16th, 2011 at 11:32 am
Brought ALONG, not alone. Oops.
16. VHMPrincess | June 16th, 2011 at 11:45 am
I have a nanny we use that had a baby – HER I would let bring her daughter as I have a great relationship with her and I know my kids would still get great care from her, even with her daughter along.
For someone I don’t know, I’m not so much interested in other kids in my house. I don’t know that I’d know them well enough to be sure that my kids would be given enough attention and treated fairly in altercations – and I’m a neat freak of sorts and the idea of kids I don’t know doing goodness knows what in my house makes me twitchy.
17. Alison | June 16th, 2011 at 11:56 am
There are plenty of good comments already, but lately I have been trying to comment on blogs I read even if it’s just to say, “I agree with what everyone else said!”
I think it’s reasonable for you to want Sam’s first sitter to be totally focused on her. In a situation where it’s a friend helping out, you already know the kid(s), you know how they interact with your child, and you trust your friend. But when you’re paying someone, yeah, I’d feel the same way you do.
18. Kate | June 16th, 2011 at 12:18 pm
Jessica- Shouldn’t there be an expectation of a child to behave any time? Not just at another person’s home? My kid isn’t crawling yet, but I hope that once she is mobile that I will be able to teach her not to break things or run wild indoors. Of course, it is a learning process and sometime my daughter will run wild or break things, but that doesn’t seem to me to be an unreasonable expectation of good behavior.
19. jonniker | June 16th, 2011 at 12:22 pm
Well, Kate, kind of. As you’ll see when your kid does become mobile, it’s a totally different ballgame once their outside their home. Sam has been taught since birth what she can and can’t touch in MY home, and so she just instinctively knows. When you’re in someone else’s house, you’re much more “on deck” than you are in your own house, because you just don’t know where dangers lurk, what’s breakable, what’s acceptable to touch/not touch, what rooms have hidden toddler attractions that are not for wee hands, ETCETERA.
So that extra work, PLUS the extra work of someone else’s kid is a lot. I find it easier to watch Sam in my house, or the houses of people I know well, than somewhere totally new.
20. Nothing But Bonfires | June 16th, 2011 at 12:24 pm
Wait, “tubes ‘n utes” is my favorite thing you’ve ever written. It’s like “kit ‘n caboodle” or “kibbles ‘n bits” or “rock ‘n roll.” I want to start a band called Tubes ‘n Utes. If you say it enough, it’s almost like two people’s names. “Now opening for Simon and Garfunkel….TUBES AND UTES!”
21. annabelvita | June 16th, 2011 at 12:53 pm
My mum used to childmind when I was little – the kids came to our house rather than vice versa and I loved it. Some of those kids became my friends and some of the older ones became my babysitters.
I totally understand your fears about other peoples’ kids in your house – I do ! Just wanted to say that getting to know more kids in my local area was always a good thing when I was little.
Also, if the sitter has a child of a similar age to Sam, she or he will likely be much more tuned in to what that stage is all about. Which can only be a good thing?
But obviously, it’s totally your call and if you’re already feeling nervous about the whole thing, then you do whatcha gotta do to feel good about it.
22. Kate | June 16th, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Jonna- I am NOT looking forward to my daughter becoming mobile for these very reasons! She will insist on growing up though, no matter how much it breaks this mama’s heart.
23. Lisa | June 16th, 2011 at 1:32 pm
When we were interviewing for nannies I felt the same way. I didn’t really want another child in our house, especially a 2 year old when my daughter was only 8 months. I kept picturing the toddler falling down the stairs or getting hurt in some way and then the parent suing us. It’s so hard to leave our kids with anyone and you want it to be the perfect situation for them when you need to do so.
24. Chris | June 16th, 2011 at 2:27 pm
I think if you are taking her to someone’s at home daycare then yeah, of course their kid would be there too. But if I am hiring a babysitter to come to my home to watch my kids, then no.
25. Kristabella | June 16th, 2011 at 3:29 pm
OMG, C Diff. IT STILL GIVES ME NIGHTMARES! I never want to take antibiotics again.
People, DO NOT GOOGLE IT! TRUST ME!
26. Sara | June 16th, 2011 at 5:22 pm
I read the post and was totally prepared to comment about how single moms have it so hard and need opportunities to work while still needing childcare for their own children… and then was totally convicted by the others’ comments about the pitfalls of bringing a child along and the sitter’s level of distraction while caring for them and Sam… what changed my mind is hearing that some of these kids are 4-5 years old.
If the sitter’s bringing a little one whose relationship with Sam could be beneficial to her, then I would go with it. But a 5 year-old is old enough to be bored and create problems, but young enough to still need Mom to pour juice, play games and demand attention. I don’t see how that could be good for anyone.
27. SwingCheese | June 16th, 2011 at 6:44 pm
For what it’s worth: as I was reading this, my son climbed up on the couch next to me, spied that picture of the furry pink notebook, and got very excited about it’s existence. He also has good taste, clearly. Bring on the Lisa Frank.
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29. bessie.viola | June 17th, 2011 at 8:54 am
I think that it’s great that you get to have some help so you can exit the house alone – especially for lady-type appointments. I am SO not into bringing a curious toddler along for THAT.
I would also be wary of someone who wanted to bring their own child, probably because I’m selfish and assume they would ignore my precious baybee. (I am of the same touchy genre as you in that whole THE WORLD WILL END way).
30. Andrea | June 17th, 2011 at 10:14 am
I’ve worked as a nanny for about ten years. I recently had my first baby and thought I would be looking for a new job, but the family I work for asked me if I would consider bringing the baby with me. My little guy is only nine weeks so it’s a but tricky now, but I feel like I’m still able to do my job. The kids I sit for love him and take turns holding him and always want to help me with him. In the area I work in it’s uncommon to bring your own child with you to sit, but since I’ve worked for them for so long (6.5 years) the parents felt comfortable with me bringing the baby. Another family in the neighborhood has a pregnant nanny and they are begging her to come back once the baby is born, so maybe we started a trend. Despite the fact that I get paid to spend time with them the relationship I have with the kids I watch is almost familial at this point, when I was on maternity leave I missed them
31. Kacey | June 18th, 2011 at 7:15 am
I was a nanny and brought my son along starting when he was 5 weeks old. I went back to watching the twins I was watching before (who were nearly 3) for a little over a year and then, when they started preschool (and no longer needed a full-time nanny) I did a nanny share with 2 little girls my son’s age. Of course you have to do what you feel comfortable with, but plenty of people actively seek out nannies with children because mother’s tend to 1)be more understanding/flexible about illness/scheduling, 2)be slightly cheaper and 3) come with a built in playmate for an only child. I will say that, unless I told them or they saw me breastfeeding my son, people couldn’t tell which child was mine.
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33. Celilo | June 19th, 2011 at 11:32 am
Man, the childcare economy in this country is a hot mess. I’m with everybody who says you have to do what feels right to you.
I think the phenomenon of applicants wanting to bring their own kids with them, though, is less “strange,” and more “uncomfortable for everybody but inevitable” given the economic realities of this labor market. You end up either with an undersupply of candidates (only the young, childless), or parent-candidates trying to MacGyver a setup that works-ish.
Market failures, everybody!
Your individual choice wouldn’t solve a systemic problem like this anyway, so be confident in going with your gut.
So, after health care reform gets sorted out, who’s in for child care reform?
34. Sabrina | June 21st, 2011 at 9:33 am
A-MEN! to needing child care reform. But, it is what it is. We are all doing out best, I guess.
As for babysitters with kids, I think I’d feel weird about a babysitter coming to MY house with HER kid/s, for all the reasons you mention in the comments section, Jonna. New house, new rules, not sure about safety concerns; as the babysitter in someone else’s home I’d be HUGELY stressed about what my kid could/couldn’t touch, as the paying parent I’d be stressed about what their kid might be getting into of mine, etc etc.
But, I have provided and will very soon again be providing in-my-home care. This way, my kids are doing their own thing like they would normally be doing, but it’s like a friend came over to play. I can more easily care for another child when we are all in our usual routine. If I was out of my routine, I’d have to figure out how to care for the client’s kid/s AND my own kids. Yuck.
I also agree, more or less, about the age differences of the babysitter’s and client’s kids, unless the age difference is so large that you get MORE care for the money! My sister’s sahm childcare provider has a 13-year old daughter who adores my niece and spends a lot of the day taking care of her. The 13-year old has also expressed interest in being an evening babysitter for them now–bonus!
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