Friday, I’m In Love
July 14th, 2011
So I’m flipping through magazines while Sam takes a bath* and I see this little gem about George Clooney and his most recent break-up, and how one of his friends allegedly said, off the record, that they had little in common (QUELLE SURPRISE!) and how he’s very intelligent and politically astute, but tends to go for women who do not challenge him, and are not his equal.
Wait … you don’t SAY, O Friend of George? You’re saying that a smart, accomplished, handsome, 50-year-old man has little in common with an Italian model 20 years his junior? YOU DON’T SAY. I can’t explain why this stuck in my craw so much, or why I’m continuing to mull it over, rolling it around in my mouth like like a root beer barrel (and I hate root beer!), but there it is. I mean, it’s the world’s biggest no-shitter, the concept that attractive, powerful men — particularly celebrity types — have a tendency to go for young marshmallows, but it drives me absolutely BAZONKERS. Yes, Michael Buble, I’m SURE you, at 35, with reasonable intelligence, have a TON in common with a 24-year-old Argentinian model. I’m SO SURE in fifty years, when her looks have faded and she’s looking ganked out and a little raw from too much Botox, that you will have TONS to say to each other. TONS.
It drives me absolutely nuts, mostly because it just reminds me that some men (and let’s face it, women), when given vast opportunity, fail to make the smart decision by choosing what’s best for them, and instead, pick what’s easy and attractive. It’s like this creepy primal thing playing out in grand scale. MEN CHOOSE HOT WOMEN. Basically, they eat the damned light fruit (OH YES, I DID, TRUE BLOOD) all the time, when they should be leaping into the abyss, FOR THE LOVE.
*I don’t know why I feel like it’s important for me to distinguish that I read magazines sitting on the toilet, lid closed, while Sam is in tub with her plastic buddies, vs., you know, sitting on the toilet with a basket full of magazines doing unmentionable bidness. IT JUST IS. And yes, I am a terrible mother who flips through magazines while her kid bathes instead of making the experience interactive and wild and fun! Sometimes, kid plays by herself. I’m there, of course, watching, and so is Sunny. It’s Sunny’s JOB to manage bathtime, in her mind, and she takes it very, very seriously. “It’s TUBBY TIME! HEY LADIES!” I yell before we get Sam’s towel and head to the bathroom. And damn if Sunny doesn’t haul her ass up from wherever she is to make sure she’s present and accounted for during every second of Sam’s bath.
Second of all, Friday Night Lights comes to an end tonight (Friday, July 15), and I know I sound like a total loser, but it’s really quite emotional for me, even though I’ve seen the whole season already. I’ve grown attached to the characters in genuine way that I haven’t been on television in years, maybe ever. It’s one thing to be be entertained by something like True Blood, but another to find yourself really emotionally connected to an entire family, albeit wholly fictional. I don’t usually do this sort of thing, but as some of you know, I write for Smart Pop Books on occasion (I love them so, and I’m not just saying this, their editor-in-chief is among the best I’ve ever worked for), and they’ve done an anthology on the show that I’m a part of. I just … I love this whole book. My favorite essay, for the record, is Jacob Clifton’s (yes, TWoP Jacob) essay, “Come Home: Identities in West Texas.”
It’s not coming out in print until August, but it is available as an e-book from Amazon and the like, and even if you hate my writing, you should check it out, because there’s so much good, smart stuff in it aside from what I wrote, honestly. I think it might be my favorite book of theirs, although The Girl Who Was On Fire is AMAZING.
(For this one, in case you were wondering, I wrote about the Taylors’ marriage.)
Either way, if you aren’t watching Friday Night Lights, it’s not too late to catch the whole show in its entirety. I DARE you to watch it and not shed a tear and/or have at LEAST one naughty dream about Tim Riggins. I DARE YOU.
And finally, because Adam posted this picture on Google+ and I’d damn near forgotten about it, here, have a picture of us with OJ Simpson from our honeymoon. Yes, really. YES, REALLY. Also, he was wasted, I was trying to swim away later, and I accidentally kicked his girlfriend in the stomach. And then he made some CRAZY OFF THE WALL INAPPROPRIATE comments about marriage and how his last one (NICOLE) didn’t end so well. Which, OMFG. Also, I’m pretty sure Adam would want me to note that he is not actually that short, but is in the water, squatting down, for reasons that are unclear. But I promise, he’s six feet tall. OJ, however, is a flipping giant. HIS HANDS. HIS GIANT HANDS.
*The Cure
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60 Comments Add your own
1. Sassymonkey | July 14th, 2011 at 11:39 pm
I met your editor. She is lovely.
And I had to tell that I’ve never seen an episode of Friday Night Lights. Or True Blood. Or well, pretty much everything. Lol
2. Mama Bub | July 14th, 2011 at 11:40 pm
I’ve never heard a single person talk about FNL that was RAVING about it. I need to find it on DVD somewhere, I think.
3. Lara | July 14th, 2011 at 11:59 pm
I could go on at length (at LENGTH) about the (much) younger women thing but I am beyond distracted by that picture. Like, it caught my eye and I thought “Is that? With?” and couldn’t even read the preceding paragraph at first.
I started laughing and Andrew said “What?” and I said “LOOK. My friend. With OJ SIMPSON.” and he was all “The REAL OJ SIMPSON?” Haaa, OMG NO THE FAKE ONE.
I’m also trying to picture the face you would have made (and I would have made) after the Nicole comment. Good lord, man.
4. rebecca | July 15th, 2011 at 12:07 am
your picture and the paragraph about it just made me spray cherry cola all over my laptop.
5. Mama Bub | July 15th, 2011 at 12:22 am
Uh, *wasn’t* raving about it. As in every single person I know loves this show. Crap.
6. Erin | July 15th, 2011 at 12:39 am
No way! OJ? On your honeymoon? What a wacky and oddly uncomfortable moment that must have been.
7. Jenna | July 15th, 2011 at 7:15 am
1. I just love reading Us Weekly about celebrities getting married after three months and they’re all “I just LOVE HER SO MUCH” and I feel like I’m reading a high school diary. As if we should marry everyone we fall in love with? As if love – in the adolescent, and therefore celebrity, mind – isn’t code for “SHE’S HOT”? OY.
2. My husband and I just caught up to the current season of True Blood and are looking for a new show to get hooked on that’s available on DVD. Sounds like FNL it is!
3. That picture, WHOA. Is that taken before or after Nicole…. you know….?
8. Jenna | July 15th, 2011 at 7:17 am
Okay, it’s got to be before. Because after? You’d not be taking a picture with him. (Bad idea to comment first at 7:15 in the morning.)
9. Jessica | July 15th, 2011 at 7:34 am
MamaBub-FNL is streaming on Netflix!! (the first 4 seasons anyway)
10. Allison | July 15th, 2011 at 7:49 am
How on earth does Adam not see that Sam is his carbon copy? HOW I ASK YOU.
11. jonniker | July 15th, 2011 at 7:53 am
Jenna: It was totally after. 2003, to be specific. And yep, we totally posed for a picture with a man we KNEW to be a murderer. But dude, OJ SIMPSON. HAAAA. We’re assholes. But yep, we totally approached him, because, you know, it’s OJ SIMPSON, bizarre evil icon of our generation.
12. Leandra | July 15th, 2011 at 8:19 am
I have to say, the thought of Sunny supervising bathtime is just absolutely delightful.
13. Jenna | July 15th, 2011 at 8:20 am
hahahaHA! I told my husband about the picture and he said “Maybe it was after. I mean, wouldn’t that be AWESOME.”
I think you’d be fast friends. Me? I’d take a grainy pic from far away with my phone.
14. Devan | July 15th, 2011 at 8:27 am
1- I looooove Friday Night Lights and I’m so, so sad it’s ending. It’s been a favorite for awhile, and one of the only shows D and I actually enjoy watching together.
2- I still can’t believe OJ EVER got another girlfriend after … well… I just can’t believe it.
15. Swistle | July 15th, 2011 at 8:35 am
1. That photo! OMG! I’m so glad you did it.
2. AGREE with Allison: WOW, Sam looks like Adam.
3. The young hot woman thing. I just can’t even. I mean, are they? Because I just don’t even. I finally saw the “Just Haven’t Met You Yet” VIDEO, after thinking the song was kind of sweet, and it completely soured me on the song. Oh, I see: it’s not that he hasn’t met someone compatible and kind and interesting, it’s that he hasn’t yet met someone hot and young enough. And that got me going on ALL the songs that are like that: SONG after SONG after SONG, and RELATIONSHIP after RELATIONSHIP after RELATIONSHIP. Do men KNOW they do this? I remember that study from awhile back that showed that men assume that physical attractiveness corresponds not only to niceness and goodness, but also to INTELLIGENCE. I just. I can’t even.
16. Christine | July 15th, 2011 at 9:22 am
OH the Clooney. I will never get it. There are smart attractive women! Swear! You just aren’t likely to find one who is 24 and also a model or a cocktail waitress. I just, I give up. But really, Clooney – hot older women who are smart exist! See your ex-wife Talia Balsam. HOT and currently married to my future husband, but he doesn’t know it yet, John Slattery.
And you and OJ? I almost snorted coffee out of my nose so thanks for that.
17. jonniker | July 15th, 2011 at 9:26 am
Oh Swis, that girl in the video is his WIFE NOW. And she was 22 when they got engaged. I can’t even.
18. Jaci | July 15th, 2011 at 9:26 am
The Clooney thing…he’s said up front that he’s not looking for marriage. In my mind, if you’re not looking for a partner (an equal) than you’re only interested in self-serving, sexual flings.
I also think the girls he dates delude themselves into thinking, “I’LL be the one to change him!” He’s a challenge, you know? Succeed where other models have failed! (And I’m sure he’s charming.)
The OJ photo is hilarious.
19. Li | July 15th, 2011 at 9:31 am
How is it that you did not share this photo with me when I shared my “on the bus with Dov Charney” pic with you? HILARIOUS!
Also, hot men + vapid young women = GGRRRR
20. H | July 15th, 2011 at 10:42 am
I agree with you on all counts about Clooney and men, but Clooney is just so….hot. Mmmmmm.
The picture with OJ is hilarious!
21. cindy w | July 15th, 2011 at 11:41 am
That picture just killed me dead. OMFG. You kicked OJ’s girlfriend?? I’m dying.
Oh, and I play with my iPhone during my kid’s bathtime, so whatever. No judgment.
22. pseudostoops | July 15th, 2011 at 11:45 am
Wait, seriously? Michael Buble married some video bunny? COME ON NOW.
I have Many Thoughts on the famous man/attractive-but-perhaps-not-that-bright woman phenomenon, but none of them are particularly original and it makes me grouchy, so instead I will just heave a weary sigh and say I agree with you.
And the OJ picture- wow. I met him in an airport when I was 6 or 7- my dad made me go up to him and ask for an autograph, thinking he wouldn’t turn down a little girl. (He was right.) He even told me what to say: “I love you, Juice!” I was mortified, but my dad insisted I was being silly. It was only after the literal getting away with murder a decade later that my dad finally apologized.
23. Natalie | July 15th, 2011 at 12:29 pm
What a great observation. And celebrities wonder why their marriages fail? Awesome pic of you guys and OJ!
24. Leigh | July 15th, 2011 at 12:40 pm
I am SO WITH YOU on FNL. I bawled all the way through last weeks’ episode. This is so hard for me! I have never felt this way about a show Ioved coming to an end before. I need CARE and SUPPORT through my grief over this.
25. Christy | July 15th, 2011 at 2:55 pm
LOL. I sit on the toilet (lid down) during bath time usually playing plants vs. zombies on my phone. I figured everyone used bath time as kid play alone while I play alone but watch over time.
26. Lindsay | July 15th, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Oh that OJ picture…I nearly peed I was laughing so hard!! What a priceless momento LOL.
I have a few thoughts on the Michael Buble thing, mostly because I am from B.C. so I am like, legally obligated to be a fan of this man. I do like a few of his songs, but my mother is probably his biggest fan!
From what I’ve heard, he is actually kind of immature- so the age thing might equal out, intelligence wise. But he also has kind of a reputation for being a flirt/player and what have you, so it’s not reeeeally surprising that the new piece is a hot youngster….but his last serious relationship was with Emily Blunt, who is very pretty but also seems like a classy, intelligent lady.
George just is what he is at this point. I think he’s almost made a living out of banging young hotties. He probably couldn’t even change that image of himself if he wanted to. That and not ever wanting to get married is like, his THING.
27. ABDPBT | July 15th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
wait a minute . . . is this before or after the murders? I’m thinking after? SCARY
28. Caitlin | July 15th, 2011 at 8:43 pm
I cannot even comment on the rest of this post because I am bizarrely traumatized by that picture and the story. I think it is so awesome that you approached him. You kicked his girlfriend in the stomach HA HA HA OMFG. And…the comments he made. Wow.
I am…terrified? Of him in this picture? Slightly? I clicked on the pic to enlarge and he…well, his proportions/body shape and size look somewhat like a teddy graham cracker come to life. His giant head! (Look at it compared to yours!!!) His sloping shoulders! The thought of his giant hands I can’t see! I’m terrified. Because he is also a MURDERER. A fullsize teddy graham murdererrrrr!!!
Maybe after those drunken comments he was inspired him to write the ‘I didn’t do it but IF I DID…’ book! FUN!
(OMFG. NIGHTMARES.)
PS – Where was this?
29. Anna | July 16th, 2011 at 1:01 pm
I have a completely different explanation for the parade of young beautiful women in these men’s live -. I’m surprised no one has mentioned this yet – but I swear I’ve heard from quasi – inside sources that Clooney is gay. So, can you say… “beard”. I dont know much about M Buble, have only seen him once on oprah, but from what I remember it might not be tooo much of a stretch to say he is in the same boat.
30. Blythe | July 17th, 2011 at 11:15 pm
I have had this post saved in my reader for days so that I could sit down and comment, only to say that photo is amazing. AMAZING.
31. Lawyerish | July 18th, 2011 at 11:06 am
HOW have we been friends this long without me seeing that photo? Or even KNOWING that you met OJ on your honeymoon?
I’m stunned. I can get past it, but really, I am stunned.
(I LOVE the expression on Adam’s face. I LOVE IT. You guys are too cute for this world.)
32. Farrell | July 18th, 2011 at 2:00 pm
I also read magazines while Sophie bathes, sometimes.
I read a similar article about George Clooney and his break-up and what struck me was that he had said FROM THE BEGINNING, “I do not ever want to get married. FOR REAL, I MEAN IT.” and yet, the girlfriend, in the end, seemed “crushed” that he wouldn’t marry her. DUDE, don’t be stupid! He was upfront and honest from the get-go, but YOU didn’t believe him! Lots of women do this. I don’t get it. Men more than women mean what they say. Therefore, when he says he doesn’t want to get married, EVER, I would BELIEVE him at face value.
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37. elz | July 25th, 2011 at 11:34 pm
So, was the picture before or after the trial? I’m terrible with remembering dates-it feels like it was 2 years ago but it had to be 10 years? At least?
Don’t feel bad, I used to make bath time so!much!fun! Now, I read, tweet, vacuum, etc. Please, they can entertain themselves (also, they are much older than Sam).
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