Teach Me, Teacher
September 6th, 2011
Sam started preschool this week, and you guys, I KNOW. I am a total wimp, and I don’t know what it is about the whole thing that has me worked up. Well, first, she looked like this, and I could have died:
The backpack, you guys. The freakin’ Elmo backpack. It just squeezes my heart until I’m gurgling on it, really. (Holla, Jillian Michaels for giving me that stupid, stupid analogy. Also: up yours.)
The thing is, she’s going to school for a whopping five and a half hours a week. Yes, let me repeat that: 5.5 hours a WEEK. I’m acting like I’m shipping her off to COLLEGE. I’ve left her with babysitters longer than that in a single shot, which makes my ridiculous angst about school so stupidly laughable, especially to people who’ve been sending their kids to daycare. Like, I know. I KNOW. But there’s something about it being … I don’t know, PRESCHOOL and the fact that she’s old enough to go to a non-daycare preschool that’s just killing me.
She cried for at least 45 minutes after I left. I … what? The school has this policy of not letting parents sneak out, so you have to say goodbye, which feels NEEDLESSLY DRAMATIC and yet, I get it. I mean, logically I get it, but also recognize this is pretty much the opposite tactic than the one we employ for babysitters, which is ye olde Distract and Flee As Quickly As Possible.
The other thing is … ugh, there is a PTO and there are FUNDRAISERS, and I got my first real glimpse of Those Moms, and I am not the person you want on your PTO committee, because I am incapable of viewing such shenanigans without irony. I WANT to take a fundraiser seriously, but I am constitutionally unable to do so. I WANT to get all hot and bothered about the right way to enter the driveway before dropping your child off, but I can’t, because I just end up yelling, “SOUTH TO DROP OFF, MORON!” and when no one gets it, I am just irritated by the whole thing.
Up to this point, too, I’ve been able to pick and choose my friends, pick and choose who Sam hangs out with, and generally avoid the whole parent scene. Surprise! I’m not the kind of person who ENJOYS parent politics! In fact, I run screaming from them! Outside of my core group of friends, I probably have fewer friends than anyone I know, because I’m just … a small-group, intimate friendship kind of person. Large groups make me twitchy and, frankly, kind of bitchy. Professionally, of course, I am able to do this — and am actually quite adept at it — but in actual life, I am of the low tolerance type.
And not to make school all about me, but it’s ENDING. I made small talk this morning! I have to attend picnics for the sake of my kid! Meetings! I might have small talk with strangers! I made a crack about hitting the bar while our kids were in school and had to look around the room to check to see if anyone thought I was serious!
But whatever, I folded three loads of laundry, watched True Blood, (I’m still an episode behind, so …) worked for a little while and went to the UPS store by myself! Myself! And there, the UPS clerk asked about my work (I was mailing off a large interesting-looking book manuscript and faxing a client contract) and instead of talking about work, I was all, well, I AM ALSO A MOM. BUT MY KID ISN’T HERE RIGHT NOW. SHE IS IN SCHOOL. DID I MENTION I AM A MOM?
Meanwhile, when I’m in the same situation WITH my child, I have this overwhelming urge to yell that I am ALSO a PROFESSIONAL with REAL RESPONSIBILITIES. TAKE ME SERIOUSLY!
None of this makes any sense. Also, I have a sinus infection which is making everything smell weird — like FARTS, if you must know, like FARTS. This morning at school drop-off, I was afraid to talk to anyone because I just kept thinking, well, here I am. Smelling like farts. I might not want to be in school politics, but I don’t want to be tittered about as the lady who smells like FARTS, EITHER. I’m pretty sure Sam doesn’t want to be labeled as the kid whose mom smells like a giant fart, TOO.
Note: I do not smell like farts, I just THINK I smell like farts because of the sinus infection. Confirmed.
Also, this whole school thing is really, really making me want another baby. Again. Or you know, STILL.
*The Faint. From Yo Gabba Gabba’s “School” episode. YEP. Also, did you know they used to be led by Conor Oberst, now Bright Eyes, whose voice is like NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD to me? Yes. Music trivia of the day.
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,Teh Second Baby
65 Comments Add your own
1. Megan | September 7th, 2011 at 1:07 am
South to drop off, moron!…..that would be Mr. Mom with Michael Keaton. Also, “You feed your baby Chilli?”
2. Lucy | September 7th, 2011 at 2:58 am
You so often make me laugh til I cry! I’m sure you don’t smell of farts!!! :0)
Sam looks so adorable! I hope she’s having a great time and you feel adjusted soon. I’m very much like you, I don’t like feeling obliged to mix with the other mums. I did give it a try, but now my son is in his fourth year at school, I only bother with parents I really like!
3. Becky | September 7th, 2011 at 7:54 am
This phrase left me cry-laughing for some reason, and I just can’t stop:
“Holla, Jillian Michaels for giving me that stupid, stupid analogy. Also: up yours.”
So, you know. Thanks.
4. Chris | September 7th, 2011 at 9:21 am
Preschool fundraisers are pretty ridiculous. I felt obligated to participate because my kids attended preschool at our church and I don’t want God to get mad at me for not participating (or to be judged by other church members)!
Ours always pitched it as “We do this so tuition doesn’t go up!” except, my kid doesn’t go to your school anymore so how much do I care if tuition goes up? Why do I need to bust my ass selling candles for the kids next year? So ridiculous!
Sam is adorable and I am sure she will adjust to you leaving her there very soon. You will be sad when she runs in the door and acts annoyed when she has to say goodbye!
5. Kate | September 7th, 2011 at 9:35 am
Fundraisers? This is what you get for returning to MetroWest. We have no such forced parent politics at our quaint little Vermont daycare. Just so you know.
Also: Jacob cried the whole morning the first time we dropped him off–and he was only there for the morning. It took quite a while to stop the drop-off crying. But, now, he races up the stairs (yes! the 2 year olds go upstairs to their classroom! why??) and into the room and barely has time to kiss me goodbye. He’s a talking little social animal these days. He knows everyone’s name and is greeted by a chorus of squeaky “Jacob!”s when he arrives. It does my heart good.
I can’t believe Sam and the pigtails and the backpack. I had to resuscitate myself after that photo.
xoxo
6. Jen | September 7th, 2011 at 10:01 am
We have fundraisers and school BOARD for our Midwestern preschool. And I’m *on* the damn board–how did this HAPPEN?!– and sooooo get your stance on parent/school politics. I’m also a small group of friends person, but we drag ourselves out to picnics and ice cream socials and parent coffee chats For The Sake of The Child. I’m 5 years in, biggest kid is in elementary school. It’s definitely easier now than the first year, and I’ve met “moms like me” who have become part of my small circle of good friends.
P.S. I would so laugh at your Mr Mom reference–without hesitation!
7. Jen | September 7th, 2011 at 11:13 am
This is why I’m sorta glad that Maggie’s preschool is wrapped up in the daycare she’s been attending since she was a baby, because we don’t have to deal with all that Politics Crap… yet. Next year, in Kindergarten, it will be right there in my face. GAAAAH. I don’t know how I’m going to deal. I’m skeered of the other Crazy Moms.
Sam looks adorable in her backpack.
8. Jenna | September 7th, 2011 at 11:20 am
I’m right there with you, sister. My youngest just started preschool today. I’ve been through this before and STILL. OY. Apparently it doesn’t get easier the second time around.
I just walked the aisles of Target sans children and every time I saw a mom with her kid(s) I got a lump in my throat and was pretty sure I was going to throw up. But hey, maybe it’s just a Jillian Michael’s heart-squeezing-gurgling moment. Does that mean it counts as a workout??
9. Lara | September 7th, 2011 at 11:28 am
How cute is she? So cute.
10. Ginger | September 7th, 2011 at 3:56 pm
Wait. PTO? For pre-school? What kind of nonsense is that? (I’m with you. Leave me out of the parent politics, please and thank you!).
FWIW, regarding the crying. Our daycare said it usually takes about 5 days or so before the crying stops. And sure enough, like clockwork, after J had been in daycare 5 days (not, uh, calendar days, but actual days he attended), no more crying. Granted, he’s younger than Sam, but they were pretty firm that that’s a pretty good gauge until about 4ish. (maybe they were just being nice to me though. YMMV)
11. Brigid Keely | September 7th, 2011 at 9:07 pm
Unless someone hands us a giant wad of money, we’ll be sending our kiddo to public school… and we live in Chicago, home of tremendously uneven and underfunded schooling. So I know for a fact there will be fund-raising and a lot of it, and I’m bracing myself for it a year ahead of time. I hope they do lots of bake sales. I can handle that just fine.
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13. Anna | September 7th, 2011 at 11:52 pm
I know how you feel I can totally relate I love it that is a really great picture. My heart aches, i remember the first time I had to take my daughter to school, I do not what it is with moms it feels as if we are letting them go knowing that they are almost growing apart from us when in fact it is just a few hours away from us. this is crazy right, but that only means that we are so attach to our kids than they are attached to us, we make too much fuss about small things when we all have to do is relax and enjoy the moment like the kids do.
14. Danell | September 8th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
Kindergarten. My oldest started kindergarten this week. And all of this stuff that you just said TENFOLD. Omg,Jonna, THE PEOPLE. There are SO MANY PEOPLE. I…I think I am going to need to be medicated if my kids keep doing all this “growing up and going out into the world” crap.
15. Paula | September 9th, 2011 at 6:17 am
I’ve read you forever but rarely comment (bad me). I identify so much with your writing even though my kids are old now. This post brought me right back to when they were younger. Fundraisers! Work of the devil.
Did I say I love your writing? I meant to. You really define the moment. Thanks.
16. Theresa | September 9th, 2011 at 6:43 pm
(Lurker here, unlurking…)
Wait until the birthday parties! I find those….torturous. You have to be there, for 2-3 hours, making small talk with the crazy moms. Or getting shunned. That’s fun too.
It will get easier, though the first time they run away leaving you in the dust, more excited about school than you, is a real heartbreaker.
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