Love and Love Again

The reasons for having or not having children are myriad, and while I certainly think every choice is valid and will result in a fulfilled life, etc. etc., all told, I’m not sure anything has given me greater, um, joy, than having my daughter. Maybe this sounds silly, but in the age of tell-all motherhood, I am consistently surprised that for me, at least, the good has outweighed the bad by such an extreme margin that I almost feel embarrassed talking about it.

Yes, it’s hard. It’s so, so hard. Yes, there are days that I want to throw myself into the river and float off into the sunset, because HONESTLY, these children, they are trying to kill us, RIGHT?

But.

I’ll tell you the one thing — the ONE THING — that makes it all worth it is this:

You know when you’re first falling in love with someone, and you get that heady rush with that flip-flop feeling in your stomach, because this person is so amazing! And so adorable! And look at YOU, how you landed this perfect catch, and you just want to kiss them kiss them KISS THEM until you can’t kiss them anymore, because you are just so stupidly, madly in love, and it all comes crashing over you like a crazy wave of … love.

Yeah, that. I mean, a non-sexual that. OBVIOUSLY. TO BE CLEAR. You wouldn’t think I’d have to say that, but when I say kiss, I mean, I KISS MY KID. A LOT. BUT IN AN APPROPRIATE WAY. But you know, I get one of those moments a day, at least. Even when she’s yelling and screaming and refusing to go to bed unless it’s with me, “We go night-night on da bed?”

(IN YOUR DREAMS, BUCKO.)

But that. Once a day, I feel that. So even when it’s hard, it’s not THAT hard, right?

*Jesca Hoop

81 comments September 8th, 2011