Love and Love Again
September 8th, 2011
The reasons for having or not having children are myriad, and while I certainly think every choice is valid and will result in a fulfilled life, etc. etc., all told, I’m not sure anything has given me greater, um, joy, than having my daughter. Maybe this sounds silly, but in the age of tell-all motherhood, I am consistently surprised that for me, at least, the good has outweighed the bad by such an extreme margin that I almost feel embarrassed talking about it.
Yes, it’s hard. It’s so, so hard. Yes, there are days that I want to throw myself into the river and float off into the sunset, because HONESTLY, these children, they are trying to kill us, RIGHT?
But.
I’ll tell you the one thing — the ONE THING — that makes it all worth it is this:
You know when you’re first falling in love with someone, and you get that heady rush with that flip-flop feeling in your stomach, because this person is so amazing! And so adorable! And look at YOU, how you landed this perfect catch, and you just want to kiss them kiss them KISS THEM until you can’t kiss them anymore, because you are just so stupidly, madly in love, and it all comes crashing over you like a crazy wave of … love.
Yeah, that. I mean, a non-sexual that. OBVIOUSLY. TO BE CLEAR. You wouldn’t think I’d have to say that, but when I say kiss, I mean, I KISS MY KID. A LOT. BUT IN AN APPROPRIATE WAY. But you know, I get one of those moments a day, at least. Even when she’s yelling and screaming and refusing to go to bed unless it’s with me, “We go night-night on da bed?”
(IN YOUR DREAMS, BUCKO.)
But that. Once a day, I feel that. So even when it’s hard, it’s not THAT hard, right?
*Jesca Hoop
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs
81 Comments Add your own
1. velocibadgergirl | September 8th, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Yes, all of this — ALL of this. They’re so worth it, even when they are actively trying to kill us.
2. Lynnette | September 9th, 2011 at 12:53 am
INDEED. I have also described the love for my daughter as the syrupy, passionate, mad can’t keep my hands off of her love. Butbutbutbut…. her lippies! So kissy!
3. Erin | September 9th, 2011 at 1:39 am
Oh, exactly! EXACTLY. It is hard. There is screeching and whining and not sleeping and all that stuff. BUT! There is also that moment when I wrap her up in a hug and she puts her little arms around me and pats my back and then, right there, I melt into a GIANT puddle of sweetness.
4. Josefina | September 9th, 2011 at 8:59 am
Yeeeeeeessss. THE KISSING. Thankfully my kids don’t mind (yet).
5. Kate | September 9th, 2011 at 9:34 am
Oh so true.
Parenthood–a great invention.
6. Emily | September 9th, 2011 at 9:38 am
I smother my kid with hugs and kisses and she does the same to us. There are days I swear we live with Stewie but the second she snuggles in and pats you and kisses your cheek make it all worth it!
7. Suki | September 9th, 2011 at 9:50 am
Amen! I feel like we hear so much, especially on the internet, about just how hard motherhood is, how you will probably hate your children most of the time, blah, blah, blah, that I have in some ways been taken aback by just how much I love both my child and motherhood in general. And I have been surprised by the fact that I not only love my child, I truly like him and spending time with him.
I have decided to be someone who is positive about parenthood, especially to expectant mothers. A pregnant woman in line at Dunkin Donuts saw us with the boy and asked us what aspect of parenting we were least prepared for. I responded that I was surprised by how much fun I was having. That yes, parenthood is hard work, but that it is the most joyful and rewarding hard work you will ever do. She looked so relieved and said that so far she had just been hearing horror stories about never sleeping again, so it was nice to hear about the positives.
8. Olivia | September 9th, 2011 at 10:46 am
I feel the same way, sometime especially when she’s throwing a major fit. It’s just so damn cute I can’t help but smile.
I don’t talk about my feelings about motherhood much because I don’t want to sound like a braggart, but really even the hard stuff hasn’t been very hard. And they are fleeting moments compared to all the good stuff. I guess I got lucky with an easy going kid who meshes well with my personality, and also very blessed to have been able to plan exactly when I had a child so that I knew I would be ready.
9. Elsha | September 9th, 2011 at 10:49 am
YES. All of this.
10. Hope | September 9th, 2011 at 12:06 pm
Exactly! I was JUST having this conversation with my husband the other day. “Like, you know how when you get married and you realize you will never have that butterflies ‘new love’ feeling ever again? Well, I was wrong. I have that feeling a million times a day now!” I have it nearly every time I look at my daughter. It blows my freakin’ mind!
11. Jen | September 9th, 2011 at 2:41 pm
Oh you know this is true when I can say YES and yes to all of this, even on a day when Avery has taken a 25 minute nap.
12. Jen | September 9th, 2011 at 3:36 pm
When I had my firstborn, my MIL said “Welcome to love.” I can’t think of any better way to put it. Totally all encompassing.
My 2 year old is in a phase where she says “I lub you” to me and hubby every two minutes. I guess it goes both ways! Yay!
13. Miranda | September 9th, 2011 at 4:31 pm
Yes, yes, YES!
Oh, those moments. Hayley’s taken to saying “Goodnight, my love.” And I die.
14. AmandaJo | September 9th, 2011 at 5:44 pm
Exactly.
My almost two year-old son and I have this routine in the morning where I go in and get him out of bed, and we sit in his glider and rock until he’s ready not to (or he has to get dressed and we have to GO GO GO, MAMA’S LATE OMG SO LAAAATE! AYIEEEE! because, uh, cuddles are distracting.) I just hold him as close as I can, and he tucks his arms in between us and wedges his head under my chin, and that’s how we start the day. And I’ll be damned if I haven’t found the best feeling in the world with him in that glider, every single morning. And it springs eternal- it never runs out.
So yeah… The headbutting and biting and “NO MAMA! CADE WANTS DADA!” and occasional downright serial killerness that is Two… that sucks. But how bad can it suck when there’s him and me and that glider? Not so bad. Hardly any at all.
15. ABDPBT | September 9th, 2011 at 6:02 pm
Oh, yeah, I definitely know that feeling. I think it’s way more so with kids than it is with husbands/partners, too, probably because when kids are being assholes you cannot really blame them as much (they’re kids). Also, there’s something about that toddler stage that is just so incredibly lovable, they are always lovable and always find new ways to crack you up, but when they are toddlers it seems so pure somehow.
16. Tara | September 10th, 2011 at 10:24 am
I love this post! Gosh, I can be SO! FRUSTRATED! with Eriana and then she finally goes to sleep and I miss her as soon as her bedroom door is closed. Or she wakes up from a nap so happy and sweet and then smiles a lot and it doesn’t matter anymore that the nap was only 15 minutes and she needed to sleep at least 1.5 hours. Because she is wonderful and adorable and I LOVE her! Amazing.
17. beyond | September 11th, 2011 at 9:28 pm
great post. my baby is five weeks old and he is adorable but also blessed with a good set of lungs, and it often feels like i haven’t slept in forever. but the LOVE! oh lordy the LOVE.
18. Lawyerish | September 12th, 2011 at 11:02 am
Nailed it. I was prepared for so many awful things, but I was utterly unprepared by how visceral and all-consuming the love is.
Lately Felicity will ask for kisses and give unsolicted hugs and “snuckles.” I could fly to pieces.
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20. julie | September 13th, 2011 at 3:53 pm
Awwww. So sweet. But tell me, what’s with the sleeping on the bed together? Wasn’t she booting you out of the room at bedtime?
And while I do love motherhood, am IN LOVE with motherhood, I now find myself in the position of being incredulous that I’M THE MOTHER. As in, when my kid is late for school, I have to write him a note. ME! I feel like I’m still the kid, too. Weird.
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