Blood of Eden
January 12th, 2012
First, I loved all of your comments on the name post, and my only gripe was that every comment wasn’t, oh! I wish I could have named my daughter Samantha! And [baby #2's name]. What is WRONG with you people? I HAVE THE BEST NAMES WE SHOULD ALL USE THEM, THE END.
Well, except don’t, because I’m totally kidding, and then we’d all be living in some creepy John Malkovich world. Malkovich, Malkovich, Malkovich!
[Aside: Anyone else find John Malkovich COMPLETELY sexy, or is that just me?]
The only comment that perplexed me was Maya’s, because I had not previously heard that direction names were going to be popular. I . . . don’t know anyone with a direction name, except for West, who was the contestant on The Bachelorette, i.e., the season that poisoned the entire show for me. I could not TAKE Ashley’s insecurity and her creepy fawning over guys that are literally a dime a dozen up in here. She picked JP, who is a nice guy, but you know, she could have just come up here, hit the bars in Southie and gotten the same guy for a lot less agony and embarrassment, my GOD.
ANYWAY, you guys, I’ve written this all over the place, but since I got pregnant, I am having this ISSUE with my underwear that involves them cutting the inside of my thighs. CUTTING! I HAVE DRAWN BLOOD. And it’s very random, and I have found the solution, but Target only had ONE pack of them and I have to go back to get more. UNTIL THEN, however, I am stuck with my normal supply and OH! the results are not good, which is how I am—God help me—lying in bed as I type this with a smear of Desitin on the inside of each leg. The VERY INSIDE, where there is ACTUAL DAMAGE. DESITIN. That’s DIAPER RASH CREAM for the uninitiated.
(It . . . feels fabulous. No wonder Sam asks for it by name.)
This is worse than the hemorrhoid cream situation of Sam’s gestation.
Speaking of Sam, we have reached the endless narration portion of childhood, because everything that happens in this house needs her running commentary. “Daddy, are you putting on your pants? And your socks? To go to work?” “Mommy, you brush your TEETH?” “Sunny’s walkin’!” And every statement needs acknowledgement, or she repeats it, oh my GOD. The thing is though? I sort of find it endlessly entertaining, as I have most of motherhood, in a surprising way. This should . . . not be news, given that I’ve opted to have a second child, but I’m sort of surprised by how enjoyable it is to have a little chatterbox following me around the house, even when she perpetually asks, “CAN I HELP?” with tasks that would be MUCH FASTER without her assistance. Or—OR!—when her helping with the laundry consists of taking things from the clean dryer and putting them BACK into the (running, full of water) washing machine. NOT HELPFUL.
But you know, it’s kind of hard to stay mad at a kid who wants to help AND is obsessed with a guidebook on Boston terriers (Sunny is a pug, yes . . . long story). You guys, she takes it EVERYWHERE. We do not leave the house without it. We do not go to bed, either for naps OR bedtime, without it. She reads it no fewer than fifteen times a day, out loud. The story, if you were wondering, is simply, “Once upon a time there was a good doggie. He’s so cute. THE END.” And then she closes the book with a remarkable amount of satisfaction, as though she has just read the annotated Lolita and understood every word. (This would make her better than her mother.)
I’m super excited to have another one. But damn, I am terrified, too.
Have a great weekend.
*Peter Gabriel. And I don’t think inner thigh chafing is what he meant.
Entry Filed under: Beeber McSteebs,Pregnancy,Teh Second Baby
45 Comments Add your own
1. Julie | January 12th, 2012 at 10:26 pm
You are so much classier than I. When I first started to chafe this week at 34 weeks I just um…dispensed with the underwear. Boy, pregnancy is the gift that just keeps giving, yes?
2. Jeanne B | January 12th, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Though I’m kidless, I’m familiar with Desitin. I smear it on my horse’s butt in the summer when he gets this weird itchy fungus thing and all the hair back there rubs off. (He looks like a lifeguard, well… sort of—in reverse…)
3. Sarah in Ottawa | January 12th, 2012 at 10:51 pm
You are not alone in finding Malkovich sexy. I do in certain movies. The most disturbing one was “Con Air” — dude’s crazy in it, and yet…
4. Elizabeth | January 12th, 2012 at 10:57 pm
Both time I have been pregnant, I used to get the Fire Nips of Doom, where if I got the slightest chill, my nipples were ON FIRE. I couldn’t go in the freezer section of the grocery store in July without a down jacket on.
But I think I’d choose Fire Nips of Doom over the horrendous sounding Inner Thigh Bleeding.
5. Blythe | January 12th, 2012 at 10:59 pm
Malkovich = creepy/sexy. Dangerous Liaisons did it to me and now I can’t shake that feeling.
6. pgoodness | January 12th, 2012 at 11:07 pm
Sam(antha) has always been one of my ALL TIME favorite names. When I used to write fiction, Sam was often my main character.
And the second one is terrifying…but also SO good.
7. Erin | January 12th, 2012 at 11:38 pm
I’m so glad you’re “back”! Missed you!
8. Olivia | January 13th, 2012 at 9:38 am
That paragraph about Sam’s commentary and wanting to help (or do it herself) describes my house exactly. And my husband drives me nuts because he will not repeat what she says to him leading to endless repetition on her part.
9. Ris | January 13th, 2012 at 9:38 am
I concur with Blythe. Malkovich is creepy/sexy, and I’m totally ok with that.
10. Liz | January 13th, 2012 at 9:57 am
For the record, Samantha has been my top baby girl name pick for years, but the hubs vetoed it for the only reason guys ever veto any pretty girl name: he dated one.
My #2 girl name pick – Natalie – was also vetoed for this very reason. STOP DATING ALL THE GIRLS WITH PRETTY NAMES, HUSBAND!
11. Life of a Doctor's Wife | January 13th, 2012 at 11:06 am
I don’t know how you do it, but you manage to make child-bearing sound BOTH utterly terrifying AND utterly delightful in the space of a few paragraphs.
12. SwingCheese | January 13th, 2012 at 11:29 am
Blythe: YES! Creepy/sexy, and it’s all because of Dangerous Liaisons.
Boyo repeats the last few words of every sentence my husband or I utter, but with the inflection of a question, so my conversations go along the lines of “OK, let’s clean up your room.” “Clean up my room?” And he often throws a “me” at the end of it, so it becomes “Clean up my room? Me?” It’s funny.
13. HereWeGoAJen | January 13th, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Is it Christina? That is one of my other favorite names, besides Samantha. Or Madeleine?
I went to school with one of George Foreman’s kids, one of the ones that he did not name George or Georgina.
Elizabeth narrates everything too. I am very used to the repeating of everything, as she has been insisting upon that since she learned how to talk. Sam’s book sounds like Elizabeth’s songs. She sings “Princess Rapunzel is happy! Princess Rapunzel is happy! The end!”
14. Elsha | January 13th, 2012 at 12:42 pm
I DO love the name Samantha! I have the Samantha American Girl Doll (you know, the one they don’t make anymore) because she’s the best (and has the best name.)
All the narration gets on my nerves sometimes, but it is SUPER helpful when I ask her to go see what someone is doing and she’ll go see and the come back and tell me exactly. Means I have to get off the couch WAY less.
15. anne nahm | January 13th, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Since Dangerous Liaisons , John Malkovich has been the king of the ugly sexy guys in Anne Land.
FWIW, Rob Lowe was been the prince of the physically beautiful and utterly sexually meh since Saint Elmo’s Fire.
16. Artemisia | January 13th, 2012 at 3:03 pm
I actually DO love the name Samantha, but I steer away from baby-naming posts because I USED to be 99% sure I did not want kids, and now that I am 36 and it would be less than fun to be pregnant, I am only 98% sure. No baby stuff. It freaks me out.
ANYWAY. I have always wished Samantha was my name. In fact, if I am in a bar or something and someone is hitting on me that I don’t like, I introduce myself as Samantha. Then, my friends know I am creeped out, the creep can’t find me later, and I get to be Samantha for a while!
Also – The closing of the book with total satisfaction. ADORABLE. Please record that and share with the world.
17. TwoBusy | January 13th, 2012 at 4:21 pm
Your definition of what constitutes sexy continues to baffle me.
18. natalie | January 13th, 2012 at 5:31 pm
What about some Body Glide? We use that for triathlons or long runs. Just put it on your inner thighs to prevent chafing.
19. Erica | January 15th, 2012 at 10:19 am
I love Lolita! I mean, the words that I understood. If she ever has a “just finished Finnegan’s Wake and understood every word” expression, you should probably run.
20. Page | January 15th, 2012 at 2:23 pm
I second the closing of the book with total satisfaction. The cutest.
Samantha’s name has long been in my queue, however we are stuck with a J name in memory of my husband’s father. AT LEAST THIS TIME AROUND.
The chafing scares me. It’s hard enough to see your, um, nether regions without having to deal with pain and misery. I hope the Desitin (ask for it by name!) helps a ton, and quickly.
21. Mauigirl | January 15th, 2012 at 5:28 pm
LOL, love your posts as always. Hope the Desitin helps your affliction….as for Sam trying to help… My mother told me when I was about 2 she was trying to put up a towel rack in the bathroom that used suction cups to attach it to the tile and I was “helping” her – and managed to come up with a perfect solution: “Mommy, try putting some Scotch Tape on it and then it’ll stick.” She was so impressed with my complex sentence that I don’t know if she ever got the stupid rack up.
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23. Mert | January 17th, 2012 at 8:28 am
Umm…..I have irritable bowel syndrome (enough said). When I have some bad episodes, it’s Desitin to the rescue for ummm…inflammed areas. Oh god, so embarrassing-but it really does work! So, yes I have a 5 year old (who will be an only child), and I still keep diaper cream in the house!
24. lindsay | January 17th, 2012 at 12:00 pm
I love the all-over-the-place posts. John Malkovich – I can see how you’d think sexy, but the first movie I ever saw him in is “In the Line of Fire” where he’s trying to off the prez and he’s kinda scary in it, so that did it for me.
25. Maya | January 17th, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Heh…here is the reason I am out of the loop:
1. No tv, thus no Bachelor and no jerks ruining the name West for me.
2. THIS article did it: http://nameberry.com/blog/baby-names-2012-12-hottest-trends?pid=229 – RIGHT after we had both got really excited about the name West, too. Like within…a week. I was a little crestfallen.
26. EmilysHollow | January 17th, 2012 at 7:45 pm
I want to leave a comment on your name post, but I was TOO LATE to the game. So I’m leaving it here. I could talk names FOREVER. Like any woman, I guess.
My favoritest ever girl name is ruined because of stupid whorey pop stars. Mariah. I love it. I love it so much. But I can NEVER USE IT. No one will let me. Sad. Viola is another of my favorites, but my husband is not a fan at all. Also sad. (Actually, my husbands top girl names were: Lily, Isabel, and Sophie. I mean, yes, they’re cute and all, but could he maybe read more than the top 3 names on any name list ever?)
Boy names: Ansel. It’s just so damn cool. Desmond was on our list for my Xander (XANDER!), and it was close. Oh so close. But Dezzie? Dessie? What kind of nick name would there be? I don’t know. I still love it, though. Also Atticus.
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