The Finish Line

February 13th, 2012

Well, that was an enjoyable week! Few weeks? GOD I DO NOT EVEN KNOW. Y’all, we had the plague, and I know no one wants to talk about being sick, but it was hideous. Coughing! Barfing! Coughing! Peeing through pants! ALL THREE OF US. Well, wait, the peeing was just me, but don’t worry, I finally bought some Poise pads, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my God! Incontinence products are a pregnancy GAME CHANGER, did you know this?

(I think most people knew this.)

But seriously, I would gladly do ADVERTISEMENTS for these things. Before their discovery, I was doing laundry up to SIX TIMES A DAY. FOR MYSELF. THIS IS SO HUMILIATING.

One of the things that I keep thinking about is how if this baby works out (NO ONE COUNTS CHICKENS UP IN HERE), I am done with having children. Done. D O N E. Done. Whenever I hear other people having this conversation, it’s almost always after their child is already born, and they find themselves looking around, asking if everyone is here yet.

I want to be that way, I really do, but there are so many factors that help me realize that this is it. I would LOVE more children, honestly, I would, and I think if I’d started having them in my twenties, there would be a real possibility of having more. Alas, I’ll be halfway to 37 when this little peanut is born, and if my experience with Sam is any indication, I wouldn’t be remotely ready for another for at least three years, which puts me halfway to 40, and let’s be honest, here, my fertility is not particularly ROBUST, and at current rates, I’m guessing pregnancy would strike naturally at age 65, at which point my fetus would doubtless have nine limbs and four eyes, and I just don’t HAVE twenty years of trying to conceive in me, you know what I’m saying?

I would have — and will — fight for two. I don’t have the fight in me for three, which is sad, maybe, but there it is. And frankly, I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to the hard parts being over forever. I don’t want to say that I want to wish any of it away — certainly not — but there is something thrilling about knowing this is likely my last pregnancy. I will never, God willing, barf for nine consecutive months again. I can put the Poise pads away until I’m geriatric. Save for nursing, I’ll have my body back to myself again, forever. Ibuprofen and I will be lovers again, forever and ever amen, and never shall we part.

And you know, I just . . . is it bad to admit I’m not a newborn person? I want to love them, and I do, of course, love my newborn babies, but I don’t enjoy them the way I do, say, babies six to nine months and even up. If humans gave birth to the equivalent of a one-year-old, I would have THIRTY CHILDREN, YOU GUYS. I WOULD.

But ugh, newborns. The non-sleeping. The mystery of what they could POSSIBLY NEED from a long list of MYSTERIOUS THINGS. They just . . . aren’t enjoyable. Then, of course, there is the potential for screaming and not-sleeping and newborns are SO STRESSFUL and so help me God, the only way I’m getting through this next child of mine is because I know, deep-down, that I’ll never have to do it again. When she sleeps through the night, that will be it, save for the usual regressions and sicknesses and setbacks, which are all infinitely livable compared to the everyday stress of wondering just how long your eyes will stay closed—if they close at all—before you’re jolted awake by that teeny tiny wail of neverending need.

God, though, I am also acutely AWARE now of how worth it they are. With Sam, I had no idea. I thought that was my life forever. I thought this tiny little pupa-like THING was all I would ever get, and I didn’t see how much fun kids could be. I had no idea she’d turn into a mail-obsessed comedienne who loves to be naked and hates purple popsicles and enters a room with, “What UP, Daddy?” when she’s feeling feisty.

Thank goodness there’s an ROI I’m aware of this time, is what I’m saying. But even so. I’m done. I’m looking forward to taking things in our family from the GROWING a family stage to that of raising one.

So yes. Two and done.

Is it weird to know that while she’s still in utero? Related: I will be handing my maternity clothes out to LITERALLY ANYONE. ON STREET CORNERS. HERE, HAVE SOME PANTS.

Happy Tuesday!

*Snow Patrol

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Entry Filed under: Pregnancy,Teh Second Baby

172 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Jesabes  |  February 13th, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    “I can put the Poise pads away until I’m geriatric.” Hahahaha, good luck with that. I just laughed so hard I – wait for it – peed my pants.

    (Ok, not really, but it does still happen regularly.)

  • 2. Carla Hinkle  |  February 13th, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    When you know, you know. I was MAYBE 6 weeks pregnant with #3 and I knew … KNEW that (God willing), I’d never be pregnant again. I was DONE.

    Congratulations on knowing! It gives a great feeling of completeness, I think.

  • 3. Page  |  February 14th, 2012 at 1:52 am

    I’ve been toying with the idea of trying to get pregnant again IMMEDIATELY, so I have no chance of getting back losing my body and also because, yo, I am 37 and it’s taken me this long… but who knows what will happen. That will likely be the end of it, though, as I cannot imagine a 3rd kid after 40.

  • 4. Veronica  |  February 14th, 2012 at 2:08 am

    I’m pregnant and after this baby (all going well) then I am also, done. DONE. Three is absolutely my limit. And you know, I have time on my side here and I’m still so done.

  • 5. Sam  |  February 14th, 2012 at 3:41 am

    My husband had a vasectomy while I was pregnant. And during the first six months of Coop’s life we said, “OMFG so glad we did it because this baby is not good.” Then in the last few months we’ve said “we’re so glad that we did because this part is adorable and we don’t want to be tempted to try again.” So, I get what you’re saying. A lot. Done! All done! Never again!

  • 6. Jess  |  February 14th, 2012 at 7:04 am

    After #2, I had so. much. anxiety about there being a #3 because she was so difficult. Crying and crying, she yelled at me for everything (she’s 5 now and hasn’t stopped arguing with me, though 5 is much more manageable). I wanted a third but was so distraught over how hard it was that I felt guilty both for wanting and not wanting another. We had another when #2 was 4.5 and #3 is the most delightful baby I have ever known EVER. I so hope that is the case for you. That you will be delightfully surprised with the sweet, NON-COLIC/CRYING temperament of this baby. I braced myself for a repeat of the previous baby and for handling it with two older school-aged children.
    Erg, I’m rambling. Anyway. I knew I was done before #3 was born and I am so so so glad to be on the other side. There is so much excitement to look forward to! I have an 18 month old who is so damn cute I can’t stand it! GL!

  • 7. HereWeGoAJen  |  February 14th, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I’ve always wanted (ahem) five kids. With how much trouble we’ve had getting to where we are now, I’ve pretty much accepted that I am not getting to five. Plus, my husband isn’t remotely interested in five and his opinion ought to count at least a little. Plus, at the rate we are going, five kids would be like TWELVE years from now. Possibly more. I don’t know that I have another decade in me of getting up all night.

  • 8. HereWeGoAJen  |  February 14th, 2012 at 7:32 am

    P.S. Ibuprofen is the bomb.

  • 9. aly  |  February 14th, 2012 at 8:31 am

    i’m not going to lie– i’m on pregnancy #2 and all i keep thinking is i dont WANT to do this again. i’m tired. i like wine. i LIKE doing what i like to do and not barfing as a result. i may be a terrible person, but i may be done just b/c i dont want to do *this* (gestures wildly to ever increasing waist size) anymore.

    also, i’m dreading the newborn phase. we didnt even have 1/8th of the hard time you had with sam and um, no thank you. plus, our 18 mo old is so much fun! love! singing! TALKING! telling me what’s wrong! i cannot wait to have the baby stuff done.

    (i know i know, treasure and blah blah magic. geh).

  • 10. Dr. Maureen  |  February 14th, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Let me preface this with saying I am in no way trying to convince you to have more children, I am instead trying to make you feel more hopeful about THIS child. So.

    I think it’s unfair for you to make sweeping generalizations about how you “do not enjoy your newborns” because you only had the one so far and only a masochist would have enjoyed her. And I say this because *I* am enjoying my current newborn to an ASTONISHING degree. I also thought I didn’t enjoy newborns! But it turns out that if they are easy, and my body is not thoroughly destroyed, and I don’t have PPD, then I *do*! She is snuggly! And cute! And smiley! And she never gives me any back talk!

    Now admittedly, Ann Marie is a particularly easy flavor of newborn. Unusually so, and I’m getting a lot of sleep, so that greatly affects my enjoyment circuits. Still, though, I predict that you will find you enjoy your newborn more when she is not a non-stop screaming machine. :)

  • 11. A.  |  February 14th, 2012 at 8:46 am

    We only have the one and we’re trying for the second, but we know two is it for us. When we imagine a family, we see two kids – even Steven, we’re not outnumbered. So, I totally understand knowing you’re done before you even have your final child.

    I also was not a fan of newborn at all. And my baby was a pretty good newborn. But I so prefer this stage when he can talk to me and eat by himself and go to bed great and I know I have 12 blissful hours to myself.

    So, you and I are in agreement. If they came out 1-year-old, that would be awesome.

  • 12. Lisak  |  February 14th, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Ummm, what commenter number one said. The incontinence? Is sometimes here to stay. I finally had surgery for it last year and the nurse and the surgeon both asked why I had waited so long (fourteen years). I was kegeling my heart out and it made not one iota of difference. I was so pleased when the nurse said my pelvic tone was excellent (who knew?). All this time I thought I had failed Kegels 101. But no, it was just big babies and fast labors that destroyed my innards. Surgery? Easy peasy. And now I can jump, cough, sneeze, run suddenly and no need for Depends, or even a mini-pad. Anyway. I wish for you no more little pee accidents after this baby is here.

  • 13. Anne  |  February 14th, 2012 at 9:05 am

    I would love if they came out around six months old (other than the obvious HOLY HELL THAT WOULD HURT). The tinytinytiny baby part of kids scares the CRAP out of me. They can’t communicate! They can’t even smile or interact to speak of! Clearly I’ll have to get over that round-about July 26th (HA), but man. No, I don’t think it’s strange to know that you’re done before #2 is born. When you know, you know.

  • 14. Josefina  |  February 14th, 2012 at 9:12 am

    I feel the same way about that newborn stage, and even the toddler stage now that I’m out of it. My sons are 8 and 10 and so much fun I keep wishing I had more. Then I think about newborns and toddlers and cross my legs.

    I enjoy other people’s small ones very much. I just get stressed out when they’re mine.

    And OH YES, ibuprofin gives good love.

  • 15. lindsay  |  February 14th, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Ebay your mat. clothes. I will buy them!

  • 16. jive turkey  |  February 14th, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Ain’t no shame in not liking the newborn phase. Newborns are basically tiny, screaming raisins of need, and it’s not until maayyyybe three months that you get to see a peek of personality. I actually loved the newborn phase, but I firmly believe that’s because I had a champion sleeper from Day One, and I was also super-emotional and terrified of her growing up and leaving me (YES, I KNOW. HORMONES).

  • 17. Shari  |  February 14th, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Um…if you really want to get rid of your maternity pants, maybe it is best not to discuss how often you pee in them first? hahaha

  • 18. jonniker  |  February 14th, 2012 at 10:31 am

    HAHAHAHA, good point, Shari. HOWEVER, I will say that I never pee in the pants I wear outside the house. Only the yoga/pajama pants that I’m keeping. Promise.

    Maureen, from your mouth to God’s ears. But I’m still not getting pregnant again. NOOOOPE.

  • 19. JMH  |  February 14th, 2012 at 11:26 am

    I knew I was DONE having kids while I was pregnant with my 2nd child…and his delivery sealed the deal! My kids are (almost) 11 and 8 and as much as I enjoy babies, I am glad we are finished with that stage.

  • 20. Gaby  |  February 14th, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Gah, I hear you on wishing to birth a six-month-old. Six months was the point in which I really felt like a major corner had been turned, and I truly loved having a little one. Crazy that it took half a year! I’m hoping this baby will be a good one early on and that I also don’t suffer from PPD like I did with my first, so that maybe, maybe I can find a way to enjoy his first few months. BUT! Like you said, I know the ROI, so I really believe that will help me slog through, and I wish the same for you in those first blurry weeks.

  • 21. shriek house  |  February 14th, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    My 2nd pregnancy was utterly miserable (picture me lying down on a Berkeley sidewalk, trying to tell worried passers-by I was fine, just FINE, no please DON’T call the paramedics) and I swore off having any more several thousand times a day. BEFORE he was born. And, uh, have you read my latest blog post? Here I am, nearly six years later, getting all WISTFUL about it.

    You and I, we’re opposites on the newborn topic, but still. I’m just saying. You never know what your six-years-from-now you will be up to.

  • 22. Home Sweet Sarah  |  February 14th, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Two and through! I like it.

  • 23. Jen  |  February 14th, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    DId I ever tell you that my husband was announcing “Two and THROUGH!” in the delivery room? Yep. Two girls is where it’s at, my friend. SO excited for you. I have to tell you, I enjoyed the newborn time so much more the second time through. I was so much more relaxed and not freaking out about every little thing, and I think it made a huge difference. I hope the same for you!

  • 24. Elsha  |  February 14th, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    My husband is so NOT a newborn person. He spends like the first 6 months wanting to give the kid back. He likes them after that though!

    I always thought it would be easy to have all the kids I wanted since I have no trouble getting pregnant and the first two pregnancies were SO! EASY! And then this pregnancy came along and UGH. I totally understand why people are hesitant to do it over. 9 months of misery is a LONG TIME.

    By the way, my sister had a super high maintenance first baby and her second was a piece of cake. Here’s hoping the same is true for you!

  • 25. bessie.viola  |  February 14th, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    I love this post SO MUCH. Never have I seen my feelings on newborns put so concisely. I am at the point, now, where I’m ready to have another – but I am WARY of the newborn. Like you I wish they were born biggish.

  • 26. Deb  |  February 14th, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I wouldn’t be in a hurry to toss out those Poise pads, yo. After two 9 lb babies, all my equipment isn’t what it used to be and the dratted Poise pads are now a part of my everyday life. Blech.

  • 27. Maya  |  February 14th, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Totally with you on both: 2 kids and not being a newborn fan of the greatest kind. and I don’t even have any but if I can EVER get pregnant, I am already feeling too old to have more than 2. I LOVE sleep! I will miss it!

  • 28. Jessica  |  February 14th, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    I’m not as worried about the newborn part, as I am about the part when they become mobile and need supervision and they screech all the time. I’m really enjoying my 3 year old and his ability to take care of himself if I am busy.

    I’m only 28 and I think I’m done with 2. I have no desire to get pregnant again in 3 years, since this time has been a lot harder than the first time. I can only imagine how sick I’d feel a 3rd time. Plus, 3 kids! They will outnumber the adults. Kind of scary.

  • 29. Melissa R  |  February 14th, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    I LOVELOVELOVE being pregnant, love every single second of it, but I really am not fond of newborns. They’re so floppy and helpless and stressful. If I could give birth to one year olds, I’d have 14 kids.

  • 30. Marie Green  |  February 14th, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    I was basically going to say what Doc Maureen said, which is even though this is your last, I think you’ll probably enjoy her newbornhood SO MUCH more than you enjoyed Sam’s. Besides the fact that this one won’t scream as much as Sam did (not possible), the gift of the 2nd, 3rd etc is that you, as a mother, are SO MUCH CALMER. It’s like taking a big breath and just… relaxing. Man, that first time, we are all such a WRECK compared to the next. I’m excited for you to experience that!

    Well, and I’m excited for you, in general, period. I’ll keep sending “easy newborn” vibes your way, ok? (I’ve had one of these mythical creatures- possibly THREE, but my twins were TWINS so they don’t count because TWO of ANY KIND OF BABY is too much- and they are 1) REAL and 2) so eaaaaaaasy, and cuddly, and sweet, and kissable and calm and…. MIND BLOWING.)

    Also, I’m sure a 100 people have told you this… but be prepared to sort of, um, hate Sam for awhile. I was warned of this, and so I was prepared, but I thought “awhile” was, um, like an hour? or maaaaaybe a day? Ha, ha, ha, it lasted weeks. But falling in love with my big girls again, when I was ready, was pretty awesome too.

  • 31. Olivia  |  February 15th, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Husband and I have both been in the “two and done” camp since before we even conceived the first. Family planning: I loves it.

  • 32. Carrie  |  February 15th, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    While I am so DREADING the sleep deprivation and leaking out of every orifice I am about to enjoy here next month, I have to admit that I actually quite like the newborn phase. The toddler phase drives me absolutely BONKERS, tho. Probably because the arguing with a three-year old makes me realize just how freaking childish *I* am. Ugh.

    THIS surprise pregnancy is SO the last, tho. And well, if that man doesn’t not get snipped like he promised FOUR YEARS AGO, then I will take care of it PERSONALLY. I am too old for this! TOO OLD!

  • 33. MLB  |  February 15th, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    I don’t think it’s weird at all to know you’re done. Another argument for being done – I have 3 and it was the third that pushed me over the edge of needing Poise pads pre-old age. Just so you know :)

  • 34. g~  |  February 15th, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    We knew we were done almost immediately after getting knocked up with our second. I also echo the sentiment that your second will probably be more enjoyable just because she has the luxury of being the second. I had a perfectly delightful/incredibly easy first child (in retrospect, obviously) but I enjoyed my second one more because I had some tricks in my bag and experience from which to draw. Two is definitely the magic number for us. We even went so far as to have an IUD ALONG WITH a vasectomy because I like to hedge my bets. We joke that if we were to get pregnant again, it would be a medical tragedy.

  • 35. g~  |  February 15th, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Errrr…that actually would not be a joke. It WOULD be a medical tragedy.

  • 36. pahistani tv talk shows  |  February 21st, 2012 at 7:56 am

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