Promises, Promises
October 17th, 2012
Awwww, shit it’s a blank page and a lot of spam. A LOT. But. Ahem. It’s time.
As goes the old adage, no one wants to hear a person ramble on about blogging, or why they haven’t been blogging, but everyone does it anyway, so. You know.
I’ve been busy. I’ve got two kids (TWO!) and basically the life I’ve always wanted, even when I want to stab someone (MYSELF) in the face and adjusting to that has been easy in a lot of ways, but hard in many others. The slice of personal time that vanished when Alex appeared was a LOSS, man. As much as I wanted and needed her, figuring out how to deal with two kids, making sure they both get what they need from me is . . . well, it’s hard. It’s HARD. Not in an overwhelming in-the-weeds way, but in a way that makes it easy for me to swim in the bottom of a pool of guilt, I guess. I never second-guessed myself much as a parent with Sam, but now I find I’m doing it on a daily basis. Allie needs me! But Sam feels rejected. Sam wants to snuggle! But SHIT! That leaves Allie hollering on the floor for a minute.
It sounds silly and trite and stupid, but I don’t want to screw this up, you know? But at the same time, I’ve been thinking so much about how overwhelmed I DO feel at the end of the day — not with the tasks at hand, or the kids specifically, but with the fact that I didn’t take five minutes to just sit and think about anything that wasn’t immediate, and by “immediate” I also mean Mitt Romney’s stupid assface, but let’s be real, that’s hardly relaxing.
This? This is relaxing. I never considered how much I needed this little space to think through things or just talk about things that are not immediate or DO something for myself, even if it’s a half hour in front of a glowing screen pondering the fall television line-up (Verdict: Homeland continues to be awesome and BOY HOWDY I am excited for Nashville and also, Tami Taylor’s hair). (I know she’s not really Tami Taylor, but … okay, I don’t really know that, actually. Lie to me.)
I could ALSO go on a REALLY NICE TEAR about how blogging has turned into something I sort of hate, and how everyone is trying to sell you something — and jesus, I mean EVERYONE — and how I promise you, I will never try to sell you anything at all, and that includes my brand, which you all know I care deeply about. Nor will I ever turn into a lifestyle blog, unless you want to talk about my fly lifestyle that involves washing DANKY, DARK AND HIDEOUS brown couch slipcovers for the frillionth time because someone pooped, peed, puked, or otherwise sullied their worn surfaces.
So that’s that. I’d like to write Alex’s birth story one of these days, because COME ON, I gave birth to her wearing a maxi-dress, but if I wait until I’m ready for that, I’ll never come back.
I will commit to this, in writing, if only for myself: three times a week here. You and me, kid. You and me.
Have a great Thursday. We’re decorating pumpkins, and it’s already a fight because Sam has declared war on all glitter glue.
*Naked Eyes, whaaaaat?
Entry Filed under: Alex the Grace,Beeber McSteebs,Uncategorized
59 Comments Add your own
1. The New Girl | October 17th, 2012 at 10:05 pm
I’m glad you’re back! I’m blogging again, too, and I am really…relieved, I suppose, although it’s a strange word to use. It feels good. And even though blogging has turned into super ad sales link ups, I feel like we may have hit the tipping point or the half-life or whatever. I think the pendulum may SWING AGAIN, SISTER.
Or, we can just start our own thing. Cribs: The Literal and Unironic Version.
xo
2. Megs | October 17th, 2012 at 10:06 pm
I didn’t realize how much I missed reading your thoughts, seeing as I talk to you all the time. But I DO. It’s almost like I can let you finish a thought without interrupting you. I can hear the whole story without screaming at Lila to leave Sam/Allie/the cat alone! WHEEE!
I’m holding you to that 3x/week promise up there.
3. Kristin H | October 17th, 2012 at 10:08 pm
Aw, vintage Jonniker. Even if it’s not 3x a week, it’s good to have you back!
4. Jen | October 17th, 2012 at 10:08 pm
DON’T CALL IT A COMEBACK!
Woohoo! Three times a week. It’s like The Voice up in here and I like it.
Seriously though, I hear you on the guilt. It is so hard to always feel like you are letting someone down. Some days I feel like I am doing all that is humanly possible to keep Em and Avery happy at the same time, and it’s STILL not happening. But at the end of the day, they are alive and relatively happy and had three meals that day! Right? Sometimes you just have to call it good.
5. Artemisia | October 17th, 2012 at 10:09 pm
This is good to hear, my dear.
And glitter glue can b a real bitch to work with. I hear you, Sam.
6. Caitlin | October 17th, 2012 at 10:09 pm
YAY.
(Three times a week or I show up on your doorstep with a hatchet.) (Is that the right spelling of hatchet? Now it looks weird.) (Hatchet. Hatchet, hatchet, hatchet. Yep, still weird.)
7. Jodifur | October 17th, 2012 at 10:10 pm
I just wrote a whole post about how I don’t fit in this space anymore because I’m not trying to sell you anything and I’m not a lifestyle blog. So what am I?
Nice to see you back. And your children are so stinking adorable.
8. jonniker | October 17th, 2012 at 10:14 pm
Hatchet. HATCHET. That looks wrong, and yet: HM.
I missed you guys. Thank you. I seriously could not give a shit about traffic or readership or any of that stuff because I’m not trying to sell you anything, but you guys? The familiar people I’ve known for YEARS AND YEARS? I missed you. You too, Megs. (I’m coming over Monday, just a heads up.)
9. Caitlin | October 17th, 2012 at 10:24 pm
Now I would like for you to sell me a hatchet.
(I’VE MISSED YOU, TOO.)
10. ZestyJenny | October 17th, 2012 at 10:26 pm
This one handed neglectful rocked by second baby lady missed you!
11. Erin | October 17th, 2012 at 10:32 pm
I’M SOOOOO EXCITED!!! (and I just can’t hide it)
(sorry)
12. Natalie | October 17th, 2012 at 10:35 pm
I had a terrible day until this popped up in my reader. And I would TOTALLY read your lifestyle blog.
13. Chelle | October 17th, 2012 at 10:39 pm
It’s so refreshing to hear another person express dismay with the state of blogging these days. I miss reading blogs that were personal and hones and not riddled with sales pitches, sponsored posts, and articles on the latest way to craft a desk lamp from a recycled soda bottle.
Thanks you for keeping it real and congratulations on the baby
14. Elsha | October 17th, 2012 at 11:07 pm
Woohoo! More Jonna!
15. Erin | October 17th, 2012 at 11:31 pm
I am very excited to see you back on ye olde blog. Twitter is fun and all, but the blog is so much better, for the in-depth, you know?
16. Christine | October 17th, 2012 at 11:58 pm
Hooray! You’re back! I miss old school blogging (Jesus 7 years ago when I started writing and reading really is a long time)…
Anyway! Glad to have you back, even if my work hours will tell me otherwise next month.
17. Ginger | October 18th, 2012 at 12:34 am
YAY!!
I have seriously missed reading your LONGER form thoughts (Twitter’s awesome, but…it’s Twitter. Hard to form a fully coherent thought sometimes), and so I selfishly say, huzzah!
(if you don’t post, does that mean I can harass you about it?)
18. Veronica | October 18th, 2012 at 1:28 am
Oh thank god. I’m going insane over here, because all the good bloggers have popped out babies and stopped writing, and sheesh, don’t you know your JOB is to entertain ME?
Or something.
Please write more. Please.
19. Suki Lucier | October 18th, 2012 at 5:32 am
Yea! You’re back! I don’t blog, but as a long time reader of blogs, I feel really conflicted about The State of Blogging Right Now, because the people that are writing on a more regular basis seem to be the ones that are in it for something material/finincial (the GOMI blogs if you will- come on, we all know we all read there), which are increasingly becoming hate/habit reads for me. My favorite blogs were always the ones by people like you, or Emily over at Not That You Asked- normal people talking about their normal lives, but doing so in your incredible, authentic voices. And I know twitter has changed things (I’ve become one of those creepy people who is not on twitter, but reads the feeds of people who are) but I do feel like something gets lost. I read about things people are going through in a series of 140 character tweets or conversations and I think, please write about this, because it seems like there’s so much more there!
Wow, that sure got long and self-centered awfully quickly, huh? Tl;dr version: I’m glad you’re back and doing this for you, but I’m also really happy about the positive side effects for me
20. Swistle | October 18th, 2012 at 6:13 am
I like, too, the way blogging feels like accomplishments: the post titles rack up in a list, the archives section shows numbers in parentheses, etc. There’s some quote about that, something about happiness being a series of small accomplishments. I don’t get an accomplishment feeling on Twitter: Twitter feels more like chatting with the other parents at kindergarten drop-off. Which is also sustaining, but in a different way.
21. Lynn | October 18th, 2012 at 8:47 am
Yay, the return of Jonniker! I’m so happy you’re back. Looking forward to that maxi dress story.
Also, totally behind you on the selling of stuff. I feel like such a geezer these days…back when I was a kid blogger, things were different! We had moral standards!
Ugh, I need to just go back to waving my fist at the whippersnappers who are walking across the lawn. Hooligans!
22. HereWeGoAJen | October 18th, 2012 at 8:56 am
I’m holding you to this three days a week thing and the birth story. Or you shall FEEL MY WRATH.
23. Shauna | October 18th, 2012 at 9:21 am
Can I tell you how delightfully surprised I was to see this in my google reader?! I may not have commented often, but I’ve been reading here long before you had Sam, and you were always one of my favorite blogs. It’s a breath of fresh air to read a blog where every post isn’t a ridiculously unbiased sponsor post, but don’t worry! Their opinions are really their own! Ugh.
I agree with the commenter above who said they have more and more hate reads. I don’t know why I put myself through it, but I read these awful blogs, and I miss reading people who I actually relate to and LIKE. So thank you! We missed you!
24. Danielle | October 18th, 2012 at 9:25 am
Welcome back!
25. Saly | October 18th, 2012 at 9:57 am
I always feel more relaxed when I’m blogging too.
Glad you are back here!
26. Jen | October 18th, 2012 at 10:00 am
You have one of my very favorite blogs. And I read a lot. I work in HR. Shit’s boring a lot of the time…. and I have missed your posts so much!
More more!
Please
27. A. | October 18th, 2012 at 10:32 am
Yay! I was so excited to see a new post – kind of sat in denial for 10 seconds. Thanks for writing. I won’t hold you to three posts/week, because that’s hard to do, I think. But one post a week? One every two weeks? That would be awesome. Welcome back!
28. Sarah | October 18th, 2012 at 10:36 am
I’ve missed you! Welcome back!
29. Jess | October 18th, 2012 at 10:40 am
Oh I’m so glad to see you here! And I’m so glad to hear you say that about blogging! Yours and a handful of others are so enjoyable to read because you just write about your life like we’re friends. I’m so sick of the blogs that are hey- I’m writing about THIS sponsored product! Or I went to THIS event put on for bloggers to pimp their products. Back in MY day (a million years ago when I blogged) (2006-9, heh) nobody except Dooce got paid anything and we just all liked writing and reading. SO, thank you for posting and for still being you
30. Jess | October 18th, 2012 at 10:41 am
Oh! And just throw some mini-Jonna pictures up there: I can’t get enough of that baby!
31. Cathy | October 18th, 2012 at 10:46 am
Yay! Nice to have you back.
And, yeah, for me the hardest part about having two kids is the competing needs/wants — nothing spikes my adrenaline like having two voices crying for me at once. I mean, it’s all well and good to say that the love multiplies to fit the new child, but the means of expressing that love — time, attention, arms and laps and ears — don’t, and both my older daughter and I find that hard. I’m telling myself that it’s worst right now: when the younger one isn’t a baby/toddler anymore, she’ll have more to offer her sister, and vice versa, and there will be more ways for me to nurture them both simultaneously. But for now it’s just hard.
32. Auntie G | October 18th, 2012 at 10:50 am
So nice to see a blog entry from you this morning. (Though I don’t know you; I just comment every once in a while.) Anyway, as another two-kid mom whose world was ROCKED, and HARD, by the arrival of number two…the very, very wanted number two…but I mean ROCKED as in, I came pretty close to being fired because he was NOT an easy baby and NEVER slept or napped and I was losing my damn mind and not really functioning at home or at the office…ANYWAY, you know “it gets better” with one, but I am here to tell you that it also gets better with two. It’s a HUGE adjustment, but you will find your rhythm, as will Sam and Alex, and it will will WILL get easier. You WILL find more slivers of time to yourself. Easy/hard babies…meh, I just think I had unconscious expectations this time around because I thought I knew what the hard parts would be and I also knew what a nice routine we’d worked out with our 3 year old. So it was somehow a much bigger blow when I was reduced to barely scraping by for so long. Like, I knew what was coming so I should have been much better at it all the second time around? Pfffft.
Also, I know you probably know/do this, but my number one guilt reducer (notice I did not say this reduced the screaming or the whining or the messes) was to talk out loud, A LOT, about whose “turn” it was when I was dealing with the children. Sometimes Theo had to wait his turn b/c it was baby Gus’s turn. And even though Gus didn’t understand as an infant, I tried to make a big deal about the times he had to wait because it was Theo’s turn. I think this helped big brother not resent the baby. And it was probably pretty healthy for me to say out loud the one thing I was doing at a damn time, because I am ONLY HUMAN. Okay, sometimes I felt the distinct lack of my own turn, but that’s parenting.
33. Tessie | October 18th, 2012 at 12:53 pm
YAY!
I’m noticing lots of us started neglecting our “hey, it’s just me” blogs, and now are missing it. Maybe a tipping point on the current douchebloggery? I myself have never been able to commit to the constant diligence that Twitter seems to require.
At any rate, I repeat: YAY.
34. Sarah | October 18th, 2012 at 1:26 pm
So happy to see a new post from you – although I don’t comment much, I was very excited to see your blog highlighted in my reader.
I hear you on the two kid thing. I’m so wiped out by the end of the day I just want to read a little on my phone for a while. No talking, no touching, no thinking. It never seems like a very good use of my time, but it’s all I’ve got energy for. All that to say, I will look forward to more to ready from you. Yay!
35. mar | October 18th, 2012 at 2:07 pm
Welcome, welcome back!
I think it’s going on two years since I last blogged, but I missed yours more than I currently miss my own blog.
36. Jess | October 18th, 2012 at 5:46 pm
Three times a week! That’s what I committed to. And I also took those stupid fucking BlogHer ads off my blog. And then I felt SO MUCH BETTER and you know what? I LOVE writing three times a week. I was actually just thinking that maybe soon I’ll start writing MORE often. It’s so cathartic! And I had really missed it.
Glad you’re back. Missed your posts. (Thank god for Twitter.)
37. alimartell | October 18th, 2012 at 5:50 pm
FACT: She will always be Tami Taylor
I love that you aren’t trying to sell me anything. (There’s a Say Anything quote in here…) I feel like I am one of the few, too, who just loves to use my space to WRITE.
38. Katy | October 18th, 2012 at 8:50 pm
Yay! Glad to see you writing.
I do feel like I have a blog that is basically a dying breed–the blogger for the sake of blogging blogger. Try saying that three times fast. I do sometimes feel like shaking my niche a little–some days I don’t want to write about special needs–but I’m no salesperson and my lifestyle blog would be a lot like yours.
39. Angela (Aferg22) | October 19th, 2012 at 10:18 am
It is so good to see a new post from you. I don’t comment much, but yours has always been one of my favorite blogs to read. Welcome back, and congrats on your beautiful family.
40. Debbie in the UK | October 19th, 2012 at 2:43 pm
Ahhh Jonna, so nice to see you back !!
41. Erica | October 19th, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Don’t know why you’re acting like you don’t appreciate my constant pitches for the Egg Council.
42. willikat | October 19th, 2012 at 6:00 pm
Yaaaaaaay! So happy to see this post. I don’t know how you do it. I manage to blog like once a month and consider it an accomplishment, and only have a kid baking at the moment. And yet, I love it so much and I get so much from it. Hmmm. Blog promises. I should probably make one.
43. shin ae | October 22nd, 2012 at 1:10 pm
I’ve missed you! I need you to get me through this election. No pressure. My surroundings are a more than a little Romneyful at the moment, and it is taking a TOLL.
44. Ang | October 24th, 2012 at 7:26 pm
You’re back!! You’re back!! You’re baaaaacckkkk! Woo hoo.
45. Farah Mcinnis | November 2nd, 2012 at 4:19 am
I will commit to this, in writing, if only for myself: three times a week here. You and me, kid. You and me.
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I will commit to this, in writing, if only for myself: three times a week here. You and me, kid. You and me.
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49. Lavonia Perrin | December 8th, 2012 at 2:11 am
Why they haven’t been blogging, but everyone does it anyway, so. You know.
50. Supreme Snapback | December 13th, 2012 at 6:31 am
Not in an overwhelming in-the-weeds way, but in a way that makes it easy for me to swim in the bottom of a pool of guilt
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I also mean Mitt Romney’s stupid assface, but let’s be real, that’s hardly relaxing.
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55. newszi | January 18th, 2013 at 9:55 am
but with the fact that I didn’t take five minutes to just sit and think about anything that wasn’t immediate, and by “immediate” I also mean Mitt Romney’s stupid assface, but let’s be real, that’s hardly relaxing.
56. yahoobcc | January 23rd, 2013 at 12:07 pm
I didn’t take five minutes to just sit and think about anything that wasn’t immediate, and by “immediate” I also mean Mitt Romney’s stupid assface, but let’s be real, that’s hardly relaxing.
57. Marianna Urban | January 24th, 2013 at 12:31 am
So that’s that. I’d like to write Alex’s birth story one of these days, because COME ON, I gave birth to her wearing a maxi-dress, but if I wait until I’m ready for that, I’ll never come back.
58. Talitha Krauss | March 20th, 2013 at 6:16 am
I also mean Mitt Romney’s stupid assface, but let’s be real, that’s hardly relaxing.
59. Yuk Flemming | April 22nd, 2013 at 4:14 am
but with the fact that I didn’t take five minutes to just sit and think about anything that wasn’t immediate, and by “immediate” I also mean Mitt Romney’s stupid assface, but let’s be real, that’s hardly relaxing.
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