64 Comments Add your own

• 1. Jesabes  |  October 24th, 2012 at 12:01 am

  I try to explain this to my husband all the time. I LIKE being average. LOVE IT, even. I don’t want to always be pushing for something better and brighter. I like where I am. I think I’ll hang out here.

  Whereas to him, if you’re not moving forward you’re falling behind. Who would stand for not doing the absolute best you possibly could, even if it takes all your time and adds not to you happiness?

  Clearly we’re just not going to agree. So I get to be the “underacheiver,” which, let me tell you, is SUPER fun.

  (Though, really, most of the time it IS more fun, because I actually have TIME to have fun.)

• 2. Ginger  |  October 24th, 2012 at 1:59 am

  I have long proclaimed my averageness. My husband, who I believe is destined for great things, rails against the mere idea. I sometimes get a little wistful about the fact that no, I will never be the person the whole world (or, let’s be honest, even a quantifiable fraction of the world) mourns when I’m gone, I’ll never be in the history books… I’ll never be quote unquote special.

  And yet.

  There is beauty in a life well lived, even if it is not one for the history books. There is value (VALUE DAMNIT!) in living your life, raising your family (or not, if kids aren’t your thing), being a good person, and finding enjoyment in the world around you. I love how you say that average doesn’t mean you’re not extraordinary–that’s a really powerful statement there, because it’s TRUE.

  Also? I have to laugh at the idea of TJ as average. Because my god, if she’s average, then hell, what does that make the rest of us?

• 3. Olivia  |  October 24th, 2012 at 7:48 am

  I spent a lot of time during my early twenties daydreaming I would be discovered somehow. By a hot actor usually, who wanted me to be in his new movie. By the time I got married* (at 27) I noticed my daydreams change from being discovered to how will my average little life really look. There’s nothing wrong with being average. It’s the happy part that counts.

  *This makes it sound like getting married killed my dreams, but it’s more like I had matured so that dreaming stopped and I was ready to move on to the more realistic dreams.

• 4. Sunshine  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:09 am

  This. THIS. I love this post.

• 5. A.  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:17 am

  Great post! I’ve missed your writing!

  It’s a true struggle to sit there and think, “There has to be more to this life,” and to see all the awesome things OTHER people have (“Why can’t we have those things!”), yet also realizing that you’re actually content with where you’re at. In the end, for me, it’s love and relationships that make me happy, and like you said, ‘happy’ is the important thing.

• 6. Shelly  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:19 am

  Oh, this is a wonderful post. It’s so hard to remember that there is nothing whatsoever wrong with being average. I just had a birthday last week and several of my friends and family members went out of their way to tell me nice things and show that they care and it reminded me that I have such a wonderful, happy life, surrounded by awesome people. It was such a great reminder not to take this quiet life for granted.

• 7. Elissa  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:28 am

  Welcome back–so glad you are blogging again! I so relate to your memories of longing for greatness in your early 20′s. In college and immediately thereafter I was convinced that I needed to be doing important things and that my life would be worthless/boring if I didn’t. But after two years of misery in a job that was not a good fit, I realized that my own personal happiness was so much more important. I’m so glad I had that experience and it really helped me grow up. Better happy and average than miserable and great! It also gave me a lot more empathy for people who make different choices–everyone has to do what’s right for them.

• 8. Jess  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:30 am

  Your post reminds me of a phrase my grandmother uses often. In response to any drama / crazy stories, she’ll just shake her head and say “Oh, I don’t know. We just live an uncomplicated life.”

  It could sound apologetic, but I don’t think she means it that way. She’s an amazing woman who raised 3 great kids and has been happily married to my grandfather for 60+ years. She also had a career for most of her adult life. She may not be a world traveler or the wealthiest person in the world, but she’s taken a few of her “dream” vacations and enjoyed the hell out of her retirement, moving to Florida for months at a time (not in the fanciest house, but it was close to the beach!) and spending as much time as she could with her grandkids.

  After visiting her recently and hearing her talk about her “uncomplicated life” again, Matt looked at me on the car ride home and said “New goal – let’s live an uncomplicated life like your grandparents. I like that.”

  I’ll take it!

• 9. Saly  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:57 am

  Yes. YES THIS. It took me probably 5 years in to being a mom to realize that really, I’m ok. I stopped pushing so hard at work to get ahead, because getting ahead means lots of travel and long hours. Instead I pushed to be able to work from home, and I swear it has been the best 2 years of my adult life. I am here for breakfast, and both buses, and I have time to make lunches and all of the other boring minutiae that I complain about on a daily basis, but I am here!

  And speaking of Diaryland, I have a similar Open Diary account that I cannot bring myself to delete, but oh GOD, if anyone ever read that…

• 10. Roberta  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:58 am

  Yes! And how do I get in on this baker in Provence gig? Because that does sound pretty awesome, BELLE. At this point in my life, I’ve shelved grand ambition, and I focus on the smaller comforts and delights, because you know what? They make me happy. A sun-filled autumn day watching my daughter play in the leaves. A great dinner with friends. Watching The Big Lebowski for the hundredth time with my husband and a glass of wine. Sucking all the marrow out of life does not have to be huge or monumental or famous. Also, think about what kids remember, what YOU remember. I want my kids to remember being hugged, going to the pool, going to Grandma & Grandpa’s house, me making their favorite dinner. That’s the special stuff, ordinary as it might look through some eyes.

• 11. J  |  October 24th, 2012 at 10:20 am

  It took me so long to come to peace with this! And I’m still struggling a bit. But here are two little pick-me-ups that helped me this week. (p.s. so glad you are blogging again!)

  (1) Justine Musk’s description of her marriage to and divorce from brilliant gabillionaire yesterday makes me feel so hapy to live in average-normal land. (http://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/relationship-issues/millionaire-starter-wife)

  (2) Wonderful letter from 75 year old reader in this weekend’s Financial Times. Here is a quote:

  “Perhaps the most important revelation in later life is that it is axiomatic that not all of us can achieve that which he seems to regard as a priority – high career status accompanied by peer group regard – and that one should not consider oneself a failure as a result. Any personal readjustment made necessary by this realisation can bring substantial benefits …”
  (http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/0/0571ae72-1867-11e2-80e9-00144feabdc0.html#axzz2ADzLSu9S)

• 12. Susie  |  October 24th, 2012 at 10:22 am

  Oh yes, yes. The switch, for me, flipped when I was 22 or so. Kind of – I was certainly still in the throes of my early twenties bad (fun) decision making, but that was when my goals started to really shift. Prior to that, I talked big about adventure and true love and changing the world. I didn’t want kids, didn’t want an ordinary life. Then, kind of suddenly, I did. People and relationships and ordinary things started to matter a lot more to me. And I could suddenly see that I wanted comfort, and peace, and probably a yard. And that adventures were great, I’d probably still have many, but that’s not what I wanted to build my life around. And it’s certainly not a measure of worth, except maybe to smug 20 year olds and Disney princesses.

• 13. J  |  October 24th, 2012 at 10:22 am

  p.p.s. I’m relieved not just at not being Justine Musk, but that I’m not Elon Musk as well.

• 14. Laura  |  October 24th, 2012 at 11:43 am

  I’m 41 and still feeling that tension between potential greatness and an average life well lived. I never understood the concept of mid-life crisis until I turned 40 and then realized time is running out. So, after an early life of high academic achievements and an early career of Fortune 500 misery and a middle life of raising kids, I find myself seeking out examples of women who didn’t achieve greatness until their 40s or 50s or beyond. I don’t know why I do this, but it does kindle a little hope that I’m not disappointing previous expectations. Welcome back!

• 15. KeAnne  |  October 24th, 2012 at 11:59 am

  Being anything in Provence sounds pretty damn good. If Belle is tired of it, I’m happy to step in. Oh yes, I remember thinking I was going to set the world on fire when I was in school and then a brief case of existential despair when I realized I wouldn’t be doing anything like that. And that’s OK. During our time in the IF trenches, what I wouldn’t have given to be average! I just want the well-lived life. I want to know that I made the best of the time I had and enjoy the hell out of my life and family. Great post.

• 16. Brooke  |  October 24th, 2012 at 12:06 pm

  A-freaking-men! Average is not so bad. I’m Average. Average lives comfortably with a sweet husband and healthy dogs and wonderful friends. Average laughs daily, drinks wine, loves to cook and bake. Average is delightful. There are ways (fertility-wise, for example), when I wish I was MORE average. I don’t need to be anyone extraordinary except to the people who love me most, and so far, I succeed at that. Cheers to average!

• 17. willikat  |  October 24th, 2012 at 12:11 pm

  I find that if I just cruise around in my bubble I’m pretty happy. But when I start looking around I get a case of the Wants. Even if my mom keeps warning me that I wouldn’t want to trade my troubles for someone else’s. What the hell is that?

  Also, I wanted to BE Lelaina Pierce in Reality Bites. Oh, the Diaryland entries…

• 18. Kristin H  |  October 24th, 2012 at 12:47 pm

  My theory is that the average people are what keeps the world turning. You know? It’s the people who get up every day, go to work on time at the bank, the store, meet deadlines, etc. who keep society functioning. Where would the world be without all us Average Janes? No where, I tell you. You couldn’t get anything done in this society without the average people.

• 19. Artemisia  |  October 24th, 2012 at 12:55 pm

  Oh! This! I have so many thoughts about this. Too many for a comment.

  Oh, man. I’ve been swimming in this muck for a few months now. It was triggered when my best friend of 20 years finished his PhD from COLOMBIA and immediately got a faculty job at a respected university. I have never been so proud. I am not jealous, but boy do I feel worthless in my little job that is unglamorous, and pays little. I used to be so ambitious, and now?

  But I am HAPPY. I am happy with my work – I truly help people! I love my partner and am so happy with our relationship, and I even like our little house. I love both our families and am blessed with amazing friends.

  Still, this weird muck swallows me up.

• 20. H  |  October 24th, 2012 at 12:58 pm

  I, too, had great aspirations. I had my first child when I was 25 (which was in 1988 and that age wasn’t considered “young” to have children at the time) and I was in a corporate development program at the time, believing I was going to climb the ladder! Be an executive! Our son had minor but chronic health issues so I was constantly juggling work and home, because he couldn’t be at daycare with even the slightest fever. My husband helped, but his job was less flexible than mine. After about 8 months of it, I was exhausted and frustrated and made the decision to pull out of the program. I told myself, and I do believe this, that my contribution to society would still be important but instead of transforming the corporate world, I would do my best to raise children who would be good people and good citizens. I haven’t regretted it once, but I do still marvel at where I thought I would be (work-wise) and where I am – which most definitely can be described as average. My kids are mostly “formed” at ages 21 and 24, and I think they are mighty fine people. Mission accomplished.

• 21. Tamara  |  October 24th, 2012 at 1:11 pm

  I have many feelings about this topic, and living in LA where being average means you are a fatass lazy person who might as well die (or worse move to Ohio) makes these feelings very feel-y.

  Also, I can’t believe you chose Kanye over Britney. I mean, I can believe it, but I’m sad about it. I miss 2000 Britney. There was a girl who did not believe in average.

• 22. Lauren E. E.  |  October 24th, 2012 at 1:52 pm

  I’ve missed your blog! Thank you for coming back. You are undervaluing your self-awareness because you have a gift for writing about common experiences and making us feel normal (average, in a good way), rather than something more negative. When I’m feeling average in a bad way, I often think about how romantic comedies tend to end right before the point where many of us are in our lives–that the fairy tale of those movies is finding a loving mate (prince?) and starting a family (Can you picture the happy montage at the end of the movie? The wedding or the woman rubbing a pregnant belly?). So though we are average in so many ways, we are also living the epilogues to the fairy tale so many people want and dream for themselves. We are lucky people.

• 23. meanliving  |  October 24th, 2012 at 4:21 pm

  I…yes. Signed, your friend, MEAN (as in average, not wicked) LIVING. I have been boring and average for a long, long time. It’s pretty cool here. Now if all those rockstar wannabes around me would just KNOCK IT OFF. Be cool, people.

• 24. Home Sweet Sarah  |  October 24th, 2012 at 5:27 pm

  In a way I sort of still feel like I’m waiting to be “plucked from the rubble” and I don’t know if that’s because of my current job situation (HIRE ME PLEASE SOMEONE ANYONE), or because I never really went through all that, “Here are all the wondrous accomplishments I want to achieve by the time I’m 30″ in my early twenties, OR because I am just not that evolved yet, but I am, in fact, just now becoming that blowhard waiting for her big break (god I hope it’s not that.) But yeah, I am still sort of waiting for my fairytale, if you will. Let’s blame that on the job.

  But simultaneously, and I was talking with a coworker about this this morning, there’s nothing I look forward to more than going home at night to hang out with my little lady and Chris and seriously, every morning is just a countdown to when can I put on my PJs and cook dinner and watch TV with my husband? WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN? And that’s so average! And yet so, so awesome. Who wouldn’t want that?

• 25. Megan  |  October 24th, 2012 at 7:25 pm

  Thank you for saying it so nicely when it never sounds right coming out of my mouth.
  All I really want from life is to have the husband, the kids, the yard, my dog, etc. I don’t care if there are people around me who think they need to do better than that. Go for it! I agree with Kristin H when she said it’s the Average Joes that make the world go ’round. I always thought my job was just a job that didn’t really matter a whole lot to people, but as I’ve been there longer, I’ve come to see how important it is to people.
  As a funeral director, I am involved with people on a much more personal level than I realized when I first started. And people are much more appreciative and grateful towards me, which is nice. It *almost* makes you feel a little better than average. Like, not your average person can DO this. Eh, whatever, I just want to be good at my job and a good person, living my life.

  I’m glad you are back to blogging!

• 26. shin ae  |  October 24th, 2012 at 8:55 pm

  I love your list of goals. I think they’re very sweet.

  I don’t want to rant in your comment section, so I’ll just say that I agree. Very much. I was told I could do anything! ANYTHING! That was not true for so many reasons, and did nothing to prepare me for something I actually could do.

• 27. Purdy Bird  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:56 pm

  After 3+ years at home w the kids and now 1+ yrs back at work mostly full time I kind of feel like average is all I can handle. I feel lucky that I can have a mix of family, friends, work and love that brings me happiness at different times and in different amounts. I think if I were above average it would through off my (precarious) balance and that one part would diminish the rest. My average-ness is redeeming in letting me have more.

• 28. Purdy Bird  |  October 24th, 2012 at 9:56 pm

  ps: glad you’re blogging again!

• 29. Shauna  |  October 24th, 2012 at 10:20 pm

  This is why I’m glad you’re blogging again! I read this earlier and have been thinking about it since.
  I think my problem is that I honestly feel like my life IS above average and it’s… not! At all. I actually am a baker (which is definitely an AVERAGE job. I am self taught, didn’t go to school or anything special for this. I am saying that meaning, for what I do, you don’t NEED go go to school, you just learn as you go!) and sometimes, I get so ridiculously proud of myself you’d think I was, actually something WAY more important than someone mixing dough and making bread! Then on the other hand I think, you know what, bread is pretty damn good, and like an above commenter wrote, average people make the world go round!
  I also get myself in trouble because I feel like my life is so average that super good/bad things won’t happen to me. When they do, I just don’t really believe it because I’m just too average! Those kind of things just don’t happen to average people!
  Sorry for the super long comment, I really should have a blog instead of hogging up everyone else’s comment sections!

• 30. Brenna  |  October 24th, 2012 at 10:21 pm

  If one is average, wouldn’t that mean that your level of extraordinary translates to MORE people? Since you’re similar to more people than you are different from? Right?

  Great post! Highly agree!

• 31. Lara  |  October 24th, 2012 at 11:14 pm

  I like my average life. You know what’s going on with me right now. I just want to get BACK to average and secure. Average and secure makes me HAPPY. It really, really does.

  I could type a novel here, but. I’ll just say this: I know someone who has called me average as if it’s an insult. Says that being satisfied with being a middle manager type is giving up on dreams, etc. Thinks I’ve failed. Haven’t lived up to my potential. Blah blah.

  BITCH PLEASE. My dreams are my dreams. This person’s dreams are to make enough money to drive a fancy car and have a fancy house. She needs to work long hours to do this. Deal with difficult situations and people. She thinks I’m capable of doing the same type of work – I probably am.

  But my dreams are different. Mine are to work a normal number of hours and have a nice home and travel a few times a year and spend time with my friends and family. Really. Honestly. Honestly.

  I haven’t failed. But sometimes some people can still make me feel like I have. I’m getting better at ignoring those people, I think. I hope.

• 32. jonniker  |  October 24th, 2012 at 11:34 pm

  You guys, these comments. Y’all are the best. THIS is why I blogged in the first place — hearing your stories and what you chose and what you think is pretty much the best part of my day.

  The thing is, I don’t want anyone to feel JUST average. I guess that’s my point! Average is wondrous! Average IS extraordinary.

  And I think Justine Musk (thanks, J!) just proved why. What a meaningless existence, really, although I will take six million dollars in cash.

  Megan, I think your job is amazing. You do help people, and you’re right, I couldn’t do it. Many, of not most, people could not do it.

  Sigh. I love all of you so much.

• 33. Read this « One Tir&hellip  |  October 25th, 2012 at 4:01 am

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• 34. Miriam  |  October 25th, 2012 at 1:06 pm

  You know, I never wanted to change the world. I wanted a family, lots of kids, maybe a job I enjoyed, and I could be creative or play with kids. And you know, I’ve pretty much got that life. A wonderful husband, 10 beautiful children, a small home sewing business that I can grow when the kids are older and I have more time.

  BUT, I was A GIRL WHO WAS GOOD AT MATH. Other people had high expectations for me. I was pushed hard into engineering. I hated it, so I got out. So there are a lot of past teachers and such that are disappointed with my current life. Not me. I’m actualizing my potential in a way that suits me — and populating my little corner of the world with more of that potential. I mean seriously, I’m starting a dynasty here! I will make my mark on the world, someday, through my children or grandchildren.

• 35. HereWeGoAJen  |  October 25th, 2012 at 1:37 pm

  I’ve long thought that it is the average people who make the world. It’s the people whom you interact with on a daily basis that really influence your life.

• 36. Lauren  |  October 25th, 2012 at 5:29 pm

  Thing the first: So glad you are back blogging!

  Thing the second: In recent discussions with my hubby about our future and whether we both have the same vision for it (not quite sure we do but that’s a story for another day), I found myself saying/thinking about how when we die, all we leave behind are the people we’ve touched and the relationships we’ve formed. That’s the reality of it. If we’re not curing cancer or running companies or saving starving children, that’s what most of us leave behind. And I’m TOTALLY happy with that. I just want a happy, uncomplicated life – a family of my own, good friends, a satisfying career where I feel accomplished in my own little world. And if that is average, then HOT DAMN that’s what I want!

• 37. Hope  |  October 26th, 2012 at 8:24 am

  I’m late commenting, but I have tell you, I’m sitting in my basement rec room in my pajamas while my daughter plays in her cozy coupe with tears in my eyes. So well said.

  My husband and I had a similar conversation a few weeks ago, but you said it much better than I ever could. Sometimes I am embarrassed (for lack of a better word) to say I’m “just” a mom, but when I really think on it, this is the absolute perfect life for me.

  And hey, maybe our kids will cure cancer or become princesses etc, and rescue us from our averageness. :-p

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• 39. Merlene Akin  |  October 29th, 2012 at 4:40 am

  when *I* would be plucked from the rubble, drawn to my One True Purpose of Greatness, because *I* was not going to be average, OH HO NO.

• 40. LizScott  |  November 1st, 2012 at 3:21 pm

  I love this, and I hear you, and I’m about to have a tangential hissy fit that that is missing your point completely:

  My biggest turning point on Sarah Palin (dude, I know. There were many, but the one that just KILLED me) was when she was all “oh, I never WANTED to be a governor or a VP or President – I’m not ambitious like that, if just kind of happened for me.”

  Dude. Just no. If you want something, say it. And then go get it. Don’t be all “aw shucks, thanks for handing this to me.” What kind of message is that? That you’re average because no one thought to pluck you from the rubble? Pluck yourself, woman, jeez. Or don’t, as the blog post may be, but take some ownership of it, one way or another.

  There’s a lot to be said for the luxury of living the life you chose for yourself, even if that particular life is not the one someone else may have chosen. But it seems like admitting they were deliberate choices is one of the hardest things for women to do.

• 41. Eric Martens  |  November 2nd, 2012 at 4:11 am

  when *I* would be plucked from the rubble, drawn to my One True Purpose of Greatness, because *I* was not going to be average, OH HO NO.

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• 59. Lane Cardoza  |  January 24th, 2013 at 12:31 am

  I want my kids to grow up and find their own happiness, no matter what that entails, and I want them to be everything they want to be, even if that just means being average.

• 60. Chau Sisco  |  March 7th, 2013 at 3:30 am

  When no, actually, we are just going to be people doing everyday jobs, probably in a cubicle of some sort, then going home to our average little families.

• 61. Tana Ashton  |  March 14th, 2013 at 3:55 am

  They are fraught with rich imagery of her ranting and waving around pork chops while her dogs drool helplessly at her feet.

• 62. Latashia Hutchens  |  March 16th, 2013 at 4:33 am

  They are fraught with rich imagery of her ranting and waving around pork chops while her dogs drool helplessly at her feet.

• 63. pokerous  |  March 19th, 2013 at 2:53 am

  Skeletal muscles produce reactive forces and moments at the joints. To avoid injury or fatigue, when person is performing a task, such as pushing or lifting a load, the external moments created at the joints due to the load at the hand and the weight of the body segments must be ideally less than the muscular moment strengths at the joint. Thanks.

• 64. Vibram Five Fingers Men's Speed Black With Red  |  April 30th, 2013 at 4:56 am

  It can be just simply this dealing Vibram Five Fingers Men’s Speed Black With Red foreign currency echange. Right now you Vibram Five Fingers Men’s Speed Black With Red start the Online akun, location the payment with money towards that akun in order to buy and sell inside foreign Vibram Five Fingers Men’s Speed Black With Red with eye-catching places, as well as anticipation to produce the sales.

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