The Circus
October 25th, 2012
If you follow me on Twitter, you may or may not know that I’ve been reading the Night Circus and it’s just . . . not going well. I WANT it to go well, but it’s not going well, and that’s likely because by the time I hop in bed to read, my eyes are at half mast and I’m just trying to figure out what in Sam Hill is happening, not whether the ice crystals formed in the shape of a million sparkling concentric circles. I don’t have it in me to FEEL the ice crystals, I just want to know whether they fell on someone’s head.
This, as you might imagine, is making me feel colossally stupid. It’s a book, for fuck’s sake. I am nothing if not a consummate reader. I’ve read forty-something books this year! Including . . . okay, including basically every awful romance there is out there. Every. Last. One. Oh, were you wondering how that weird book with the guy in leather pants ended? They had sex on some kind of weird sling and he asked her to marry him while she was in the sling. The end. Oh, wait, she may have been wearing a corset. Details! Who needs ‘em?
It’s been like The Year of Book Candy, and oh my God, the covers on these books are so TERRIBLY FILTHY sometimes, and I’m sure you can imagine I am not what you would call a prude. That does not, however, mean that I am not horribly embarrassed when my 16-year-old nephew friends me on Goodreads, because come on. Sure, kid, read my blog, check my twitter stream, but FOR THE LOVE, DO NOT LOOK AT THE FILTH I HAVE READ THIS YEAR. ABORT ABORT.
(Side note: Alex was born on his birthday. I love that. Allie and Marco! SIXTEEN YEARS APART, dear crap. I find this remarkably depressing, since my sister and I are twelve years apart, and I thought she was getting up in years when she had HER kids — sorry Ann, I was young and dumb — but OH HO NO, I was/am even older. Oh dear. But anyway: same birthday! Adorable. Too bad he’s a surly teen who could not care less right now, but I still love him so much.)
(Sunrise! Sunset. Sunriiiise! Sunset.)
ANYWAY, back to the romance novels. Commenter J left this on my post from the other day, and I neeeeeeed y’all to read it, and then do what I did, which is spend a lot of time Googling Elon Musk and his ex-wife and then, people of the romance novels, TELL ME if you don’t see this as a much more realistic portrayal than that of the billionaire rushing the heroine off to an island in the Bahamas for some quality time on a sex swing, AM I RIGHT?
I mean, she dates a really creepy aggressive guy (he informed her he was the alpha on her wedding day AND THEN LATER told her she was being “manipulative” for mourning their son lost to SIDS, I mean, COME ON), then they get a divorce because he wants her thinner, blonder, more hostess-y and I just . . . well, then. He’s now married to a 23-year-old. (HOLY UPDATE THEY ARE DIVORCED.) Quelle surprise. HE IS ALSO NOT EVEN THAT HOT. I’m not sure billions would be worth having crappy sex with an unattractive dude, but you know, maybe if I’d been in my twenties, I’d be all, TRY ME, EM EFFERS.
I’m not so sure, however. This all goes back to being average, I guess.
Anyway, the point is, I’m reading the Night Circus, and it’s the kind of book I think I would EAT ON A HAM SANDWICH if I weren’t so damned tired all the time. Either that, or I am systematically leaking brain cells, and it’s driving me crazy. Three weeks. Three weeks of reading, and I’m at 40%. THREE. WEEKS. Mark Helprin’s Winter’s Tale is a fracking TOUCHSTONE for me. Why so hard, Night Circus? Why can’t I remember one person to the next?
Is it because no one is wearing BDSM leathers? (Side note: I get it, I respect it, I am DOWN with it, if this is your thing, but no, I’m not sure I have it in me to be patient enough for someone to . . . get into costume before sex. I can’t even finish the Night Circus, do you think I have time for you to GO GET YOUR LEATHER PANTS AND DOM CAP?)
I have gone too far here, clearly. Point being: I need some more time to read. Also, better book choices. And finally: seriously, read that Elon Musk article and see if you EVER read a cheap romance/billionaire/Fifty Shades the same way again, and not just because you’re picturing Elon Musk and his little monkey face.
Romance novels: I have found the cure.
Happy Friday!
*Erasure
Entry Filed under: Books
75 Comments Add your own
1. Ginger | October 26th, 2012 at 12:16 am
Ok, first, YES Elon Musk is now going to be the stand in for all those characters. What an ass. ON THEIR WEDDING DAY? Ugh.
Second, I didn’t read a single book the first year of Jackson’s life. And as someone who prior to that read anywhere from 2-4 books a week, that was…hard. But honestly, I felt like they removed my brain when they removed the baby, so it was just…not going to happen. I’m beyond impressed that you’re even attempting Night Circus because it is definitely not a breezy read.
Ugh, now I’m gonna think of that guy and what an ass he is all night long, aren’t I?
2. Swistle | October 26th, 2012 at 6:05 am
Favorite parts:
1. “I’m just trying to figure out what in Sam Hill is happening, not whether the ice crystals formed in the shape of a million sparkling concentric circles.”
2. “I don’t have it in me to FEEL the ice crystals, I just want to know whether they fell on someone’s head.”
3. “the kind of book I think I would EAT ON A HAM SANDWICH”
3. Kate | October 26th, 2012 at 8:46 am
This has totally been my experience with the Night Circus so far, and I don’t even have the excuse of a new baby with those CHEEKS. Bedtime is my only reading time, and I spend my most conscious minutes each night trying to figure out what in the hell is going on. Again. It’s frustrating, but I really want to get through it, because, given a chunk of time on a plane or at the beach? I so would be LOVING this. It may be time to give up the ghost and just put it away until I do have the time to devote to it. (HAAAA, free time.)
4. A. | October 26th, 2012 at 9:06 am
Wow, that dude founded Space X. I saw this whole thing about him on 60 minutes and his quest to have the first private space flights (and he did just a couple months ago). My husband and I thought it was so cool that this man was spending his billions to further space exploration while NASA is stuck in governmental red tape. But there was nothing about his personal life on 60 minutes, and that was all VERY interesting. Goes to show you, people can be completely different in business vs in life.
5. Shelly | October 26th, 2012 at 9:13 am
Oh, I am sad that you’re struggling with The Night Circus. I LOVED that book. Like, oh my god, LOVED it. I hope your experience with it gets better! It is slow and not very action-y.
Also, Elon Musk is not nearly as bad-looking as I was picturing him to be. HOWEVER, the idea that he was the model for Tony Stark in the Iron Man movies makes me want to puke. Do not tarnish the Tony Stark, weasely billionaire.
6. J | October 26th, 2012 at 10:28 am
Lol. I have found the creepy life of the Musks creeping back into my mind too regularly since I read that article last week. But you put it all in a whole new light!
7. JCF | October 26th, 2012 at 10:30 am
I haaaaated The Night Circus. And it is totally my type of book. I won’t link to my Goodreads review, because it is rife with spoilers, but lets just say it was scathing.
8. Laurie | October 26th, 2012 at 11:03 am
Ugh. I felt like that about Richard Ford’s Canada. Wanted to like it, but it was just so ploddingly slow. I keep picking up Night Circus at the library but never seem to even start it. Now I will just avoid it. Thanks!
9. LizScott | October 26th, 2012 at 11:18 am
My stepdaughter has friended me on Goodreads, HENCE I am not reviewing my smut there. Sadly.
Relatedly: I think she’s old enough for the first Sookie Stackhouse book, yeah? Yeah.
10. Sarah | October 26th, 2012 at 11:22 am
Yeah, I read that link and now I can’t get it out of my brain. Her life sounds so surreally awesome AND surreally horrible. (Also! Spellcheck! Surreally is a word, so stop flagging it!) Who accuses someone of being emotionally manipulative when they’re SAD because their BABY died?! But also, the idea of having a whole staff full of people to run my household so I could just play around with my five little kids sounds kind of amazing too. Not worth marriage to a psycho, but still amazing.
11. Halyn | October 26th, 2012 at 11:39 am
Wow…that article just…whoa. I cannot imagine. The whole thing with the postnup just blows my mind, I cannot believe that the courts might allow him to get away with such dishonesty. I will cop to having had the fantasy of being a trophy wife–and in fact, I was once the trophy girlfriend of a much older man, though he was affluent, not WEALTHY–and though it’s nice not to have any money worries, and not HAVE to work, it’s really not worth a total lack of intimacy and partnership. What I value most in my husband and our marriage is the feeling of “we’re in this together, because we’re a team.”
“Emotionally manipulative.” What an ass. I hope karma slaps him really hard some day.
12. Jesabes | October 26th, 2012 at 12:26 pm
I remember that article! (I subscribe to Marie Claire.) I’m going to have to go read it again. I remember another similar one, except it was three women who had started as paupers with their husbands, then been dumped when the guy’s business hit it big. Recognizable businesses, too, like I knew who they were. I wonder if I can find it.
Ugh, I just googled and I can’t find the article, but I stumbled on an article about that guy’s second divorce and they’re COMPLAINING the 24-year-old second wife (26 when they got divorced) only got $4.2 million. For two years. I mean, sure, it IS “pocket change,” as they put it, to him, but TWO YEARS. Take your $2.1M a year and go on your way, lady.
13. Karen | October 26th, 2012 at 3:01 pm
Hah!. I thought I was the only one to go look up the story of the Musks on the internet since I had no idea about them. Welcome back, Jonna – I really missed your writing. (Long time reader, first time commenter!)
14. Christine | October 26th, 2012 at 4:03 pm
UGH. I never read Night Circus but could not for the love of all that is holy make it through Lolita. I get about half way through and then, BOOM – nothing. The characters piss me off, the writing pisses me off and I hate everyone and my life. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I was an English Lit major who cannot read through a book that everyone else loves.
I’ve just gotten a Kindle though and am loving borrowing books through my library. I will have to look through Goodreads and yours in particular to see if anything new comes up. I’ll look at Night Circus suspiciously though.
15. Amy K | October 26th, 2012 at 8:37 pm
I loved The Night Circus, but it’s so dreamlike that I can see it being a little too dreamy and vague if you’re already in a sleepy state. (And I know you’re a perfume person, so I’ll also say that when I saw BPAL in her thank-you list at the end of the book, it made total sense.)
Christine, you’re not the only English Lit major who can’t make it through Lolita. Ditto Crime and Punishment, and anything by D.H. Lawrence or Hemingway. I’m launching a big ol’ fat yawn in their general direction.
16. Lara | October 27th, 2012 at 10:31 pm
You know how I keep saying maybe I need to be on vacation to enjoy this book? I just looked up when I bought it – January. When I was IN HAWAII. So.
And I’m still, at least three tries in, at 34%. All I remember about it is there was some cool shit about a clock that sounded really cool and a LOT of dinner parties.
But hurry up! Hurry up! You need to start the Twelve, because we need to talk about the Twelve.
17. Page | October 29th, 2012 at 2:02 pm
“it’s the kind of book I think I would EAT ON A HAM SANDWICH if I weren’t so damned tired all the time”
Hee hee.
I am so glad you are “back”. I’ve missed you.
18. Linnea | November 1st, 2012 at 11:44 am
I have stuff to say about books and reading and all that jazz but it all flew out the window because honestly, at this stage in my exhaustion we’re lucky if I manage to take all my clothes OFF for sex, let alone put other stuff on. Just saying…
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They had sex on some kind of weird sling and he asked her to marry him while she was in the sling. The end. Oh, wait, she may have been wearing a corset. Details! Who needs ‘em?
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